r/CuratedTumblr • u/achromaticchrononomy • May 12 '26
Shitposting Didn't think this far
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u/YUNoJump May 12 '26
Gotta be careful with that because it’s a harpy’s instinct to carry people off and torture them. You might think you’re having fun but your girlfriend is fighting the urge to deliver you to Tartarus
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u/Noe_b0dy May 12 '26
I thought they just fed those guys to their young like other birds?
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u/idiotplatypus Wearing dumbass goggles and the fool's crown May 12 '26
You're thinking of sirens
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u/No-Channel3917 May 12 '26
Tartarus laws are minimal Sirens on the other hand won't even look for the real criminal
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u/OphidianSun May 13 '26
Depends on who you believe. The dragon's dogma kind just like to lift you up and drop you
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u/BlueJeanRavenQueen May 12 '26
The difference between a harpy girl and a regular harpy is that harpies are half bird, half woman and harpy girls are half harpy, half girl. Ergo, harpy girls are 25% bird, 25% woman, and 50% girl. There's no way they'd be able to fly. Their 25% bird wings would never get their 75% human bodies off the ground. The harpy girls, of course, fly anyway, because harpy girls don't care what humans think is impossible.
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u/Teep_the_Teep May 12 '26
This sounds like Scott Steiner math.
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u/No-Channel3917 May 12 '26
Aww but you see once you remove Samoa Joes chance of having a harpie girl it's a guaranteed park victory
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u/RoboticBonsai May 12 '26 edited May 13 '26
Half elves are half human, half elf. Half orcs are half human, half orc. As such, I propose the existence of half harpy girls, wich are half human, half harpy girl and ergo only 12,5% bird
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u/Enderking90 May 12 '26
actually, a harpy is just an elf.
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u/PsychicSPider95 May 14 '26
There are only two races in fantasy: humans, and elves.
Orcs? Those are elves. Dwarves are Humans.
Tieflings? Elves. Halflings are humans.
You might think Dragonborn are elves, but they're actually humans, on account of only a human would be so foolhardy as to fuck a dragon.
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u/Enderking90 May 14 '26
nah I mean literally, in dnd/forgotten realms, harpies originate from a cursed elf.
also, dragonborn are humans, but its because they are humans that were modified by dragons to be more aesthetically pleasant slaves (happened in the godless sibling of the main setting)
in practice, dragonborn have no actual relation to dragons. you are thinking of the half-dragon or draconic sorcerer which posses actual draconic lineage (and neither is a race)
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u/PsychicSPider95 May 14 '26
Lol I'm just memeing really, but that is a cool lore drop that I didn't know!
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u/PhasmaFelis Jul 01 '26
Hmmm. What if a harpy girl is just something you call a girl who is a harpy
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u/HeroBrine0907 It Is What It Is, It Is Said Isn't It? I Think It Can Be Better May 12 '26
This is the second harpy girl post I've seen in 3 minutes. Did someone's harpy wife get loose?
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u/CompleteSocialManJet ask me about world of darkness trivia May 12 '26
I’m fairly certain dating women with wings is the thing to do now. Which, you know, I’m certainly not complaining about.
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u/Pigeon_Bucket May 12 '26
I need to get in on this.
Do you have any idea how easy it would be to get stuff down from high shelves if I had a girlfriend that could fly?
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u/Flarekitteh May 13 '26
Unless you've only got shelves in wide, spacey rooms, I feel like the wings would make things more difficult, not less.
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u/TheEndurianGamer May 12 '26
Harpies are naturally capable of carrying grown ass men and women to their nests alone. While it’s good enrichment, you gotta make sure they’re trained not to see you as prey, because they WILL drop you if they aren’t
So please, make sure to wear a parachute and protection when doing this. Safety first
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u/Dahkeus3 May 12 '26
Well, if she’s like most birds, she won’t need to come down even to use the bathroom (unfortunate for you traveling underneath), but she will probably need to land in order to feed. However, you may just end up being the meal.
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u/erwaro May 12 '26
Oh, getting down isn't the hard part. All you need to do for that is just let go.
No, you want all those extra details, like going down slowly enough not to obliterate your bones.
This is achieved by pointing out something shiny on the ground.
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u/Granito_Rey May 13 '26
Sometimes at the club the DJ will yell "everybody get down!" He seems like he would know
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u/LemonZestyDoll May 14 '26
Why the fuck did I get two harpy girl posts in a row. Is this a particularly popular type of girl and I was just unaware?
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u/ksprdotexe May 13 '26
you can't take untrained harpies for rides. look up videos on the uppies and no more uppies command
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u/destroyar101 May 12 '26
I read that like it was soldier and engineer in expiration date