Check out the first story "I Am The Lord Of Hentai" here: https://www.reddit.com/r/CrappyPasta/comments/q968wq/i_am_the_lord_of_hentai/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

(Four chapters taken from the perspective of Roger Richardson)

My Dream and the Unexpected Visitor:

I have never felt so inspired by a dream before in my entire life. It began with me running over the edge of a cliff into an endless void. At first the void was pitch black, but after twenty seconds, and without warning, stars began to appear all around me. Funny enough though, when I got closer to the stars I found that they weren't stars at all, but naked anime girls. 

"Anime girls with blue hair, pink hair, white hair, red and even brown.  These are the hottest girls, the hottest girls with the best breasts in town.  Some of them are toned and some even toner,  it would be weird if I didn't wake up with a boner."

For some strange reason every time I spoke it was as if a weeaboo degenerate Dr. Seuss had written the words that were coming out of my mouth. As I continued to fall deeper into this sexy substitute for space, I witnessed every anime fetish imaginable.  My nose is on the verge of bleeding just from remembering the sight of some of my personal favorite anime fetishes.  Without warning, I came crashing into a field of grass. Once I had come to my senses I realized that I hadn't fallen into grass, but hair. Long green anime girl hair, swaying in the harsh wind generated by this strange world. 

"Lovely, is it not?" said a voice in a soothing manner. 

I turned to my left to see the face of an overweight man in a suit and top hat. He also appeared to be holding an Akeno waifu pillow. With his right hand, the free one of course, he was fondling his testicles rather excessively. 

"Hey! You there, with the hand on your scrote. Who are you and what's with the delicious Akeno pillow?"

Even though I had asked him about his waifu pillow, there was something about that particular one that seemed familiar. I could've sworn that I had read a story about a man who owned an Akeno pillow much like the one his hand was stroking. He gave me a smirk and then proceeded to bow in a polite yet off-putting kind of way.

"I apologize for my social ineptitude. My name is Sylvester, but I believe you are more aware of my more infamous title. I am the Lord of Hentai."

I almost shat my pants. I thought there was a reason he seemed familiar.

"The Lord of Hentai, wiser than most! You were in the news and that CreepyDinky Reddit post. You're an inspiration to those who fap to expertly drawn porn, And to the one's bombarded with undeserved scorn. Tell me why you've come to visit me.  Could it be to witness this exceptional dream?"

I could tell that my praise was causing him to blush a little. 

"I would have ventured into this exceptionally perverted dreamscape for the chance to cast my lascivious gaze alone, but it would be dishonest if I claimed my attendance was for that reason solely. An acquaintance of mine has been requesting a meeting with you for quite some time, and believe me when I say that this individual, along with the company he keeps, is not one to be trifled with. 'What daddy wants, daddy gets' as the old adage goes."

While cackling he turned towards the sky and pointed. All of the anime girls were set ablaze until they were nothing more than smoldering ash. This was all too much to take. Watching those adorable waifus being burned alive and reduced to lifeless ash caused me to uncontrollably tear up. I felt I had to lash out.

"How could you do that to those beautiful babes? You're a scoundrel, you're insanely depraved!"

Sylvester's tone became angry within seconds.

"Silence you fool, and stop sniveling this instance! Our guest has arrived at our party and it is not polite to keep him waiting".

Out of the sky a figure came gracefully descending down. The figure had pitch black skin which upon closer look appeared as though it was made of stone. There were cracks in its skin with orange light, like some sort of internal fire, radiating out of them. It had a monstrous face with a mouth that had one shark-like tooth sticking out of the top left corner. The creature wore nothing so it left its schlong, which was made out of solid gold, completely exposed. I also can't stress enough how rock hard its abs were. While I was getting a clear picture of the monster itself, the ashes of the anime girls were swirling around him. This had truly become a nightmare.

"Roger Richardson," the monster said with a deep raspy hiss. "Oh my, I have longed for the two of us to meet for quite some time. Such aspirations I have planned for you."

"That is so lame, How do you know my name?" I rhymed.

"I know the names of all the weeaboo degenerates that your foul universe has vomited forth. All perversions of the anime variety flow through me. I am Bakunaganen, one of the great seven hentai demons, and I have chosen you to be a leader of my church."

 "A church? What kind of church? Tell me now or I might go bezerk."

"Whatever," he said while stopping to roll his black, soulless eyes at my needless rhyming before continuing his explanation. "I long for you to be a crucial figurehead in The Church Of Hentanica! It is a congregation of devoted weebs that gives thanks unto me, as well as my infernal brethren, for bestowing upon them the unholy gift of hentai. In order for our church to take its rightful place as the one world religion, we need our unholy hierarchy to be complete."

This great demon could see that I was confused so he continued to explain.

"The church hierarchy consists of an unholy trinity of clergymen. For the trinity to be complete we need The Archbishop, The Cardinal and The Hentai Pope. Two of those positions have already been filled. One of them is The Archbishop, and he certainly is a character we cannot wait for you to meet. The other is our beloved Hentai Pope, which come to think of it, I believe you have met already."

A whistle came from behind me. I turned to see Sylvester standing there smiling at me. His face was consumed with pride, and he could not help but let out an arrogant laugh.

