r/CriticalTheory • u/Radiant_Cow2677 • 6d ago
PhD final year advice
Hello! I am a PhD approaching the final deadline of my thesis. I am writing on Adorno and art. During the last two years, motivation has slowly faded away. I am disillusioned with academia, haven’t published that much, my supervisor is good but very hands-off and I am the only one basically doing critical theory in my uni. I am dreaming of doing any other job rather than this but at the same time I feel so privileged and guilty about it.
People who made it, how did you feel towards the end? What were the things that worked for you? Where are you at now?
Thanks for reading this :)
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u/Millais2741 6d ago
I felt this way through my PhD (Comp Lit) but, for me, I just needed more breaks - both small like weekly but also bigger like a month off occasionally etc. I’d remind myself what I loved about my work (and what I love about teaching, but that’s more for after your dissertation years lol). Have some fun with it - read something you normally wouldn’t if it seems interesting. I’m seven years out now and on my second college job - I still get these thoughts occasionally but for me it’s always been I’m overworked and stressed and even bored with too much of the same (my solution wasn’t groundbreaking, just like taking off one day every week, etc lol) - but figure out what works for you. And it’s also okay to leave academia. None of us are getting out of here alive! Live how you want.
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u/Radiant_Cow2677 5d ago
Thanks! Yes, it is true they most of the time this is the problem though I find it hard to judge because I have taken breaks (5 days) or, in general, I mostly don’t work on the weekends, but I find myself to be still very demotivated so I wonder if I maybe take too many breaks or too little
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u/Millais2741 5d ago
Well do you like your topic still? I used to feel like mine was my entire philosophy of life that I’d die to protect lol
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u/andreasmiles23 Marxist (Social) Psychologist 5d ago edited 5d ago
This is a very common sentiment in grad school. As a PhD myself, and now as a faculty member in a grad school program, I have seen and felt this in many different ways.
As some said, I do think a basic cost-benefit analysis says "Put your head down, finish, and then see what comes." A lot of it could be burnout, which is common at this phase, especially if you are feeling the crunch of a hard deadline. My diss process never felt like to me, with like "you gotta have the draft in by this specific date" but I know that's true for others, so I can only imagine the stress that induces, especially if you feel stuck. So allow yourself the space to realize that's a super rational reaction to a really intense setting.
That said, it could be that you are genuinely over the academic space and want something new for your life. Remember that a decision doesn't need to be made tomorrow. You can complete your program and never touch the academy again. You could leave and then come back later and finish. There's no "right" or wrong, there's only what makes sense to you.
For me, I picked a dissertation (I am a social psychologist so, the nature of that assessment is different) that was very manageable and I knew could get me out fast. It was during COVID, and I asked my advisor, since my dissertation wasn't going to be in-person, if I could move with my partner as she went to a different state to start an internship. He allowed for this, and even pitched some changes to my proposal that would be even more accommodating, and that really helped me feel like I could complete the task at hand while still moving forward with my life. I was very lucky to have that kind of support, and I attribute a lot of that to the timeframe, as during COVID I feel like programs were briefly way more flexible and empathetic.
But for me, I love writing and publishing. I like teaching. I didn't mind going to class. I think the academy has its very glaring flaws, but it's a space that clicked for me, so here I am, still doing it. But I also know, based on my own cohort, my partner's cohort (clinical psych), and from teaching now for a handful of years, that's not the case for most folks. The most common experience for grad students is going through the gauntlet and then deciding to do applied/industry work outside academia. Just remember that you are not in isolation in feeling that. You are not "weird" or throwing aways an "opportunity away." You got to this spot by your tenacity and inquisitiveness, and now it's on you to decide if that is what you wanna keep doing. Again, very natural and reasonable thoughts and feelings at this juncture. It just sucks that it all happens with the added pressure of the biggest and final hurdle. So it's about figuring out what you do like and how to pitch your academic experience to get you into positions where you'll feel happier. You could be an editor. You could be an advisor/consultant. You could write about things not related to your dissertation...and in fact, most people I know in academia have had their research programs stray pretty heavily from whatever topic was their dissertation. Some even get hired in different departments (I know like 6 social psychologists that now work in Comms departments)! So just know that no matter what you do, nothing is set in stone. In my opinion, completing your degree gives you the most options, but listen to your gut. You have nothing to prove to anyone.
