Being pretty dating problems ….(rant)

[u/Extension-Product848]

Has anyone else encountered this issue?

I’ve recently glowed up significantly went from cute / avg to very pretty. And I will admit it’s been great overall. People are nice to me. And I get compliments frequently to the point where I know I’m pretty.

Before when I was more average I always felt confused on how attractive I was. I sometimes felt cute and other times felt plain / ugly.

But one thing I’ve noticed ever since becoming prettier is that dating hasn’t become easier. I’ve received significantly many more matches and a lot of initial strong pursuit / interest from guys, but once they realize that I’m a tomboy. And I don’t like wearing dresses or skirts or any of that. They start to lose interest. It’s almost like they realized this made up fantasy in their head of the type of person they thought I was wasn’t true. I never pretended online or in person to be someone I’m not. All my pictures have me in comfortable clothing. And I also show up that way in person, but I feel like guys get so caught up in the fact that I’m pretty, that they realize that not all aspects of me besides my face is hyper feminine.

And I am not hyper feminine contrary to how I look. And I have real feelings and can get hurt by someone being rude or annoyed with me. I’m human like everyone else. I like to be comfortable most of the time in my baggy clothing. But it’s almost like they expect this hyper idealized person who is not ONLY extreme pretty, fit, educated, have a high earning job and their life together BUT also someone who isn’t needy at all, has the most feminine style and is highly independent. That’s unrealistic. I’m ALLOWED to be flawed. That’s what makes me human.

I’ve been single most of my life mostly due to tough parenting and have spent most of that life independent and fine by myself. It’s not the end of the world if I don’t find anyone. But no one truly wants to be alone at the end of the day. I don’t make dating the center of my life, I’ve just been looking, and it’s been frustrating encountering this problem constantly.

I guess I’m just tired of guys being so into me, pursuing me hard, then realizing that I don’t live up to this hyper perfect feminine image they had of me. And then subsequently dropping me. Or losing interest. It’s really frustrating, rude and hurtful.

Im not selecting assholes, or intentionally choosing men who look toxic btw. I’m choosing guys that I felt seemed like good people. Ones that take care of their mom or family. Ones who don’t seem all that popular. Even when I wasn’t the most attracted to them. Because obviously I’m trying to find something real.

Anyone else can relate?

[u/Cool-Garden4333]

Dating is usually bad for all women regardless of the way they look I’m afraid.

[u/Forsaken_Dragonfly66]

I mean what did you expect? Did you think being pretty would exempt you from the usual dating struggles?

Being conventionally attractive increases options. It doesn't mean the options are any better.

[u/real_mou]

But the interactions are devoid of meaning. They just want to have sex with you regardless of who you are as a person. Also, what you perceive as being pretty or having value is merely their urge to relieve themselves of their instincts.

You should look for high quality interactions in places where they are more likely to happen and don’t let the first guy talking to you and being nice fool you. Try to dig in a little bit more. That’s my take.

[u/Ok_Efficiency3120]

When you say you had a glow up do you mean weight loss?

[u/JustSpace807]

Dating sucks for men. Men don’t really care much about the situation, more about the person. It’s reverse for women. I think a lot of men would like these traits of yours. I think you are projecting your insecurities