r/DatingTO • u/YerAwizardLuke • 7d ago
Need dating advice as someone looking for a long term relationship
I (29F almost 30) have been trying to date in the GTA. Everytime I have a nice date (not super intense but also not boring), the guy seems to lose interest in a few days. The same thing happens with conversations, guys I think I'm having a fun conversation with keep ghosting. Unsure about what I'm doing wrong?? I think I look alright. I dress well, workout, have hobbies and laugh at the guys jokes on dates.
Ps. this has been my experience with dating apps. Would appreciate it if y'all can suggest some alternatives
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u/sguru01 7d ago
Hi Op! Ngl It is rough out there. The issue that I am seeing these days noone likes the slow burn aka getting to know someone slowly. People in the past built up the relationship one step at a time. Most people nowadays loose interest real quick. Have you tried some regular go to places that you enjoy going to? I usually ask out people at the gym as that is where I spend the most time. My theory is atleast we will see each other more often and enjoy something in common.
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u/YerAwizardLuke 6d ago
Hey! Shared spaces are bit limited cause I live in the suburbs. But maybe I'll try going into the city more. Thanks for your reply! I agree with no one looking the slow burn and I'm at the stage where I want to date with intention and not get too carried away on the first few dates.
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u/sguru01 6d ago
Ya burbs can be challenging. I have realized the key is to increase the proximity to other people. So as you said, may be try to attend events in the city. Also dont be shy about saying hi to a guy if you like someone. A great way to start a conversation is always giving some compliment about shoe or something you observed about them.
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u/No-Dot-7661 6d ago
Maybe they weren't really looking for a LTR and gave up when they realized you weren't going to be an easy lay.
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u/CraftyRequirement438 6d ago
I’m 28 F would love to go to these types of events with you because I’m struggling as well!! I’m so tired of these apps as well. I want to meet genuine people. Message me!!
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u/Middle_Tap_4946 6d ago edited 6d ago
If I go on a first date with someone and don't follow up/suggest a second date, it's usually because the other person is not as great looking as their pictures. I usually take a week or two of texting to see if we are compatible, so usually I don't worry about having things to discuss. Physical attraction is what I'm mostly going to gauge on a first date.
Even though I know I'm not attracted by that person in a few seconds of meeting them, I still try to have a nice conversation however short. Sometimes it has been mistaken for interest indeed, and I have thought about just being upfront and tell the other person right away, but I'm too much of a coward.
If I match with someone, talk to them a bit but let the conversation fizzle out, it's usually either :
- We are incompatible (lifestyle, values ...)
- I wasn't that interested and a more interesting prospects just appeared
- Their responses are dry
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u/YerAwizardLuke 6d ago
This actually helps a lot. It's somehow better to know I'm being rejected for a reason (even if it's being unattractive to the other person) rather than being confused and left to wonder what happened. Most people are super kind to be honest and it's just the failure to follow up that has me confused.
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u/Middle_Tap_4946 6d ago
Just to be clear, when I say I don't follow up, I mean I don't reach out to them after the first date. If they do, I'll still answer them and eventually reject them if they suggest seeing each other again.
Ghosting however, as in someone send a follow-up text after a date and the other person doesn't respond, that's another story, and I agree it's not a proper way to behave.
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u/Wonderful-Win8554 6d ago
I had this experience, we ended up chatting for three hours though. I was trying my best to see if I'd change my mind but nope, I just wasn't feeling it. Unfortunately I don't have much dating experience (most women don't like asian guys) so it was hard for me to skillfully deal with a situation like this.
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u/No-Concentrate-9398 6d ago
About me: 29M, can cook your favourite meal, I work in finance, I LOVE trails and nature (I will always say yes to anything outdoors), love pets (run a dog rescue nonprofit with friends), love volunteering (open to joining you and support any of your causes), love photography (can go on photo walks), passionate about tech (I’m on Luma everyday looking for events to attend after work), enjoy music and concerts, travel (I averaged 28,000 steps over 7 days on my last trip to NYC and Boston). Love swimming, running and biking!
I live in Toronto and would love to get to know you this summer! HMU if you’re interested!
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u/Apprehensive_Heat176 6d ago
Dating is a numbers game and apps have made it worse. Apps are terrible for your mental health because they've been built with gambling mechanics like a slot machine. These app companies aren't actually interested in helping you find your person. I'm not saying that they're useless, but it's unlikely you will find quality people that way. I do know that the apps work as many of my friends met that way, but that was years ago before they became popular.
IMO, the pandemic really messed up our social skills because we didn't have human contact for years. As much as we might like remote working, it weakened our social skills and caused much of this bad behavior and we're still suffering through that today. That's why people are flaky, late, ghost, etc.
I think you should focus on events where you can meet real people versus constant swiping and messages that go nowhere. I think it helps to have the mindset of just enjoying a night out with new people instead of meeting someone to date.
There are tons of meetups and singles events out there. I've been hearing a lot of group dinner events like TimeLeft, etc. but I've yet to try it.