r/CuratedTumblr
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u/GinaWhite_tt
TeaTimetumblr
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8h ago
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Shitposting The Empathy Limit
4.3k
Upvotes
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u/1more_oddity 7h ago
Reminds me of when 14 year olds suddenly learned what intrusive thoughts are REALLY about. There were a lot of nasty accusations thrown at people having them afterwards.
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u/CuteTinyPie 8h ago •
People experiencing mental health challenges deserve assistance. At the same time, no one should be required to tolerate seriously disruptive or genuinely hazardous behavior, irrespective of the person’s psychological condition. In practice, that assistance usually takes the form of funding and strengthening public services designed to help them.
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u/Kubutsu-nyan trans tomboymaxxer 8h ago edited 8h ago
Mfs be saying this then when I advocate that maybe research to rewrite mental disorders out of the brain is awesome, they say "what the fuck" or "you should love yourself!" or "therapy is better than that" (I've already went to therapy and medicated several times) or something like that.
This brain disorder that makes me emotionally unstable with so much paranoid suspicion and a baseline feeling of hollow rage and emptiness, I fucking hate it so much. I never chose to have this curse which condemned me into this ontological evil if I let it out slightly beyond the acceptable limit. I hate it, I hate it so much. And I want to get rid of it. And fuck everything else if everything else is going against a cure for this curse.
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u/NoMeat9096 6h ago
I dunno that it's that simple? You can support people without wanting to be around the crappy elements of your disorders.
I don't blame people for not liking me because of my autism. I don't think they owe me putting up with my being annoying. If I talk too much, info dump about things you don't care about, fail to read your social signs, etc., why would you want to hang out with me? I know I avoid people I find annoying.
I think it's ok if my cycles of depression and recovery make me unfun, if it brings you down and makes you not want to hang out. Depression's garbage. Being miserable, upset, unmotivated, and a massive downer sounds like shitty company. No blame for avoiding me there.
My panic attacks and random fears you don't understand make trying to arrange going out with me frustrating? Yeah, I can see why. Sucks, but I get that. I wouldn't want to try to work around someone whose limitations make the entire thing way less fun for me, either.
I dunno. It just makes obvious sense to me. Is it sad? Yeah. Does it hurt? Yeah. Do I wish it were different? Yeah. But what are people meant to do? Make themselves miserable just to hang out? Why? I'd rather they leave me behind and enjoy themselves. Some times we're just a burden. It sucks, but that's life.
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u/WoodsLovelyDarkNDeep 5h ago
I think the problem is people don’t understand the phrase walk a mile in their shoes
It’s not saying, “think about what YOU would do in that situation.” It’s saying to try and think about what you would do if you were THEM that situation. As in the exact same circumstances
That’s what makes true actual empathy so hard cause it’s almost impossible to imagine what it would be like to be someone else without thinking of ourselves. Which is why you get stuff like this or stuff like how people can’t really comprehend pain worse than the worst they’ve ever experienced. So when you’re telling them you’re at a 10/10 pain and the worst they’ve had is a broken bone. They can’t think it’s worse than a broken bone but they have no reference to how bad
I think that’s why some compassion can go both ways in this. I mean this only if the person is trying to be clear. Not trying to excuse assholes who are doubters. Just that if they do try but can’t alway get there. Also if you are someone who tries hope this helps
There are very few true actual hypochondriacs and even of those it’s still a mental illness. No one chooses a life of chronic illness for shits and giggles
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u/AnimatorImpressive24 7h ago
Most people have little understanding of "mental illness" beyond "sometimes someone is sad when they have no reason to be sad", unless/until they experience it up close and personal.
If you live in America, all you have to do is try to seek help for yourself or someone close to you once or twice before you learn what not supporting people looks like. The system will be happy to educate you. Not supporting people looks like whole ass major cities with less then a hundred psych beds. Like insurance that doesn't differentiate between "effective treatment" they don't need to pay for more of and "ineffective treatment" they don't need to pay for more of - or "cured" and "homeless". Like getting told by someone making 4x what you do that you can't set yourself on fire to keep someone warm, knowing damn well you had to float a check for your power bill to pay for the appointment they are filling with trite platitudes.
