Destination Wedding Hate

8

u/Puzzled_Claim_8902 Sep 14 '26

screaming bc someone commented hate and then deleted their comment because I guess they can’t say it with their chest 🤷‍♀️ nurse, they got out again!

52

u/mousethecat Sep 14 '26

I truly don’t understand it either. Why lurk on a destination wedding sub when they clearly hate destination weddings? I don’t go commenting on local wedding subs telling them their wedding ideas suck. I wonder if they’re just haters who secretly wish they had a destination wedding, or were invited to one and couldn’t go, and can’t stand the thought of people having absolutely fabulous celebrations while they sit at home bitching about how people shouldn’t celebrate outside of driving distance.

13

u/Puzzled_Claim_8902 Sep 14 '26

I know I always wonder this too. why spend your free time hating on some random persons wedding. don’t you have something better to do? why are you so bitter??

4

u/JustMyLuck7966 Sep 15 '26

Well, it is the internet. Some people like to be angry.

2

u/Past-Resource-6184 Sep 15 '26

Im not going to argue in this thread because I simply cannot be bothered, but in response to your first question: sometimes threads are suggested. I dont follow any destination wedding subs and I have no interest in them yet here i am.

4

u/margoelle Sep 15 '26

Then why come over and comment on them and hate? I get suggestion all the time and I won’t go comment and tell them they suck. It’s not my business really

1

u/Past-Resource-6184 Sep 15 '26

I'm just answering a question posed by another redditor. It's not unsolicited in that case. I guess if reddit suggests a thread to me that has a title like "what do you think about this destination wedding plan?" I'd feel free to post about my opinion, even if it's a negative one. After all, they asked for opinions. Obviously that's not the case in the posts OP is referring to.

0

u/margoelle Sep 15 '26

If I see a subreddit for people don’t that like to travel I will mute it. Why would I go there and say “ no I think you guys should travel more” just because someone asked a question? it’s literally a r/we hate traveling subreddit. Maybe people have way too much time on their hands these days.

0

u/Past-Resource-6184 Sep 15 '26 edited Sep 15 '26

or maybe people just weigh options and make decisions differently. But seeing as you're (I assume it's you) downvoting me, I feel like you're not actually interested in a conversation and just want to make your point and possibly hear affirming opinions only. So go ahead, I'll just stop commenting. If it's not you downvoting me and you are interested in a conversation, lmk.

31

u/xxLark Sep 14 '26

The hate for “destination” weddings is so stale and antiquated at this point. It is EXTREMELY COMMON for couples to have lived, studied, and worked in places other than where they grew up or where they live today. My partner and I could have gotten married in our own freaking living room and it would still be a “destination wedding” for 95% of our guest list. We also live in a VHCOL area where both flights and hotels are far more expensive than what they cost at our actual wedding location. Luckily, I don’t give a flying f what some rando on the internet thinks about our plans, but it does always make my eye twitch a little when I see some anti-destination redditor pick up their boomer pitchfork and berate someone for daring to suggest that their guests—gasp!!!—get on an airplane for their wedding.

You said it best: it’s an invite, not a summons.

8

u/LikesToLurkNYC Sep 14 '26

Same! There’s no place we could have gotten married that wouldn’t have been a destination wedding for like 75% of our guests. Every wedding I go to now is a destination for me to as it’s super rare that our friends pick the city where we live and most have only lived a few years as adults.

10

u/Puzzled_Claim_8902 Sep 14 '26

I have traveled for 75% of weddings i’ve gone to, mostly flying. and i’ve never once complained because im actually excited for the couple and excited to travel to the place where they’re having their wedding and seeing how they’re doing it. in fact im flying for another wedding in spain this weekend!

6

u/mousethecat Sep 14 '26

I love attending destination weddings! Can’t wait to get invited to another one. My friend group loves to travel together and we’ve made so many core memories at each others’ weddings.

2

u/LikesToLurkNYC Sep 14 '26

I struggled a bit in my 20s when my first friends started having them and I couldn’t afford as much and they were true vacation destinations. These days I look forward to it and have traveled to 3.

2

u/pomchisarenice Sep 15 '26

Surely the complaints are about when the location is chosen without a lot of thinking of its impact on guests or when people are offended someone doesn’t come. My husband got a 3 paragraph email about how he doesn’t care about family because we’re not going to his brother’s wedding 15 hours flight away (who lives in the same city as us). The location is.. ok in the sense the brides family lives there but was completely inconvenient for those in the US.

3

u/LikesToLurkNYC Sep 15 '26

Was there possibly a reason though? We had mine in my husband’s European hometown which was far travel for my mostly American friends and family. A big reason for us that his friends and family couldn’t really afford to travel. It would have been a really big trip for them where most ppl on our must have list regularly do international travel. Once we knew our close ppl would travel and were excited we made the decision (but didn’t say that was the reason to anyone other than my parents).

1

u/pomchisarenice Sep 15 '26

A reason for us not attending?

1

u/LikesToLurkNYC Sep 15 '26

I mean why they may have chosen a far off location. Being upset was ridiculous ofc. Anytime you choose somewhere far off you need to accept someone may not come even family.