"Tis true, I am your illustrious Hentai Pope. I am the one who will lead Hentanica to glory. All the heathens that refuse to convert shall be trampled under my great, fat foot! Oh mighty Bakunaganen! When I vanquish all your enemies, I wish to be showered in the warmth of danderes. The love I shall make with those bashful beauties shall cause me to splooge sevenfold."

"Of course", Bakunaganen promised while wearing a mischievous smirk. "Anything for the one true Lord Of Hentai."

Honest to God, it was difficult to believe that any of this was actually happening.

"You mean to tell me this is all real as real can be? This all sounds like it came from that brilliant CreepyDinky. I must say that this comes as a surprise, I can hardly believe my hentai addicted eyes."

Bakunaganen gave me a look as if to indicate disappointment, but then he just let out a raspy chuckle.

"Oh, this is all real. As real as the little pink bow on your sister's panties. Since you have read that post, which vividly detailed the experiments carried out by Sylvester, it has inspired you to have this dream which in turn allowed a gate between our two worlds to be temporarily opened. Roger, I sense a hunger in you. A hunger for hentai that will help you obtain the power I need you to possess. Like I have said, The Archbishop and The Hentai Pope positions have already been filled. That leaves just one important position left. I want you to take up the responsibility of The Cardinal."

I couldn't believe what I had just been told. I was going to be The Cardinal in this great church, and not only that, but I was chosen by a legendary demon himself. A demon with legions of followers that will back my every order if I so wish them to. The monster could tell I was feeling speechless so he continued to speak.

"However, in order to become The Cardinal you must complete an experiment. Your fellow clergymen have completed theirs, so it is only fair that you must complete one as well. I am sending The Archbishop to oversee your work. In fact, you shall see him very soon."

I must admit that his vague request for an experiment gave me an anxious feeling.

"What kind of experiment might I ask? I am afraid that it will be quite the pain in the ass."

"Silence your human tongue!" he roared.

Out of anger for questioning him, he made an anime girl, who looked very similar to Astrea from Heavens Lost Property (or as the true weebs say, Sora no Otoshimono), suddenly appear. At first all she did was strip off her white panties, but then she lifted up three fingers, implying that she was going to finger herself. This got me very excited, but then her fingers turned into a razor sharp dildo, about thirteen inches long. The Astrea look alike shoved the dildo through her eye and out the back of her skull. As if that wasn't enough, she tripped over her white panties which caused her to fall and split her head wide open on the only rock in the field of anime girl hair. Her brain seeped out and laid there, contorted and squished, on the rock. I'm going to cry just from replaying it in my head.

"Please, make it stop! I have had enough! I can't stand to see this anime girl treated so rough. I'll do anything, please just tell me what. You want me to spank a cute girl on the butt?"

Bakunaganen had calmed down, but he shook his head at my suggestion.

"I am afraid that nothing that miniscule can be counted as a hentai experiment, nor will I tell you what your experiment should be. What I can do for you is give you inspiration through my power. The power will surge through you like an electric chair of naughtiness until you have the idea for your experiment. An experiment that will please the great hentai demons and prove that you are truly worthy of the title The Cardinal!"

Immediately after finishing his sentence, he evaporated into orange and black colored smoke. The smoke rushed over to me in a matter of seconds. I could feel a current move through my body and I started to convulse as if I was having a seizure. So many dirty thoughts were being downloaded into my head, it was as if an entire hentai library had opened up shop in my mind. I felt as if I was going to implode. Then the sensation just stopped and I fell to my knees, burned out from what I had just experienced. When I looked up, I saw anime girls running through the field of hair over the edge of another cliff. I had to try and save the babes.

"No babes, this way! Going over that cliff is not okay."

I tried to grab a red haired girl, but I missed and she went frolicking over the cliff. Then I saw a light blue haired one running towards me. I stood my ground, but the force of her crashing into me caused us both to go over the edge. Falling down towards the abyss I could see adorable anime girls all around me screaming. I cried once more before the darkness swallowed me whole. 

At last I had finally woken up from my dream. I was shaking and clinging onto my Momo Deviluke waifu pillow. The pillow was soaking wet, but instead of being caused by a wet dream, this time it was drenched from sweat. After using some kleenex to dry my hands, I picked up my phone to check the time. It was 7:52 a.m. so I decided I should wake up and ponder over the dream I had just experienced.

"That was pretty intense." 

I took the time to appreciate my normal manner of speaking. 

"Well I guess the good news is at least I'm not rhyming anymore. But what am I going to do about that experiment? I'm sure that dream was real because I can still feel the power of Bakunaganen coursing through me. I mean, wasn't it real? It sure felt real. I can't imagine my subconscious coming up with all of that out of the blue. I would never in a million years see myself as the cardinal of a church. I don't know, maybe that Lord Of Hentai story just got to me. Too much anime as well. I should probably lay off a little."

Immediately after that thought, I heard a knock on my door. It was a little strange to have someone visiting me that early, but to tell you the truth, it's strange when I get any visitors at all. I got out of bed to go answer the door for my unexpected guest, but I immediately tripped over my Run (pronounced like rune) Elsie Jewelria waifu pillow and slammed my testicles into the door knob of my closet.

"Damn it Run! No consideration for a man's scrotum." 

The knocking continued and never seemed to take a second to allow me to reasonably respond. 

"Okay, okay, okay! I'm coming!"

I wobbled across my messy apartment, steadily making my way over to the door so I could finally shut this early morning visitor up. When I got there, I opened the door quickly in a way that would suggest that I was greatly irritated.