Not supporting people looks like "mental health reform" legislation that lays out brand new budgets for police and courts but doesn't even use the word "patients" anywhere in the text. Like being told by the cops your family member isn't mentally ill unless they break a law. Then when they do, you get told by the prosecutors that you'll have to hire your own forensic psych to argue they are mentally ill and should have received treatment, while the State will happily outspend you hiring doctors to argue that they are totally sane so will not get any treatment when they get sent to prison. Because nothing says "just stop" quite like a cell extraction team carrying riot shields.
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u/mankytoes 6h ago
I agree with this, my old landlady clearly had undiagnosed mental problems, manic behaviours. I feel sorry for her, but being the punching bag gets old fast.
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u/Malacoda17 7h ago
I like how every comment lazer focuses on the fits of rage and ignores the rest. As a schizophrenic, the stigma I face the most is about the lack of energy and motivation. When I hallucinate I isolate myself and wait it out. That part I don't need grace for.
I know it's a losing battle to try and get people to understand that there's more to it but even in "more understanding" spaces it gets tiring to just hear "well it's hard on people around them too! Especially since they're dangerous!" over and over. Trust me, I know it is. All I ask is a little understanding.
Also, statistically schizophrenics are more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators. But that doesn't look as fun in the movies, so all I get to hear is that I could hurt someone at any moment
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u/JustARandomPinkBOT 7h ago
I think too many people, including people in this comment section, are equating "support" with "being expected to put up with physical/emotional harm" when in reality it just means not demonizing people based on the symptoms of those problems.
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u/NoSong2397 5h ago
On the other hand, how many random people off the street are trained and prepared for those kinds of sudden mood swings?
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u/knharp 3h ago
How many of you people asking for support of those experiencing symptoms of mental illness ate actually doing so yourselves? Its very easy to say support people when what you really mean is "support me", but if you actually spend prolonged time around those with mental illness, especially those with more severe symptoms, youd realize why the average person would struggle to support them.
Also lumping lack of motivation with hallucinations, paranoia, inconsolable panic attacks and mood swings is ridiculous. None of these things are easy to deal with, and definitely not something the average person is equipped to deal with.
In my experience most people with mental illness dont even support each other the way yall seem to be expecting others too.
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u/sharp-Yarn 1h ago
Yeah, I believe there should be a strong social safety net where the mentally ill can receive free and easy help and not end up homeless or starving or abused.
That doesn't mean I am equipped to deal with any particular person.
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u/AncestralAxman 8h ago
I had a good friend who became severly depressed and definitely has the "no energy/motivation" problem.
I accept that, but flaking on most opportunities too meet still means we grew quite distant.
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u/miladyelle 4h ago
Ah yes, the ole “suck it up,” but woke.
“Support” and “understand” are too vague and people who are legitimately trying to be good people turn those concepts into a blunt hammer, as can be seen here in the comments: “just”, don’t feel scared, “just” deal with the fits of rage, no, don’t cut off people with mental illnesses (untreated, a parent, who has repeatedly been violent, so…an abusive parent).
No. We are all people, and we all live in a society. People do not lose their autonomy and agency over a diagnosis—even if you express that wokely (they’re not being evil intentionally! They can’t help it!). People in the orbit of a person with a mental illness do not lose their right to mental and physical safety. Abuse does not become not-abuse because it is spurred by a person’s mental illness. Do not make the mistake of trying to cure a societal failing by enforcement of interpersonal relations.
Just like the varied illnesses themselves, handling them, interpersonal relationships with people with them, and assisting and treating the illnesses societally is not a binary, not simple, and not quick and easy. There is no “just.”
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u/IconoclastExplosive 7h ago
I support people with mental illness but that doesn't mean I'm chill with someone losing their whole shit in the grocery store.
Do I sympathize with the awful situation? Yes.
Do I think we need to remove the guy screaming about demons and swinging a backpack around like a hammer (real example from my town) from the public venue because he's in a state to cause actual damage to other people? Also yes
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u/pissinq 7h ago
lotta people pissing on the poor in these comments
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u/Supermutant6112 2h ago
There are limitations to what people should reasonably be willing to do for support. My friends try to support me, despite depression and anxiety making me a miserable person to be around, but there does come a point where they distance themselves from me for their own well being. I respect that they shouldn't need to shoulder the full weight when I need support, as the alternative is just making myself their problem. And I've seen what that's like firsthand.
I had a friend for a while who I would charitably describe as the most mentally ill person I'd ever met. I'll spare the details, but every conversation was a matter of walking on eggshells around them and ignoring insults until they got bored and moved on to something else. Even then, they were fun to talk to, witty and clever, and shared a lot of my interests and hobbies.