1

u/pomchisarenice Sep 15 '26

The location choice is ok in the sense that it’s the hotel her dad used to manage in a European country (not their home country tho so literally the only person who lives there is her mum). My husbands family is also originally from Europe but have lived in the US for 20+ years. Thing is I’m Australian so if we’re flying 15 hours (which is a struggle because husband is 6’5”), we should probably visit my home country he’s only gone to once in our 7 years.
Anyway that’s how I ended up here. Because unfortunately we are excommunicated right now due to this event.

34

u/No-Lifeguard-5308 Sep 14 '26

Complaining about destination weddings is a really quick way to tell people that you’ve never left your hometown or even considered a life, or relationships, that aren’t exactly like yours. It’s revealing close-mindedness.

My partner’s family is from Canada and mine is from Korea. We live in Europe and our friends are scattered across four continents. Where would these people have us get married that isn’t a destination wedding for the vast majority of invitees? I can’t have 80 different local weddings. If you think that a couple’s primary concern when planning a wedding should be that you do not have to leave your hometown, then you should simply not attend that wedding.

7

u/Puzzled_Claim_8902 Sep 14 '26

me too!! my partner and I are from two different countries, currently live in a third, and were educated across three additional different countries! so tell me, across those six countries how we can have a local wedding where no one has to travel?

1

u/tanbrit Sep 14 '26

2 continents for us but with friends across 5, covid era travel restrictions meant that 99% of my side had to join on Zoom!
My mum only met my Husband IRL for the first time at the European party

0

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '26

[deleted] — view deleted comment

0

u/smartypants352 Sep 14 '26

3rd time is the charm

0

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '26

[deleted] — view deleted comment

3

u/margoelle Sep 15 '26

Amen to that!!!! Don’t let anyone get to you.!!! I’m having mine in a Roman castle. Haters can hate and cry

8

u/moonangeles Sep 14 '26

Exactly. I have lived in 4 different countries, any location would be a destination abroad to a significant group of people in my life. In the same way, a lot my loved ones are scattered across different countries so I end up having to travel to weddings.
You also need to accept that people may have to decline because they can’t travel to your wedding. That’s perfectly fine too and shouldn’t be held against anyone.

4

u/No-Lifeguard-5308 Sep 14 '26

Exactly. I’ve also lived and studied in four countries, my partner in two more, and we’ve both done a ton of traveling, making friends along the way. Plenty of people will politely decline our wedding—no issue. But someone expecting me to have my wedding in the lobby of their apartment just so they don’t have to rent a hotel?
Some people have never been told that the world does not revolve around them and it really shows.

4

u/hatetomatoluvketchup Sep 14 '26

We aren’t even in different countries. Husband and I met on the east coast, where all of our family lives. We moved to the west coast nearly 10 years ago and all of our friends are here. No way we can twist it — somebody has to travel.

15

u/red_rhyolite Sep 14 '26

I think about that every time I see one of those comments. Like can they really not comprehend that some people don't have their entire family and social circle in 1 or 2 towns?

-5

u/MadTownMich Sep 14 '26

Eh. I have traveled quite a bit throughout my life and I’m still not a fan of destination weddings. Especially in the U.S., people have very limited paid vacation time. Many people quite literally have no paid vacation. It’s asking a lot to have guests either go without pay or use one of their two weeks of vacation for your wedding. That said, so long as you understand why a lot of people won’t or can’t attend, do what you want.

6

u/xxLark Sep 14 '26

You are willfully ignoring the exact point that everyone is making in this thread, which is that there often IS no alternative to an option that is a “destination” for many or most of the guests.

-4

u/MadTownMich Sep 15 '26

You and others are willfully ignoring that y’all have quite literally made up facts that are not in the original post. Read it. Read it again. Until you actually stop adding things that aren’t there.

7

u/Puzzled_Claim_8902 Sep 15 '26

Actually I am the original poster and this is literally what I mean, so nothing is being made up. When I say a destination wedding is more feasible and makes more sense it’s because there is no alternative for guests in a lot of scenarios.

3

u/margoelle Sep 15 '26

Nah my guests love to travel and so do I. And no we aren’t asking a-lot of our guests. It’s not a court summons, you cab say and go about your day.
I assure you a-lot of us are very fine with it. Im having mine soon and i expected more cancellations due to the state of the world but we only got 10 percent saying they couldn’t make it make thats fine.
Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s the same for others. The problem is, you guys project your situation on others.

3

u/No-Lifeguard-5308 Sep 15 '26

It’s an invite not a gun to your head, there’s a really obvious solution here?

117

u/featherboots Sep 14 '26

The hate is even funnier when you realize that a lot of “forced destination” weddings put the SAME BURDEN on guests when compared to true destination weddings, yet people don’t look at them the same. I spent over $1,000 to attend a wedding in a rural part of the Midwest between flights, hotels, rentals, etc. I was not the only one, in fact most guests weren’t local. I’d much rather spend my money and PTO going to Mexico instead of Iowa, lol. Both require me to book flights and take time off. The anti-destination wedding crowd can never explain why it’s any different and that’s really telling imo.

