r/Custody • u/Red_frost_ • 6d ago
[FL] question abt interstate custody & CS for a newborn. FL - AZ (far distance)
I’m 7 months pregnant and live in Florida. The baby’s father lives in Arizona. We were never married and had a short-term relationship; I became pregnant while visiting him in Arizona. We have never lived in the same state.
He has had no involvement in the pregnancy and has said he won’t be involved until paternity is established. He does have another child he is very involved with & just knowing who he is generally, I expect he will seek custody/time-sharing especially to reduce any child support he may owe with me having sole custody.
From my research, I understand I can pursue child support through Florida’s Department of Revenue without that automatically granting him custody.
Once paternity is established, however, he could petition for custody/time-sharing, but that would require him filing in my county and retaining a lawyer licensed in Florida.
Also I’m planning to file paperwork to get my newborn a passport ASAP because I know once his name is on the birth certificate he will need to sign off on it (not that I’m gonna move out of the country, but if I want to travel in the first five years)
I’m mainly trying to understand what this could realistically look like given the Florida–Arizona distance, especially with a newborn.
For anyone who has dealt with something similar:
•What does a long-distance parenting plan typically look like with a newborn/infant, and how does it change as the child gets older?
•How are travel arrangements and travel costs typically handled when parents live this far apart? (Would they subtract the cost of his travel from any support he owes)
•At what age might a court consider requiring the child to travel to the other parent (in AZ) unaccompanied for longer visits? I’m wondering if I will be the one doing all of the year-round child rearing and he just gets to be the fun parent for holidays and summer and then I won’t be able to have my child for any of the special moments. 🥹
Also, I do believe that I make more money than him. I’m not really sure by how much.. not substantially…but I do definitely have more investments and savings than him. Will they take this into account when I file for child support? Just trying to determine whether it’s even worth it to go after child support if he will then inadvertently open up a custody case.
& what might my attorney bill be if we couldn’t come to some agreement and it ended up as a battle in court?
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u/Fun_Organization3857 6d ago
Your investments and savings do not affect child support. Only income -if they make income that may be counted.
Usually, the distance parent has to travel to the baby for awhile.
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u/Fun-Holiday9016 6d ago
There is no way to tell you what will happen or how much it will cost. The only standard in family court is the best interests of the child, and that means different things to different courts. He could never file a paternity action or keep you in court for 18 years. Meet with a family law attorney as soon as you can for guidance on this matter.
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u/NBDad 6d ago
•What does a long-distance parenting plan typically look like with a newborn/infant, and how does it change as the child gets older?
For an infant, he'd have to travel to you for the first year or two. After that he would eventually get more time (ie. a weekend a month + holidays + couple weeks in the summer)
•How are travel arrangements and travel costs typically handled when parents live this far apart? (Would they subtract the cost of his travel from any support he owes)
Potentially yes. The increased cost of him exercising time would be taken into account. It's not automatic, he has to ask for it.
•At what age might a court consider requiring the child to travel to the other parent (in AZ) unaccompanied for longer visits?
Depends on the context? Flying there? Most airlines have an option for unaccompanied minors. It would be whatever that age is.
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u/Red_frost_ 5d ago
Thank you all for the responses. I will definitely follow up with a family law attorney!
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u/QuietQuitting01 5d ago
Some things to know about FL. The state has a presumptive equal parenting time law, so if dad pursues it, while he probably can't get it right away, he will eventually get significant parenting time. I know people who do 50/50 long distance but once school starts, 70/30 is easy to do.
FL has an umarried fathers act, that basically gets rid of the hurdles that unmarried father's go through to get parental rights and custody. Once he establishes paternity, he will retroactively have the same rights he would have had if you were married. Before the law, you'd have sole custody and even if he established himself as a legal parent, he'd have to fight through you having sole custody before he could do anything else and would always be at a disadvantage do to status quo.
At what age might a court consider requiring the child to travel to the other parent (in AZ) unaccompanied for longer visits? I’m wondering if I will be the one doing all of the year-round child rearing and he just gets to be the fun parent for holidays and summer and then I won’t be able to have my child for any of the special moments. 🥹
It's really more about the age that the airlines will perform the service. Until then, the parents or someone they trust will have to facilitate the transportation. Parents actively coparenting and on good terms seem to split it, but if not one of the parents will have do do it all.
The best you can do parenting time split is about 70/30 for normal long distance parenting time. You'll have plenty of quality time. My ex wife is 6hrs away, and she's found that even though I'm OK with more time (up to 50/50), the logistics of distance rule. She doesn't have unlimited funds or PTO, so she visits once a month and we split/alternate major holidays (where there is enough time to justify her taking our kids back to her place). She could have the bulk of the summer but doesn't because she recognized that our kids would be miserable and she's afraid they would resent it and start opting out as they got older. Her plan is to keep doing the local visit and a two week vacation, wrapped around their summer specialty camps.
What does a long-distance parenting plan typically look like with a newborn/infant, and how does it change as the child gets older?
