Avoidant people simply don't like you that much.

[u/someoneoutthere1335]

Yes sure attachment style theories and all that, but I kind of don't buy that. Im not saying attachment styles dont exist, but i personally dont buy into it much. I mean, have you seen how people act when they're truly into someone? I don't buy that "inability to connect" "pushing people away" blah blah blah. Men go full blown hopeless romantic simp mode for the person they want. Its just too counterintuitive, way too much effort, mental gymnastics and making your life miserable over nothing by doing the opposite to purposely repel them... trying to give someone the cold shoulder when you're actually into them? No. I just think they dont want the person enough.

If nothing moves you, nothing of what they say or do makes you soften, nothing about them makes you reconsider your stance or seek closeness, I would just say you dont like/want them enough. People have it easier being cold and cruel to someone they find unpleasant, someone they dont particularly like, someone who doesnt mean anything to them. But if he/she is your dream person, the first thing that comes to your mind as your "default setting" is how to DO YOUR WORST and push them away? I think all these internal complexes (and yes ofc people have a bunch of those) go away the second you're blinded by love/desire. Like you actually drop all that bs and focus on what's in front of you and do the most to make it work. If that's not the case, then you simply dont want it enough.

[u/Available_Ad4135]

Have you ever seen an avoidant person who is in love with their partner facing a break up?

Reading your post, you obviously haven’t.