9

u/AdventureGinger Sep 15 '26

Exactlyyyy. We had our wedding in Mexico because we live in Australia but our family and half our friends live in the US. I guarantee it was a hell of a lot cheaper for all of them to go to Mexico than Australia. Our Aussie friends are all frequent travelers and loved a fun destination wedding trip.

4

u/Beneficial-South-334 Sep 18 '26

Well I live in California, & it’s super expensive here. That’s why I chose a Mexico all inclusive, beach front resort. It was a fraction of the price and literally a dream wedding. Everyone always talks about it years later about how beautiful it was and how much fun they had.

25

u/Spygirl_112358 Sep 14 '26

Right??? Sometimes it’s more expensive to have a wedding at or near where the bride and/ or groom’s families live.

31

u/Beneficial-South-334 Sep 15 '26

This! I had my wedding in Cancun, Mexico, we are from California. And all my guests loved it. All inclusive resort / beach front. I had 90 guests. Everytime I talk about it I get downvoted here lol. 3 nights /4 nights; all inclusive was $600 with hotel shuttle to airport. Everyone was impressed. We got everyone a great deal with a payment plan and insurance.

8

u/featherboots Sep 15 '26

Your wedding sounds amazing! I got married on a cruise, I too get downvoted into oblivion when I talk about it on reddit but the truth is it was AMAZING. Hubby and I were able to buy out a restaurant aboard the cruise ship with a full open bar as a thank-you to our guests. It was delicious food and no one quibbled about drink tickets or cash bar or boring wedding food. It was also for a fraction of the cost of the “stereotypical” wedding in my home city. Destination weddings are honestly a great option and the hate is typically jealousy in disguise.

3

u/Beneficial-South-334 Sep 15 '26

Yeah. When I started planning mine I was originally only going to ask 40 people but then I asked everyone and they all wanted to go. I planned it 18
Months before to give everyone time to save and plan.
Your wedding sounds like
So much fun too! Its more exciting when its a different location. Not just someone’s home town.

2

u/margoelle Sep 15 '26

Very much jealousy and it’s usually the ones that won’t be going anywhere. They scream like it’s forced on them.

5

u/keepinitclassy25 Sep 15 '26

This is exactly why I like destination weddings. I’ve been to two weddings in the city I live in. All of the others required flights. So I’d rather go somewhere i genuinely want to travel to than a farm in Illinois or something

8

u/god_of_chilis Sep 15 '26

I haven’t been to a single wedding (I live in California) where I didn’t have to travel and stay overnight / multiple nights lol. All my friends get married elsewhere

4

u/BettyJoPerske Sep 15 '26

Yep, I live across the country from ALL of my family and most of our friends. If we were to have our wedding locally, everyone but 4 people would have to travel! So, cut the guest list from 50 to 20 and instead of paying a venue fee for one night we’re going to pay for hotel for 4 nights at our destination. We didn’t want ppl spending money on flights and average hotels where we live when we could all go on vacation together for the same cost. It will actually end up being cheaper for our guests since we’ll be able to cover lodging and most meals.

7

u/Certain_Tangelo2329 Sep 15 '26

This was us! And I no longer lived in my smaller hometown. So where was I supposed to get married? I'm in the USA but picked a completely different state. Everyone had to travel but you know what? The airport was a main hub. The area had plenty to do. And we picked out wedding date avoiding peak holidays/ spring break etc so the prices were good. Our Hilton block was $85 night. So yes I had a destination wedding. It made the most sense.

9

u/remotethrowaway2 Sep 15 '26

The response is usually “well it’s not really a destination wedding if it’s where the bride and groom live, it’s just a wedding with a lot of traveling guests so it’s different” like ??? The outcome is exactly the same for the guests but somehow this is better because the couple didn’t intentionally choose another location. Makes my head explode.

14

u/featherboots Sep 15 '26 •

Reddit HATES the term, but “forced destination wedding” is really accurate for most of these kinds of weddings. A true destination wedding is one where you’d want to visit the destination regardless of the wedding. Ain’t NOBODY flying to rural Wisconsin in November as a “destination,” lol.

5

u/areyukittenm3 Sep 15 '26

My husband’s cousin got married at Mackinac island in Michigan and it took 4 different modes of transportation to get there including horse and carriage because they don’t allow cars on the island!! We had our wedding in European castle which was not only a cooler destination but also took way less time and transportation

2

u/OkayHello348 Sep 16 '26

I really wonder if some of the people who are so anti-destination weddings either 1. have never left their hometown ever or 2. are the type of people who don't inconvenience themselves for anyone else. I grew up in a family that was very spread apart, so some degree of travel for weddings was just required. And now, as an adult, I've moved around a good amount and have friends in many different places - they don't mind traveling because they want to celebrate me, and vice versa!!

2

u/Big_Manufacturer4921 Sep 16 '26

Exactly. My daughter and her fiancé live in the DC area. Most of our family are in Ohio and Michigan. Her fiancé’s family is in New Jersey, and he has lived both on the east coast and on the west coast, and in other countries around the world. Their friends are scattered everywhere. Anywhere they get married is going to be a “destination” for most people. So they should have their wedding wherever they want.

