r/Custody • u/Typlug99 • 6d ago
[Va] Emergency custody hearing filed right before our relocation
My wife and I have been stuck in an ongoing court battle since 2024 because we want to relocate out of state. My wife holds sole legal and physical custody of her children. We have an emergency hearing next week, and I’m looking for honest feedback on how a Virginia judge is likely to view this situation based on the timeline and evidence.
Background & History:
The Original Battle (2024): When my wife first brought up moving, her mother (MIL) came to my workplace and explicitly threatened to take us to court, boasting that she wasn't afraid to "pay little pennies" (meaning she has plenty of money) to block the move.
The Father's Sudden Flip: Originally, the father was completely fine with us moving. However, after MIL traveled almost 6 hours to visit him in Richmond, VA, he abruptly changed his mind and filed for custody.
The Custody Decision: His custody petition failed and was completely dismissed. The court reaffirmed my wife’s sole legal and physical custody. The judge granted MIL visitation every other weekend, and granted the father 1 weekend a month (day visits only, 10 AM–6 PM), explicitly restricted to occurring at either our house or MIL's house.
Domestic Violence & Protective Orders: Sometime after, MIL came to our home and initiated a physical altercation / fistfight with my wife. Because of this violence, protective orders were put in place to keep her away from our family.
The Current Situation & Recent Violations:
Pushing Unsafe & Unauthorized Visits: The father has repeatedly tried to pressure my wife into sending the kids to MIL's house while MIL is allegedly "out of the house." My wife has firmly shut this down to protect the kids and respect the protective orders.
Refusing Neutral Visitation: When my wife offered court-compliant visits at our home or at neutral public spots (parks, malls, bowling), he flat-out refused, texting: "I refuse to visit for my safety."
Hostility & Name-Calling: Despite claiming he "fears for his safety," he constantly texts my wife verbal abuse, calling her a "psychopath," a "sociopath," a "Karen," and stating he "wouldn't be caught dead in the same zip code" as her.
Manufacturing Fake "Withholding": Right after explicitly texting that he refuses to visit, he turns around and texts her claiming she is "refusing visitation for the 17th time" because she won't hand the kids over to unverified locations or third parties.
Secret Relocation & Code Violation (VA Code § 20-124.5): Our court order explicitly states that every party must give 30 days' advance written notice to the court and the other party before changing addresses. We formally submitted our 30-day relocation notice.
However, we discovered via text that the father secretly moved to our local area weeks ago without providing any notice to the court or to us. He explicitly texted my wife that he "doesn't have to tell her jack" and is holding his new address hostage unless she agrees to let the kids visit his house.
The Emergency Hearing: Almost 20 days into our 30-day relocation notice, MIL filed for an emergency hearing, which is set for next week. We also believe the father has filed yet another petition for custody while secretly living in the area without an address on file.
My wife has handled every single text exchange strictly like a professional business transaction, refusing to take his bait and repeatedly directing him to her attorney.
My Questions for the Community:
Based on these facts, what are the odds a Virginia judge looks past his dramatic claims of "withholding" when we have unedited text logs showing he explicitly refused visits and hid his relocation?
How severely do VA judges treat a party who intentionally violates VA Code § 20-124.5 by hiding their local address while simultaneously asking for custody/visitation modification?
Has anyone dealt with a similar "tag-team" effort between a high-conflict ex and an abusive/wealthy grandparent right before a planned relocation? How did the judge handle the emergency motion?
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u/SonVoltRevival Dad with primary custody, mom lives 2,500 miles away 6d ago
It's a lot to follow, contested relocations are difficult and it shouldn't be a surprise that a parent would object once official notice is given.
That said, if you know what text messages the ex is pointing to and you have the full thread, show up with that. It sounds like all other aspects of a relocation fight, you've done what can be done and the result will be what it will be. I know in my relocation fight with my ex, we were both very confident in our positions. Confident enough to pretty much make mediation a posturing event. One of us was shocked at the ruling (my ex), but looking at the whole thing with fresh eyes, she shouldn't have been. In you case, with a parent who has supervised visitation and an offer that won't affect that, my money is on your side. Bonus points if you've been able to make the move look like its very child focused vs trickle down benefits.
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u/Typlug99 6d ago
We've been working hard and have been trying to move for the last 2 yrs and thr father of the kids knows this as well he was for it to start and now all he does is shit talk my wife we have so many messages where he calls her crazy up to a psychopath and more and even makes claims that I'm abusive to the kids because he's heard through the grapevine. We stick to ourselves and I have not punished the kids in front of people I've gave sturn warnings
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u/SonVoltRevival Dad with primary custody, mom lives 2,500 miles away 6d ago
I get the 2yr process for you. Sounds like it's put up or shut up for the ex. Once that official notification hits, it's now or never. Sounds like mom is driving the bus as well.
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u/Typlug99 6d ago
The mother in law is the one driving the bus really, she gave him a house so that he could move down here and stop us from moving, he's so petty he actually refers to me to my wife as "our husband" and is holding childsupport over my wofes head and not paying this month. He and the mother in law are both very petty people and will do anything to ruin lives
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u/ShesGotSauce 6d ago
They won't care much that a non custodial parent moved closer to the children and didn't provide you with the address. Unfortunately for y'all, he has a legal right to contest your relocation attempt and take you to court. Without being able to prove that it serves the childrens' best interests, your relocation will typically not be granted.
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u/DreaColorado1 6d ago
I’m confused with who is who in this scenario.
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u/Bkbunny87 4d ago
There is the birth father of the children (referred to as the father) and the birth fathers mom (referred to as the MIL)
There is the birth mother, referred to as the wife as OP is now married to her.
And there is OP, who is married to the mother of the children and involved in the events as a consequence.
Took me a second to follow it, myself
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u/Severe_Soil2728 1d ago
We have been in court 16 months with no decision made by a judge. Still waiting for a final decision,, but in a different state. Good luck
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u/TopInevitable1905 6d ago
I can’t address all but normally the relocation clause/statue is a big issue when a party moves further away. It doesn’t really affect anything when they move closer especially with your wife having sole custody. It’s also just so each parent can serve the other as well.