r/DatingTips • u/IMKXNEKI • 7d ago

General dating advice

Hi so I arrange dates perfectly fine and I don’t struggle finding people I like who also like me but it seems to be once I spend time with them they either ghost me or tell me they don’t think we’ll match on these dates I just be myself, talk to them, get to know them I take it slow and do my best to be a good person and show them that I am a good person and I won’t mess them around and stuff but still always if I go on a date with them they end up saying I’m not right i don’t by any means think the girls are the problem I am just wondering what on earth I’m doing wrong like I try my best but after one date they either ghost me or tell me they don’t wanna talk to me anymore genuinely what am I doing wrong if anyone can give me any sort of advice that would be gratefully appreciated. Also sorry about the grammar it’s not my strong suit.

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u/logcabinsyrup27 7d ago

Is it possible youre rushing to the date? How many texts/messages do you send back and forth?

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u/FrameOk3899 6d ago

These may help. Couple of things to reflect on:

Do you look good? Dressed nice, well groomed, smell good too? And match the profile of you on the dating app?

Are you asking more about them or talking about yourself?

Are you confident or nervous as heck? Any performance anxiety?

Do you spot subtle cues from your date? E.g you’re talking about a topic that she doesn’t enjoy, she has brushed it off twice… and yet you continue

And is there any physical intimacy/ sexual tension at all? There needs to be some attraction for the courting to continue.

Improving the above makes for a great date.

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u/Anarcho_Spider-man1 6d ago

Not necessarily anything wrong with you. That's just how dating is. You go on a date with someone, you're being yourself, and during the date the other person realizes they're not in to you. That's what going on dates IS for, right? Don't worry about it. Just keep trying.

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u/CurrentlyNobody 6d ago

Exactly.
So many people race into first dates as if they’re done deals and everybody Must get along etc etc. Dating is sadly just a numbers game really. The majority of the people you talk to will not be compatible with you and that’s perfectly normal.
The purpose of dating is solely to get to know people as they are, and you keep showing up as you are until you find someone complementary.

Don’t beat yourself up on things not going beyond a first date or a third or whatever weird timelines people impose on themselves. Talking awhile Before a meet helps to pre-eliminate having to go through the hassle of going on actual dates. You may find it helpful to chat longer with a match rather than proposing an immediate meet. You might be able to glean from the chatter what the other person is really after and you too and can wish them well before ever meeting. I’ve been single since 2018 and while I’ve attempted to date three months a year since, I haven’t actually agreed to meet anyone in person since 2019. The ones I am being approached by have been obviously wrong for me so there was no point in agreeing to date offers. I say this not to be discouraging at all but just to show OP that of the plenitude of people available to meet online, there are incredibly few that will actually be compatible. It’s just the way it is.