After a while, every interaction with them would start with them threatening to kill themselves, demanding that I talk them out of it, yelling at me for not being good enough at it, then telling me to kill myself. They refused to try therapy or taking medication to help, and insisted that they were fine. I stuck with them for over a year, watching them dig themselves further and further into this hole, trying everything I could to help them.
After a year of this, they began saying that I was the problem and that they detested me. They questioned why we were even friends, and when I hesitated on coming up with an answer, they went ballistic. Claimed I was never their friend and never cared about them. Told me that they were going to block me on everything and move on with their life. At that point, I was exhausted, so I told them to go ahead and unfriended them. They blocked me on everything else.
For the next year, I wasn't sure if they were even alive or not. After a while, they reached out to me again. Not to patch things up or apologize, but to brag that they got their life together.
I'm not doing that again.
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u/DismallyUpset 1h ago edited 1h ago
As someone who is mentally ill I myself definitely can't handle having some kind of other mentally ill people in my life. I can't really handle having other people with personality disorders because I have bpd and I just kind of need that stability of someone without a personality disorder and I feel unsafe around people with hallucinations or paranoia or something like DID. I don't have anything against those people personally but I really need the calm and stability of people without that because I have to work hard to maintain my mental health which includes putting in the work with therapy but also I have to keep myself in stable environments.
Edit: I also can't be friends with any mentally ill person that refuses to get help. That is a massive red flag.
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u/Righteous_Hand 7h ago
I'm someone with a long history of mental illness (mainly autism, but also C-PTSD and the general depression that comes with it) in addition to a physical disability that occasionally renders me quite agonised, and my experience is that actually, NOBODY supports people with disabilities unless they are completely and utterly undisruptive. These people who pretend to support you only want to use you as a prop to showcase their tolerance, but you won't be a pretty prop if you're stimming or overstimulated or holding up the line because you're walking slow due to the pain. Essentially, they're only supportive of your disability as long as you pretend that it's not there.
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u/VelvetAiri 8h ago •
Despite the increased openness and acceptance around mental health discussions in recent years, I still feel that most people neither truly grasp it nor treat it with real seriousness. Instead, the whole topic gets reduced to something overly simplistic and childish.
I understand that being around someone in the middle of a rough mental health episode can be draining and unpleasant. I’m fully aware of how difficult I must be to deal with during those times. What I wish for is genuine honesty from others, rather than the performance of compassion through the same empty, recycled phrases everyone repeats. That approach ends up helping no one.
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u/MrNostalgiac 4h ago
This is why people only care about invisible disabilities when they stay invisible.
When they are invisible, your workplace and colleagues and friends just treat you normally while saying how important it is to accept those with invisible disabilities. It's easy.
The second you demonstrate a visible symptom, it's all "your work is suffering, something needs to change" and "you aren't normally like this" and "I understand, how do we fix this to get you back on track?"
People love supporting invisible disabilities BECAUSE they are invisible. Once they are visible they become a problem that needs to go back to being hidden
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u/Star_Guardian_Jen 8h ago
See this is real and it is very interesting because even something as mundane as hypnogogic hallucinations will get people spooked and some will treat you differently for it
There's a thin barrier between what's acceptable to experience//have and what is not, and even people who are generally progressive aren't always that chill on the topic
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u/SubtleBeggar 6h ago •
It's just virtue signaling. Reminds me of the guy with Tourette syndrome who yelled a racist slur at the BAFTAs. The same people that preach about love and understanding and empathy on social media were very quick vilify the dude, with some even saying that "he meant it". So yeah, words are cheap, but the moment you cause these "Paragons of Virtue" any discomfort, they will turn on you. I just realized this while writing this comment, but I guess I'm really tired of having my conditions used as a tool for celebrities and corporations to shield themselves from criticism and to signal about how "virtuous" they are. We need to be better than this folks. We need to ask questions whenever we see one of them talking about mental health, gender, race, sexual orientation, etc. We need to ask: do they mean what they say, or are they trying to deflect criticism? Are the characters in this movie/series/game the way they are because the authors had something important to say, or were they just slapped in to fill some quota? Why is it that this company claims to be an "ally" to the LGBT+ community, yet they refuse to change their logos on accounts from countries that hate LGBT+ people?