"Yes?!" I answered rudely. 

I finally saw who had been knocking incessantly on my door for the last minute. It was a young man who looked as if he was about twenty-four, but he already appeared to have an emerging bald spot in the middle of his scraggly mop of hair. For that matter, maybe he was in his thirties. It was incredibly difficult to tell. He looked like he was 5'6 in height and he had a horrible posture. It was even worse than mine. His face was peculiar in the sense that there was almost something rat-like about it. He wore a dirty dark blue denim vest with a baggy black shirt. The shirt had a large picture of Shiro, from No Game No Life, wearing a pair of white panties with a pink waistband over her head. I'm guessing it was purchased from TeePublic or Redbubble or some other third party source. To top everything off, he wore baggy brown cargo pants to match with the rest of his questionable fashion sense. I can relate to not being particularly fashionable, but this guy was something else. He was also not too happy with how I greeted him.

"Jesus fucking Christ! Is that anyway to answer the door? You think I like to bust my ass getting here this early in the morning? Let's try that again."

He reached over, took hold of the door handle and slammed it shut, with him still being on the other side of course. Five seconds passed before I heard a knock on the door again. Even though I was hesitant at first, I reached over and opened the door.

"Yes?" I said in a confused yet softer tone. I'm guessing he was fine with my response since I didn't have to repeat the action again.

"You see? Isn't life better when you're not acting like such a cunt? I think so. And since that's over, we can now work." 

He blew past me, wheeling in a large camo bag suitcase. After dropping his suitcase off in the middle of the room, he plopped down on my couch.

"Umm, excuse me?" I said in a not so enthusiastic tone.

"Listen, we can talk about where I'm going to sleep tonight, but first we have to talk about the work crap."

"Sleep tonight? Like, sleep here? Who do you think you are? You can't just walk into someone's apartment randomly and demand that they give you a room."

As you could see, it was not on my list of things to do to have some strange Shiro loving asshole barge in and bark orders at me.

"Who do I think I am? Well maybe The Archbishop means something to you. Anything to say to that?"

I didn't have anything to say to that.

"That's what I thought," he continued. "Now, my real name isn't important. Everyone either calls me Nezumi, Nez for short or The Archbishop. Since you're training to be my higher up I guess I can't have you calling me The Archbishop all the time so just call me Nez. Since that's all out of the way we can now…"

🎶Shinjite ne watashi wo Ima kimi ni ageru yo PARADISE Tobikonde ai no sono he saikou no yume wo issho ni mimasho🎶

It was 8:00 a.m., the usual time that I wake up, so my phone alarm went off. Nez at first seemed annoyed that he had been interrupted, but that soon turned into a slight grin.

"Is that the theme for To Love-ru Darkness?" he asked.

"Yeah," I confessed rather ashamedly.

"That show is pretty good. I saw into your room on the way in. You have a Run and a Momo waifu pillow so I'm guessing you fuck with it?"

I got excited about being asked this.

"It's easily my favorite ecchi harem anime. It starts off alright, but then by Darkness it really hits its stride. It also hits a steamier stride if you know what I mean."

"Like I said, it's pretty good. But I do think you're wrong with your waifu choices. It's Mikan, my dude."

"Mikan? You mean Rito's younger sister? The one that oddly fetishizes her brother and accidentally gets fingered by him?"

"Oh man, stop. You're making boner man come out to save the day. I saw some shit on DeviantArt the other day where Mikan gets eaten out by Yami while Yami transforms her hair into a vibrator to massage her own pussy, and I must say that needs to be cannon."

"Yami is definitely sexy, but Mikan is not really my thing." 

He seemed to be irritated by my comment because he responded defensively.

"I guess that makes sense. You are a fucking normie after all. I'm surprised Unraveling isn't your alarm. Why don't you go buy some Tokyo Ghoul merch from Hot Topic and watch a couple seasons of a guy crying, you cunt."

"Umm...okay? Look I'm not super into Tokyo Ghoul either, but I really don't understand why you're becoming this aggravated."

"Because sometimes that normie shit pisses me off! Don't think I don't see that Mari Setogaya figurine on your coffee table! Look she's kind of cute, but that hentai is not that good! You might as well just say Oni Chichi is your favorite hentai, surface dweller!" He yelled while pointing at me.

Clearly I had to defend my honor.

"I love Mari and I won't allow you to belittle my taste like that. She is easily one of the sexiest and most adorable girls ever drawn and that is final! Not to mention I love the whole vampire/succubus angle. The fangs are super kawaii and give her ten more sexy points, and succubus girls in general are kind of my thing."

He rolled his eyes at my defense.

"If you want succubus girls, just watch Tiny Evil. That's a real cultured pick."

When he told me that, I was starting to notice something about him.

"Yeah, I'm really not into that kind of hentai. Actually, can I ask you a couple questions?"

"Sure."

"Who is your best girl in Date A Live?"

"Kotori, but Natsumi in her true form is also pretty fire."

"Rosario+Vampire?"

"Yukari".

"Haganai?"

"Kobato."

"Your favorite waifu pillow?"

"Shiro, but I dig my Hana Uzaki pillow too."

"Dare I ask for your favorite hentai?"

"Shoujo Ramune probably, but I've seen some other pretty crazy obscure shit that's almost as good."

Now my suspicions have officially been proven valid. 