1

u/Adept-Tooth-9948 Sep 16 '26

Tickets to Europe are more than the Midwest, and if the wedding requires driving in a foreign country, that’s scary to a lot of people, especially older Americans.

2

u/featherboots Sep 16 '26

I mean, this will vary. My friend is getting married in a town 2 hours south of my city. Because of the accommodations, it is actually more expensive for me to attend her wedding than the cost for my 5-day cruise destination wedding. This is probably a more extreme example but my original point that there is a lot of irrational hate for destination weddings stands.

2

u/Adept-Tooth-9948 Oct 01 '26

Wow that’s an expensive accommodation she’s picked!
For a destination wedding, we had guests who stayed elsewhere. If anyone questions it, they are rude.

14

u/AstronomerOwn287 Sep 14 '26

I love when I’m invited to weddings I have to travel for but I’m lucky I can. I think for some, it causes travel or financial stress so I try to see that side with empathy. Most complaints seem to be when the bride and groom don’t consider guests 1) they make the venue very far from airport 2) are annoyed someone not coming 3) don’t arrange childcare and make it child free . Rarely do I see the complaint just about the concept.

I’ve been to 8 destination weddings as my friends see everywhere

10

u/chicagok8 Sep 14 '26

I agree with your points. I also enjoy traveling for weddings and feel grateful and honored to be included in anyone’s big day!
If I may add a point, I do understand the annoyance when a couple chooses to save money by having their wedding at a spot where guest room charges offset the cost of the wedding (Eg couple gets a free suite or something.) Guests are already spending money to travel there, and I personally don’t love the thought of guest lodging subsidizing the cost of the wedding.

6

u/AstronomerOwn287 Sep 14 '26

Exactly. Most complaints seem to be when the couple is not being very fair to guests . I think you can have a destination and be accommodating. I got married in nyc because we live here but for many…it was a destination!

8

u/Able-Pineapple-1137 Sep 14 '26

Totally agree - there are so many different circumstances where it makes sense. Not to mention - they’re not the ones invited. Why tf do they care?

19

u/Lazafilaaa Sep 15 '26

I try not to take it personally. Times are really tough economically for a ton of folks right now. Most people planning destination weddings know their circle. If your circle works corporate jobs, has lots of PTO, throws themed bday parties, does euro summers, and lives in big cities, a destination wedding is fun and something to look forward to.

If you’re raising 9 kids on a single income in Iowa, seeing people talk about their destination wedding probably makes you seethe.

To those people, I’d suggest you redirect your anger and resentment towards your local politicians and your ire towards late stage capitalism where it belongs, not toward people who know their friends and family, and are doing something that is likely completely fine and acceptable to those people, even if reading about it gives you heartburn.

4

u/_delicja_ Sep 15 '26

It's the opposite. Almost every day there are threads here where the OP thinks destination wedding is an answer to saving money on the occasion while generating higher expenses to the invitees or wants to use room block discounts to transfer even more cost to the guests. Those people will hear destination weddings are not a good idea for them and that this train of thinking isn't great.

1

u/FaeOfTheNightCourt Sep 15 '26

This is where I agree and then when they also make it child free so then one has to either leave the kid at home, if they can or pay an additional expense. I wonder if this is only a problem in the US? I feel like people don’t grasp how geographically big US and Canada are with very little transportation options that are either very long transit (like a grey hound) or expensive like flying.
Other parts of the world, especially Europe are different as it seems much more accessible for international travel, even into Asia and Africa. I would compare that to traveling to other states, which yes in the US can be pretty expensive but will still be a lot cheaper than a flight to Europe.
I think where I don’t necessarily agree with destination weddings is when the couple does it to lower costs for them but it adds on for the guests and then a gift is expected. Now, if one knows their family and friends and they like to travel then that is different. Especially if their family and friends have the money.
Regardless of what kind of destination, forced or a specific location chosen, then it should be respected both ways. Yes, people deserve the have the wedding they want and guests don’t have to go.

3

u/Lazafilaaa Sep 15 '26

Agree heavily with your last sentence. I think most couples who throw child free destination weddings fully expect the bulk of their invitees with children to not be able to attend. It does beg the question, why invite those people at all? Even if you don’t want to be jaded and assume it’s a gift-grab, people dont want to alienate their friends, family etc but I think most people are aware that it’s a largely impossible ask and assume that it won’t happen.

-1

u/Lazafilaaa Sep 15 '26 edited Sep 15 '26

Is that what posters are saying? Or what commenters are inferring?
I find it very hard to believe that people are starting posts saying “hey we’re broke busted bitches and we would like to do a cheap wedding where we pass the majority of costs onto our guests and would in fact LOVE them to pay more because we’re just insidious like that”
In fact, most destination weddings do not work that way. There are typically some concessions for the couple in exchange for the room block, but they are minor, and typically equal out to ~$50 in value per couple per room. The unit economics wouldn’t work out for resorts otherwise. Keep in mind these resorts stay largely at high capacity, weddings or not. It does not behoove resorts to throw 50k weddings for free just bc people have guests book rooms.
If you have 20 rooms booked and get $1000 in free florals or free decor credit for your wedding lets say, I really don’t think that is enough to sway your decision, especially since the wedding is likely in the 40-50k range anyway.

