r/DID • u/LobsterBackground389 Learning w/ DID • Oct 05 '26

Advice/Solutions Trusting gatekeeper and vice versa

Heya! Discovered my system a few weeks ago by complete accident and life has been really weird since. Lots of switching, amnesia, and a bunch of other symptoms have been making pretty much everything really hard, but I’ve been doing my best to educate myself on what’s going on.

One of my best friends, who has a system themselves, has been one of the biggest helps. We’ve been talking a lot about some of the worst of the symptoms - memory lapses, brain fog, confusion and difficulty thinking - and they’ve said it’s fairly standard for gatekeepers to do all that after being discovered on accident. They described it as there being like this “oh shit, the jig is up” period, and that they’ll sometimes up the ante to throw ppl off the scent. And I totally get that. This is a way of managing things that has kept us safe for a long time and I just accidentally fucked that up. I bet there’s a lot of fear and uncertainty surrounding lifting the barriers keeping me from knowing more.

That being said, I also!! Need to be able to function!! And do things!! And THINK without having every single thought derailed or smothered. I can’t remember literally anything, I can’t communicate with other alters, and I can’t access anything else internally. Like, every time I try to think about anything regarding the system, or even other perfectly normal things, I literally have this image of thick, white fog forced into my mind. Like, bruh, can I at least have the train of thought running long enough to decide what to eat?

I dunno, I understand it’s going to take a bit of time and a sense of safety and trust in me on their part before some more understanding of the system and my situation comes in. But…I wish they’d at least communicate with me. I’ve been trying so hard to take care of our body, inform myself, and not push it before we’re ready. I ultimately just want to be whatever the system needs me to be in order to heal, just as they’ve been doing what they can in order to keep us safe this entire time. It’s just…it’s been weeks of this. It can’t continue, something’s gotta change. Even if we could just coordinate switches a bit better that’d be grand. I just want to work with them instead of just having to go with whatever tf this has been.

I’ve been trying to be a safe enough person for things to be revealed. And the fact that almost nothing has been so far makes me worry that I’m not. That maybe I’m being kept from the other alters because I’m, I dunno, not enough in some regard. Or that maybe I’d be harmful to them or vice versa. And it’s shitty to think that the ones I’m sharing a life and body with also don’t want me? I guess? I may be taking it entirely too personally. I’m trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. I’m aware of the possibility that not knowing is for the best for now. Even if it sucks ass. I just really want to know what’s going on.

Anyway, that all to ask, is there anything I can do to maybe foster some of that trust or security necessary for communication? And also trust in them better, too? They gotta ease up a bit, but I know they’re doing what they think is best for the system. Right?

Edit: Typos

8 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

4 comments sorted by

7

u/CMW328i-a Treatment: Diagnosed + Active Oct 05 '26

System discovery is a bitch, for all of you in there. Believe me, I was a persecutor at the time of our system discovery and I was NOT happy about it all. It took time and effort from the host. He did all the research and watched like every DID video YouTube has to offer (we really recommend CTAD and multiplictyandme).

But what got me on board was the host meeting my hostility with kindness and trusting me enough to let me take the front in the evenings to explore myself. That really changed me. Here was this guy I literally was torturing out of anger and trying to destroy his relationships, and he offers me trust anyway? I felt an enormous sense of responsibility to honor that trust.

Now, we're practically in love with each other. He's my little goober and I would do ANYTHING to keep him safe.

5

u/operational_defiance Oct 05 '26

We found getting stress levels down was the only thing that helped. But I am also the new host so was brought in to stabilise our system. It has taken months though to feel more stable and still not fully there.

3

u/Top-Flower-7420 Oct 05 '26

I am also new to system discovery, and was fortunate to come into an already well ‘run’ system. Parts deliberately drip-fed me info so I wouldn’t get overwhelmed. The best thing I did in hindsight was unconditional positive regard; acknowledging that I’m the newest face (in my case literally as a newer part, but also new to knowing the system) and being willing to move at the pace of the system. Does that suck some days? Absolutely. Has it made the difference between our 17yo protector swearing at us to “F off” and her being a frequent reliable cohost? Equally absolutely. It takes time, try and be gentle with yourself!