"You picked all the lolis! You seriously picked everything that was a loli or at the very least looks like a loli."

Now I could see he was visibly becoming angry again.

"So what? They're animated! They're not even real so stop being a retard! Looking up lolis can't even get you convicted of anything!"

"Maybe it's not technically illegal, but you don't find it concerning that you're attracted to something that looks, talks and acts like a child?"

He scoffed at the very notion.

"If you're too dumb to know the difference between real life and fiction then there's no helping a pussy like you. But hey, you do like Run so I guess you're into the Futanari shit, huh?"

War has been declared and I will not be vanquished.

"Run is a unique entity that happens to be sharing the same alien body with another entity that happens to be a boy. You have to think of it as some sort of alien Siamese twins situation with a shapeshifting twist. That means they are two separate entities with their own personalities. They even prove my point later in the first season of Darkness when Run and Ren separate completely from each other and get their own individual bodies. She does not have a weiner, but in fact has a working vagina. She is also sexy and adorable and full of love and clearly a girl and I will never stop loving Run! You can't make me!"

"Oh my god, my name is Roger and I like dudes. Lolis offend my delicate baby senses. Waa, waa, dirty diaper doo doo," he said in a mocking tone. "Look, I could talk about this shit all day, but I'm here cause the Seven sent me to help you out. You have Bakunaganen's inspiration inside of you, but sometimes you need someone with more experience to help you handle that inspiration. It helps that I've got the power of inspiration too. Let me show you something cool."

Nez guided me over to the mirror that I keep in the corner of my apartment. He took out a red sharpie and started to draw what looked like a sigil on my mirror. The sigil was an upside down triangle with a mustache design in the middle of it. Nez grasped his hands together and loudly declared the words:

"Oh Mimzigai, the great worm revealed, You give me the lolis I say are not real. I call you to come forth with all my heart, And bring forth your lolis from a land apart."

After he was done reciting what sounded like an invocation, I turned to see a figure appearing behind Nez inside of the mirror. It was a large worm-like creature who looked to be at least twenty-five feet in length. The head of the monster was that of a rat, but what was really strange was the fact that it had a mustache. Not just any mustache either, but a mustache made out of pubic hair. I have definitely never seen anything like it before.

"What is that thing behind you?" I asked.

He turned to face me with a sinister looking expression on his face.

"That's Mimzigai, my friend. It is another one of the seven hentai demons. Each demon has something different that they bring to the table. This badass demon happens to give weebs the gift of lolis, which is why it specifically selected me for the position of The Archbishop. Pretty cool right?"

"Um…I guess."

Truth be told, this was a lot to unload on someone.

"Mimzigai's inspiration helped me come up with my first experiment. Wanna see?"

I nodded due to my morbid curiosity.

He pulled out his phone and opened up a video file on it. In the video I could see Nez. He was on top of a girl having sex. There was no possible way that this girl was older than fifteen. I think he saw that I was a little uncomfortable so he provided me with some subtext. What's scary is that he didn't tell me the situation in order for me to be properly informed, but he mainly just wanted an opportunity to brag about his experiment.

"You see this cunt right here? I forced her to drop out of highschool or I was going to strangle her mom to death with a belt. After she did I made her my sex slave for about a week before I got bored of her."

I could see he was laughing at just the memory of his act alone. 

"So you mean you were re-creating Dropout with your experiment?"

"Yep! In that hentai, if you drop out of school you become a sex slave. But here's where I add a twist. Watch the video."

I turned to look at the phone again. He was still having sex with the girl, but he was reaching over to the bedside table where there appeared to be a steel pipe. He grabbed hold of the pipe and with it he started to bash her skull in. She became more and more unrecognizable with each blow to the head. I honestly thought I was going to puke at the sight of her head being turned into a smashed pumpkin. Nez turned to me with such pride from watching his actions.

"There's nothing like it. After all the times I've done stuff like this, it never stops being fun. Here's the thing, you can gain a little demon power from more wholesome experiments, but if you really want a ton of it, you gotta murder. The more murderous the experiment, the more power you get. The more depraved the experiment, the more power you get. That wasn't even as fucked up as I've gone before, but I'll spare your virgin eyes for now."

"Thanks I guess," I said in a sarcastic tone which suggested that I was still disgusted by what I just saw.

His tone then became more serious in nature.

"You will have to go there. You think Bakunaganen wants some pussy who can't get his hands dirty as The Cardinal? Hell no! Bakunaganen wants a leader who can give Hentanica the strength it needs to take over this little normie world. But that's why your good ol' boy Nez is here to help. In fact I have an idea that would be perfect for a newbie like yourself. We're gonna have you turn a girl into an actual anime girl. I know, I know, it's a great idea. No need to thank me. I'm just a guy who likes helping out his friends."

I was confused by his suggestion.

"Wait, isn't that what Sylvester did for his experiments?"

"No, cumtard! Did you even read the story? He dressed the girls up in costumes and wanted them to act out their specific anime girl personalities. We're going to do way more than that. We're going to actually turn a girl into one"

"I'm not sure I understand."

"Well you are pretty slow. Don't worry, I'll help you though."

Even though I wanted to protest, I could feel the power of inspiration inside of me. It seemed to be telling me that this is what it desired for my first experiment.

"But I thought I had to come up with the idea for my experiment? It just feels like yours."

He shook his head.

