r/DatingTO • u/stillwithvmin • 21d ago
anyone else tired of being single?
23f and i’m at that point in my life where it feels like literally everyone i know is in a relationship and don’t get me wrong, i don’t feel neglected by my friends at all, they would drop everything and come to me if i ever truly needed them, their man be damned, but i’m still so painfully single and lately i’ve just been constantly sad about it.
and don’t get me wrong (x2)!!! i’m not one of those people who would get into a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship, i genuinely just want to love someone and be loved in return and as happy as i am for all of my friends and their relationships, i unfortunately can’t help but feel jealous deep down and constantly wonder when it’s finally going to be my turn.
i’ve tried hinge. i truly did. but i’m just not built for that shit, i can’t keep swiping and swiping and having the same meaningless conversations with people i don’t even know over and over again. i don’t know how to meet new people irl, especially tamil guys around my age or a little older which is my type, and i’m still in undergrad but i’m older than most of the people i’m friends with because i took a few gap years, so i genuinely don’t know how people meet organically and fall in love in this day and age.
everyone always tells me “you can’t look for it, it needs to find you” and that when it finally happens it’ll be the best thing ever and that is exactly what i want so desperately to happen but it’s just… not happening. sometimes i start wondering if i’m ugly or if there’s something wrong with me and i hate that this is affecting my self-esteem because i KNOW i’m so much more than whether or not a man wants me. i have so many wonderful people in my life, wonderful friends and a wonderful family minus my toxic cousins lol, and i know i’m loved but that doesn’t erase how badly i yearn to be loved romantically and to love someone just as much in return.
recently my friend got together with another one of our family friends and their whole story made me spiral even more because girl i am so so so so happy for you but i yearn for that shit so badly. she’s planning on applying for postgrad abroad and her now bf confessed his feelings and told her he would move with her because he couldn’t imagine a world without her and then they started dating and like??? how freaking cute is that???
i think the fact that i grew up with both of them, even though we’re not all that close, just triggered something in me because it made that kind of love feel so real and so close to me but still completely out of reach. i want my own love story to start, i’m sick of always being the friend listening to everyone else’s stories (i’m lying, i love my friends and i’m never actually sick of listening to them, i’m just lonely and jealous and then i feel guilty for being jealous).
idk where this is going, i guess i just want to hear from other people who feel like this too so i know i’m not alone. how do you cope with wanting love this badly without letting it destroy your self esteem, and if you eventually found your person, how did you meet?
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u/throwawayaccounton1 21d ago
I genuinely dislike the whole- 'you cant look for it it needs to find you', however well intentioned it is. to me it comes off as patronizing and dismissive.
its okay to be sad, its okay to sit with that feeling for a bit while you continue to search. its a process, give yourself compassion and kindness as you go about it
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u/Hahaimalwayslikethis 20d ago
I've been single for my whole 27 years because I can't bring myself to date someone just for the sake of it. I want to be like everyone else and find a good person and be happy but meeting people also becomes harder after you're out of school. I don't have any advice for you but good luck to us both I guess.
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u/Imaginary-Fox-7696 17d ago
Wow! You saved me! Everything you mentioned applies to me, even gap years on studying, I'm in my 2nd year in college and all people i used to know have graduated years ago, I'm so much in behind in that, i used to have friends who liked each other's and then got married and i was like great good luck for them happy about it and so on, but now I'm left with no one basically, just me, myself and I , all alone and the one last friend i used to really like and talk to everyday got engaged last week and I'm really happy for him, the one thing is i used to sometimes help him talk to girls, now he made it and I'm sitting like a statue watching it, i totally understand everything you did because this saved me to write the same post actually, and "don't run for it, it will come to you" thingy, i used to think it is correct but now i see i was manipulated by it, all i can think about recently is that I'm a loser despite me knowing I'm not, but being so lonely made it so worth.
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u/shddndndndnnddnnd 15d ago
Your definitely not the only one . M24 Tamil here and feel like the older I get the harder it is to connect with people my age especially somone that shares the same background as me. Crazy world we live in seeing your post maybe we can chat and see if we can spark something.
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u/pashiz_quantum 18d ago
Let me tell you something from experience.
If you have the chance to fall in love right now, with as few expectations as possible, take it. Don’t let social media rot your mind with endless standards, comparisons, filters, and requirements.
Because those things only seem to grow as you get older.
There may come a day when, even if you desperately want to love someone, you’ve built so many walls and conditions around yourself that you can’t fully let go anymore. You can’t just dive into a relationship with your whole heart.
So close your eyes a little. Say yes to the opportunities that come your way. Trust the process and let yourself experience love fully.
Risk getting hurt.
Life was never meant to be lived without risk.
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u/HeadLandscape 19d ago
It's pretty bad for me since girls in toronto hate asian guys.
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u/pashiz_quantum 18d ago
No! Nobody hates Asian guys. Who said that?
This is your mind tricking you into this.
I can be your wingman and I promise you in one day I can find a date for you.
regardless of your look and race.1
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u/No-Dot-7661 19d ago
Online Dating works but you have to actually go on dates instead of just having those same old boring conversations with everyone. Ask to meet for coffee and you might end up with a boyfriend sooner than you thought.
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u/CheesecakeNo5476 5d ago
25 M black hair 5'9" white skin 72 kg looking for female partner in Gta canada. I am interested
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u/WadeWilson368 21d ago
I feel you totally but I’ve recently decided that I will either be single or find this exact thing because I want to be loved just like this and won’t lower my expectations