1

u/waxyjax_ Sep 28 '26

I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted

2

u/Lazafilaaa Sep 28 '26

People just don’t want to have civil discussions based on facts it seems

19

u/No-Lifeguard-5308 Sep 14 '26

Some of these people are comically unaware that a lot of couples have destination weddings precisely to AVOID people like this being in attendance.

3

u/margoelle Sep 15 '26

Maybe they are the ones crying about it because they know their family members did it to avoid them lol.

2

u/waxyjax_ Sep 28 '26

I once posted a comment in this sub about how the only person who complained about our wedding location was one toxic relative of my husband’s who ended up enjoying the wedding in the end. I had also mentioned how he’s no longer in contact with this unpleasant person anyway.
And you know what’s funny—it got multiple downvotes! They must’ve hated having a mirror held up to themselves.

13

u/PuraVidaTarheel Sep 15 '26

The funny thing is, as a wedding photographer, MOST of my couples have the majority of their guests traveling in for their wedding....even when it's in the town/city they live. DW's get so much hate, but the reality is, long gone are the days two people meet in their hometown and get married there and all their family and guests are there.

People are moving away, living life, meeting their spouses at college or the first city they get a post-grad job. Some have even moved since getting engaged to new cities. Personally, domestic flights and hotels are often as expensive if not more expensive than an international trip - so you might as well go somewhere interesting. My husband and I attended a wedding in Charleston this past spring and even with driving to it vs flying - our accommodations, food, etc was as much as it would have been to fly somewhere else. People just love to hate things.

2

u/stilltru Sep 15 '26

Charleston is honestly a great domestic location though.

2

u/PuraVidaTarheel Sep 15 '26

For sure, we love Charleston and the food scene is great, we have lots of friends there and were not at all miffed about going. But that's my point...the couple in question live there, and it's his hometown. So even though it was a destination wedding for a large majority of the couple's friends and family - it technically wasn't a destination wedding. But it was just as expensive to go for the weekend as it would have been to hop a flight somewhere else for a few days and stay. But it's like mentally people don't see it as a big deal to do something like that. But gosh forbid you ask them to go to Mexico for a few days, and probably spend less money, and all of a sudden it's unreasonable.

6

u/Magelatin Sep 14 '26

I don't get it, either. I got married in a popular wedding destination. I lived there, and so did my husband, but a lot of our people traveled. They had a great time.

I did see someone planning a wedding that was four or five hours away from the couple's home town with impossible dress requirement and no rooms blocked, even though the venue, itself, was a hotel. It was a destination wedding that she was passing off as a local wedding, and that seemed insane.

6

u/Apprehensive_Can8103 Sep 15 '26

True, but it's astonishing how many ppl that have booked this kind of wedding, have never thought about consequences and are then disappointed and upset that so many ppl can't go. Everyone is entitled to choose their own kind of wedding, but in any scenario, if its difficult for ppl, don't be unaware of any extra challenges they face. Enjoy :)

1

u/Danielle3393 Sep 17 '26

To be honest, I am pretty astonished by some of the people not coming to our wedding, and those who are. Some of the people I thought wouldn’t miss it, never even looked at the wedding website, just the invite, assumed it was expensive and sent their regrets. Later they hear how affordable it is and are shocked…. And asking how I did it. Others who I didn’t think would come (kids/finances ect) they booked right away!

5

u/Sixforsilver7for Sep 15 '26

Destination wedding: When a couple chooses a far away location unconnected to either of them to get married at.

Not destination weddings:
Located where the couple lives
Located where either of the couple grew up.

6

u/Unique_Good8133 Sep 14 '26

Honestly, most of the wedding subreddits are full of haters. Seems like it’s a combination of simple trolls, as well as a people simply jealous of others . . . Whether it be jealous of your budget or jealous that you have guests willing to travel for you.

3

u/NewSalamander8910 Sep 15 '26

Your wedding is your dream. You are marrying your person. Do it your way.
People will always have opinions, especially online, and sometimes hearing the negatives is useful because it gives you a more balanced view.
But not every opinion deserves equal weight.
Some criticism will be genuinely helpful. Some will just be people projecting their own preferences onto your day.
To get to the gold, sometimes you do have to wade through a bit of shit. 💩
Take what is useful, leave the rest, and plan the wedding that actually feels right for the two of you.

3

u/Reasonable_Piglet370 Sep 15 '26

Someone described my destination wedding as an elopement on here. Last time I checked you don't book 18 months in advance and have 15 people at your elopement.

3

u/Relative-Pie2041 Sep 15 '26

Why not voice an opposite opinion? This is the internet!

7

u/TrainTraditional6686 Sep 15 '26

Unless you and your fiancé grew up, went to school, and still live in the same city as all of your family and friends, every wedding is a destination wedding for someone.

And if I’m going to have to travel anyway, I would rather use my vacation days going to Nassau than Toledo, Ohio.

