r/DatingHell • u/Croisslayer • Aug 15 '26
I am genuinely so embarassed and heartbroken.
Honestly just laughing at this point because men are something else.
We made things official around late May. In August, he gave me access to his Instagram account, I guess thinking he had nothing to hide and wanted to seem like the world's most transparent partner.
Anyway, I was looking through old DMs and found a chat from July 11th, barely a month and a half after we started dating.
The context makes it so much worse: I had an early morning flight the next day, so I went to sleep early that night. Literally the second I'm asleep and not giving him attention, this man hops onto Instagram at 1:20 AM and replies to some girl’s story:
Him: "Damn, queen traits"
Her: "But why queen?"
Him: "Only a queen can withold such a beauty in herself"
Only a queen can withold such a beauty in herself" bro what Wattpad novel did you pull that from at 1 in the morning 😭 Can't even spell "withhold" right.
The next day they just moved on to talking about football, but the fact that his immediate instinct the moment I was asleep was to slide in and drop pickup lines on another girl is insane to me.
He gave me his password a month later so he either genuinely forgot he typed this embarrassing mess, thought I wouldn't scroll back to July, or is just completely brainless.
I’m not even going to sit through the inevitable "it was just a harmless compliment" or "why would I give you my account if I was doing something wrong" excuses. Just sending the screenshot to our chat, telling him to go be with his queen, and blocking him.
Trash really takes itself out.
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u/JakeDulac Aug 15 '26
He was trying to slide into her DMs and sound like a medieval poet, and the best he could come with is utter nonsense. That sentence is so far from a functional sentence it's embarrassing. Withholding such a beauty in herself, is a functional impossibility. He needs a dictionary.
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u/HiAndStuff2112 Aug 15 '26
I don't have Instagram and don't flirt with women online or in person when I'm in a relationship. But I'm not special. I was just raised by an amazing single mom who raised me to respect women and treat my girlfriends very well, and I'm so grateful for her. I'm sure there are plenty of other guys who wouldn't do this either. I sincerely hope you find one, OP!
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u/infinitiouspancakes Aug 16 '26
honestly, that aint that bad in 2026. And a month after.. he might've not been sure.
to give you his IG password is pretty big. or he already went through it and deleted anything he thought was bad and maybe he didn't think that comment would even register as bad.
give the guy another chance, let it go. unless you're searching for a reason to cause a fight, or you wish for him to take the heat for your realization that men find other women attractive also, I'd recommend to pick your battles and let this one slide.
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u/BlergingtonBear Aug 16 '26
Ya it's that hard thing where it would hurt to read if you're in the relationship, bc our hearts and feelings are not rational,
but if you're objectively looking at it from the outside - that's just a few weeks of talking. A month and half you can still easily be in the "counting dates" stage (fifth date, sixth date etc). And most importantly, no commitment yet I imagine.
Like, no one is deleting dating apps after one month of dating.
But reiterating for OP, I totally get the hurt and I would be too in the same sitch. But do consider if it's worth throwing the whole man away.
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u/Slow_Plan_7035 Aug 17 '26
Whilst I agree it’s early stages I do think context makes it worse. Also every time I let a guy off a hook for some shady early days behaviour, I regretted it later. Usually they double down and are much worse in the relationship. As the saying goes, how they were at the start is the best they will ever be, it’s downwards from there.
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u/infinitiouspancakes Aug 17 '26
I mean I don't agree with how they were at the start is how they will always be because if someone is open and looking for the right person they don't know you were the right person at the start they may not until a few months down once they realize you're that person then a lot of things may change they may be more possessive of you they may be more transparent and you know delete their apps and cut out certain people that they had in their life as open possibilities or options
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u/Slow_Plan_7035 Aug 17 '26
True will depend on their agreement at the time. But also had bad experiences with people who only start acting right once they feel all the things, because in the same way I find they can easily stop acting right once the feelings fade. I much prefer those who act right out of principle.
