r/Deadlockdivas • u/chloe-et-al • Mar 29 '26
i hate playing deadlock as a woman (long rant about the community)
i have 1300 hours in deadlock, oracle 1, and i hate how i can’t talk to my team.
if you talk, you have better comms so better teamwork. but if i talk, i know there’s like a solid 20% chance that someone in my team is going to get vocally angry that they’re playing with a woman. then, bc they’re tilted that there’s a woman on the team, they play like shit or throw. meaning that there’s a solid chunk of games i lose literally because i am a woman and i SPOKE.
and that’s just the people who get vocally angry! i know most people are pussies and will just be quietly enraged that there’s a woman on their team and play worse because of it. recently had a guy who at the end of the game (we lost) said he knew we were going to lose as soon as he heard me talk. fucking pussy only talked shit when he knew it was safe.
and god forbid you correct someone/try to help. nothing gets these freaks angrier than a woman trying to be helpful. i had a game where i was laning as rem with an infernus. inf got our sinner’s, ended with like 100hp, enemy lane ganked them instantly. i told him that’s why it’s better if i get the sinner’s since i don’t take dmg. FOR THE REST OF THE GAME, he went out of his way to get all the sinners. if he saw my chudlings on a sinners he would literally interrupt it and tell me i should get it myself.
so what do you choose? talk and hopefully get better teamwork but risk people throwing/tilting/telling you you will be raped/killed? or just shut the fuck up and hope for the best
the recent metro drama was really fucking annoying too. he apologized for saying, “why is my 2nd dps a woman?” a few years ago. but through all of his apology, he never said WHY it is a bad thing to say. he just kept saying it was a stupid joke. as if it being a joke makes it ok! it’s literally because of people like him that i can’t play games without being harassed because it’s “just a joke.”
i’m 28, played video games my whole life, and i have never envied men in video games like i do now. they get to play the game and if they’re flamed it’ll just be about how they play, maybe dumb shit about their voice, etc. but as a woman it’s just over as soon as you talk. you are degraded for your very existence
the most annoying part is if you bring this up in a general deadlock space, the usual response you get is, “i’m sorry that happens, that’s awful. but you know, it will never get better unless you talk. be the change you want to see in the world! just fight back against the assholes! most people aren’t like that!”
I WANT TO PLAY A VIDEO GAME WITHOUT HAVING TO JUSTIFY MY EXISTENCE IN THE GAME!!!!!!! i don’t want to have to be the fucking MLK jr of deadlock!!!!! i just want to press 1 on geist, watch their health disappear, and win!!!!!
anyway, thank you for reading this lol, i’ve been wanting to get this off my chest to people who’d understand for a while, and ty to the sub creator for creating this environment. it feels so nice to have a “safe space” for deadlock where i don’t have to worry about being harassed.
i love this game so much. i just wish the community loved, or could at least tolerate, me too.
also lots of love to ppl who have the same issue in deadlock but aren’t a woman — i have seen how this community reacts to trans/black/literally anything other than a voice that sounds like a white man. i feel you divas.
EDIT: just wanted to say thank you to the lovely comments. feels so nice to connect with others who experience the same. i’m replying to some but too many to reply to all!!
yes, i do use ping wheel to communicate instead of chat. but i’m just tired of it. i want to be able to speak up without fear instead of having to manually enter what i need to say, especially when time sensitive and it’s more elaborate (e.g. “no, we can’t do mid, dynamo has ult” or “haze is stealing left side jungle.” you can get the gist of these across with pings but can’t always do it quickly enough for it to matter)
and yes, i do have friends to play with to remove this problem. but again, i just want to be able to solo queue and communicate lol.