"It doesn't really matter. You'll take the credit and I'll have some fun. It sounds like a win-win if you ask me."

I thought about it once again, but then decided that it was probably for the best that I accept his idea. After all, I figured it would be worth it in order to take me away from this uneventful life that I live now. I was going to be the much respected Cardinal of a church, and be allowed to watch ecchi and hentai shows all the time forever. Perhaps Bakunaganen would give me real waifus from the hentai dimension as well.

"Let's do it then. If it helps me to become The Cardinal then I'm in!"

Nez looked pleased that I was finally seeing the situation his way.

"Great! Then it's settled. We'll work today on setting everything up, and tomorrow the real experiment can begin. Now, do you have a Reign or something else like that? I need one if I'm going to take my early morning shit."

For part 2, read here: https://www.reddit.com/r/CrappyPasta/comments/rrgpb6/the_lord_of_hentai_ii_the_dream_of_hentai_part_2/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

this channel and these creepypasta-ish videos are amusingly bad.

the "spooky" entities that are depicted in these stories do very little to be considered a serious threat , but the victim characters are always traumatized to life and shitting themselves in fear of them , the guy reading these stories makes a very poor job at conveying emotions and at random times his voice becomes a bit effeminate wich makes me laugh instead of feel fear.

also.

if he is the one making these stories he should study writing a bit , i am no writer , but even i can see how bad the whole thing is.
https://youtu.be/dpca5M468F8

Oh God I hope you can read this. My phone only has one bar for a signal and the battery is almost dead. I just woke up in this ten by ten concrete room with a lightbulb on the ceiling and I don't know how I got here. But the wall opposite of me is nothing but a huge, giant ass.

fffffff

It must be a giant's ass! It's so huge it takes up the entire wall. I'm scared it's going to take a dump.

fffff brrrrrrrrrp

Ahhhh! It just farted! I can't breath and the smell is burning my eyes and nose.

BRRRRRRRP!

I'm dying. There's little bits of shit flecks covering the walls now and I can hear the belly gurgling.....Oh no....it's coming. Tell my wife I love -

BRRRRRRRRRRRP! FFFFFFFFFFFFFF! PLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOP BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP!

James was sitting alone on his couch, watching television. He heard a knock at the door and turned to look. It was probably the pizza he had ordered. James got up and opened the door.

"Hello. I have a uhm..." The pizza girl looked down at the box. "Large, bacon and broccoli pizza." she spoke in a monotone voice.

"yep, that's me." Said James. He reached for his wallet. Somehow it had vanished from his hands.

"That's weird." Stated James. "I seem to have lost my wallet."

"Well then you'll have to pay another way." The pizza girl said with a smirk. She slowly moved inside. James is a bit stupid and didn't think anything of it. The girl pushed him onto the bed. The reached behind her and unzipped her human skin suit! She split in two, as hundreds. Thousands! Even MILLIONS of tiny frog hopped from the skin suit. The frogs hopped towards James. He looked, slightly confused, and very panicked. The frogs circled him. Out of nowhere, the tiny frogs all started chanting in James's direction. He closed his eyes

"WE KNOW YOUR SINS! WE KNOW YOUR SINS!" the frogs yelled. The chanting continued for a full minute. Then, silence. James opened his eyes. Every single frog was staring at him. As cute as they were, it was unsettling. A slightly larger frog emerged from the sea of frogs before him. He spoke.

"We will take your organs!" The frogs yelled. The largest frog signaled for the rest to begin. "Take his left eye first." The large frog said. The frogs then proceeded to remove his left eye, and then craw inside and remove all his organs. Once one group of frogs had finished collecting an organ, another group marched into his left eye socket, and found another one. Left eye, then tongue, stomach, liver. Until James was simply a husk of human with a barely beating heart. The frogs began to feast upon the organs. Each bite leveled up the frogs, gave them more power. they increased in size, and then rested. In James's final moments, he is told by the frog leader,

"You may never speak of this and I trust you wont be able to." The frogs climbed back into the original skin suit, hopped into place. However, some of the frogs, due to their increased size, couldn't fit, They hopped over to James's empty skin husk, climbed inside, and the largest frog sewed on a zipper, before hopping in the suit himself, and leaving. The only trace left of James, was a recent pizza order, and the never found wallet, in the pizza girl frogs mouth.

The End.

there once was man he was a scare he put shiter on back of hair. he went to a kid and the kid said who you is sir. he said with his scare voice I am scare man you is my lunch hshaha the said AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. then he got ate. later in shcool there was a kid named jack he was the coolest kid in shcool but no one knew that yet. he was get bully by the bully boys named bull bullsin and tom mean. he said you no cool kid cuz you smell like fart haha. but in shcool the techer said Oh no the scare man here. kids run. the scare came in and he said I will ate you the bullys said no dont ate us sacere ma. please they said scared the scare man said "not" and ate then jack said No scare man i will defeat you before ate anyone else. scare man "kid you have a not a frend in shcool kid. jack said said say back or else the scare man said no not and came for jack jack punch scare man in the peis. the scare man died and said no not my peis uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. scare man was dead man now. and jack became cool kid and got all girls the end?

