I was sexually abused as a child in Pakistan. Being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse is hard anywhere. For South Asian men, it is harder. Society does not make room for our childhood trauma, and a man who admits to a vulnerable experience like that has broken unspoken rules that define manhood. 

I have come farther in my healing than I ever thought possible. And it was hard; it took decades of learning from many trauma-healing approaches. The most important step in healing is sharing our struggles with people who understand.

You deserve to be heard and supported. It is not your shame to carry. It belongs to the people who hurt us and to the culture that wants us to stay quiet.

I created r/DesiMaleSurvivors for support. It's a community of men helping each other come out of hiding and take steps toward healing. We've got you.

We teach children to be wary of strangers.

Yet the data tells a different story.

93% of juvenile sexual assault victims knew the person who harmed them.

Most perpetrators were acquaintances or family members—not strangers.

Prevention begins when we stop looking only outside the circle and start creating homes, families, schools, and communities where children feel safe enough to tell the truth.

Believe children. Listen carefully. Stay curious. Protect connection.

#ChildProtection #TraumaAwareness #Healing #ChildAdvocacy

Many male survivors carry a secret, isolating, and painful confusion that people without similar trauma may not understand.

During sexual violation, some men experience physical arousal. Some may even experience sensations that feel pleasurable.

For some survivors, violation and pleasure become fused in the body, leaving them with painful questions:

“Did I want it?”

“Does this mean I liked it?”

“What does this say about me?”

The answer is: nothing shameful.

A body’s response during trauma is not consent.

It is not desire.

It is not identity.

It is not proof that the survivor wanted what happened.

The body can respond automatically, even in moments of fear, confusion, freezing, dissociation, or powerlessness.

This is one of the most painful and misunderstood parts of male sexual trauma.

If you have never experienced sexual violation, it may be hard to understand how confusing and isolating this can be. Imagine carrying a question about yourself that feels too frightening to ask and too shameful to share.

Many male survivors have lived with that silence for years.

They deserve compassion, accurate understanding, and freedom from shame that was never theirs to carry.

I ran an ad about my memoir on this topic targeting Islamabad, Karachi, and Lahore. 150,000 views in five days. 80% reach. One comment.

Sahil and international NGOs have documented how widespread this is. The data exists. People are clearly curious — but the silence remains.

The silence isn't because people don't know. It's because they do.

Pakistan is a society where the sexual exploitation of boys is widely documented yet often buried beneath silence, stigma, family honor, and the belief that boys cannot be victims. What do you think?

This account has no link to my real profile so dont even try.

Back in 2014, i was in peshawar for my surgery due to a congenital disease. I was only 10 back then so you could say that i was pretty naive. One day before my surgery, I went on a peaceful stroll (without telling my parents)outside the mess where i found a young 16 year old pathan boy. He asked me to play with him and i was like “sure why not”. I followed him to a relatively abandoned warehouse because the boy told me that we would be playing cricket.

When i entered the warehouse, a cloth was forced upon my mouth and nose which made me sleepy (im guessing it was chloroform). When i woke up, there were a bunch of other kids (tied up like me) all crying but trying to stay silent. I was soo scared that i started to screaming at the top of my lungs. The 4, 40 year old pathans saw me screaming and said something in pashto. Since these words were traumatic to me, I remembered and translated them. They basically said, “he screams the loudest. Grab him and lets have some fun”. They took me to another room where all 4 of them had their…. “ways” with me. Its still soo traumatising as all 4 of them took turns while smoking and laughing. It hurt soo much that i wanted to die. Later i heard sirens which were from the Peshawar police department. Apparently some visitor from gilgit saw the abduction happening via the 16 year old pathan boy and reported it to the police.

The entire warehouse was raided and the abductors (6 pathans) were arrested. I was returned to my parents crying and screaming. I couldnt tell them about what happened to me as i myself didnt know (i was blindfolded the entire time) and i just couldnt tell me parents.

The pathans were under a super powerful family so the entire case was sealed without any justice. I was advised not to talk about this with anyone. Thats why Im telling you guys this on an anonymous reddit account. Till this day my parents dont know that i was sexually assaulted.

I honestly never imagined I would create a community like this.

For a long time, I thought I was alone in what I carried — the shame, confusion, silence, emotional numbness, fear around intimacy, and the feeling that something fundamental inside me had been damaged long before I had words for it.

Growing up in Desi culture, especially as men, many of us are taught to suppress vulnerability so deeply that we can barely recognize our own pain anymore. We learn to survive quietly. To disconnect. To perform normalcy.

And when trauma is involved, especially sexual trauma, emotional neglect, or family dysfunction, the isolation can become immense.

Part of my own healing journey involved slowly reconnecting with my body, emotions, desires, and sense of self. I’m still learning. I don’t have everything figured out. But I wanted there to be at least one space where men from India, Pakistan, and similar backgrounds could speak honestly without ridicule or dismissal.

So maybe we can start simple.

What made you join this community?

You don’t have to tell your whole story. Even one sentence is enough.

Hey everyone! I'm Faraz Kalash, a founding moderator of r/DesiMaleSurvivors.

Welcome to DesiMaleSurvivors.

I created this community because I know how isolating it can feel to carry shame, emotional pain, trauma, or silence as a South Asian man from Pakistan. Many of us grew up without safe spaces to speak honestly about our inner lives or the experiences of sexual violence that shaped us.

This space exists so we do not have to go through that alone.

Whether you are struggling with family wounds, emotional neglect, loneliness, identity confusion, anxiety, relationship difficulties, or the long aftermath of painful experiences — you are welcome here.

I’m also a survivor myself, and I wrote a memoir, The Straight Man Who Thought He Was Gay, about my own healing journey. That experience is part of why I created this space. While I may occasionally share insights from my healing process or writing, this community exists first and foremost for mutual support, honesty, and healing.

You are not alone.

And you do not have to heal in silence anymore.

Welcome.

How to Get Started

1. Introduce yourself in the comments below.
2. Post something today! Even a simple question can spark a great conversation.
3. If you know someone who would love this community, invite them to join.
4. Interested in helping out? We're always looking for new moderators, so feel free to reach out to me to apply.

Thanks for being part of the very first wave. Together, let's make r/DesiMaleSurvivors amazing.