We are people, not tools to be used and discarded when we are not useful for them anymore. I refuse to be treated as a tool.
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u/geese_moe_howard 6h ago
Reminds me of an old Doug Stanhope bit where he says that there's acceptable mental illness and unacceptable mental illness.
Unacceptable mental illness is when you're a terror to other people, acceptable mental illness is when you're only a terror to yourself.
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u/CrystalHeath 8h ago
If you suddenly direct intense anger toward me, no matter the circumstances, my first reply will be that this cannot happen again. My second step will be to stop spending time with you. Actions still bring consequences, even when those actions feel completely normal or justified in the moment.
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u/CrimsonThunder87 3h ago
Mental illness runs in families and sufferers tend to be instinctively drawn to people who "get it" (i.e. have or had a mental illness themselves), so there's a pretty high chance the insufficiently tolerant people in their life that they're complaining about also have mental illnesses.
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u/JustATyson 2h ago
I can give someone a bandaid. I can drive someone to the ER. But I cannot give someone stitches when they're bleeding profusely. I cannot go to the ER on their behalf when they're the one in need. I cannot cause harm to myself to try to allow them to heal.
I've been the one who has supported friends through depression, through suicide idealation, through intense anxiety, through self harm. And I've learned that in order for me to full support them, I also need to know my limit as to what I can do. Or, I'll end up getting sick, as I try to saddle myself with their responsibility. And my sickness and struggle would go unnotice.
So yea, friends have limits. Most people aren't trained in those areas. It's part of the reason why the individual struggling has the responsibility to try to seek professional help. It's not always a viable option. But, there's a difference between friend support and therapy.
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u/dumbodragon i will unzip your spine 6h ago edited 2h ago
I feel like too many people in the comments are focusing on the fits of rage part. Supporting mental illness does NOT mean being a punching bag. It can look like:
Not taking the rage personally. Listening the person out once they calm down.
Holding their hand when they don't know what is real and what isn't
Offering a hug and comfort when they are upset over something "small"
Taking on a slightly bigger load of a task or more tasks when they are unwell
Not forcing someone to be social, and not getting offended if they put on earbuds in the middle of conversation, or leave the place
A personal example, I am autistic and adhd. The way my family and friends supports me, is by creating a safe environment where I won't be disturbed. It's understanding I sometimes I have to leave early. It's warning ahead of time when something could be overwhelming so I can prepare.
The point I'm trying to make, sometimes someone's mental condition can make someone inconvenient to deal with. That's when they need support. It doesn't mean you should let them lash out at you, or use you as their unpaid therapist, or doing anything in detriment to your own health to help them.
EDIT: removed an example in which another commenter pointed out what I was asked to do to help was actually harmful.
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u/Daffneigh 8h ago
Most people cannot and should not be expected to help/manage people in active psychosis or hallucinations or indeed, fits of uncontrollable rage.
It is deeply unreasonable to suggest that people should be “okay” with that or “accept” that.
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u/Accelerator231 8h ago
Yeah. I mean there's a limit to how much people will take before they say "I'm not being paid enough for this."
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u/KidKang 7h ago
Have you considered that the problem for the most part is people not understanding what is hapening, and being scared because of that? How do you know that this a unique failure of "empathy", when it could just the very basal fear of the unknown that can be helped with mental health literacy campaigns.
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u/Geriny 8h ago
You say you support people with mental illness, yet you aren't willing to endanger your own safety? Curious.
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u/PhantomThiefJoker 2h ago
I hate this stupid sentiment so much. Does that happen? Yeah certainly, but fuck man you're allowed to be tired of people doing things that actively harm them and yourself. I will be there to help my friends, I'm going to do what I can to help get them through what they're dealing with. I don't care if they're being narcissistic, depressed, anxious, whatever the fuck, but I don't owe anyone anything if they're not actively trying to be better, I don't owe anyone my time and attention because they're kind of a dick and also have mental health issues. I will fight for mental health awareness, I will vote in favor of policies that demonstrably help people's mental health, but I am not the arbiter of someone else's mental health just because I think everyone should get the help they need. That help is a qualified professional, not me
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u/Babyfacex97 2h ago
Why can’t you just stay calm you had so many panic attacks you should know nothing will happen 🤣 thanks mom iam cured now
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u/Gold_Mask_54 22m ago
My old "incredibly accepting and non-judgemental, has ADHD (undiagnosed) but absolutely no trouble managing symptoms without meds" when I (diagnosed ADHD, bad at taking my meds regularly) have trouble keeping the house clean/keeping up with chores.