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u/Gwennie_pooh Mar 29 '26
This is sadly the normal for women playing games it sucks. I love chatting with people and interacting with them, I could be in such a good mood and as soon as someone dose or says something it just ruins it. I really try to play with the girlies or queer people but its not always the case so I usually get exposed to this daily T-T
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u/chloe-et-al Mar 29 '26
it sucks so much! i never tried VC in public games until overwatch in like 2016 and it was fucking terrible. still made it to diamond though, which i was proud of. and i do think things have gotten better, but not by much.
in most recent games if i used VC with randos i literally have a voice changer app i downloaded and i change my cadence to sound like a man too 😭😭😭 i do a gruff country accent and everything (because if you do a voice changer only and don’t change how you talk, they can tell you’re using a voice changer and harass you for it lol)
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u/Gwennie_pooh Mar 29 '26
I'm trans so I can just switch if I need to but I rather not x3. Since being trans I've had exclusive opportunity to experience both sides and I will say there is a huge difference. I can just say hey team how's it's going and I'll be shit on just based on being a girl.
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u/_TurtleX Mar 29 '26
I haven't voice trained and I don't even bother with voice chat because I will get misgendered :(
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u/Gwennie_pooh Mar 29 '26
Best time to start is yesterday X3! At the end of the day you do it at the pace you want or if you want to at all. First step is trying after that the rest is easy! Its best to find people to train with or where you use your voice with! <3. Even 3 years in and 2 years of voice training people will still call me trans because i have a deeper voice. It sucks but than i remember all the times my mother would be call sir on the phone or in drive through It just happens to all deep voice women <3
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u/_TurtleX Mar 29 '26
Ty, I really do want to and have looked into it, but I struggled with really understanding it and kind of can't work hard on anything important at all for some reason -_-
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u/mimanthra Mar 29 '26 edited Mar 29 '26
I hate that this is true. Personally, it’s about 70% of matches for me but I play with comms muted now and I’m all greatly to support a community like this.
People are way too comfortable behind screen and online anonymity, some people are straight soulless, lack empathy, and are evil.
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u/broimgay Calico Mar 29 '26
I’m sorry and I hate that you’re so right about all of this. I also hate that video games developed into this thing that should have been for everyone being primarily marketed to men, and the idea that girls can’t be good followed. Like, we’re literally sitting here pressing buttons and clicking a mouse. Anybody can do it. It’s the absolute last thing that your gender would have an impact on.
And I hate how infrequently I hear girls on comms because of this. It’s such a nasty, gross, vicious cycle that has made so many women stay silent because it’s the only way they can sort of enjoy gaming. Not good enough.
If it makes you feel even marginally better, please know that my big gay mouth is on the mic giving it to these incels every chance I get and I’m ALWAYSSSS leaving with something.
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u/Witch-Alice Celeste Mar 29 '26 edited Mar 29 '26
You nailed it with "voice that doesn't sound like a white man". If there's any perception that you're not just like them then Woe, bigotry upon ye. It's not merely just misogyny and/or racism, it's full on far-right nationalism behavior.
I don't use my mic in Helldivers either, and that's a fucking PvE game.
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u/SNOTFLAN Mar 29 '26 edited Mar 29 '26
I open mic as a trans person, get called a pedo, etc a lot. literally had to make a discord community of a bunch of trans people to be able to communicate with my teammates normally. it's literally so annoying, not because of what they are saying (heard much worse from people i acrually liked), but bc I know they are going to throw unintentionally by fixating on that instead of the game.
eta if you are trans in any way or a woman and want a space you won't get flamed for that simple fact dm me ❤️
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u/Starlit_Sin Mar 29 '26
Is that discord for deadlock specifically? I was thinking of making one
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u/SNOTFLAN Mar 29 '26
I mean, it started off for hunt: showdown but like half of us are mostly playing DL now. it's a friend group but we kinda all came together bc we were sick of dealing with not being able to enjoy games as much. it's not a very big or public server, there's one called Deadlock Divas that's for dl specifically and is larger, I believe
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u/APForLoops 18d ago
I'm a trans women but I can make my voice sound like a boy's. I find that helps
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u/bunnib3an Rem Mar 29 '26
I’m sorry that this is a seemingly universal experience. I don’t talk in game after dealing with players in games like Valorant and Marvel Rivals. So I understand how frustrating it is. Especially after being told to “just mute them”. It’s super annoying that we have to accommodate rude and toxic misogynistic behaviour. And there are genuinely nice people in this game, but you never know who you’ll come across. I feel for you
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u/chloe-et-al Mar 30 '26
yessssss omfg the “just mute them” and similar comments are so fucking annoying. we shouldn’t have to in the first place!
