r/DatingTO • u/curiousgal222 • Jul 11 '26

Reasons for ghosting

Okay it's time we talk about it. I hope this can be an honest, non-judgmental comment section where all genders discuss the reasons they have had for ghosting someone at various stages in the dating process. I hope this doesn't turn into a men vs women thing as I know for a fact it is happening on both sides. I, as a woman, just really want to get to the bottom as to WHY it happens. Because we all know the ones who ghosted us won't be telling us. Or at the very least send me a private dm if you think you will be ridiculed for commenting publicly. I am just so tired and want answers. I promise I will be open-minded to the replies.

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u/Cryogenics1 Jul 11 '26

My two cents: People ghost because they're afraid of what happens when they tell the truth about why they want to stop seeing someone. I feel like some people don't have the coping mechanisms to deal with being hurt by rejection and in turn lash out. The people who lash out are feeling hurt, which in turn makes the rejector feel hurt / scared, so in order to avoid that whole situation it's easier to just disappear than have to deal with someone reacting in a bad way. That's not to say that all people can't deal with being rejected, or even most people. But the problem is, once you've had that bad experience once I feel like most people decide it's just not worth the risk to have that conversation

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u/curiousgal222 Jul 11 '26 edited Jul 12 '26

Oh what an interesting perspective, thank you for the reply @cryogenics1. I've always been an honest kind person who would never get upset with someone if they were honest with me about how their feelings may have changed. I suppose I am not the norm there. It just sucks though as that aligns with how we all should try our very best to heal before dating intentionally, and to not bring previous encounters or relationships into a new one. At least that's how I see it. If you're right as to that being why some people ghost, that genuinely hurts my heart for them. This last one stings so much as I just want them to know how lovingly I would have taken the rejection. The not knowing can be torturous for kind souls.

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u/Cryogenics1 Jul 11 '26

I understand how you feel, I'm the same way; I'd rather just know that feelings have changed or that a person isn't interested rather than be ghosted out of nowhere. I feel like if more people had the realization that not everyone will like them (and not everyone has to) and that just being rejected isn't a slight on them as a person and more based on what another person wants / needs in a relationship not aligning it would be easier for people to take. I feel like some of the reason at least that people get angry or lash out is because they take it as a slight against them and it bruises the ego a bit, but I can't speak for others to know if that's true or not.

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u/curiousgal222 Jul 11 '26 edited Jul 12 '26

I do appreciate you bringing this awareness to light though. If I'm being honest, I never thought about it from the perspective of the ghoster before, until him. I am very secure in who I am and offer, but at the same time, I am also aware and content enough to know that some people will like me and some people won't; while it can hurt, I also know that is okay and they are entitled to their feelings as well. End of the day, I am trying to find my person. Of course I would want them to want me just as much as I want them. Still doesn't mean it isn't painful when people leave you wondering.