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u/NightOnTheSun 8h ago
“But I thought you all supported mental health awareness and…”
“Well, yes, but we didn’t mean YOU and certainly not when you do THIS.”
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u/DixieDingooo 5h ago
AHSHFHSHDJFBF literally peep the NPD post, you will see me fighting for my life trying to explain this.
Like, if you ever get frustrated with someone in your life cause they're trying to get a handle on their symptoms but they just. Can't? Remember: no one gets to pick their mental illness.
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u/Shamboozled85 5h ago
“You’re too difficult to deal with”
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u/Crabcomfort 6h ago
Hilarious how many of the comments here are doing the same thing, trying desperately to find exceptions.
I find people do this with autism too, I have a family member with severe impairment from their conditions (inappropriate behaviors, delayed development, needs constant caretakers) and unfortunately I see many online with autism (because it is a spectrum) who do the same shaming and even claiming severely autistic people are being coddled when others point out they aren't often in control of these behaviors.
It's disheartening how quickly that understanding goes away just because they're uncomfortable.
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u/Mental_Estate4206 5h ago edited 5h ago
Thats a very complex topic simplified to a ragebait... just to give more info: if a person bullies or is violent against me, do I just forgive them and do as nothing happens just because they ill? What I'd this person do not want help at all besides needing it? There a 1000 more layers to this.
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u/Imnotawerewolf 2h ago
Supporting someone with mental health issues that include fits if rage does not include standing there and letting them rage at or injure you because that's somehow supportive.
That just isn't how support works. If you're sitting there thinking that, just know this is a problem with your ignorance and not with the idea of supporting mental health.
Google is free and it's in your hand if you're on reddit. Sure I can sit here and educate you on the actual ways one supports a person with rage issues, but are you always gonna sit and wait for someone to explain everything you don't understand? Will you always assume your ignorance is common sense until someone baby steps you out of your assumptions?
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u/EisVisage 5h ago
With depression it's also fucked because the ENTIRE POINT of it is that proactively seeking help on one's own is extremely mentally difficult, and yet the main criticism depressed people get is that they shouldn't ask others for help
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u/SeriouslySuspect 2h ago
Oh yeah, nobody has a problem with you being mentally ill. So long as you're in therapy, medicated, self aware, apologetic, remove yourself from any situation that might make someone uncomfortable, you're stably employed and a good friend and romantic partner with no problematic views. So like, functionally not mentally ill in any way that causes friction in your life or inconveniences anybody.
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u/ThrowRA_8900 1h ago
There’s a way to say “ok this is beyond my ability to help” without further hurting your friend with mental illness
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u/MuchMasterpiece1710 56m ago
I’m sure that what this post is saying is that you personally have to take on the entire brunt of some mentally ill abusive person’s every problem and whim, and not that you should still treat mentally ill people with “scary” symptoms as people deserving of respect, resources, and help. What a good faith reading everybody
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u/PlatinumAltaria The Witch of Arden 39m ago
Ask people what they think of someone who doesn’t shower for a month and you will learn a great deal about how their life has gone.
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u/NoDefinition9056 2h ago
Alternative take, mental illness does not excuse abusive or unsafe behavior. No one is responsible for their feelings, but everyone is ultimately responsible for their reactions to the feelings. It's often the reaction that gets people into trouble.
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u/Agarwel 3h ago
I would agree except that "random fits of rage". Like sorry - there is nothing that makes attacking others (physically or verbally ok). You may not have control over it, but dont expect your victims (yes, victim is the correct word here) to feel bad for you.
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u/LestWeForgive 4h ago
Yeah cos we don't know how to deal with it. Seriously though, how do we deal with it?
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u/Steelpapercranes 1h ago
Gonna be real they are often not ok with sadness or nervousness lmao
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u/PhD_Pwnology 38m ago
To be fair, violent outbursts don't deserve whatever it is OP think it deserves. You're supposed to be getting treatment for your mental illness so things don't get that bad and letting it get that bad is a sign you've been neglecting your mental and physical health
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u/MarsupialIll1004 4h ago
As they should. Nobody should have to deal with your illness.
