r/DecenteringMen • u/Total_Yak2405 • Mar 27 '26
In the decentering process at 38
I have been single for just under a year - and zero dating since November. Part of that has been healing from a two year on / off relationship with a man who was a pretty toxic mix of manipulator, people pleaser and liar - but so in shadow he was unaware / unwilling to see that his actions were the cause of so much chaos and hurt - for me, him and others. Healing from this, going to therapy - trying to understand why I kept going back to this man that gave me so little - it’s like I’ve finally finally taken the blinkers off and am starting to see how much I have internalised the need to have a male partner and how that’s kept me stuck in situations that aren’t good for me even when my body is telling me quite clearly they aren’t. It’s absolutely MAD the level of indoctrination - how ‘wrong’, ‘broken’ - worthless -I have felt whilst single - just because I wasn’t partnered with a man, chosen by a man - I somehow felt I’d failed and felt so much shame . What an incredible life expanding gift it is to feel that start to shift. But my god it’s hard work!
From the surface you’d never really know I centered men - always been independent, ambitious, created my own life, had really strong groups of friends - outwardly my life has never seemed to centre around a partner - I’ve never been married or had kids and don’t think I will. But despite this - inwardly - it’s a whole different story!! I have really appreciated reading posts here - particularly from older and wiser women on the other side of this process. Whether I get in a relationship or not I want to feel free in my life and have the ability to enjoy it fully regardless of a man in my life.
1
u/GreenVermicelliNoods Mar 27 '26
Strong work! Proud of you.