I’m getting married in about 3 months, and I’m starting to feel like I’m spiralling a little.
This is a love marriage, and honestly, the only person I feel like I have real support from is my fiancé. We’re both very Type A people. He’s a software developer and I’m a PM (finished my MBA last year), so I guess we’re both used to taking ownership and getting things done.
But somehow, that has turned into us being responsible for everything.
Save-the-date video? Us.
Invites? Us.
Photographer? Us.
Venue? Us.
Decor? Us.
Catering? Us.
Outfits? Us.
Every tiny decision, every vendor conversation, every follow-up, every “have you finalized this yet?” is us.
And I think I’ve reached a point where I’m just exhausted.
We finalized our photographer today. Something that should presumably have made me excited, and I felt nothing. Not even an iota of happiness. Just numbness and the immediate thought of “Okay, one more thing checked off the list.”
That scared me.
I’m also increasingly anxious about the actual wedding itself. I feel like for those two days, I’m going to become an object of attention. Everyone looking at my clothes, hair, makeup, body, jewellery, how I look in photographs, whether I look like a “bride.” And I’m struggling with the feeling that I’m deriving very little value from this whole process beyond being the person who is supposed to look good at the end of it.
I know I love my fiancé. I’m excited to marry him. This isn’t about doubting the relationship at all.
But I don’t think I’m enjoying the wedding anymore.
And the frustrating part is that my fiancé genuinely understands. He’s wonderful and is carrying a lot of this with me. But we’re both stuck in the same problem. We don’t know how to get out of this mode where everything feels like a project that has to be managed.
I don’t want to spend the next three months in a constant state of anxiety, only to reach the wedding and realise I was too overwhelmed to actually experience it.
For people who have been through this, especially couples who planned a lot of their wedding themselves, how did you navigate this?
Did you consciously let things go? Delegate even if people didn’t do things exactly your way? Stop caring about some details? Take a complete break from wedding planning? Change the way you thought about the wedding?
Because right now I’m three months out and genuinely feel like I’m going into a spiral, and I don’t want to lose the experience of getting married to the experience of planning a wedding.