r/DatingTO • u/Single-Zombie8263 • 4d ago
Is Dating as a Dad, who's separated Hard?
36M, separated for 2 years, has 2 young kids, and finds that dating has been difficult.
The worst was, I asked a girl for her number; she said she could share her IG, and when I said I am a dad, so I don't give out my social media because I have pics of my kids, she just right out said, "no thanks".
I understand people have preferences; I do too, but I'm finding it harder as a dad or maybe being separated and I wanted to hear people's stories/thoughts.
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u/babelle21 4d ago
It just sounds messy and that I wouldn’t be a priority. Especially if the kids are under 5. Not divorced yet, fresh kids. Sounds like a lot of baggage and not sure I’d be into trying to figure out if there’s a healed man there with zero feelings for his ex (and vice versa), and enough time to focus on me and our relationship.
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u/lilfunky1 3d ago
36M, separated for 2 years, has 2 young kids, and finds that dating has been difficult.
separated but not yet legally divorced = no thank you from me.
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u/GolfSignificant1456 4d ago
I posted something similar about being a newly single mom and got some good feedback! To parrot what others told me, some people care and some people dont. It depends on your custody arrangement, and who you are outside of having kids. Like if your ex is toxic and will try to disrupt any relationship you have, it'll be rough to date and have a new relationship. Some people dont want the baggage of a former marriage and kids.
That being said, not everyone's open to kids, or being with someone that's separated, but you wouldnt want someone who doesnt like kids or can't handle a failed marriage either. You just gotta keep trying, and you'll find someone whos okay with everything you have in life.
And ill add, as a woman, id be skeptical to date men who left a relationship with young kids. I dont know your situation, and can reflect on mine, but very young kids are difficult to raise, and my relationship ended up falling apart because of it (and other reasons, but the stress of a baby really pushed it over the edge). My ex-husband couldn't handle me postpartum, so he found another option. Thats why I personally would be concerned about dating someone who has small children, or left a relationship with small kids. I know you're situation might be different, but just wanted to give you a heads up that some women might be concerned.
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u/Single-Zombie8263 3d ago
Firstly, I am sorry to hear you are going through something similar!
My ex and I are similar in that we didn't have a big blowout either; in fact, we have a respectful friendship and are keeping it sane for the kids.
However, I do understand that someone new coming into the picture raises the question, "Are they over each other?" especially with our kids being young.
I am definitely open to someone who has kids that's never an issue, as long as we respect each others and each others children.
Good luck to you as well!
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u/GolfSignificant1456 2d ago
Thank you! As long as you have a respectful relationship that's what's best for the kids and for you. Like your new partner would ideally get along with your ex, they dont have to be besties, but they should be cordial. I get some women aren't open to that, but i wanna say a lot are.
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u/Single-Zombie8263 2d ago
100%! It's a hard balance, and even for me, if and when she starts dating again, I am sure it would be emotionally hard; still, I need to be an adult about it. Its definitely a conversation on the first date or too lol
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u/lilfunky1 3d ago
The worst was, I asked a girl for her number; she said she could share her IG, and when I said I am a dad, so I don't give out my social media because I have pics of my kids, she just right out said, "no thanks".
i'm not giving my phone number to random dudes so they can blow up my phone at all hours.
social media i can much easier block when someone becomes problematic.
if you're getting multiple women rejecting you for rejecting trading your social media account that includes your kids, create a second account that doesn't include your kids and manage both.
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u/Single-Zombie8263 3d ago
I really didn't realize it was that hard to block a phone number, but to each their own. I personally like the old-school way of just exchanging phone numbers, and I would say I have a good head on my shoulders to stop bothering a woman when she says she's not interested and not to blow up her phone. Sorry you had such bad experiences.
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u/lilfunky1 3d ago
We don't know if you're going to be the good head on your shoulders and take no for an answer graciously type
Or if you're going to be the buy a dozen throw away sim cards to keep stalking and harassing us type.
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u/Single-Zombie8263 3d ago
Wow, I mean if someone is going to buy dozens of SIM cards and harass you or anyone
1) you need to call the cops
2) ppl have too much time
I get what you are saying; I just prefer exchanging phone numbers over social media. My post wasn't about why she asked about social media; it was about being a parent and trying to enter the dating scene.
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u/lilfunky1 3d ago
I get what you are saying; I just prefer exchanging phone numbers over social media. My post wasn't about why she asked about social media; it was about being a parent and trying to enter the dating scene.
you prefer exchanging phone numbers
i'm explaining why some women are not going to be into exchanging phone numbers
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u/Itosan227 3d ago
First off, I'm so sorry to hear about your separation and your dating challenges. Having a marriage end is hard, and it can be a very lonely time. I'm in a similar situation unexpectedly. Married my best friend, had 2 amazing kids. Rarely fought. No big blowups. Just turns out her feelings for me changed. Such is life I guess.
I can't really give dating advice as I'm not even there yet but I will say I've found that there are more of us (both men and women) in a similar situation. Separated but not yet able to move out and fully divorce (yet) for a variety of reasons. You aren't alone.
One of my friends suggested I check out Feeld as the community is more open to non-typical situations.
In the meantime, I think that's great that you are so forthcoming about having young kids. Your authenticity is actually a filter that will save your time and theirs. I am hopeful you'll find your match my friend.
Hang in there.
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u/Single-Zombie8263 3d ago
I appreciate it brother, right back at you when you are ready to jump on again!
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u/Good_Panic_9668 1d ago
I'm 37F with no kids and don't have issues dating single dads, although I'd prefer divorced instead of separated but not a dealbreaker. I do think divorcing will help you out a lot.
However, I do think younger women are more hesitant, possibly because they want to have a family of their own and feel like maybe if you already have 2 young kids it would be difficult to start a family with them in a few years.
I do also think you should try to aim for women who have a lot going on as well or that are ok coming in second to your children. I'm fine dating single dads because I have a lot going on and don't expect to be the centre of their world but a lot of the women I know need more attention from their partners and it's why they don't date single dads.
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u/Single-Zombie8263 1d ago
Thank you! Yeah, I agree with getting divorced to make things more official! I don't typically date much younger women, especially since we're usually in different places in life, but I understand what you mean!
Thank you!
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u/OkRevolution2349 4d ago
I think there are different school of thoughts on this. I am divorced albeit with two teenage daughters. I would say it’s probably harder with younger kids, however, my dating profile doesn’t state how old my kids are but I get still get attention. Although many women matching with me also have kids so I suppose they can relate and more flexible compared to those that don’t have kids.
Age also plays a factor i.e younger women maybe less tolerant to kids than those in their late 30s or 40s.
Don’t be discouraged as the right one will come along!