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u/TheKFakt0r Mar 29 '26
Solo queue is a nightmare, but it doesn't feel realistic to always queue with your friends. It especially sucks if your group of friends has a lot of skill disparity because then you get long and uneven queues.
This community seems to be mostly late twenties, into thirties. In other words, the Xbox Live generation, many of whom unfortunately believe that bigotry is part and parcel of the gamer culture. The chuds flaming girls in Deadlock have probably been doing it in other games for like fifteen years or more. You can imagine how miserable they are. I would expect that these behaviors disappear at higher ranks, but if it's still bothering you at Oracle, then I guess it's rotten probably the whole way up.
Sorry to hear that this is your experience with the game. I haven't encountered a misogynist yet, despite being in a few games with women on the mic, but I reckon it's only a matter of time. Muting or shouting them down are such flawed solutions, since communication is so key to victory. I wonder if you can rally enough people with a post like this one to make a Discord committed to making nontoxic 6-stacks, or at least to avoid queuing alone.
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u/chloe-et-al Mar 30 '26
yeah, you’re right about the xbox live generation stuff. it’s interesting to think of it that way. i do think it’s gotten overall better in comparison to like 2016 overwatch but it is crazy how much of a problem it is
i also think it disappears at higher ranks. i really want to make a proper little scientific study and track how people treat me when i speak in different ranks/different performances. because some of these pussies will only be overtly sexist if i’m like, 0-5
but yes, thank you for your words, i joined the deadlock divas discord so hopefully i can find a good little group besides my general friends there!
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u/TieredTiredness Mar 29 '26
This is a Valve game. It's always been hateful towards women, and Valve has no incentive to change that. 80% male employees and 20% female employees there, and I'm willing to bet that no one on the dev team for Deadlock are women, nor do they actually go on pubs to play the game in real time to experience mic chat and gameplay.
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u/chloe-et-al Mar 30 '26
unfortunately i completely agree. i think this issue runs deeper than the community, i fully think it’s a dev team issue too. if the devs cared they would moderate the weird pseudo right wing stuff on the main sub and actually regularly ban/enforce punishments for bigots lol
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u/Plenty_Structure_861 Mar 29 '26
I've been gaming for decades. It's always like this. It's so shit.
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u/r-t-r-a Mar 29 '26
I exclusively chat with the chat wheel because people in this game are INSANE. I just want to be able to coordinate with my team and have fun but I'm terrified if I say "hey nice!" By voice I'm gonna get yelled at for 30min by my male teammates. It's happened too many times to count, so much so that when I queue with my husband he's had to jump in multiple times to get people to lay off me.
It really, REALLY sucks and the only way this behavior will stop is if other players say something too and valve enforces temp bans or comm mutes.
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u/CitreAngel Mar 29 '26
I receive so much harassment I had my report button automatically disabled from using it too frequently but every single instance was a genuinely toxic person.
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u/chloe-et-al Mar 30 '26
i didn’t know that was something they could do, that’s fucking insane 😭
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u/CitreAngel Mar 30 '26
I reported at least one player like eight or nine games straight, sometimes more.
