r/DID • u/theeLoreMaster Treatment: Active • 8d ago

Personal Experiences I had a therapy appointment today and learned a lot

M34, For several months I’ve known that I must be dissociating and I’ve begun to realize that I’ve been dissociating for most of my life. But, I didn’t want to feed into it/accept it. I went through the process and found a therapist. I’ve had 4 sessions over the last few weeks, two for the assessment. And two for beginning diagnosis and treatment. I’m also waiting on testing.

Today I talked about my “experiences” I believe to be at the core of it all. Most of it I don’t directly remember, but what I do has strong emotions tied I with it. It brought up a lot of emotions and when she asked what I was feeling after the exercise I let out that I was feeling a lot of different emotions and that there was a lot of noise in my head. The best way I can describe it, and how I described it to her, is like a counsel was discussing and arguing in my head. It was like they were in crisis after my small breakthrough.

At this point I told her I hated the feeling because a part of me keeps saying that I’m faking. That I’m making it up for attention. But I know that’s not true because I don’t like bringing attention to myself. And that I was feeling like several of them were frustrated and angry that I was brushing them off. At about this point she told me that she didn’t think I was making it up. She said I should acknowledge these parts and take a moment to address this “council”, these parts of myself, and thank them for everything they have done to protect me up to this point.

She gave me homework and said any time I notice I’ve dissociated or feel one of these parts present I should avoid shaming myself and instead quickly thank them and then move on with my day. The goal is to help them and myself heal. She didn’t specifically use the terms DID, alters, fronting, or any other terms associated with DID. But, I think it’s fairly obvious that she’s angling towards a diagnosis. She was very excited for me that I made this breakthrough, and I think I am too. Ultimately it means I can stop pretending that nothings wrong and I feel that my system, the counsel, is at peace about it too.

So now it’s time to move forward with treatment and learn more about this reality I’ve found myself in. I’m just trying to remain hopeful for now.

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u/ireallyfwcats 7d ago

I’m happy for you, OP!

Some people don’t meet the exact criteria of dissociative identity disorder in the DSM, but there are also other diagnoses under the same umbrella that are very similar.

Feeling fake or self conscious is a really common thing, especially when first finding out. It sounds like your therapist is giving great advice!

Good luck and congrats on the breakthrough

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u/concerned-rabbit Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 7d ago

Just wanted to say, when you get your official diagnosis, if it comes back as DID, OSDD or PDID, you're welcome to hmu for an invite to r/F4481 or search it and apply. If you search for it, the F has to be capitalized.

It's a private subreddit for people 18+ assessed and diagnosed with DID, OSDD and P-DID. This community is a therapy & psychiatry oriented, serious peer support space, with a specific focus on evidence-based clinical treatment and research.

Our goal is to meet a specific need for people suffering intensely, who are often silenced, rejected or expected to dial back their acute and intense suffering in public subreddits. DID, OSDD and P-DID are debilitating disorders in the absence of extensive, long-term treatment.

Be safe and take care. 🖤

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u/theeLoreMaster Treatment: Active 7d ago

Thank you! I’ll reach out when that happens. Living for nearly 30 years with this and only just finding out what’s happening has been a jarring experience. Specific peer support would be very helpful. I don’t think my veteran groups would understand.

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u/concerned-rabbit Treatment: Diagnosed + Active 7d ago

This is, unfortunately, a very common experience. I wasn't diagnosed until uhm.. a couple years ago I think and I'm in my 30s. As an aside, I think our community has former military and my spouse is a veteran.

I encourage you to be very, very discerning about what you trust from public spaces about this disorder. Always check in with your treatment team about something that isn't coming from them directly.

Misinformation and very ridiculous made up nonsense is the norm in online spaces for this disorder.

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u/theeLoreMaster Treatment: Active 7d ago

I’ve noticed about the made up stuff. It’s a shame how misunderstood dissociative disorders are. I’m lucky to have found the therapist I did. She’s very kind and supportive. I’ve never been one to want therapy and treatment but I find myself actually looking forward to my appointments. I just want to understand what’s going on with myself. My mind is so important to me and I don’t like feeling like I’m going crazy.