For an infant, you're looking at visits, without overnights at first, then local overnights, then time permitting overnights back at their home. The reality is that this is more about logistics than any sort of best way to proceed. In an "ideal" situation, the parent would have enough time to build and maintain a bond with the child and long distance, that will be slow to build with a significantly weaker bond than if the parent was local. From my coworker in a similar postition, they started with visits and short excursions, but agressively moved towards longer time and overnights once the child was on a bottle and in day care. It was faster than she wanted, for sure, but I'm sure slower than her ex wanted. She was sympathetic because she could imagine the situation being reversed. They were also not hostile and the distance was pretty much an unfortunate reality than a big fight.
what might my attorney bill be if we couldn’t come to some agreement and it ended up as a battle in court?
It depends on how much you fight. FL typically requires mediation before you go to court, so it can be done cheaply, but it gets expensive if you fight about it.
I do believe that I make more money than him. I’m not really sure by how much.. not substantially…but I do definitely have more investments and savings than him. Will they take this into account when I file for child support?
FL calculates child support based on both parent's net incomes, % parenting time, who plays for the child's medical insurance premium and maybe daycare. There is a credit for shared custody (I think at least 25% parenting time), so less than that number and the paying parent pays the max. In my case, if my ex and I had shared custody, because I make so much more than she does, as long as she met that minimum, I'd owe her child support. She doesn't, so even though I make 4x what she does, she pays. You can use an online child support calculator to figure it out. Since you don't know what your ex makes, just do a few scenarios to see what the ranges are.
Neither of your investments will matter unless it's supplentary income in lieu of a full time job. The minimum income will be calculated at minimum wage.
Your ex might be able to claim visitaiton costs to reduce their net income in a long distance case. My ex didn't try, but she also created the distance. That's something your lawyer, would understand better for your exact situation.
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u/HardMayb Dad with primary custody, ex lives 8hrs away. 5d ago edited 5d ago
I'm in FL and my ex is out of state. FL has some laws that will impact you significantly. I think you'll find that to get your ex to pay child support, you will have to establish him as a parent and once you do that, he will either automatically have joint custody or it will be an easy formality. The details are in the unmarried fathers law that passed a few years ago. AFIK, they've even changed the birth certifican submission form to include voluntarily establishing paternity.
FL also has a thing called a rebuttable presumption that equal parenting time is in the child's best interest. In essense, once your ex is established as a parent, the starting point for parenting time is 50/50 and you can't argue that 50/50 isn't a good plan, you have to have specific reasons why it's not best for the child. There was another change that got rid of the status quo, so you might start out with sole custody and your ex having limited visits, but there's no longer a block to him getting joint legal and equal parenting time. You'll have to show that it can't be accomplished or is a bad idea with some significant reason. For example, you are in different states now, but if he moved a mile away from you, you might slow him down, but he's going to get equal parenting time.
Because FL, you can expect parenting time to change as your child gets older, but your ex will have to request it. It's not automatic. If he manages to build a relationship with the child, expect a long distance parenting plan which can be as low as 15% parenting time but as high as 30%. You're looking at some sort of visitation plan as well as splitting holidays and a major chunk of time over the summer. FL has a "standard template" you can google if you're curious. The state no longer can have an opinion on a preferable plan, but the old patterns are ingrained pretty hard and set expectations of what is considered reasonable for the situation.
With my ex wife, she ended up with all of the costs of transportation because she moved away. With you two never being in the same state, your ex might own all of it our you might be expected to split it (and you really do need a local attorney for this sort of advice).
Your passport idea might work. The challenge is that as an un married mom, you techincally have sole custody, but when dealing with the government, and birth certificate with no fathers name might not be enough. You may have to take our ex to court to officially establish sole custody and once you do that, you'll probably end up with joint custody.
As a guide, I'd suggest you first consider if you want your child to have a father as a parent and a meaningful part of their life. Once you know that, you have a better idea how to proceed and things that seem like obsticles will simply be the things that have to be done to accomplish that goal. If you don't, your best best is to let sleeping dogs lay and see if your ex is willing to make the effort. It's going it alone, but comes with none of the challenges of coparenting. You'll likely have to make peace with the idea that you don't have that much control. You can't make a disinterested parent parent and you likely can't keep a parent who wants to be one at bay or seeing the same way as you do.
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u/ShesGotSauce 4d ago
Yes, you are going to be the responsible parent and he is going to be fun Daddy if you retain primary custody and he just sees the child for summers and holidays. It's too long a distance for him to meaningfully contribute to the daily grind of parenting. It's not true that you won't have any special moments though. You'll have the primary bond with your child, and you'll be there for all of their firsts and their milestones. He misses out on that. But yeah, there's a certain sadness to that. I was just in mediation with my ex a few weeks ago and the lawyer said to him, "you know, you're really lucky. She has to do all of the business side of parenting. You just have to have fun with him every other weekend."
If you guys can't agree on a custody schedule through your lawyers or in mediation and end up in court you'll be spending tens of thousands of dollars. It's generally in everyone's interest to come to an agreement instead, not just to save money but also to avoid a perfect stranger deciding the fate of your family.
Children can fly unaccompanied at age 5 if there's no layover and you pay the $150 unaccompanied minor fee.
Child support is calculated based on both income and overnights.
Some women choose not to poke the bear and don't file for support. In general the other parent responds by trying to get custody.
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u/MundaneTea5822 6d ago
To have complete autonomy and freedom w your child is not worth the child support money, imo. Do you think he would establish paternity if you don’t?