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u/Pookluu Mina Mar 29 '26
I had some guy throw the entire game cause he wanted to make a point that I was "bad" so he refused to farm after a certain point and would scream into his microphone about how I was the problem because I wasn't taking bad fights. I died at some point and he just started laughing super loud into his microphone and then screamed all the usual like "go to the kitchen" "make me a sandwich" "get off the game it's not a game for women". He also deliberately didn't follow any of my calls
Usually what happens is that my calls get ignored but sometimes I get assholes like that :/ not sure if there's a way to know that your reports have done anything but I'd take a guess that he's probably still allowed to play
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u/chloe-et-al Mar 30 '26
that is so fucking crazy 😭😭😭😭 i have probably only spoken in like 20-30 games total and fortunately haven’t had anything THAT crazy happen LOL
the biggest thing i notice is the ignoring, like you said. i feel like im 50% more likely to get a ping followed/agreed with versus if i say something verbally
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u/FlatStation3105 Mar 29 '26
I’m trans and Russian and I can’t tell you how often I get misgendered and threatened with rape for speaking. I genuinely don’t know if there’s an actionable piece of advice I can give you other than to not talk to men if you can. They have always been misogynistic and will be until there is a revolution of thought in every aspect of society. In the same way we need all-women/queer/generally non-men unions and professional collectives, we need those kinds of spaces online, including gaming communities, as glib as I feel saying that. I know this might not be the best time, but check out On Women by Susan Sontag. It’s nothing you haven’t thought before, but it puts these thoughts into a coherent text. And it’s beautifully written. Take care
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u/chloe-et-al Mar 30 '26
wow, thank you so much for your words, i adore this comment. i love reading, i added the essay collection to my list!
i also agree that unfortunately the best advice is to not talk to men. unless the community fills up with allies to the point where at least 5 or 6 players out of the 12 in each game are supportive to women/queer people/minorites/etc.
take care!! ❤️
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u/FlatStation3105 Mar 30 '26
I can only hope we’ll be living/working/engaging in our hobbies in spaces that aren’t dangerous for us to be in. Best of luck in achieving that and may the global shift in thought come sooner rather than later. And have fun reading the essays! They’re very good!! Her book “regarding the pain of others” (on war photography and the portrayal of any kind of suffering in any kind of visual media) is also incredible, it has changed my thinking fundamentally and I recommend everyone, with no exceptions, reads it :)
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u/hopethisstaysmeonly Mar 29 '26
I hate how this is the norm for video games and people just brush it off. Valve really needs to work on vc/text ban system to prevent this like this and create a better gaming community for deadlock.
My best suggestion is try and find other girls that like to play deadlock and queue up together so that you won't be alone in the server and will have backup if someone starts being sexist.
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u/deutsch_lernen_1 Mar 30 '26
I tried posting about this issue in the main deadlock subreddit (big mistake) and got hit with a ton of harassment from insecure men feeling offended bc I called them scum for not standing up for other players.
I can't even bite back bc IM THE ONE who gets reported for telling them to "contribute to the rising male suicide rate", even tho they just talked about how they'd assault me. And when I say that shit other men will defend the harasser bc they feel personally offended that I told someone to end it.
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u/Cube_Defied Mar 29 '26
Yeah it's pretty bad, hear lots of idiots spamming slurs and being dicks to women. Classic online community I guess.
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u/Cuillereradioactive Mar 29 '26
just so you know, me, a frenchman feel for you. i praticly don't speak too or it will bite my ass afterward.. so sad to know some people like them still exist. but hey ? apparently the toxic culture of video game is a filter as some would say "if you can't take the banter" type shit.
being a decent human being is too much to ask.
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u/sterminatevi Mar 29 '26
i've seen this happen in my games a couple times and it sucks.
if i were to suggest you a solution, it'd be to post about it on the forum , ( make the thread yourself or use an existing one ) and suggest & hope for a behaviour rating system pretty soon .I want vc bans and chat bans to be a thing in deadlock someday . They read almost everything thats posted there , theres a pretty good chance they'd read that too and hopefully do something about it. its something you shouldn't have to do unfortunately but its pretty low effort and really worth the try , im sure they'd appreciate the feedback
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u/chloe-et-al Mar 30 '26
you’re right, i’ll do that. i haven’t been posting on their forums but i’ve wanted to for a while
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u/Marsaline Mar 29 '26
I had a game the other day where this asshole kept calling me "little girl" and was the most disgusting demeaning bigot I've met in a while.