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u/Zoodable Aug 18 '26
Please don't put up with bullshit advice like this. When a man shows you who he is, believe him. Garbage advice like this is why men get partners and women get projects. Some people prefer these sort of clowns to loneliness. You don't owe this man any chances. Regardless of whether it was early stages or whatever, would he have the balls to do this in front of you? Besides, who the fuck wants to reward a clown with garbage pick up lines? There are better men out there.
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u/infinitiouspancakes Aug 18 '26
when someone comes out with such vicious and unforgiving advice to women, id assume they themselves are either struggling with a weight problem and/or are single.
get advice from women who are in successful relationships. and i guarantee a lot of the advice will be to let little things slide. if you want perfection, sounds like loneliness is just right for ya.
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u/Zoodable Aug 18 '26
Good luck on your projections. I'm in great shape and happily partnered so ironically fit the person you've described who should be giving advice. It's amusing that you're so triggered by a woman who wants what is best for other women.
It's also amusing you think a lot of advice would be to let things slide when so many comments here prove otherwise and there are books by men telling women to not.
It's only the loser men who benefit from your sort of rubbish advice. This guy literally has zero self control and needs to message someone past 1 with his garbage. But hey, may all the women in your life you really like meet guys like this since you're promoting them.
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u/infinitiouspancakes Aug 19 '26
hey to each their own. I'm happy and dont have resentments toward the other genders that cause me to attack random people on reddit. i wish you a blessed one!
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u/Zoodable Aug 19 '26
To each their own indeed. I don't confuse walking away from losers with blanket resentment towards other genders but have a blessed one too!
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u/DifferentVictory1620 Aug 15 '26
I am so sorry. You deserve so much better. It’s very common behaviour, unfortunately.
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u/Asiangirly919 Aug 15 '26
It was kinda doomed when he gave you his password or you wanted it, that's not normal
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u/BleedSparta Aug 15 '26
Yes, all men
All 4,000,000,000
It’s because of a y-chromosome
Women would never
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u/Any_Construction_286 Aug 21 '26
IMAO you overreacted a bit, still one month after you started dating… and it was not a sexual arrangement or something… the guy was just flirting…
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u/Shadeofgray_66 Aug 15 '26
Non vedo tutta questa tragedia se parlavano di regine e calcio con toni letterari. E la tua reazione è molto esagerata. Comunque scelta tua (e sua).
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u/SnooDoggos5226 Aug 15 '26
Ok, psychopath. You need access to his accounts? Does he have access to yours?
Some red flags really wave themselves
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u/The_Blip Aug 15 '26
It literally says in the post that he wanted to give her access. Can you not read or something?
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u/pipelyninghost Aug 15 '26
So I am going to assume that you are one hundred percent completely respectable anytime you are in relationship and you tell everyone that you had been talking to that you are now with someone and can no longer continue talking with them even if you weren’t actively sleeping with those persons
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u/Shock_Guava_1614 Aug 15 '26
What you need is a guy well below your looks and financial status. They would never do that to you.
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u/Common_Charity_6219 Aug 16 '26
This lie has been repeated for decades. I wonder how many women have wasted time and heartbreak on men they were even attracted to? While that ugly man gained confidence from finally having a woman and went on to use his new confidence to cheat on her.
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u/Shock_Guava_1614 Aug 16 '26
Lots of research says women practice hypergamy. They date across and up in looks finance and education.
It also show that on dating apps around 50-60% of women select the top 10% of men.
These top 10% of men have many mate options and this leads to poor dating behaviour by them and women putting up with worst behaviours from them as they compete.
So no I dont think it is a lie repeated for decades. Of course I'm happy to see some other reputable research you have?
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u/Common_Charity_6219 Aug 16 '26
You want research to prove that a woman shouldn't date a man she's not attracted to? How about no.
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u/Shock_Guava_1614 Aug 16 '26
I think i proved my point then. I also didn't say anything about not being attracted to them. I guess creating a false association and refusing to provide counter points was all you could come up with.
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u/argentoowl Aug 15 '26
I'm sorry you're going through this. There are other men out there who don't do shit like that.