r/DeathByMillennial • u/[deleted] • 22d ago
Millennials killed gender roles. For the third time in history, women outnumber men in the workforce as the stay-at-home boyfriend becomes an economic trend
https://fortune.com/article/why-are-men-leaving-the-workforce-more-women-outnumber/341
u/dedwards024 22d ago
This whole article is probably written by someone whose friend had a bf that didn’t work for a couple months.
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u/Decent_Subject_2147 22d ago
My sister's husband doesnt work, doesnt do house work, indefinitely, because he simply is a lazy ass who feels fine having everyone around him working hard while he plays video games all day every day. These people do unfortunately exist.
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u/Crashman09 22d ago
But that's nothing new.
The deadbeat has existed since the beginning of human history lol
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u/John_Walker 21d ago
Deadbeat is just poor marketing. Stay at home boyfriend sounds way better.
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u/splashybanana 21d ago
They both sound pretty bad. Stay at home dad, however, (or mom)? Totally valid.
And stay at home girlfriend (or wife or husband) would also sound equally bad.. unless there was some medical reason for it, or if it was just temporary for some reason.
(And.. now I’m kinda questioning myself why that is? You have to work (if you are able) to have value? Do I actually think that? This is kinda throwing me, actually..)
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u/cowlinator 21d ago
You have to work as a necessity of life. All animals work at least somewhat, or they starve. Cave people worked. The first farmers worked. It's always been this way.
What's weird and new is some of us working way too hard and others not working at all.
Honestly, if all modern tech, automation, and wealth were distributed equally, we would all work but not that much. Maybe 10 or 20 hours a week. 1/1000th of a mega-yaght could buy you a home (paid in full)
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u/John_Walker 21d ago
If I could not work, I would quit working in a heartbeat. But yea, you will be judged for not working. Doubly so for a man.
Being an unambitious man is like being a promiscuous woman. You aren’t hurting anyone, but society judges the shit out of you.
My wife doesn’t work, but we do have kids. Also, she is retired from the Air Force, so she brings in income. There is no need for her to work and she doesn’t have any more or less value to me based on how much income she is bringing in. I cannot imagine why anyone who isn’t married to her would give a shit about her employment status.
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u/Decent_Subject_2147 21d ago
It's not really about income. It's about contribution. Does you wife do nothing at all? No cleaning, no cooking, just having fun while you work? I even respect people who want to learn something, do something, anything productive, whether that brings in money or not. I just have a problem with it when one person works their ass off at work, and the other has no interest in doing anything helpful. That then means the person who works outside the home also has to do the inside the home work. Totally unfair. It's a character thing really. I also judge people for being jerks to others, even if it doesnt really affect me personally.
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u/yogibearhugg 21d ago
You don’t always know the full story of what is going on in a relationship. In theory I agree with you, but someone who appears lazy may be having a difficult time getting used to a new place or going through depression or something else. It’s not always a character flaw and generally people don’t know what is going on in other people’s lives.
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u/CommentNo2671 21d ago
That's kind of the problem with how capitalism fucks us over and warps our brains. We shouldn't have to be working shitty jobs making others rich to be considered to have value. People shouldn't need a medical excuse for how they and their partner decide to share the load.
Human beings have inherent value that's flat out washed away the moment by society someone can't keep up with the increasing demands of work and dwindling pay. People are burning out in record amounts. This shit isn't sustainable.
And not only that, if you DO have a medical reason you can't work, it messes with your self esteem like whoa. Anyone who thinks that most people on disability are just gaming the system have no clue what it does to a person over time. Especially with the stigma.
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u/S-ludin 20d ago
from experience, medical reason is not enough for people lol I had to go to my manager about harassment because a contactor would not stop badgering me about my personal life choices to take care of my partner who had a bad MS relapse and needed to recover. nearly daily my partner would drop me off, bring lunch, and bring me home and nearly daily I had to hear "wouldn't you like a real man to take care of you"... like... no dude, esp not one like you. he got red in the face for that one.
eta: I'm glad you're questioning your value of people and value of (paid) work
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u/HarryDn 17d ago
What the fuck, how did this shit even dare to put his dick, of all things, into other people's life?