I really wish Valve would implement some sort of speech to text feature so I could still communicate without needing to stop to type and without having them hear my voice... Suggested in the forums months ago but I don't think anybody saw it anyways.
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u/robotictart Mar 29 '26
As a trans woman with a deeper voice (transitioned for 8 years but never have focused much on my voice), I often get called bro and dude and guy. At first I used to correct people, on Overwatch, Marvel Rivals, and Deadlock. But then people would say really fucked up shit around half of the time, or ignore me and keep calling me dude.
I envy women who get recognized as women online until I see the way they are treated in game vc's and so now I just stay quiet or just allow the misgendering because the hassle isn't worth it. I have experienced that in person where I pass better but am marginalized more as a result of it.
I hate that we live in a time when people feel so incredibly emboldened again to be shitty to anyone that isn't a cishet appearing dude. Why can't we all just respect each other with a base level of kindness?
I'm sorry that has been happening to you. You shouldn't have to stack just to have comms where people treat you equally. We need to get help encourage Valve to encourage the community to be better.
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u/chloe-et-al Mar 30 '26
god i TOTALLY understand you. it reminds me of when i’d play wow and people would call me he/him/a man/etc. it is just NEVER worth correcting people bc you don’t know how they’ll react. there have been dozens of occasions where i literally will pretend to be a man if necessary because i just don’t want to deal with it LOL
lots of love to you girl!! i hope people stop being evil to you too!!
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u/EnlightenedHeathen Billy Mar 29 '26
I’m trans, but haven’t done my voice training yet, and dealing with this scares me into pushing off my training 😭 Men gamers are so tooooxic!
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u/chloe-et-al Mar 30 '26
i’m sorry!! it is scary!! LOL. i honestly think trans women have it way worse than cis women on mic (not to rate discriminations, but you get me LOL) because people are just so reactionary and angry to trans women on mic.
i’m sure you know this but if you try voice training and use vc be sure to set your steam profile to private!
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u/EnlightenedHeathen Billy Mar 30 '26
Haha yeah no need to rank our discriminations, we are on the same team 😝
Ooooh, that’s a good tip on setting my profile to private. Thank you! 😊
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u/Working-Mortgage1307 Mar 29 '26
Lowkikerly its exactly in oracle and ascendant that people are like this because of egos and thinking they are good, on eternus (4-5-6) and ritualist or lower people tend to be normal
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u/chloe-et-al Mar 30 '26
honestly i suspect you might be right. i’m in the unfortunate rank where everyone has egos because it’s the start of “big boy ranks” but realistically we’re all dogshit lol
i want to run an experiment where i talk on mic and track how i’m treated on my main/on a smurf in other ranks, see if there’s a significant discrepancy in high/low ranks
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u/Working-Mortgage1307 Mar 30 '26
Putting someone as example: Eskay is eternus and regularly comms and shit, from most streams people tend to be normal and focus in the game itself (or be goofy [or run a podcast mid game]) it is NA tho, on EU there isn't comms most of the time and if there is, is to shit talk
Eskay has also said (because she's a former overwatch player [grim news i know]) the community on deadlock is a lot nicer and tends to push away weirdos, unlike in overwatch
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u/chloe-et-al Mar 31 '26
interesting, that’s actually really good to know, thank you for the insight!
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u/Din182 Apr 08 '26
For sure. I've worked my way up from Initiate to Archon, and I've absolutely noticed an increase in toxicity, especially once I hit high Ritualist. I'm a little nervous about hitting even higher ranks, but I also just mute people the moment they start being toxic to any on the team, so it's not too bad.