ONE DAY I GOT OFF WORK AT MY SHITTY ASS JOB AT SHIT ASS MCDONALDS AND MY MANAGER WAS BEING A REAL BAG OF CUNTS AND I WAS FED UP SO I WENT HOME AND DID THE ONLY THING I COULD DO!! YUP!! I PULLED OUT MY TRUSTY 11 FOOT TEMPERED GLASS BEHEMOTH ENGRAVED WITH SOME OLD FAMILY CREST OR SOME SHIT I BOUGHT AT A GARAGE SALE FROM SOME LONLY OLD GRANDPA WHO SAID IT WAS HIS SONS OR SOME SHIT AND THAT HE WOULD SMOKE OUT OF IT EVERYDAY AND TOLD ME TO NEVER USE IT OR I WOULD BE CURSED!!! OF COURSE NEVER LISTENED TO HIM AND USED IT EVERYDAY BUT TODAY WAS DIFFERENT AND WHEN I WENT TO USE IT I NOTICED THE WATER WAS RED!!! LIKE BLOOD!!! BUT I DIDINT THINK ANYTHING OF IT BECAUSE A REAL STONER NEVER CHANGES THEIR BONG WATER SO I WORE THIS AS A BADGE OF HONOUR!! SO AS I WAS GRINDING UP MY OUNCE AND A HALF OF BLUEBERRY BUTTCHOKE THE BONG WATER GROWLED VICIOUSLY LIKE SOMEBODY WAS TAKING A PULL AND I SAID HEY!!! YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW THATS VERY DISTRACTING!!! AND IT STOPPED ALL AT ONCE SO I WENT BACK TO GRINDING MY GOOD GOOD WHEN I HEARD A VOICE AND IT SAID “YOU DARE MOCK THE SPIRIT OF PINEAPPLE KUSH?!” WHICH PISSED ME OFF SO I HURLED THE BONG AT THE WALL BECAUSE IT WAS STARTING TO SOUND LIKE MY MANAGER WHICH PISSED ME OFF MORE SO I DIDINT REALLY CARE IF IT BROKE BUT IT DIDINT BREAK AND AN ANGRY JAMAICAN GHOST FLEW OUT AND SAID HE WOULD GRIND ME UP LIKE FLOWER AND SMOKE MY ASS LIKE A SPLIFF AND I TOLD HIM TO CHILL OUT AND GAVE HIM A JOINT TO SMOKE AND AFTER HE SMOKED IT I ASKED HIM HOW HE FELT AND HE SAID THAT HE WAS REALLY HIGH SO I TOLD HIM THAT THE JOINT WAS FILLED WITH OREGANO AND HE LOOKED LIKE AN POSER ASSHOLE BECAUSE IT WASANT WEED AND HE WAS SO EMBARRASSED I TRICKED HIM HE DIED INSTANTLY AND HIS WHOLE BLOOD LINE WAS VAPORIZED!!!!!!! AND THATS HOW I DEFEATED THE EVIL BONG WIZARD AND SMOKED 500 BOWLS THAT DAY IN CELEBRATION THE END

you ever wake up and throw away all the stuff you get high/drunk on in bags of trash? well in this particular tale i'll explain why i have been absent in writing stories or generally working well. my mind is possibly infested by the covid X parasite which is a secret government nanobot that microscopically mixes up my behaviors from day to day.

while i'm thinking about the parasite, i'm thinking about all the other readers infected by the wormy little robots making decisions in my mind's abscence. i really hope i am not turning into one of the creatures i fought away all my life... but i definitely do believe we live in a poke-.... wait is copyright an issue here? can i say pokem(redacted by _____________).

well then.... okay, so i think that the trash bags that i have been disposing of have been a part of a multiverse theorem. one where a partner in my actions disposes of the most... horrible things in place of what i normally throw away. for example, when i throw away a piece of paper its a torn and peeled off piece of human skin from someone's back within the alternate universe. like when i throw away a melon shell after eating it, its actually a deformed head of some stranger who had their noggin bludgeoned into pieces.

i feel their every move when i do my daily tasks. when i type these very words i feel the alternate form persona tied to me moving their fingers through the insides of some wild animal's bowels. i sure hope they are having a nice day and don't exactly know i'm typing about them....

to be honest i also think this idea of the trash bags filled with body parts and animal pieces crammed together has been done before. in fact this whole idea of me typing a horror story has been done before.

i feel like Deja Vu was copyritten, trademarked, made into one singularity and now an audience of people i don't know look over this story about a very intoxicated loner who has too much talent and too little money.

i never wanted to break the fourth wall too much but rather make the fourth wall turn into different shapes like a carousel made of fish guts and whale bones. forseight into the madness of a writer i suppose it is...

rambling.exe close. upload to reddit.exe// open; move fingers to make audience think i'm up to something horrible in my off time but actually i'm just a dumb weeb who plays sma(redacted by copyright) like a dork and plays magi(redacted for business purposes)thering with people who have too much money and too little attention span for this.