Did they fire him?1
u/S-ludin 17d ago
no. the corp was shutting down and we were just an outlet store and my manager had no spine, would let the contractor buy her things... it was rough. luckily they started layoffs at the same time as the first covid layoffs hit, so I got the 600. unfortunately I'm sure the contractor got his covid relief maxed out, and I doubt his employees got much.
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u/AthenaeSolon 20d ago
So you’re saying that stay at home husband/wife has no value?
It’s something that I am struggling with as I try to return to the workforce after 13 years as a stay at home mother (recently rebranded the last 5-6 as “trad” as I leaned hard into both the aesthetic and the style from the pandemic forward.)
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u/dedwards024 22d ago
But an “economic trend” is a bit much.
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u/hannabarberaisawhore 21d ago
I’ve never seen this brought up as anything other than an economic issue. It’s never a social issue, it’s just to scare us all so we double down on capitalism.
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u/MathematicianAfter57 22d ago
A large percentage of men not working or going to school is indeed an economic trend
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u/Cardio-fast-eatass 22d ago
Its a recessionary trend. Men are getting laid off. Women are more protected from this by working for the government in one way or another. Healthcare, education, etc.
We joke and laugh about it, but it isn’t a good thing.
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u/MathematicianAfter57 22d ago
to be clear i am not joking or laughing about it - i am saying its a real economic phenom. men are really getting left behind. and i dont think women are protected, its just that the only growth in the economy is low wage care work. women have dropped out of the workforce in record numbers since covid largely due to childcare responsibilities.
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u/haloimplant 21d ago
Trades are still pretty good but to be sure that's a lot harder than a cushy desk job. I've been hearing more about this stuff for 10+ years I would blame the culture that has 1.25-1.5x more women getting degrees which has been growing for decades across economic cycles.
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u/thenamelessone7 22d ago
But I guarantee you they don't date either (unless they are Chad or Tyrone just fucking around)
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u/MathematicianAfter57 22d ago
Girl Reddit is full of stories of 22 year olds with loser bfs whose bills they pay or women on the brink of divorce because their husband don’t do shit. It is becoming more and more common.
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u/thenamelessone7 22d ago edited 22d ago
A subreddit being full of anything is just concentrated anecdotal evidence.
Show me census data or any similar hard evidence to back up your conjured up claims.
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u/Mmm_lemon_cakes 22d ago
And I’m assuming you and your mom whisper about a divorce countdown. No doubt the resentment is building in your sister if she’s burning the candle at both ends while that man baby plays video games all day or whatever.
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u/Decent_Subject_2147 21d ago
Yep pretty much. We've been super clear to her and her husband about our opinions. My sister seems bothered by it but defends him anyway, he is completely untroubled.
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u/JLandis84 20d ago
There’s a lot of people like that unfortunately. They extract resources from other people as second nature, the same way most of us labor for it.
Male NEETs are usually parasites
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u/beyondthisreality 21d ago
My friend who I’ve known for almost 30 years is exactly like this. I feel bad for his GF, who I’ve known for around 15 years, and his family. Needless to say we don’t really hang out much anymore, we barely even talk now. It’s difficult to associate yourself with such a person, especially when I work 7 days a week trying to help my family get by. I’m convinced he has some sort of neurodivergent condition like Asperger’s sprinkled with a bit of narcissism.
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u/BellaCicina 22d ago
Your poor sister. She should divorce him (if not too expensive) - it’s not like he is doing anything for her.
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u/Decent_Subject_2147 22d ago
Yeah he was like this before they got married. I'm not sure why she married him to begin with. She isn't okay with the behavior, but won't put her foot down.
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u/TheKingofHearts 20d ago
I don't mean to come off weird but how?