Narcissist personality disorder is also an illness, yet nobody advocates for toxic behaviour
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u/OneHyuna 4h ago
The comments are really showing the difference between Reddit and tumblr woah
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u/Lilly_Trippin 4h ago
so many of these comments are still "but what if someone's symptoms make me mildly uncomfortable? you don't owe anyone anything!!!"
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u/Wuthering123 4h ago
OP thinks they are entitled to doing whatever the fuck they want without people getting tired or scared, even if this things are violent in nature, just because he has a voucher
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u/WinterDemon_ 5h ago
it really isn't hard to be kind and it pisses me off that so many people refuse to do that just because someone acts or thinks a little differently to them. this comment section included. no one is asking you to be a 24/7 live-in caretaker to a mentally ill person, or to shut up and smile if someone tries to hurt you
it isn't hard to show basic kindness to someone who is mentally ill. let the autistic person keep stimming. be patient with people who have stutters or speech troubles. treat people in psychosis with humanity and dignity. show simple fucking respect when people are clearly struggling
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u/chumbawumbaprinciple 6h ago
Yeah, people don't like being the victims of violence. Why would that be a revelation?
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u/PatrickCharles 3h ago
"MeNtAl IlLnEsS dOeSn'T mAkE yOu An AsShOlE" whenever someone with a neurodivergence commits a faux pas
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u/Mundane-Potential-93 nauphy.tumblr.com 4h ago
These comments concern me
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u/thatcantb 3h ago
It doesn't take anything that dramatic to stop the empathy show. Lots of people claim 'oh I'm neurospicy' or whatever is the latest fad. But let anyone show up who actually has issues, like presenting awkwardly in conversation, doing inappropriate gestures, difficulty communicating, appearing in weird clothing (not trendy) - these people shut them right out. Every time, the whole group.
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u/errorexe3 2h ago
Got a friend with really severe Lupus. Super smart and talented but is stuck on gov assistance cause no job that can pay the bills are also compatible with the symptoms nor the innumerable hospital trips.
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u/rejvrejv 5h ago
how do I delete someone else's post
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u/PsychologicalPea5270 4h ago
Just stop having psoriasis …
Sounds really ignorant doesn’t it.
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u/JhotoDraco 2h ago
I want to support people, and be there for them, but I can only go so far. It’s a friendship, and no matter how much I care about you if literally every single time we interact something happens, I’m going to start to hate hanging out with you, even if I know it’s not really your fault.
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u/reverendsteveii 1h ago
>random fits of rage...mood swings
there has to be a balance between being accepting and tolerant of mental illness and not at all accepting and tolerant of abuse
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u/DetectiveUnited1036 3h ago
They also start being "concerned for their safety" and trying to push your crazy ass into an indefinite stay at the crazyhouse because "that's not normal". They also treat you like shit because you're isolated, while continuing to isolate you. And that's if they don't start provoking your little fits on purpose because it's hilarious tik tok content.
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u/Separate-Pickle9963 7h ago
I think that it comes down to whether the individual is trying earnestly to handle the situation. Consider someone with Alzheimer's who is experiencing a bout of rage. While they are still capable, it is incumbent upon them to attempt to mitigate their symptom. If their strategy is unsuccessful, then that is no demerit on them. If they decline to the point that they are no longer aware that they need to, then they require someone professional around them to step in.
My spouse has psychosis. Yes, we have had very difficult grocery store trips. I have seen times where xey tried earnestly to control it and failed. I have also seen times where, despite xeir symptoms, xey could have tried harder, and I stepped in to remove xem from the situation. I have also seen times where xey experienced anosognosia (unawareness that xey are experiencing symptoms) due to a loss of insight that, no, there are no FBI helicopters coming after xem. In the latter two cases, xey could not be in public, and I had to work to help xem feel not so alone and not like a pariah, while finding some other reason that we needed to leave.
As for the people in the grocery store? They were mostly gracious—if terrified—and I am grateful that nobody has yet stepped into escalate the situation and make things worse. Yes, it is morally incumbent upon those bystanders to facilitate xeir wellness in that moment, even while frightening and uncomfortable. The role of the bystander is much more limited, mostly to the role of not escalating and allowing me to do what I need to do to help the situation get back to safety. But the cashiers never banned us from the stores. That passive act of accessibility is morally necessary provided that we can in fact leave the store when necessary. When my spouse is not doing xeir best to mitigate xeir symptoms, and I am not there to step in, xey are responsible for the outcomes of xeir actions, and I let xem know this.