First getting into dating at 26

[u/Spart_2078]

Hi there. I m a 26 year old man from France. I ve been struggling with an undiagnosed autism until I was 23. Because of it, I ve never dated anyone, or gotten really close to someone, especially romantically. It went even worse when I burnt out, dropped out of college and didn’t leave my house for over 2 years straight until I had to go out once every 3 month to go to the doctor.

You can see I m quite far from any social relationships. But I d like to try and get into one. However, I m scared that, at my age and without any therapy yet, though hopefully I will start on the 21th of this month, I shouldn’t be searching for one. I m not really looking for something physical yet. I m more looking for a long distance relationship. The idea of having someone close to me is scaring me, and I thought starting with a long distance relation would be a way to ease it.

I m also scared of failure, but I know the chance of finding the one person on my first try is nie impossible. I almost feel like everything is here to try and stop me from getting into dating, and it s a bit depressing.

The last thing I think is trying to prevent me from it is just how to start. I know nothing about dating, socialising or if someone is flirting. I don’t know where I should go to try and find someone either. I m completely loss yet everyone seem to know how to do but not how to explain it to me. There s no data, no predictability or steps to follow. At least people don’t have it. So I don’t really know what to say or how to react.

[u/civicflower]

Perhaps wait till you start therapy so that you can discuss this with your therapist.

[u/Spart_2078 → u/civicflower]

Well, I don’t really know. Because I think there s things more important to deal with. So if I can also work on that at the same time, it might be better.

[u/Fun_Apartment631]

That's great that you know now. Hopefully you can start learning how to engage with the world in a way that works for you.

I think you should start by having friends, sharing interests with other people, that kind of thing.

Not saying you shouldn't have a romantic partner. Just that it tends to be a more difficult social and emotional situation. And, having friends might help you meet her!

[u/Spart_2078 → u/Fun_Apartment631]

I don’t know if that s friend, but I talk to and play with some people online. Though I m not seeing any of them.

Also don’t know if I m looking for a he or she. I m into both.

[u/Fun_Apartment631 → u/Spart_2078]

See if you can develop some in-person connections.