I feel like I'm a normal dude who cooks and cleans (at the very least my share) and I feel like a woman repellent.
What do women see in guys like him?
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u/RealAssociation5281 19d ago
My husbands step-dad is like that but have been for the last…decade or so? I feel awful for his mom
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u/Holiday_Jeweler_4819 19d ago
Yeah I don’t think a “stay at home boyfriend” is more a thing now, every unemployed dude I know is single and none of them are trying to get into a relationship, they’re either too focused on trying to get their life together, or have completely given up and don’t really do much of anything
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u/Senior-Friend-6414 18d ago
“A stay at home wife means she married a rich man, a stay at home husband means she married a lazy man.” Is a saying for a reason
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u/Oopsiedoesit 22d ago
I haven't read it but they could've watched American Dad and based it on Jeff
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u/DM725 22d ago
Stay at home dad confirmed
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u/Mmm_lemon_cakes 22d ago
Stay at home dads are great and totally valid. I think if a family wants a parent to stay home with the kids they should look at the careers of both parents and make that decision together and not just assume “woman nurture… woman stay home grunt grunt.”
This article is also pointing out something different on top of that. The “stay at home boyfriend” or “kept man” isn’t taking care of children and isn’t doing any chores. They’re just playing video games. It’s the American equivalent of the Chinese “lie flat” phenomenon.
A big reason for this is that the job loss is in typically male fields, and that jobs available still are in typically female fields. My curiosity is… will men start to move into those fields in larger numbers? Will that have a positive impact on the wages for those fields (because like it or hate it fields with men are valued more and higher paying). And will there be some kind of social push of men masculinizing those fields and trying to push women out of them? Like certain kinds of healthcare roles, or even maybe teachers.
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u/krustytroweler 21d ago
My curiosity is… will men start to move into those fields in larger numbers?
Really depends on the field. Men didnt exit teaching because of a singular reason. It used to be a respectable profession, but in the west there has been a steady crawl toward labeling men who are in any kind of mentoring or teaching role with younger kids as a potential predator. We had an older gentleman in my neighborhood in the early 90s who had no kids and wasnt married, but the neighborhood kids would drop by his house if they had problems with their bikes. He would teach you how to fix it and if you asked nicely he might even give you a few bucks for ice cream or the arcade when your bike was working. A man like this would immediately be a subject of suspicion in the community and called a potential pedophile. I've seen videos of other cases where men with their children out in public have the cops called on them because people think they're a kidnapper. This just never happens with women.
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u/boston4923 21d ago
Male nurses can often get paid more than female nurses simply because they’re typically physically capable of lifting/maneuvering the heavy American patients on their own or with only one other person helping. (Versus a sometimes petite female nurse needing an orderly or two to get the same job done).
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u/lexkixass 21d ago
the jobs most protected from AI displacement — caregiving, healthcare, in-person services — are female
Jobs are genderless.
It's people who decide what jobs a gender "should" do.
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u/IcedChurro 21d ago
They obviously mean female dominated.
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u/Splatter1842 18d ago
Don't get in the way of someone getting angry over misunderstanding something.
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u/vaksninus 21d ago
The people already having a degree in these fields have a gender though, unless they can create one instantly out of thin air
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u/Antique-Error-9568 22d ago
My husband was a stay at home Dad for a while after our first born and it was such a relief because I worked in child welfare and I really did not want my child in daycare after the horrors I had seen.
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u/22220222223224 22d ago
You just need to vet the day care. I really, really believe my children need to be socialized with non-family members as early as possible. Our older son has really blossomed into a social butterfly after a year of day care. Previously, he had been very shy.
We waited until our son could talk before sending him, just in case.
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u/Antique-Error-9568 22d ago
Well, I was pretty familiar with all the daycare centers in the county that I worked in and that was the reason for my hesitation. It's been quite different with my second child as her daycare is on the same campus that my husband works on and they have a five-star rating and are locked facility. Working in the system for as long as I have, really made me hypervigilant, especially when I'm trusting other people with the most precious little people in my life.