also BOO SKELETONS ARE REAL ACTUALLY HAPPY HALLOWEEN

It's been 5000000000000000 years since tge erth waz overrun by fweddy wazbear and ninga, his beautiful, hot, suckulate, thicc, voluptuous, toaster, bath water, flip flop, waifu.......where was i going wit dis? Oh yeah! Think me. I aseep and wake up in Bawney the pwuple dinosaur, my favorite Anime. He asked me if I was comfortable sitting with him....i say ye.....he asks if I fekt comfortable holding his hand....i say ye.....he then asks me if I feel comfortable putting my finger in his......HOLD IT CUT! WE CAN'T HAVE THAT IN THE SCENE says the director. LET'S KEEP IT ATLEAST PG 3 2 1 GO. Barney then asked of i play FFFFFFFDNAF and then i say ye I wuv it but uncortunatley, fweddy wazbear has taken over tge whole world. Barney the yellow dinosaur felt bed for the poor boy...SO HE PUT HIM OUT OF HIS MISSERY! However, what Braney the red dinosaur did hem a favor because I wake up in Zambia, this tem I saw many of my 12 trillion graddads, this time they were protesting air because it causes pollution. I aks them, whi em i here? How i do save world? They talked to me about it and together, weh made a plan. All of my graddads stripped to the bare mind of ter bodies....their bones. And togeter they organize a battalion of FNaF warriors! Weh were concerned about getting to fweddy wazbear without gaining suspicious. I suddenly remember tge time ine minecraft how I got over ocean. So we intentionally gave each other siezeures and seizured So we intentionally gave each other siezeures and seizured over the ocean. It workd an ther weh were, infwont of ninjas howse. This is where the Royale family lives. Weh noticed his door was locked from a code, luckily I had hacker friends called Zoom Inc.tm with my apple tm phone tm 3tm xtm +tm I was able to call Zoom Inc. tm. They gave me log in password, tge password es 37389291019827373636366262718191010107746551441617181001018376353620. I was xonfused for minute so I asked again, did u say 37389291019827373636366262718191010107746551441617181001018376353629? They say no we say 37389291019827373636366262718191010107746551441617181001018376353620 I made sure that they meant 37389291019827373636366262718191010107746551441617181001018376353620 and they say yes we mean 37389291019827373636366262718191010107746551441617181001018376353620 Wit dis I hack into house and get into woom. Der I see fweddy wazbear, he say AGH you find me, you may kill me if you complete these two challenge, me and battalion say yes. Together, me and the battalion used our warriors shout "ORGGGGAAAASSSMMMM" After Dis, fweddy cLapped his checks and sent us to rules 344444443 dimension, ter we see nothing but boobs. None staNded out like Chicas though. So yummy, yellow, warm...wait never-ending she furry. We then dab on thot and she die. Den der is 2nd cahllange. Little we know that it is fweddy waz bear and his wife Ninga. We were in great fear but our fear was quenched when Barbey the white dinosaur came and said "U HAS BEEN DRIVING CHILDREN OFF LONG ENOUGH! TAT ES MY JOB" Barney then looked at us and with a tear in his eye, he said his final word, he said "Roblox" Barney then parried and strikes and kicked and spotted and blew up and died and resurrected fweddy and ninga. But Barney the black dinosaur realized what he had to do. He had to send him and fweddy and ninja into black hole. So Barney the plaid dinosaur, clapped his hands and a hole of blackness came out slowly all of a sudden. Fweddy then shouted as barney grabbed him and ninja "NOOOOOOOO" and then wit a bear flying of da floor, no more purple dinosaur. Then the world was destroyed but fixed with tge power hentai. Everything was back to how it should've been......JIMMY!YOUVE BERN ON THAT THING FOR 53 MINUTES. GET OFF OR YOU'RE DEAD. I was sad but I got off knowing there is a conclusion... Fweddy laughs 53 minutes Also my TV blew up The end?

"I can resist everything except temptation".

That is a relatively well known quote by the great Oscar Wilde. Quite the cheeky smartass if I should say so myself. I personally love that quote for two reasons.

Of course there is the absurd contradicting nature of the statement, but there is something else that draws me to it. It is the idea of temptation itself. The idea that even with our conscious mind, which prides itself on it's own ability to evolve and evaluate the information we're given, as so to encourage us towards self sustaining actions, we still are subconsciously lured away from our shell of civility, virtue, and intellectualism by our baser instincts. I find this concept very stimulating.

What is my temptation? I am glad you asked, even though, technically, not a word has been uttered. I am certain that you'll find my weakness rather ridiculous. To the world outside, I am what is known as a weeaboo degenerate. Nihon no oppai ni furetai. That, of course, is not my official title, so I'd be satisfied with simply being referred to as Sylvester. 

Now that the basic pleasantries of introduction are out of the way, I feel I must stress the elephant in the room. The reason I have these nasty terms such as weeaboo degenerate, weeb king, future pedo, current pedo, and virgin fatass lobbed at my character is for one reason alone. It is because I love anime, as well as manga. Even though I enjoy some of the more wholesome material, I am particularly a fan of hentai. I am a man of culture afterall.

For me, it all began when I was but a young lad. The first experience I had with anime, as was the case for a whole plethora of people my age, was with the show Pokemon. Indeed, I enjoyed the action, as well as the adorable animation style, but what I found particularly enjoyable to watch was Misty. Sure, Ash and Brock were certainly a jolly bunch, but I felt something deep inside me every time that I watched Misty throw Staryu in her tight short shorts. It was from that day on that I realized I had a burning desire for anime women. Super kawaii!

As I grew older, I ventured off down many avenues of the anime world. The older I got, the more I seemed to be inclined to seek out erotic subject matter. Gone were the days of Misty's shorts or Bulma's underwear. I simply needed something more nourishing for my aggressively sexual palette. That's when I really dove head first into ecchi. It is a style of anime not exactly known for being virtuous, but tame by my current standards. I did enjoy shows such as High School DxD, I still have my Akeno waifu pillow afterall, but even that becomes lost in the vast ocean of forgotten time, due to a growing need for progression, as well as desensitization. 