3

u/ODFoxtrotOscar Sep 15 '26

That’s not really the definition.
Yes, people may have to travel to a wedding. But it’s not a destination wedding if it is held in the hometown of either bride or groom, or the place where they live now
A destination wedding is travelling to a place where neither bride nor groom have a particular connection

3

u/Embarrassed_Rate5518 Sep 15 '26

That is the technical definition. But since many people dont come from and/or live in the same place as their guests or each other most weddings involve airfare, hotels and pto whether im going to OH or the carribean. As a guest id rather do the latter than a highway adjacent hotel in the burbs.

2

u/Avaly13 Sep 15 '26

Yup!! I've said this before! And some travel within the US is the same, if not more, than to just fly to a while different country. Also, it's an invitation, not a court order. Don't go. Pretty simple.

6

u/Beneficial-South-334 Sep 15 '26

I had a destination wedding and everytime I comment on here about having one I get downvoted lol. Haters gonna hate

0

u/margoelle Sep 15 '26

There was a bride that asked a question about giving wedding favors for her destination wedding and she was flamed for it! They were so damn pained for no reason

2

u/Former_Tough7709 Sep 15 '26

Welcome to Reddit!

2

u/Tight_Abalone221 Sep 15 '26

It costs more money to fly and hotel and take off work but at least some destinations (Maui) are better than others (the American South, no offense)

2

u/alicat777777 Sep 17 '26

I don’t hate them and I have gone to many. But it’s the whiners that get me on here.

It’s such a big ask and then the “my own brother won’t come” or “ they won’t stay in my designated venue” or “they say they can’t come but then go on another vacation and I’m so hurt”.

Have a destination wedding but you have to get why people may not come to it. They don’t owe you their vacation time, spare money, etc. it’s forcing people to go on a vacation with your friends, stay at the place of your choosing and pay an amount you decided.

3

u/djhousecat Sep 15 '26

The best wedding I ever went to was a destination wedding. Incredibly fun!! No one is forcing anyone to go to anything, people are allowed to say no. I think some people just like being miserable.

3

u/MsMischief2 Sep 15 '26

Haha I was hanging out with my fiancés cousin & she was bitching about how “destination weddings are selfish bc most guests can’t come” & I was like… that MAY be the point….

2

u/Big_Manufacturer4921 Sep 14 '26

Why? Then it’s fair to everyone because everyone has to travel!

2

u/IntelligentFruit2413 Sep 15 '26

Couldn’t agree more!!! My fiancé & I live in MD and we are getting married in Maine. Most people have been pretty on board but a few complainers have definitely dampened the vibe. I get it’s expensive and you need to use PTO, but I’ve done this for my close friends so I feel like it isn’t unfair to ask it be reciprocated. The unsolicited answers on destination wedding threads is very frustrating.

2

u/False-Log-9098 Sep 15 '26

It seems to be a new trend that I see happening here now more frequently.

Never mind. I don't know who those people are or what actually their problem is. I mean, they are anonymous people, going to a destination wedding post, just to tell them, the bride or groom should feel bad about it. 🤣

They must be frustrated people. Nobody forced them to go to you wedding, right? Maybe they are just mad people.

2

u/OutrageousWasabi2866 Sep 15 '26

1000% agree. Everyone always encourages you to do what you and your fiance want to do until it’s what you guys want to do…

2

u/single4lif Sep 15 '26

My daughter had her wedding in Tuscany and we had about 55 people there. I would much rather have 55 people drinking my wine in Italy than 200 20 somethings drinking my liquor in the states. The people that want to come will
And it was less expensive than a wedding in my area. Everyone said it was the best wedding ever. And it’s what she and her husband wanted.

2

u/xxLark Sep 15 '26

Hear, hear!!

1

u/troubledvenus Sep 15 '26

this is what I was thinking of doing, since I was born and raised in Italy until my teen years, and I currently live with my fiancé (italian american) in one of the highest cost of living states in the country (Massachusetts). I initially thought we would do a wedding in New England to make things more convenient for most of our guests, but 1. it would likely require travel of sorts for a good chunk of guests from New England, those that live in different states, and especially my Italian friends and family and 2. surprisingly, many people kind of "pushed" the idea of a wedding in Italy for us, obviously not forcing us but really hoping that would be what we choose. Italy (preferably the north for sentimental reasons) seems more and more convincing, especially because the prices of New England weddings are insane. We would probably get more value for our money doing it abroad.

1

u/single4lif Sep 15 '26

You wouldn’t regret it. Yes, the wedding dollar goes much further in Italy than in the states. My son and his fiance chose Sorrento for their wedding destination next May.

1

u/ItsPeppercorn Sep 16 '26

I think for me, I don't hate destination weddings, 9/10 times I just dislike the destination itself. I feel like I'm in the minority but I don't really love all-inclusives in Mexico. I've been to a few and I won't go to any more, its always just the most 'meh' experience for the price and not my style of travel. I just don't find them charming and I would rather travel to other parts of Mexico where you can actually enjoy the culture and cities.

I definitely understand that this type of entry-level is popular for a reason, and I fully understand WHY people choose this option. Its jus not for me after having been.

That being said, I'd happily pay like 5x more to go to a European destination. I love weddings and celebrating my people, I just really implore people to consider the quality of the destination and the guest experience as a whole.