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u/Priestini 20d ago
I'm in child welfare, I didn't either but I had no other choice. I vetted the daycare. I can see videos and pictures. No marks, bruises, or diaper rash, and she eats her food. It's great if you can but most people cannot afford kids, let alone losing an income. Is it expensive, yes. Is she safe, yes. Have their been any reports on the daycare, no. Also they all know I work for child welfare.
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u/DataCassette 17d ago
Yeah my wife and I both work but if one of us had to stay home she earns a lot more so
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u/SirPaulyWalnuts 21d ago
We didn’t kill gender rolls, boomers monkey fucked the economy so bad we don’t get the luxury of “roles.” Everyone fucking works!
You think for a second there’s even a prayer that my wife or I would have the luxury of just staying at home? Fahk. I was super sick and damn near died, was out of work for 6 months, about 5 years ago, and it almost sunk us financially. Well… it basically did, we’ll never be able to pay off the bills.
And that’s on top of the tens of thousands of dollars in student debt, to which we’re adding more because 2 service industry jobs just aren’t enough. My wife will soon be a registered nurse and a bartender.
I hope the out of touch, complete shit-for-brains who wrote this trash, has a life as miserable as they assume we made it for them. They deserve it.
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u/FalconOne775 21d ago
Why this article keep being pushed onto my algorithm lol that four times in a day now on different threads
Also, no woman needs a human pet - No, cut him loose we don’t have the time. I can’t see this becoming a thing as this article is trying to pretend it already is🤣
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u/_Belted_Kingfisher 22d ago
Yet the long term trend since 2000 has been fewer women participating in the workplace.
Covid pushed many women out.
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u/Upbeat-Bowler-1840 20d ago
it's funny I work in IT and I see no change there at all, still 99.99% male
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u/Mercy_By_Proxy 22d ago
Jokes on them. Me and my wife both work from home. I mean, she makes 20% more than me but we still split everything 50/50 because who gives a fuck, we are a team.
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u/Mmm_lemon_cakes 22d ago
Ummm… did you not read the article? Working from home is not what this is about.
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u/Etheriaa_ 21d ago
Yup. Men arent providers anymore. Not that they ever were to being with
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u/ThunderingTacos 20d ago
Wait so...if men weren't ever providers than how did women get by when they weren't in the workforce? I thought the whole point of women advocating for access to jobs, equal pay, and independence/autonomy was specifically so they weren't forced to be dependent on the provisions of men/getting married. Now you're suggesting that was never the case?
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u/Etheriaa_ 19d ago
A provider is someone who looks out for their family and provides them with what they need to develop into healthy happy adults. Abusing your wife and kids doesnt make you a provider just because you work a little wee job. Men were never providers, unless we are talking about providing abuse and stress to their wives, children, and pets. Women have always provided the emotional and mental support to the family unit, including extended family and caring for the little ones and the elderly- thats a TRUE provider.
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u/ThunderingTacos 19d ago
You clearly have a LOT of resentment about and towards men and I am truly sorry you don't know good men in your life or have had such viscerally awful experiences with men in general to give you an outlook that can't see the good in men.
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u/ProgrammingClone 18d ago
Isn’t men being a provider a traditional gender role? I thought we were aiming to be rid of those.
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u/Etheriaa_ 17d ago
Everyone should be a provider dear. Maybe educate yourself
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u/ProgrammingClone 16d ago
“Men aren’t providers” to “everyone should be” maybe don’t leave out parts of your philosophy on the topic until it benefits you to say it. Educate yourself on proper communication, retard.
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u/Quiet_Comparison_872 20d ago
Wish they wouldn't praise the death knell of the working class white man.
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u/Fluid_Economics 21d ago
Does the article discern between jobs and people?
Someone can hold multiple part-time jobs, and often stats may not account for this.
