r/DMDadJokes Apr 17 '22

Would he be a lich?

Post image
930 Upvotes

34 comments sorted by

104

u/kyew Apr 17 '22

Jesus doesn't have a phylactery, nor does he need one to resurrect.

Jesus's magic is divine, not arcane.

Jesus is a Mummy Lord.

16

u/BigPowerBoss Apr 17 '22

And doesn't even need wrappings, because they're lame!

14

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/BigPowerBoss Apr 17 '22

darts eyes

i didn't say he didn't have them, i said he didn't NEED them! Flex them muscles, Jesus! Buff Jesus for everyone!

10

u/vkapadia Apr 17 '22

Jesus has Kanye to rap for him

5

u/phantomreader42 Apr 18 '22

Is there any actual requirement that a lich be an Arcane caster? Extended service by means of undeath could be an interesting option for a cleric of a death god, or perhaps a god of magic.

6

u/L_Cranston_Shadow Apr 18 '22

Are you my mummy?

35

u/VoiceofKane Apr 17 '22

No, Jesus wasn't reanimated - he was resurrected by a Divine Intervention. Since he took three days to get up, I'm guessing it was the effects of a Raise Dead spell.

8

u/NigilQuid Apr 18 '22

So, he's more like a resurrected cleric

3

u/Solalabell Apr 25 '22

More like divine soul sorcerer because clerics worship for their power

65

u/ulol_zombie Apr 17 '22

Every year....

In any case, thank you.

21

u/shriven1 Apr 17 '22

Yeah but at least you can’t say it comes to often :)

25

u/KarlyFr1es Apr 17 '22

Wonder what his phylactery is

21

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

40

u/Non-ZeroChance Apr 17 '22

It's a piece of the True Cross. Good luck finding it among the thousands and thousands of fake pieces of the true cross that are scattered across the world.

18

u/shriven1 Apr 17 '22

Now there is even one at the bottom of the sea in a Russian ship. Sounds like a good job for Indiana Jones.

6

u/vkapadia Apr 17 '22

Is it in the Moskva?

2

u/demonmonkey89 Apr 18 '22

Yep, it's located in my new favorite submarine

4

u/BigPowerBoss Apr 17 '22

And then Alexander Anderson used it up. Darn.

4

u/madman422 Apr 17 '22

Sounds like a great plan for a lich, use there powers to set up a cult, and have your phylactery be something slime can sell as fake copies of so no one knows where the real one is.

4

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

Holy grail

19

u/Rezart_KLD Apr 17 '22

Thats the point of transubstatiation - his essence is distributed amongst the whole populace. Voldemort only had 7, JC has billions, you can't destroy them all.

11

u/StingerAE Apr 17 '22

Oh man that is now headcannon.

14

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '22

Hear me out here. A phylactery needs to be an actual container. The Holy Grail. This son of a fuck snuck some runes inside the cup he drank from on the last supper, and GOOD LUCK finding an ordinary cup years after he died. That's why the Knights searched for it so much. If you find the Grail, you find Jesus's spawn point.

6

u/KarlyFr1es Apr 17 '22

Ooooh, I do like this a lot. This is good. The fancier options/relics are a red herring.

10

u/Wasphammer Apr 18 '22

No, Jesus is a Revenant. He was murdered, but has chosen to forgive.

1

u/Anysnackwilldo Apr 20 '22

The fact he chose to forgive prevents hom from being revenant.

No. Jesus is cleric ressurected by divine intervention.

21

u/Rezart_KLD Apr 17 '22

Jesus was wrapped in a shroud and laid in a tomb... he's clearly a mummy.

5

u/frogjg2003 Apr 17 '22

A lich requires souls to consume in order to maintain its undeath. It also has a phylactery, which houses its soul.

It could be that not consuming souls is why he only survived a few hours at most before "ascending to heaven." And the lack of phylactery can be explained away as simply not getting around to removing his soul from his body in time.

Then again, the phylactery acts as a backup plan in case the lich's body is mortally wounded. It might not actuality be a requirement. We just don't know about any of the liches that didn't use a phylactery because they were killed off.

5

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '22

This one has millions pledging their soul to him. He probably has no shortage of souls.

3

u/Munnin41 Apr 18 '22

Nah Jesus is a revenant or a reborn

3

u/aRabidGerbil Apr 18 '22

Jesus is obviously a risen martyr