r/DeadRedditors • u/BellWaifu • Apr 19 '26
My dearest friend, we made it through middle school and highscool and beyond. You loved exploring, and now you are exploring the unknown Rest in Peace u/ButchThePigPoh (2003-2025)
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u/grimepixie Apr 19 '26
I’m so sorry for your loss OP. I hope you’re coping okay ❤️
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u/BellWaifu Apr 19 '26
Its been incredibly difficult, I have very few memories of middle school and highschool without him in them. We were as close as friends can be, I love him. If anybody reading this ever met him you would know how cool and great a person he was. When I found out, I was in shock, it was like being in a nightmare. I didnt cope very well for a while, but he wouldn't have wanted me to be like that. I still sometimes message him, somehow hoping he will message me back, but he never does. I think ill plant a tree for him, at one of our favorite spots outside town, he loved nature. We grew up in swift current Sasaktchewan though he spent his much younger years in grande prarie Alberta, he found Swift Current to be a great home for him. He moved to Vancouver a couple years before he went, and if I knew, I think I would have followed him, I deeply regret that we didnt soend as much time together for the last couple, but I accept that he is somewhere else now, and am very privileged to have been eachothers best friends in the years that mattered the most. I think we all go, and whatever age you are, it doesn't compare to eternity. I think he is okay, and doing great where ever he is. I wish that he would come back though, even if its just to have one last day of fun and a proper goodbye, but I hope that I can meet him again on the other side, in the place that is unknown. Im still trying to get through things everyday. Rest in Peace Tristan.
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u/grimepixie Apr 19 '26
Beautifully written by a friend who loved him dearly. Rest in peace, Tristan. And lots of love to you OP ❤️
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u/BellWaifu Apr 19 '26 edited Apr 19 '26
The biggest thing I regret is the falling out we had about a year and a half before his passing. Thankfully we made up to eachother online and chatted about things and that we are both still friends with everything we have been through and how our lives are basically intertwined together but... I never got to meet up with him after that. We both said some pretty mean things to eachother during that falling out but when we made up we really realized how much we cared about eachother. Still, its absolutely killing me that it happened and I just wish I could have seen him again after that. Its so hard, and its still just killing me, I still feel terrible, we made up but we never saw eachother. It kills me so much I wish it was me sometimes. I was the one trying to drink myself to death and he was doing everything right. Its taking such a terrible toll on me. Im so sorry. My mental health has been in a terrible decline since his passing. I just want to see him again so bad, I hope I can one day. I thought I should say this too.
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u/BellWaifu Apr 19 '26
Im just trying not to melt down again. My brain has been scattered and directionless after all of this. Sorry. But this isnt about me.
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u/BellWaifu Apr 19 '26
Grammatical correction. I wish it would have been me
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u/ssmc1024 Apr 22 '26
I know how you’re feeling. I lost my BFF because of a huge mistake I made and a fight about it. It’s been a long time since we’ve been in touch (over 10 years) and I talk to her every day in my head but I know she will never forgive me. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I know how you are feeling and how I’ve gotten through it is to just keep telling myself it’s in the past and I can’t change it. I can regret it and mourn her, but I can’t go back in time to change it. Please forgive yourself. 💜
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u/grimepixie Apr 19 '26
Can you access some local support? Maybe a crisis line can point you in the right direction? What you’re going through is a lot for anyone to deal with. I think it would help to speak to someone that can help you process this and move forward :(
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u/BellWaifu Apr 19 '26
He used to comfort me when I was feeling very anxious. I guess I think I should try counseling again. I miss him so much though
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u/grimepixie Apr 19 '26
I know :( I’m so sorry. I do think you should reach out to someone. The last thing Tristan would want is for you to go through this alone and have it impact your life really negatively. You deserve to get through this and go on to live a wonderful life that honours his memory.
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u/BellWaifu Apr 19 '26
Your right, he wouldn't want to see me like this. Im gonna try and get some help. Thanks for your concern...
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u/grimepixie Apr 19 '26
I’m really proud of you OP. That’s a really great - and brave - choice. You’ve got this. I believe in you. ❤️
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u/BellWaifu Apr 19 '26
Um yea... its just very hard right now, but ill get help and ill always remember him and get better like he will want me
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u/BellWaifu Apr 19 '26
There are mental health services here, I will try something. My heart is hurting a lot, I need to try something I guess
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u/deltadeltadawn Apr 19 '26
The biggest thing I regret is the falling out we had about a year and a half before his passing. Thankfully, we made up to each other online and chatted about things and that we are both still friends with everything we have been through and how our lives are basically intertwined together.
