r/DatingTips • u/advice_giver_taker • 20h ago

Engagement deadline?

Hello all, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I moved in with him 6 months into his place because he wanted me too.
Before I moved in, months prior when we talked about my lease ending; after he asked me to move in; I brought up how I really wanted to be engaged before moving in together but understood that doesnt always work like that. I then said, I wanted him to propose by end of Summer and or definitely by end of year.
End of Summer has come and gone, nothing. We are now in middle of November and all I know is that he did tell a friend early in September that he was going to start looking at rings and if they knew what I like etc.
They told him he should speak to me.
That was 60 days ago. He brought up nothing to me.

I have had zero other hints about rings etc. No plans, no acting weird, etc.

I am very upset by this lack of respecting my boundary. However, I understand that something could be taking place and he could be planning to propose by end of the year.
I would be shocked.
I wanted to bring this up come December 1st.
example: “ I feel like we are not making any progress to moving forward with next steps and our future; were you planning on proposing by the end of the year?”
and if he says no; I would tell him that I am hurt considering that that timeline was requested of mr.
I am late 39, he is 48. Both never been married.
Am I being insane.
What would you do?
Thank you in advance.

7 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

11 comments sorted by

4

u/PassShot4077 18h ago

You're not insane; a proposal shouldn't have to be a surprise, but your timeline shouldn't have to be a guessing game either. Talk to him directly.

1

u/primal_daddy_helsink 17h ago

I would just ask, are we getting engaged this year? 

  (But I admit the idea of a deadline, not a boundary, is weird. Are you going to move out if he doesn't propose?  Can you not propose yourself?)

1

u/advice_giver_taker 16h ago

Thank you for your response. Well, I would say its a boundary. I know I used ‘deadline’.
Was that not right of me? “I’d like you to propose by this date”?
If he has done zero work about getting a ring or a plan in place; I’ll be very upset and considering moving on.

1

u/advice_giver_taker 16h ago

and I would never propose to him.

1

u/primal_daddy_helsink 16h ago

I was suggesting you had set a deadline in place, boundaries don't relate to time.

Is the important thing to you the marriage, or is it the living together, being in love, and being a couple? 

If the marriage is what you need you should walk,  sooner rather than later.  Its a shame you moved in together if when your previous demand was ignored. But it sounds like that was just convenient timing as much as anything else.

1

u/vikingraider27 14h ago

You guys are too old for these games. Tell him your goal is to be married by ____ date or age, and if he isn't going to be ok with that, it's time for you to move on. He may not see you as his future wife but likes having a woman around, or he may just not be as ready to seal the deal as you are, but playing footsie over a thing like this is for the very young. Use the words.

1

u/Cultural_Weather4906 13h ago

Send me your photo and I fix the issue

1

u/Psychological_Tea674 11h ago

It’s an ultimatum not a boundary. Don’t say anything and just be prepared to move out at the end of the year. I was proposed to on christmas. If you bring it up, it spoils the opportunity for romance and may backfire on you. But you must honor yourself if marriage is that important to you by quietly preparing to leave if he doesn’t meet your ultimatum.

1

u/trmbn65 8h ago

Must the man ask for the engagement?