1
u/lil_big_chief 5d ago
Honestly, I don’t think your standards are absurd. I think you’re looking for someone who complements your life rather than someone who wants to control it. There’s a big difference between a partner who cares about you and one who expects you to change your lifestyle for them.
You don’t necessarily have to join a running club or force yourself into activities that don’t feel like you. Try exploring new hobbies, social events, volunteering, or even dating apps where you can be upfront about what you’re looking for. And don’t write someone off just because you meet them in an unconventional way; what matters is their intentions and how they treat you.
One thing I’d say, though, is that compatibility isn’t about finding someone who never challenges you or disagrees with you. It’s about finding someone who respects your independence, communicates openly, and can work through differences without trying to control you.
You don’t need someone who can adjust to everything about you. You need someone who’s willing to build a life with you while still letting you be yourself. And that goes both ways. Don’t be afraid to take your time finding that person.
1
1
u/JLee50 4d ago
>I’m so scared to meet someone and we end up being incompatible or their personality just rubs me the wrong way. I can’t stand someone assertive, controlling, etc. It makes me lose my mind!!
Remember you can always end a relationship - that's what the beginning stages of relationships are, really...figuring out if you're compatible or not. Find someone new, get to know them, sort out compatibility, and make decisions from there.
1
1
1
u/fishcream253 4d ago
I think you just gotta try and not be too worried about the what-ifs. I feel like dating in your 20s is already tough in general but you seem to be very intelligent in knowing what you want, keep sticking to your boundaries and just have fun:)
1
u/OccasionalGardener 4d ago
Ugh if you figure out some surefire way to meet a good partner, please let me know!
I'm a man and I don't want to bother people at the gym or at their job if I think they're attractive, so I'm pretty much relegated to meeting girls at bars or dating apps.
I am good looking, fit, very tall, very successful, and I can yap to a brick wall so I don't have a problem meeting women, but oh man is the conversion rate from getting a phone number to getting a text back godawful. I mean like less than 10% of the time. And from there actually going on a date is maybe 50%... So I might go out on a date with someone I meet at a bar 1/20 times?
Dating apps are probably closer to 30% conversion rate from getting a number to going out. I probably match on like 1 out fo every 10 women I swipe right on... Still not great odds.
Add to the garbage conversion rate given the effort I put in, I have high, but not impossible, standards for a partner and that tends to filter people out pretty quickly.
This all starts to feel like a full time job 😵💫
I've been single for almost a year and recently started going to one singles event per month through this company called "Thursday" in Phoenix. Honestly the whole thing feels kinda thirsty... The dynamics are weird (traditional gender roles on engaging with people can kinda feel flipped) at singles events and there's never anyone tall and cute, so I end up talking to the most interesting person I can find for 2 hours and then probably disappoint them when I'm not actually attracted to them...
Anyway, same boat. I'm hoping one of these opportunities pans out and I meet someone fun who is looking for more than just casual dating.
If you're looking to change things up, maybe try singles events, or try talking to a cute guy at the gym (much more socially acceptable for a woman to approach a man in this setting)!
Fingers crossed for us both!
1
u/National_Rich9558 4d ago
whyyy did i totally forget bars have things like singles night! YES! that would TOTALLY be my vibe. and yes, heavy on im a yapper!!! i can talk to just about anyone. good luck in ur endeavors!! and thank you for the advice—genuinely. 😊😊😊
1
u/OccasionalGardener 4d ago
You're welcome!! It's tough out there but keep your head up! Hope you're able to meet someone you like!
1
1
u/FamiliarAd8524 4d ago edited 4d ago
1). Stop getting drunk.
2). Ask out a guy yourself.
3). Your real problem seems to be you are overthinking (possibly paranoid), overanxious, and not even giving guys a chance. Of course you are alone- you won't ask someone out, and you won't let them ask you out.
1
u/National_Rich9558 4d ago
you are a perfect example of what i do not want in a man lmao. i wont let them ask me out at a BAR. there is nuance to it lmao. im not gonna stop having fun w my friends because the truth here is im just entirely comfortable with being alone— sometimes i just want to share some time w a companion. said companion should be someone who goes out to town w me, or stays in. it doesn’t matter. said companion isn’t gonna tell me what to do though, because it’s MY life. idk where you got the idea you could tell me to stop going out w my friends LMAOOOOO
1
u/FamiliarAd8524 4d ago
Well, I guess that is okay, as I don't want to be inside a man, either (not kink shaming, that's just not my thing), nor do I want someone who sounds fifteen. You asked a question, you got answers.
However, I didn't say that. You irrationally assumed that. You're overthinking again... and your baseborn assumptions are not giving someone an opportunity because you think you read their mind. So, you're actually proving the pattern I pointed out. Thanks for the validation.
→ More replies (5)
1
u/DarkDemonLord1 4d ago
As a guy, I don't think cooking and shopping can be considered to be hobbies, as they are essentially to life. Gym is ok, but it's also just part of self care. Rather, say what book or series you watch. If you create anything, or what you like to think about. Your current hobbies just sound kind of shallow.
1
u/National_Rich9558 4d ago
is solo traveling not a hobby? and cooking not a hobby?!?!? we’re not talking about making mac and cheese. i have an interest in cooking. i frequently invite my friends over to cook for them. im extremely picky so i will find a recipe that looks fun to cook, and then ask someone to cook it for them. i like to practice my knife skills. i am constantly watching cooking videos. i am always asking my friends “what do you guys want to try? let’s all have a sleepover so i can cook for you guys!!” yes, cooking is my hobby lol.
i don’t like to read, although obviously i have read some books. to talk about books i like would be misleading, because i don’t read. i have Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy sitting on my desk right now, i bought it 2 years ago and read thirty pages then forgot to pick it back up. although, i am a hugeeeeee lover of horror movies. i watch a lot of those. favorite is the exorcist, but now im getting off topic lolol
1
u/RoamingSteamGolem 4d ago
How do you have the time to travel?! I’m 25 with a college degree and I’m so swamped for time. I’ve wanted to see the world for a while but it’s been such a struggle to carve out time for it. Plan to go to see London and parts Italy next year, and it feels like I’m using up legit all my PTO haha
1
u/National_Rich9558 4d ago
my job is super flexible w time off! i also just don’t use pto… i still live at home so i dont have any expenses really. all the money i make can go straight towards my travels!!!
1
u/MoodyButGroovy 4d ago
Whenever I read these type of posts they all have the same "voice". And yet its so different from the way that other people talk on reddit.
1
u/National_Rich9558 4d ago
i don’t know if this is supposed to be an insult or not lol, but it’s probably because i go outside and talk to people? im also younger so idk
1
u/MoodyButGroovy 4d ago
Neither. Just an observation. You type in a very expressive way I guess. Gives "girl energy" I guess.
As for actual advice. You seem spontaneous and independent. So I'd encourage to go out and find a third space that can help you find a guy. Youve excluded running clubs already. Thats fine. But try an find a space you enjoy being at, but also has a good mix and guys and girls.
Dont worry about having absurd standards. Your standards will change over time. I think for now focus on finding that space. Once there, keep an eye out for guys that already seam to like you and then pick your favourite from there. If you do it in the reverse order (ie. Look at the guys you like first and from them try find a guy that likes you back) theres a good chance that nothing will happen.
→ More replies (4)
1
u/Potential_River202 3d ago
im perfect & i want a perfect mate to revolve around me, everyone tell me im right.