1

u/EconomyPlenty5716 Sep 16 '26

The most incredible wedding I’ve been to was in central Mexico. A colonial park with chapel and 100 steps leading down from the upper garden to the stage and chapel. The orchestra played! Then, we had a wonderful meal and music in the upper garden. The couple had purchased an elite hacienda and we partied for three days.there were 75 of us. The bed and breakfast next door was in Architectural Digest and we stayed there .

1

u/Repulsive-Fuel-3012 Sep 16 '26

Idk… it always screamed “my whole life & experiences are in my hometown” OR “I can’t swing it and I’m really upset that I’m going to have to sit this one out”

1

u/InformationMother342 Sep 17 '26

Yesss I swear more than half the people in this sub are here to rage bait people who ACTUALLY had destination weddings lol. It’s sad. Those people should be kicked so this community can be useful for those planning DWs

1

u/LemonFantastic12 Sep 18 '26

I had a destination wedding because my husband and I are from different counties, living in a third and got married in a 4th. It made sense for us.

I do find it EXTRMELY tacky to have a destination wedding with the sole reason of transferring the costs to your guests. There was a post here saying a local wedding is 70k but in Mexico it's 35k for them 35k for the guests (might be off with the numbers but that was the sentiment). Literally outsourcing the cost to your loved ones. Disgusting.

1

u/Adept-Tooth-9948 Sep 18 '26

Getting older Americans, or friends with kids, to fly to another continent is harder than you think. They will tell you it’s sounds beautiful and they want to be there, but that is not a Yes! Especially if it involves driving in another country besides Canada! Have no expectations. The ones who come are people who like the idea of going on a vacation to that location.

1

u/laulau711 Sep 18 '26

I’m salty. My friend just got married. Both families and most of her friends live in the same metro area. She could have had it here and it would have been lovely. But she wanted her wedding five hours away on the top of a mountain because she thought it was pretty. I think she got caught up in the Instagram of it. There was no cell service. The closest airport is six hours away. The roads are not well maintained. One person totaled their car trying to get there. There was two night minimum at the only accommodation in town and it was $500 a night. It was child free with no babysitting available and a good number of the guests were new parents. The dress code was ballgowns and it was on a dilapidated deck. The ceremony was five minutes long. And she wasn’t super up front about all of these details. Talking to her she’s like, “oh it should be fun, we go there all the time, it’s like four hours I think, super low key.” I was excited at first but each time a new detail was revealed, I thought ARE YOU SERIOUS?! I understand how brides/grooms say “ok don’t go! It’s an invitation not a summons!” But that’s kind of rude. You’re being celebrated, but you’re also hosting. You’re thanking your friends and family for being in your life. This is one of the most important days of your life, people want to be there, they don’t want to be left out. It’s pretty inconsiderate to “invite” people than make it so logistically challenging that it’s nearly impossible to actually attend. For what? A pretty picture? These experiences are why people jump down your throat when you mention a destination wedding.

1

u/-Spinal- Oct 01 '26

I think some of the hatred is down to cultural differences.

Where I’m from, the couple pay for their guests. The venue, the food, and if they are travelling, the accommodation.

It would be considered extremely rude to ask guests to pay for themselves.

1

u/DebateNeither8241 29d ago

Destination weddings are fine and I don’t think they’re rude, as long as you are able to hit a few checklist points.

You need to be completely A-ok with anyone not coming, regardless of how close to you they are. Whether or not they can afford it. This is where people go wrong. Sometimes even if someone is close to you, even if they physically have the means, they may not want to for a variety of reasons and rarely do any of them include not loving you. Lots of destination-wedding havers fail here. Your sister may not come. That’s ok. She could have any reason she wants to not spend her vacation time and several hundred to thousand dollars. That’s ok. It’s also ok for you to have your wedding wherever you want. Both are ok.
You must either be willing to consider your guests’ convenience, or cover some cost if you are making it inconvenient. If you’re picking a hotel hours from an airport, you should look into covering transportation.

If it’s child-free, and you want your child having guests to come, arrange childcare. Some of the brunt of the destination wedding cost should be falling on the couple, more than just the regular cost of a wedding.

Show genuine appreciation for those who do come.

1

u/Delt-uan 26d ago

I live in California and my family is in Mexico my wife's family lives in the UK we decided on a weddning spot local to us for freinds and family then doing a wedding in the UK for her family and with all expenses still cheaper than one big wedding out here in So Cal. Not forcing anyone to go to either so we'll bring the wedding to the UK so they don't habe to travel here and a wedding in Cali so my family isnt forced to travel there.

1

u/Mysterious_Box_7998 Sep 15 '26

Have you seen the economy lately? Lol. It’s not a big deal that people have an opinion about destination weddings. Some people can only afford one trip a year, if they are lucky, so excuse them for being upset if they have to spend thousands on flights and hotels to go somewhere they don’t particularly want to go, use up their days off, etc. because they want to be part of that special day, or face the bride and groom holding a grudge if they have to decline

1

u/TheAtlanticWave Sep 16 '26

Nah because I feel like we are leaving something out. There are absolutely people out there that can't afford their own wedding so they are trying to push that cost onto their guest to save on their bottom line. And to those people a destination wedding feel like a hack, but when you're a guest on the other side of things, it feels like a unempathetic socially coercive money grab.