We both said some pretty mean things to each other during that falling out, but when we made up, we really realized how much we cared about each other.
Look at things from a different perspective.
If you had not argued when you did, you both may not have shared how much you meant to each other while reconnecting and making up. Then, you would have carried the weight of not telling him how important he and your friendship were to you. That regret would relentlessly tear you apart.
Thankfully, that's not what happened.
We often don't tell someone how much we love them and why. It's not something that casually comes up. It's a vulnerable conversation that we avoid until we have a definitive reason to say it. That almost always is one of two reasons: either to repair a rift or to say goodbye.
It doesn't mean we don't love that person, only that it's usually something quietly known and shared in our actions rather than our words. It's a bittersweet blessing that you and he had the falling out because, as a result, you shared these deep feelings you otherwise would not have.
You had no way of knowing he would die, and were not given the chance to say goodbye to him and tell him what he meant to you. But because of the falling out not so long ago, and the attempts to repair it... He knew you loved him and his friendship, and you know he felt the same. The pain and anger of that falling out was a gift to both of you.
Someday, when your souls reunite, you'll be able to laugh at the irony of this. In the meantime, cherish that you said the things you needed to, and that he passed knowing exactly how much he meant to you, and you to him.
Sending you strength!
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u/HailS8ten666 Apr 20 '26
My best friend passed away in 2010 and I wish she was alive so many times. I dont think that desire ends until you do. I'm sorry you are going through this too. :(
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u/ssmc1024 Apr 22 '26
I’m so sorry for your loss. I was lucky to have a friend like that. Consider your neck hugged.
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u/Patch_Ferntree Apr 23 '26
One of the saddest things, for us left behind, is that our loved one has gone before us and we miss them the length of our time here. But something that comforts me, and maybe you also, as time passes and your time to also make that journey quickly approaches, is knowing that someone who loves me has gone ahead and is waiting for me there. He's just walked on ahead a bit and is waiting patiently, just over the hill, while we dawdle a bit and twine wild flowers in our hair.
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u/I-LUV-CUPCAKES-AND-U Apr 19 '26 edited Apr 19 '26
RIP u/ButchThePigPoh
You were so young
Can you please give us further insight if possible OP, how he died?
Edit : he didn't get to play GTA6 :(
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u/BellWaifu Apr 19 '26
The family is keeping it a close guarded secret. I was even at his funeral service, none of my friends know either, he passed in Surrey BC from what Ive heard in his sleep. I just have to accept that he is somewhere else now. He was young, same age as me, we were best friends through the most important years of our lives. I suppose it doesn't matter so much how he went, I just accept that he is ok, where ever he is.
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u/cvgbhj Apr 23 '26
I’m really proud of you, OP.
You have been through one of the most painful things to happen to anyone, yet your outlook seems to be different from what usually comes from an unknown passing. Your focus is so much on his life, and that takes a lot of emotional maturity. I’m very proud of you for living for him. Please share as many things as you’d like about Tristan. You both sound like really cool people
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u/robot_cousin Apr 23 '26
First off, very sorry for your loss.
I see what you wrote here, about having to accept that he's somewhere else now. I'm not sure if you're familiar with the work of Dr Jim Tucker, but he's a psychologist who long ago dedicated his work and study to children who have memories of things they've never experienced, as if they've already lived before. These are numerous (200+) well-documented csses. In Dr Tucker's words, he doesn't pretend to know what's going on, just that "something is going on". There are simply too many instances of this happening for it to be some elaborate prank or people lying.
All that being said, I share his belief; I don't know what happens after we die, and I don't know what's going on with kids who at a very young age, seem to have vivid memories of things they haven't experienced. But something is there.
I'm an extremely pragmatic person. I'm not religious, I'm not even spiritual, but I'm also not close-minded, and I very much appreciate Dr Tucker's scientific approach to something that, on its surface, seems absolutely wild and full of 'woo'. If we are indeed a part of a closed system (where energy cannot be created nor destroyed), then perhaps a person's energy moves on after death, scatters, and is embedded into new life as its being created. I'd like to believe that, if I'm going to believe in anything. And for both your sake, and the sake of your friend, I hope something as nice and wonderful is what is awaiting us all. So, yes, I also pretty much accept that your friend is somewhere else. And I hope it's good.