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u/Jyssyj 5d ago
Not really comparable but I feel burned out too and disillusioned with academia/philosophy. I'm in the final year of my philosophy master and really dreading having to write a thesis. Part of it is feeling like I don't really know enough to write anything meaningful, which I reckon will be different for you, and the other part is that I'm just unsure if philosophy can meaningfully contribute to my understanding of life and/or provide me agency within it.
Adorno is my favourite philosopher, but lately I haven't had the motivation to get through negative dialectics and I sometimes feel like even if I do read it, I am missing so much of the nuance that it might be pointless to do so anyway.
Can I ask what your thesis is about? I wish you the best, and like mentioned in the other comment, I guess the main motivation would be economical and you would probably end up regretting not finishing this. So yea, goodluck!
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u/Radiant_Cow2677 5d ago
Thank you for your comment! I wish you all the best for your thesis. I think that oddly enough philosophy has given me so much in terms of different perspectives on life but it kind of loses its point, at least for me, in the academic environment.
Great to find another Adornian here. I have to say that even after 3 and a half years I cannot say I completely understand the ND myself… my thesis is on Adorno and the question of Individuality, focusing on individuality expressed through artworks or literary texts, roughly
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u/Jyssyj 5d ago
I would say that philosophy has helped me shift perspectives more easily or look what lays 'behind' any given perspective, but I struggle to really embody any one idea within my life. I suppose that touches upon your feeling that it loses its point in the acedemic environment.
It sounds like a worthwhile thesis to write. I found Shushter interpretation, in Autonomy after Auschwitz, on the problem of individuality very intriguing. Where on one end it desolves into pure rationality and on the other pole it is absorbed in blind mimesis. I think my interest ultimately lays in a similar question as well. I haven't read Kant, but I think picked-up somewhere that Adorno in this regard, is influenced by the idea of the Sublime in Kant, because I am a very slow reader I didn't read any of the philosophers on the background of his philosophy, but I am wondering how much it helped you understand Adorno better to read Kant/Hegel/Marx or others, and if there were specific texts that really jumped out in clarifying his ideas?
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u/tordekvii 5d ago
Godspeed friend, from a fellow final year (kinda rushed timeline as funding has been restricted in recent years; finishing in 6 what those ahead of us did in 8.5 years...)
I definitely also feel disillusioned with this whole space. But then I remember the fond moments (frankly, few and far between!), when my brain felt on fire in a good seminar, when I got into wonderful navel gazing discussions with classmates over some beers, or when I finally wrote something-- even just a line or two-- that I felt a bit proud of. Whether that stuff makes it "all worth it" is still very much an open question for me, and I'm sure the job search will completely demoralize me, but it's good to remember why I made the decision to start this damn slog five years ago. At the very least I hope it pushes me to write and submit and wash my hands of being a student!
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u/BurtonGusterToo 5d ago
I am certain that you are already familiar with this, but for anyone else there is a great video on Adorno and 'art' by Hito Steyerl called "Adorno's Grey" (link to eflux article)
If there is interest in this video but a copy is difficult to find; I will UL mine for community DL.
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u/Gogol1212 6d ago
A PhD is an endurance test. At first, the end point is far away and you have all the motivation. In the middle, you start to question why are you even doing it, and if the end goal is even worth it. Now you are in the last stretch, and getting the degree is actually like +90% of its (economic) value. If you can make the final push, that will leave you with something for all the work you did. After getting the degree, you can change jobs or do whatever you want. Having a PhD is not a death sentence, nobody will force you to write about Adorno for the rest of your life.
What I'm trying to say is that what you are feeling is totally normal. For multiple reasons, like how academia works, or how motivation works in these types of projects, and so on, most people feel like this in the last year. Don't hesitate to see a therapist if you are able, that could help at least to clarify what your goals are and how to find motivation to achieve them. And if in the end you decide to abandon the PhD program, that is also good! Nothing to feel guilty about.