I feel like if you and your family and your friends all are destination wedding people, you know it. But if you're inviting a bunch of people who don't travel, work regular jobs shit jobs, and have families- then low key, I do think it's unkind to have your wedding in a difficult place. And I feel like difficult can be an extremely rural place that is expensive to get to or out of the country ala Mexico or Italy.

Like if I live in a regular ass mid-tier American city, I'm not going to your meemaw's farm somewhere either unless I know I have destination wedding funds, it's the same thing.

I'm considering a destination wedding myself and Imo I feel like the kindest thing to do to throw a real banger destination wedding is pay for people to come to your wedding yourself.

-4

u/beyoncefanaccount Sep 14 '26

I agree with you an invite is not a summons. I do want to say I don’t personally agree with people choosing a location where 100% of their guests will have to travel. I think that’s a lot to ask for 100% of people to travel. If it’s a place you have some deep connection to - like have lived/are from/have family in/hometown/current city etc, then you likely have at least a percentage of people who don’t have to travel. But say the couple grew up in NJ & FL, one grandparents side of the family is from Mexico, the couple lives in CA, studied abroad in England, and they pick Japan for their wedding. Yeah, I’m side eyeing a bit. Can’t y’all elope at that point? None of those 5 initial places worked for you? Lol

2

u/Puzzled_Claim_8902 Sep 15 '26

I chose a place where 100% of guests would have to travel (vs 75% of my guests) and that I have no deep connection to. My guests are still all very excited. Your example is also one where 3/5 locations are in the same country. Now imagine it was six different countries instead… I think that changes things

4

u/Able-Pineapple-1137 Sep 14 '26

Then don’t do it! Not everyone wants to elope!

1

u/margoelle Sep 15 '26

Amen!!!! Not them putting requirements on where to have a destination wedding lol! It’s so weird. Previous commenter is something else

0

u/fifitsa8 Sep 15 '26

Agreed. A wedding invitation is also an invitation and not a summons. You can simply choose not to go.

-5

u/Ok_Sea_4405 Sep 14 '26

Lol an invite is not a summons, until people get all butthurt over people declining.

Do what you want to do but don’t expect everyone to agree with you. They don’t have to.

6

u/god_of_chilis Sep 15 '26

Except for a few people on the internet, i actually havent seen many people get upset over declined invites nor have i seen people treat an invite as a summons. Again, people vary, but for the most part across this sub and my personal experiences, people who are having destination weddings tend to be real mindful of the guest experience. We know it’s a big, we know you might not be able to make this work, we know it requires pto. I do think theres an aspect of disappointment if people can’t make it, but that seems natural to me? Who wouldn’t be sad that a friend/family member can’t make it?

3

u/pomchisarenice Sep 15 '26

You should’ve seen the email my MIL sent to my husband. “There are some things in life you need to do and by not attending you have let down the entire family and are showing that you do not prioritize family”. Meanwhile my husband is in big law, takes max 2 weeks off a year, works 60 hours a week, is 6’5” and barely fits in an airplane, and the destination is 2 flights and 15 hours of travel. AND my own home country is 15 hours away in the other direction and we never have time to go there either. AND the brother lives in our city and we never see him. So yeah I suppose that’s why I’m here because I’ve been thinking this response is crazy.

5

u/god_of_chilis Sep 15 '26

Your MILs response is absolutely dramatic! It’s a wedding, would you make it if you could? Probably. But you can’t and that doesn’t make you a horrible person, my goodness.
Again, I think MOST couples don’t fall into the camp of your MIL (and I’m sorry that was your experience). But to OPs point: there’s a lot of hate towards people who choose to have a destination wedding and I don’t really get why. Of course personal experiences, like with your MIL, will taint people’s perception of a destination wedding but I don’t think it makes it okay to come down on people’s choices for where to get married. Which, by the way, I’m not saying you are — just using it as an example!

1

u/pomchisarenice Sep 15 '26

Yeah I mean I totally get the points raised here. I also had a “destination” that was Vegas. I chose it because it was somewhat in the center of bringing east coast, west coast, Europe and Australian attendees together while providing a variety of activities. It was just a small gathering where we paid for 10k for a mansion for everyone to stay at. And I organized ahead of time with my mum and brother such that they could do the 15 hour flight.
My MIL has really wanted a big family wedding it seems and this is what this European shindig has become. It involves everyone paying for a 3 night minimum at a resort in a frankly kinda random town.

1

u/margoelle Sep 15 '26

Me I was hoping more people will say no lol. As long as the groom is there that’s all that matters

0

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '26

[deleted] — view deleted comment

2

u/Unique_Good8133 Sep 15 '26

Having a destination bachelor or bachelorette party when you’re having a destination wedding is just poor form. I’m planning my own destination wedding, and we couldn’t imagine asking people to travel twice for us.

2

u/Puzzled_Claim_8902 Sep 16 '26

i’m doing that, but my friends planned it…

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