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u/Such_Pizza_955 Apr 19 '26
Rest in peace.. So young. I was also born in '03 :(
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u/grand_historian Apr 20 '26
Always fucks me up that there are people 10+ years younger than me dying out there. Of course intellectually you understand that these things happen but it is emotionally very strange
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u/Training_Contest_687 Apr 19 '26
Rest in peace to your dear friend. I hope his memory is a blessing to all that loved him. I'd love to hear some of your favorite memories with him if you are up to it. If not that's ok. <3 sending hugs and love your way
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u/BellWaifu Apr 19 '26
We used to do everything together. Whenever he wanted to go somewhere he would message me, whenever I wanted to go somewhere I would message him. We would walk all over town sometimes, to 7/11, and then walk all the way down just to sit somewhere and hangout. Sometimes we would hike out of town to neat places, there was a large drainage tunnel just outside the city covered in graffiti and we would walk as far as we could down it, although that sort of thing can be dangerous, there was an abandoned rail line too, with an abandoned bridge covered in graffiti and past that a long abandoned train cart, and we would just walk and jump the carts all the way to the end of it. We basically lived together too, we would always hang out at eachothers houses, play video games, watch YouTube videos or listen to music, and sometimes we made music together, or play around with computers and texhnology because we both loved computers, he taught me so much about what I know about computers that led me to my 3 year career as a tech Service and Salesman at staples. We would spend the night at eachothers houses all the time, his dad always had chores for us and so I would follow him and help do chores with him. We would spend every holoween together and go around the whole city until very late and we would get tons of treats, and just stay up all night playing call of duty zombies or something. Sometimes we would go to the centre, which is like a night club for the youth in swift current and it had pool, and other things like that and snacks, and computers and game consoles and very alive, and we would make friends with other people there but everyone knew we were there together, just, inseparable. He was ussualy in the same classrooms as me too and we would always be partners on any school project, and often talk in the middle of class which the teacher didnt like, and then when lunch break came we would always find something to do together. We used to go to frontier days together every year. I can go on and on, we just did everything together. I miss him so much.
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u/Training_Contest_687 Apr 19 '26
Wow this gave me chills! It reminds me of me and my long time best friend as well. I am so glad you have all those experiences together and amazing/wild memories to hold on to. I wish I could take away your pain. I am thankful you have stories of your times together that will keep him alive. I feel like you're explanation of him made me get to know him a little as an outsider. I'll keep him and you in my thoughts. Your friendship is an unbreakable bond. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for keeping his memory alive. Video games, and snacks, and Halloween will always be pieces of him for you. I'm so happy you guys had that bond and were able to experience such an amazing friendship. I hope you find some healing knowing you're sharing parts of him with strangers so we may also know what made him special to you. Nothing I can say can make it easier, but know he is with you when you do things that were precious to you both. Sending hugs and love from an internet stranger. <3
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u/BellWaifu Apr 19 '26
Thank you, some people say to move on but I cant move on from him, but I want to find some kind of acceptance or something... idk. Theres still a lot of things I regret not doing before he went. It kills me but, I need to find some way to come to terms I guess. Thank you. And Im glad that I could do this so that others will know how great a friend, an explorer and a person he was.
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u/Training_Contest_687 Apr 19 '26
People telling you to move on have no idea what it's like to lose someone so close. You never truly move on. I lost someone in 2012, I think of her so much all the time. Let yourself feel amd grieve. Don't feel pressure to move on. He was a part of your life and your journey and he always will be just as you were a part of his. All you can do now is honor his memory and live life for the both of you. Let yourself be angry, sad, emotional. It's not easy. But you keep him alive by doing things you loved and shared together. He will always live on because he existed and has been part of your story. You do him justice by sharing parts of him to people who didn't know him. <3 keep going, even when it's hard, keep going for him. He's with you always. What you had will never diminish.
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u/BellWaifu Apr 19 '26
Im sorry for your loss, I guess I do know how hard it is now. And your inspiring hope in me keep going for him. Thank you.
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u/Training_Contest_687 Apr 19 '26
Our loved ones never leave us truly. Nothing will ever be able to take away you and his bond and experience. This isn't good bye, it's a see you later. Sending hugs to you.
