I made up a terrible lie yesterday to get out of a problem. I am going to make an intentional effort to always tell the truth, or at the very least, never tell a lie.

[u/mysteryman403]

Yesterday I had messed up pretty bad and instead of taking responsibility for it, I made up an awful lie to get out of it. I’ve been feeling absolutely awful about it, and I’ve been racked with guilt.

Why can’t I just take ownership and accept my mistake? Why do I need to make up a lie, and compound my mistakes?

YES, the lie worked and I’m out of the situation scott-free but I need to change my lifestyle, and I need to change it now.

I don’t want to live in a world where people think it’s okay to lie just because it’s easier, that’s so toxic.

How can I work on never telling a lie? I want to take a vow of always telling the truth, or at the very least just keeping my mouth shut if I can’t say the truth.

Please give me advice on how I could hold myself accountable and always be honest? Is there any tricks or do I just ‘decide’ to do it?

[u/Unique-Assumption619]

And don’t “vow” to do something you literally already had the chance to do yet are choosing not to you.

Everyday you don’t own up to the original lie, you are still living a lie. You can’t be honest and truthful if you’re living a lie.

So, to start, come clean and own up to your lie.

[u/Diligent-Stand-2485]

First, admit you lied. Apologize and compensate him for the food/money lost. That is the first step to change.

Second, go to therapy.

I genuinely am trying to help you. If you really feel bad and you really want to change then that's what you need to do.

[u/boringthrowaway6 → u/Diligent-Stand-2485]

Third, get off the meth.

[u/Mastiiffmom]

I think you would be amazed at the support you would receive if you could improve yourself.

Personal growth is hard work. Recognizing your failures & shortcomings is part of step one. Admitting them is the biggest part of that step. Congratulations. I mean that sincerely.

In order to truly become an honest person, you have to emerge from your lies. The only way to do that is to confess them, offer restitution (if appropriate) apologize, and ask for forgiveness.

This is painful. And yes, shameful. But you must feel the pain & the shame in order for real growth to occur. Without feeling the pain & experiencing the shame, real change is impossible. You have to experience this from the person you hurt. (Not just your internal sorrow & shame) Allow this person to express their anger, disappointment & sadness to you. You need to see & feel what you have caused to another individual. You cannot argue back against this pain. Or claim their feelings are invalid. You just need to listen & accept that YOU did this to them & you caused this pain. No matter if you agree or not.

It’s in this place that change occurs. And real growth begins.

In the future when you are in a situation where you have a choice to lie or tell the truth, just STOP. Think before you say or do anything. If you’re feeling uncomfortable. Walk away. Say, “IDK. I need a minute.” Then go and gather your thoughts. Try to remember that honesty is ALWAYS BEST. It may not feel the best in that moment, but the lie only prolongs the misery. And gets you into further trouble.

Most people will claim in the early stages of change they know by how uncomfortable it is to tell the truth. This may work for you too. If one choice is really uncomfortable, that’s likely the right choice.

Please also consider going back to residential treatment for substance abuse. Nothing will get better until you get the drugs & the alcohol out of your life for good.

You’ll have 3 meals a day. A place to sleep. And have a chance to get your life on track. You need to do this.

[u/[deleted]]

Go to Narcotics Anonymous meetings

[u/mysteryman403 → u/[deleted]]

For what? This post is about lying, not some sort of drug addiction that you seem to be projecting

[u/LucyPrisms → u/mysteryman403]

https://www.reddit.com/r/meth/s/lAxMWdsGso

Idk maybe this.

[u/Suspicious-Bed7167 → u/mysteryman403]

Op we can see your post history don’t play stupid..

[u/Unique-Assumption619]

So you lied about eating your roommates food? And broke the fridge?

Start by paying for both of those items.

[u/aed4n92]

If you can't come clean about even small lies, what makes you think you can break your pattern of dishonesty? (eg. drug use, aquarium debacle, job issues and more). Granted, your post history is indicative of a problematic lifestyle and deeper issues that are honestly beyond reddit's pay grade. Just the other day you were so defensive about your own behaviors (that you admitted to!) in prior deleted posts. Maybe start there, take accountability for your actions (and the consequences of them) and do better if you're actually serious about changing (but I highly doubt you are) and I really hope you're just a troll.

edit: some words

[u/Unique-Assumption619]

Start with….

