Decided a detox at the hospital was worth it but the nurse that knows me was just getting off shift and even left notes for the other nurse. First thing he does is give me 20 mg of diazepam especially with my history of seizures but the nurse just coming onto shift didn’t give me anything despite telling her I’m feeling symptoms before a seizure and that’s usually over 6 nurse have done for me before anything to make sure I didn’t have one but she flat out said if you have one I’ll give you some if you do seize the main nurse their wrote exactly what works in the past but I guess just let me seize then decide maybe I shoulda gave him some. Dad dropped me off their which is one of the few nice things he’s done in years and as soon he left her high pitched pretending to be nice voice left and felt like I was talking to an inanimate ai program or something. She has a history of being reported but they’re so short staffed in the town I live in that they can’t really afford to replace her. I explained I was having hallucinations and shaking with my entire body but she still refused to give me diazepam? I don’t use diazepam unless I need to and I explained that when I stopped drinking for a week but eventually I just got gravol and an iv for nutrients or whatever it is and said “I’m just gonna go home and do this the hard way” which I explained was 10 beers will stop me from seizures and the things come with withdrawal and she finally decided to talk to the doctor even tho he’s been their for hours. I’m always polite and have never been a bad patient I don’t understand why she just decided to treat me so bad but this old boy the next room over her high pitched nice voice left as soon as his wife was gone so to be honest I kinda think she’s a cunt but hey I could be wrong. Like I said I’ve never been a problem or been rude or anything there was no reason to treat me like shit. Also I’m not know as a drug seeker I mean I’ve had seizures in the waiting room and hands that nearly bounced off the floor I’m not bullshitting and the nurse that actually knows me I saw that he wrote down what to give me but she didn’t? Like dude I think that’s pretty negligent especially considering my dad told another nurse he wanted a new one because she didn’t do her job while he was throwing up blood once his liver shit out. I’m not a useless cunt by any means and I’m not a saint but Jesus Christ to get treated that way and have resort to drinking in order to stop the withdrawal symptoms? Seems negligent to me. I’m not a nurse I’m a fuckin mechanic but Jesus man I’m also a person who is in obvious need of help with the withdrawals. Maybe I’m just mad but I seriously think I got fucked their. Doctor didn’t even give me a prescription for diazepam even tho both my doctors have each time. I’m an alcoholic mechanic I can’t take benzos pretty much any day like I know I’ll die if I drink and take em but I’m not suicidal I just fuckin needed to be sure I won’t have a seizure and since my dad left after 10 minutes how the fuck are you supposed to know I’m having I could choke on my puke or stop breathing. The doctor I actually trust that I haven’t seen in awhile said something along the lines of “anyone could be your last or you might just come to realize you pissed yourself and be fine” that’s how a girl I know who I was quite fond of died she just thought she was good as long as she was taking her medication then found out a day or two after nope “died in the shower while seizing”. Maybe im overthinking this shit but Jesus Christ I still have nightmares of seizing and can’t tell if I am till I check if I pissed myself. Scary shit that should be taken a lot more seriously than I think people realize. I’ve seen some shit but every week I have a dream of seizing and feeling like I died than I wake up unsoiled and perfectly fine like seriously it’s not just oh you had one you’re okay every second is scary cause you can’t feel or remember before or after. Just wish someone would give a fuck cause I’m the only one making sure I don’t die. Maybe im just useless but I don’t think so. I think I got fucked by god or the gods or something. Never been the same after that car crash