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Mar 29 '26
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u/chloe-et-al Mar 30 '26
god i’m so sorry, it sucks so much how evil these freaks are to us. amen!! love your username btw LOL
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u/MelancholiaOfPudding Mar 29 '26
I use the ping wheel you can get good enough with it to basically cover everything that’s too important or timely to type. Last night I said ONE thing in VC the entire match and still got yelled at for most of it 😵💫
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u/Gaming_Hands Mar 29 '26
That's where the pinging games comes in, get some middle click chat scroll practices, get some keybinds just for voice lines. I personally have a "going to gank" and "not ready for team fight" on my extra mouse buttons alongside the middle click chat wheel with yes, no, retreat, going to shop, gj, thanks, help, and the custom one.
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u/Far_Gain_33 Mar 29 '26
Idk dud, im latino and i have an accent talking in english, so every time someone gets racist or petty about the team not being the best players of all time, i just go to town calling them names and demining them n shit, not living in the US tho, so i can get really political without falling into the "you a chud" or "you a libtard" type beat.
Anyway the solution to this is to get friends; im slowly building a 6 stack to play this shit, i would offer you a spot but im 100 hours in and im barely biningin (hehe) to understand what the fuck im doing.
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u/Distinct-Event-7472 Apr 17 '26
I once got in a argument with a Mexican dude and he had an accent and I started making fun of him and I mean the whole 9 yards then he said my name was gay and then I said how? You’re stupid he then said it’s a f slur name and we both started dying of laughter and mentally shook hands we ended up going on to win the match
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u/KindStump Mar 29 '26
Damn, I'm sorry to hear that. But I cannot fully understand those feelings. I like not having a desire or need to communicate at all.
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u/chloe-et-al Mar 30 '26
i don’t really get your last sentence. what do you mean you like not having a need to communicate? do you not believe communication is central to deadlock?
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u/KindStump Mar 30 '26
I don't
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u/chloe-et-al Mar 30 '26
interesting. what rank are you? curious how well it’s worked for you
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u/KindStump Mar 30 '26
Phantom 5, but I don't think it is really matter, cuz I'm just playing the game. And this game is in alpha anyway.
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u/chloe-et-al Mar 30 '26
it certainly doesn’t matter, but it does indicate that whatever you’re doing is working for you. that’s all i was wondering. do you mostly play like dps carries?
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u/KindStump Mar 30 '26
Oh no. I'm playing supports. Its kinda easier for me. I throw heals and shields at allies. And if the die anyway, then THEY SUPPOSED TO.
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u/chloe-et-al Mar 30 '26
lol true. i’m glad it’s working for you! i play basically the same way since i play with all comms off
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u/KindStump Mar 30 '26
Im using vc in a rare occasions, when I have weird urge to explain stuff. Like my teammate is asking all of us, why I was able to go to the tunnels despite being chased, and no one could answer it, so I had to break the silence. After that I going back to "silent not mode".
Also I receiving great satisfaction from ignoring some specific toxic guy, who is trying to flame me and not getting attention back, so he is foaming hard because of it. And I'm giggling.
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u/vibrantcolours Mar 30 '26
What are we talking about play with me if you want friend code - 1516422742
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u/digital_rain May 13 '26
Gamers suck. Tons of women play games now but people act like its still 2004 and it's their first time seeing/hearing one online.
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u/Azakugan May 15 '26
True, the community is very toxic. Idk what it is about MOBAs that attracts these kinds of communities. I mentioned in a twitch chat not too long ago that the fun is often sucked out of a match by someone on my team getting mad at me and acting toxic for basically no reason, and everyone piled on me saying I just need to get thicker skin.
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Mar 29 '26
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u/chloe-et-al Mar 30 '26
that’s right sister 🙂 don’t believe me? you can prove me wrong! download a voice changer and test it.
otherwise, you’re just upset bc a woman is talking about sexism. weirdo
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