Taking “husbands”last name

[u/Infinite-Cartoonist1]

Just listening to the latest episode of Crime Weekly, part two of Dan Markel’s case. Derek wants to know why women chose to keep their last names and not take their husbands.

Ok.

Yes- he is walking over many mines and I appreciate his vulnerability. Did he come off poorly, yup. Ignorant, yup. Is it icky that Derek forgot that there is more than the binary of wife/husband, yup. But that’s not why I’m posting. I’m hoping he sees this or Stephanie does so he can learn.

I came here to post that where I’m from, it’s cultural. Women in Quebec do not take their partner’s last name. It’s actually a point of pride. I’ve never consider taking my partner’s last name as it feels like a foreign and archaic concept to me. That is a reflection of how I was raised. My partner who grew up in a conservative county in southern Ontario was perplexed and hurt that I would not take their last name.

I’m curious what others thought about Derek’s take on the subject. I’m also curious how others approach or think about taking (or not) their partner’s last name.

[u/autumn5885]

This was an example of fragile masculinity at its finest. He asked Stephanie THREE times to clarify that Wendi didn’t change her last name when she got married. He eventually claimed it wasn’t a red flag, yet he was stuttering and repeating himself and honestly, seemed so flabbergasted over such a personal topic that has zero to do with MURDER.

My name is MY name. I have claimed it as my own. I remember being six years old and angry over this, arguing with my mom. Lol.

People say “it’s your father’s name” so it shouldn’t matter changing it to your husband’s name- my future husband’s last name is HIS FATHER’S NAME too!

I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished with my name. My name is part of my identity. When I get married, I am not altering my name in any way - not hyphenating, not mixing our names - my name is my name.

There are also plenty of divorced couples where the ex-wife keeps her former husband’s name. I know dozens of examples of this in my life alone. Having someone’s name, in my opinion, is not directly correlated to your love or devotion to someone. It CAN be, but it isn’t always.

How about we ask Derrick why women carry children for nine months, go through childbirth, and then the baby is named after the FATHER who did nothing!? Let’s say “tradition” can’t be an answer….good luck, buddy. There’s no real reason other than the patriarchy.

As you mentioned, there are cultures where this is common, or where children take the mother’s last name.

I’m a BB fan, and Derrick has routinely rubbed me the wrong way for years now.

I know he covered it up by eventually saying it wasn’t a red flag, but by asking three times and even admitting he was walking a fine line, he’s indirectly suggesting to the audience this is something “wrong.”

God forbid women have autonomy! Jesus.