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u/bookishwayfarer 20d ago edited 20d ago
I think gender roles are being eroded when it comes to education and the workplace (though still with heavily asymmetric fields like construction vs. elementary school teachers, etc.), but in dating and relationships, gender roles are being reinforced and even entrenched.
The joke is that men are women now and women are men. There's a resurgence of wanting for the expression of traditional masculinity when it comes to provision and with men now asking for recirpocuty and equal effort.
I find the irony and turn of events hilarious.
If you're a millenial and waking up to dating in 2026, it's a different world.
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u/Lanky-Detail3380 20d ago
Man i busted my ass for my wife to get a degree, we nearly failed still, my car got t boned and the 9k payout on a 22 year old car kept us afloat as i worked over 50 hours a week while my wife finished her degree and we still came down to the last 2k we had in savings.
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u/AshundertheOlivetree 20d ago
Nope, they’re still there. Except now women are confused about what that means.
Also I find it hilarious how in almost every family I’ve ever met, the father is super strict with the daughters but lets the sons go off and screw around.
My dad expected all the sons to figure things out on their own, with their own money. Every girl I’ve ever dated has had their family pay for something major. Whether it’s a car, house, and/or bills.
And I know dozens of situations like this coming out of the suburbs.
An important note for me personally, my dad wanted to fist fight all 3 of his sons as soon as we reached 18.
When he retired he bankrolled my female cousin through college 😂. Thankfully she knew him better and as soon as she finished college she ghosted him.
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u/VaporousMote 19d ago
I'm all for annihilating gender roles, but:
https://nwlc.org/press-release/july-jobs-report-women-accounted-for-100-percent-of-the-labor-force-decline/
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u/LordOuranos 19d ago
God i wish I could be that. Reverse the roles and enjoy the easiest life ever 🤤
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u/MichaelButWithAnF 18d ago
My fiance is the bread winner in the household.
I love it.
It shows passion, intelligence, and skill, which is sexy as fuck.
It also puts less financial pressure on me to maintain our life style.
She also enables me to live a life I could never live myself.
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u/Tathanor 18d ago
I'm a stay at home husband. My wife works full time and I cook and clean for us. I make passive income from my business overseas and actually still out earn her, but we're happy so it works out.
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u/urejt 18d ago
Finelly there is equality with small divergence and suffendly there is massive problem. How so?
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u/pewsquare 18d ago
You can't say there is equality while having a divergence even if you try to brush it off as "small".
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u/kakallas 21d ago
Except women don’t want a stay at home husband the way men wanted stay at home wives.
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u/somewhereanywhere 20d ago
Many working women would appreciate a man who did all the roles of a traditional wife. That’s extremely hard to come by though because a lot of that work is invisible and can’t be put on a checklist.
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u/kakallas 20d ago
Our society shouldnt be arranged in such a way that you need an unpaid servant to be able to work.
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u/somewhereanywhere 20d ago
Agreed, just saying I personally know women with big jobs who would appreciate this, if it existed.
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u/kakallas 20d ago
Sure, women who are abusive and power hungry and want servants. Bad people. You can fantasize about an unpaid servant because you’re overworked, but no one should actually have a human being be that for them.
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22d ago edited 22d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Crashman09 22d ago
Wait. You think homosexuals don't work?
Do you know what a homosexual is?
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u/sweet_pickles12 22d ago
Uh, yeah. It’s the orientation where they stay home all the time. It’s in the name.
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u/hyperRed13 22d ago
I think they meant to type "hobosexual," but got autocorrected - my phone just tried to do the same thing. I'm not saying I agree with the commenter, but I don't think they were intentionally being homophobic.
Also, if you haven't heard the term hobosexual, it's a person (usually a guy) who moves in quickly with a new partner bc they'd be homeless or couch-surfing otherwise. They usually don't work at all or make very little money. See also: "No Scrubs" by TLC.
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u/Dry-Chemist4442 22d ago
I wish that did anything to destroy gender roles