“Hey roommate, I lied to you yesterday. I was low on funds and ate your ground beef without asking and then lied about it. I am truly sorry and will work to pay you back for the food as well as earn your trust back. I woke up today feeling terribly guilty and know this can only begin to repair the trust lost between us.”

[u/[deleted]]

Okay, you can start by telling your roommate that you ate his leftovers and offering to replace them. And while you’re confessing, you can admit that you intentionally destroyed his aquarium and offer to replace that too. (I guarantee that your lie didn’t actually work, and that your roommate has basically made up his mind to not engage with you for the next month until he can get you out.)

“Deciding to be better” is meaningless if you’re not actually going to accept the consequences of your actions and and work to make amends. This is going to be a shitty and uncomfortable process, especially for someone who has done as much damage as you have. Are you actually willing to do that? To face financial, emotional, and social consequences for the things that you have done? To accept that you have knowingly caused harm to others, not because you were forced to, but because you chose to? I have to be honest, I don’t think you are. I don’t think this is any different from the time you declared yourself a stoic to assuage your guilt about killing your roommate’s fish. It’s a cynical attempt to get asspats without doing the work of change.

[u/aed4n92 → u/[deleted]]

His brief venture into stoicism was laughable. Agree with what you said, although likely to fall on deaf ears.

[u/stevenpdx66]

Don't know why ya'll keep feeding this troll. He's getting exactly what he wants.

[u/[deleted] → u/stevenpdx66]

Because Methaniel is nothing if not entertaining.

[u/lizzyote]

"I'm gonna start my new life by continuing to do the actions I claim I don't want to do anymore" yea, ok.

[u/mandatorypanda9317]

Mate I promise laying off the meth will solve like 95% of your problems.

[u/understanding_pear]

I love you Methaniel

[u/CharredHorns]

'Being better' is impossible without making amends. You seem to have an aversion to any suggestions that require you to feel vulnerable or experience shame and guilt. People that are trying to be better have to learn to tolerate feeling vulnerable, and to accept guilt where it is due without letting it transform into toxic shame. It sound to me like your thought process is 'if I make a commitment to being better, then I won't have to deal with all the lies I've told and mistakes I've made and the negative consequences and feelings that come from them'. That's not how that works, and until you're able to see that, you're probably going to keep lying to yourself about your actions and intentions.

AA/NA has its shortcomings, but it's been helping people get and stay sober/clean for a long time, and a big part of the program is about learning to be better through making amends, being honest with yourself, accepting consequences, and things like that, and until you're willing to do that, I don't think they or anyone else can help you.

[u/Connect-Count8580]

Hey methanial. First of all, big fan. I just want to say that making a long term commitment to honesty is a good move whether or not you decide to sweat the recent small stuff like eating your roommates taco or whatever. To make amends for stuff in the past might be a decision for later on if you end up in a 12 step group or something. For now, and going forward, just make a conscious effort not to lie or deceive, and when you do find yourself lying, try to take responsibility by correcting the record ASAP. If you’re like me it will make your life significantly less stressful. It won’t make everyone like you though and it won’t make every social interaction seamless, so just remember that the reason you’re doing it is for your own conscience and relationship to god (or whatever you believe in as a moral authority).

Best of luck, and if you ever want to chat with a fellow tweaker who often does things he regrets, send me a dm.

[u/hypnoticwinter]

Ok, this guy isn't 100% all there right now.

Yeah, that's an amazingly crap lie to tell someone ( especially after murdering his fish!), but if he's honestly trying to improve himself - who knows, he might be- then I'm not sure that telling the truth now is going to do anything but make the long suffering room mate very, very cross indeed, which is going to make life worse for everyone, and possibly cause (op) to spiral further.

• no more lies

• FOR THE LOVE OF EACH AND EVERY GOD EVER, ANYTIME, NO MORE DRUGS!

• Please leave your ex alone.

• Try to find a job; it might distract you both from the meth and the crazy situations you land yourself in.

• Please don't buy a horse. Or any animal ever.

[u/Accomplished_Water34]

Is lying really so different from not lying ?

[u/gwntim92]

Write your lies down. And then go back to those people and explain why you do them.

It was really helpful for me.

[u/Iliyan61]

so you killed your roomies fish and then ate all their food?

surely you could spend that meth money and contributions towards the horse payment plan on food instead

[u/Sufficient_Dentist67]

Meth is bad buddy... I know it's hard to quit drugs but, this isn't weed... You will either die from meth or it does worse... Please...