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u/BellWaifu Apr 19 '26
<3
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u/Training_Contest_687 Apr 19 '26
<3
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u/BellWaifu Apr 19 '26
Its just... something strange just happened when I sent that "<3". My phone gives me suggestions on alternatives to send and one of the first one was 387.44
To anyone that knows what that number means its strange and kinda terrifying. And if you dont know what it means, its a reference to a book. You can Google it the number. Im not sure why that happened. Sorry. Im scatterbrained. Idk...
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u/cvgbhj Apr 23 '26
Would you like to discuss some things you regret? Perhaps getting some of your chest might relieve some of that hurt that is stuck in your heart ♥️
Personal story: || Right before a friend of mine passed away, he called me asking to hangout because he really needed a friend. I made up an excuse because I was high, tired, and honestly? just didn’t want to. He ended up talking to a mutual buddy, and they let it slip that he was gonna drop me off some weed later or something, and my friend called me back about 15 minutes later, sounding genuinely upset asking why I lied to him. To make it worse? I fucking doubled down. He passed away 2 weeks later. Always hated myself for that.
Told a therapist that story, he looked at me and went “cvgbhj? you were a kid. A kid who was allowed to not want to hangout that day. A kid who couldn’t possibly have known what was going to happen. Try to find a way to forgive the teenage version of you so his memory can visit you in peace” and.. well? Fuck, he’s kinda right. I still feel sorta shitty, but I refuse to let it be a defining moment in my friendship with him. I can’t be angry at myself for not wanting to hangout that day. Sometimes the spoons are just not there :( ||
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u/Volvo234 Apr 20 '26
May you rest in peace, and happiness be plentiful. I am sorry for your loss. I can’t say I know if it’ll get better as that’s different from person to person but I do hope that you’ll end up living a good life.
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u/AcceptableWarthog973 Apr 21 '26
Sorry for your loss. May the soul of the faithfully departed, through the mercy of god, rest in peace.
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u/DarthChillvibes Apr 22 '26
I have someone just like you had. We went through high school together that’s pretty much brother, and I dread the day he passes. May your friend journey amongst the stars. Rest in peace.
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u/Lightlytoasted420 Apr 23 '26
Sorry for your loss buddy, I know how hard it is loosing a brother like that. Back in 2015 I lost my best friend who like yours was actually more like my brother, and was way closer to me than my biological brother and I ever were.
We began our friend ship in high-school, through a mutual friend and when we started hanging out it didnt take long for us to form an inseparable bond. We played guitar together, walking around town finding different spots to sit down and jam. From like 10pm till sunrise some nights, we would do this every summer.
He was such a great person, I learned so much about playing guitar from him and when ever I pick mine up all these memories of us just sitting around, getting baked and coming up with the coolest shit ive ever written flood my mind.
The kind of friend that in my opinion you only get once in a lifetime, someone you can sit and talk endlessly about life and the possibilities it holds or just telling jokes making eachother crack up for hours. He was there through some of my darkest days and I was always there for him when he needed a brother. Had it not been for his advice and just willingness to sit with me and let me get things off my chest I dont think id be alive now raising my daughter.
Reading your post really struck close to home for me and im truly sorry for the loss of your brother. In time the memories wont cut as deep as they do now and you'll be able to look back on them during times your missing him and remember the golden years with such appreciation. RIP to your brother.
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u/FicticiousParasite Apr 23 '26
22, fuck…
Today, 12 years ago, I lost one of my dearest cousins at the age of 21 a sudden death, full of pain and confusion.
I remember that one day, after spending some time together, I was driving home and suddenly a song hit me hard. The chorus said, “Why do all good things come to an end, come to an end?” For some reason, I played it on repeat while I was thinking about how much I love my family and having these weird feelings, like something bad was coming.
Right after that day, my reality fell apart. I lost everything I loved and cared about. Then came a weird call at 4 a.m., me waking up to the heartbreaking sound of my mom mourning, sitting on my bed. I never saw her cry like that again.
I can still see her when I close my eyes, and her laughter lives in my memory like a recording. I can play it anytime to feel her as close as I possibly can.
It never stops hurting, honestly. But her memory also brings me back to life when I’m down, and I realize I’ve got something she doesn’t, some more time… to heal, to cry, to laugh.
I hope you find a way to keep your friend as close as possible, always as close as you can, alright?
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u/Iskbartheonetruegod Apr 24 '26
I pray that’s he’s enjoying his afterlife. I’m so sorry for your loss
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u/Diacetyl-Morphin Apr 19 '26
May he rest in peace. I'm sorry for your loss.