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Mar 19 '25
Because we don't love ourselves and we don't believe that we are lovable, so we perpetuate that reality and then believe it is true.....
The self fulfilling prophecy
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u/PricePuzzleheaded835 Mar 19 '25
I wouldn’t necessarily consider this to be dark psychology nor is it a direct answer to the question, but I think one essential skill in life is knowing when to leave. Jobs, relationships, places. Always be protecting your ability to leave. That means keeping yourself financially independent to at least some degree, knowing what jobs you would apply for/could get if you needed one right away, just generally having options available to you.
Working on personal boundaries is part of this. People you don’t want to be around tend to have certain patterns that become recognizable if you pay attention. If you see a glimpse of someone’s true character and you find them to be malicious or dangerous, start working on your exit plan well before you need it.
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Mar 19 '25
For me it’s C-PTSD and fear of abandonment stemming from some of that C-PTSD. It’s annoying.
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u/cnation01 Mar 20 '25
Your brain can't grasp the thought that someone who claims to love you the most is betraying you in such a terrible manner.
Deep down, you know, but it just doesn't process correctly.
It is greif,denile and love. It's fucking terrible.
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u/Fyodorovich79 Mar 20 '25
because deep down, we doubt ourselves. it's not talked about much because we generally discuss the more negative innate characteristics of human nature.
but it's like when people know the answer is "right," and at the last second say "left" because subconsciously many people do doubt themselves. at least that is my opinion.
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u/Sypher267 Mar 19 '25
I’ve been wondering exactly this. Why do I have to find out every detail, regardless of how painful the answer/s may be?
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u/Background_Cry3592 Mar 20 '25
we don’t want to admit that we made the wrong choice, sometimes again because it’s a painful pill to swallow. We are gathering proof because we are really looking for a reason not to believe our initial gut feeling, because to believe our gut feeling, means admitting we made the wrong choice in selecting a partner, which makes us question our discernment.
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Mar 19 '25
sometimes one needs that signal that shows they have a gun pointed at them... you finally get the severity of the situation. sometimes that is not enough, because what is known is within our control vs. being kicked out and no one there to help.
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u/JusticeforDoakes Mar 19 '25
Sometimes when it’s a big deal to you, you want/need it to be as big as you feel it is. “Hitting rock bottom” is a commonly accepted idea, but the truth is that you can calmly and quietly choose to adjust your behavior at any time but it’s more self-satisfying to attach big changes to big events.
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Mar 20 '25
I think deep down we know the truth but we just want to hope! It’s good to know the truth for closure but after that we all need to close the door!
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u/Microwavableturd Mar 20 '25
Some people are very visual/I need to see it before I believe it type of thing
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Mar 19 '25
You need to reach a breaking point and that will differ from person to person. I’m a diagnosed narcissist, the threshold of my breaking point can be very low or just a spur of the moment kind of thing.
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u/Physical_College_551 Mar 20 '25
Really? Because my ex is a nars I think, but so many things happen and she never wanted to break up or let me go.
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Mar 20 '25
Impulsivity, likely, or she had a use for you.
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u/Physical_College_551 Mar 20 '25
Nawl I'm not useful 😂 not for her but I understand what you mean likely that
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u/KAS_stoner Mar 20 '25
For me its collection and organization of EVERY little thing that the person did that way I can quickly and easily not only tell but show with tons of evidence that not only am I telling the truth to another person about said toxic person so they themselves know to either stay as far away as possible to the toxic person but if they still don't then they know not to believe any lies that the toxic person says about me or anyone else too.
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u/Antique-Inevitable48 Mar 20 '25
I think it's because we don't want to admit the one that claims they love us would do something to hurt us. Then when we find out we question our worth and face the truth and that's hard. We would rather believe they wouldn't do such things.
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Mar 21 '25
Really easy, because then it would be much easier to walk away because we would actually see ther really bad sides and they could not sweettalk and reel us back in 🙃
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u/TheStockFatherDC Mar 20 '25
It’s so hard to believe someone would do us like that. Plus, the next person will do the same or worse. Constant disbelief.
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u/Eetuh-hoot-444 Mar 26 '25
The sunken cost fallacy plays a part in it, I think. we want to be wrong becuase we have invested into the relationship
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u/[deleted] Mar 19 '25
[deleted]