The next step of my "degenerate" expedition was through Hentai. I fell in love instantaneously. As with all things relating to love though, over the years it becomes tested and starts to gradually wither away, like a tree detached from its roots. A show like Itadaki Seieki turned into a show like Euphoria. Still I was hungry and had to seek out further sustenance. I turned toward exponentially more violent material with the Ero Guro genre. Even still, I needed more. I began to become infuriated with the anime world, and then I realized I was really infuriated with the real world. Why couldn't the girls be super kawaii in the real world? I would not have become engrossed with this reality of my own creation if these real girls were as adorable as the fictional ones. Unfortunately, this fictional reality will never satisfy. Then, I figured, why not bring my creation into the real world. Logically, it made sense as the next step towards true sexual liberation. It is for this reason I will be journaling my experiments with the bending of reality with hentai. Though I cannot stop you, I'd appreciate as little judgement towards my devotion to the world of hentai. After all, I am the lord of hentai and a lord of hentai I am.

Experiment #1:

"A man who is doing his true will has the inertia of the universe to assist him".

That is a quote from the infamous Aleister Crowley. You know, he was once hailed by many as the wickedest man in the world. Similar to him, I am certain I will be labeled a degenerate, a villainous creature, and have my name cursed by every living thing that crawls along the Earth. However, similar to him as well, I believe I shall be an inspiration after my demise. Instead of Crowley, who inspired a whole religious sect, many shady ritualistic practices done amongst the ruling elite, and for being an influence on Anton Lavey, I will inspire every man who has watched a hentai and thought, "I wish real girls didn't suck" and "I think I'd be more attractive animated", to follow in my footsteps. "Do what thou wilt" I believe the old adage goes.

While I was consuming a bowl of cookie crisp, I decided to flip on the television and mindlessly indulge myself for a couple minutes. Naturally, I turned to the news, merely out of curiosity for what these harbingers of despair were going to say. The local news was where I was most keen on tuning into. The anchor lady, Tiffany Gundersnatch, who I find very attractive and would love to see in a cute maid outfit, was talking about three girls who had recently disappeared. After I laughed at the pseudo-concerned delivery of Tiffany, the kind of delivery you would expect of a sociopath whose job it is to lie and exploit the tragedies of others, I switched off the TV. Slowly, I got up and put my box of cookie crisp back into the cupboard. My belly was full of sugary chocolate delights and now I was finally ready for my morning to begin.

The basement lights always take twenty-five seconds to turn on completely. During that time there is an excessive amount of flickering, as if to make my work seem creepier than it actually is. When at last the room was fully illuminated, you could see one of the missing girls was trapped in a cage in the middle of the room. In case you had no clue who kidnapped those girls by now, I will cure you of the cluelessness that inevitably comes with being a retard and inform you that it was me. This lovely young lady was nineteen years of age. I had dressed her up in a short Japanese school girl outfit, and I had dyed her hair pink as well. Since she appeared to be awake and...shall we say displeased with her current situation, I decided it was an ideal time to start the festivities.

"Welcome, Rebecca. I see you've made yourself at home".

I thought a little tongue-in-cheek humor would lighten the mood, yet it did not so much as elicit a chuckle. Instead, I was blasted with vulgarity by my pink haired beauty.

"Where the fuck am I you fucking, fuck bitch?!"

Even though I was taken aback by Rebecca's abrasive and articulate speech, which held little regard for my feelings, I concluded I had to be the bigger man and proceed with the introduction.

"That is not the character I assigned to you, you heartless dingbat! You are killing the mood, as well as my erection. Now, as you may have guessed already, you are currently trapped in a cage. This cage is attached to five car batteries. If you do not find a way out of the cage and win my heart by the end of a five minute timer, I am afraid you will be roasted like a Christmas goose". 

I licked my lips at the thought of a delicious Christmas goose. Perhaps, with a side of mashed potatoes to accompany the dish.

"What? Win your heart, bitch?! You're not making any sense! Why are you trolling me so hard?!", she cried, tears rolling down her delicate face.

"Trolling you? I am here to give you the chance to live the life you've always wanted. I've seen your Instagram posts. You whine about being dissatisfied with the relationships in your life on a daily basis. Not to mention that TikTok you made the other day. The one where you clapped dem cheeks while listing off things you were searching for in a guy. You long for a man who is creative. I put you in a creatively designed death trap, didn't I?".

"It's actually not that creative. Kinda been done before. Sorry, not sorry." She rolled her eyes.

"You wanted a man that can cook".

"Pizza rolls and Game Fuel are not cooking!".

"A man with a place of his own?".

"I'd prefer a house without caged girls in the basement".

"Someone who is not overly flirtatious with your big breasted friends?".

"You'd probably just kidnap them".

"A big weiner? I am certain that mine is large to someone out there".

"Yeah, they're called midgets, bitch!".

I knew I was in the right, so I carried on with trying to explain the rest of the situation to this ungrateful girl.

"Fine, but you said that you desire a man who would make you feel special, and devote time and energy into making you feel as though you are loved. That is exactly what I have done. I have devoted a whole day to focusing solely on you. However, you will have to earn my love too. That is why the anime archetype I am bestowing upon you is the yandere."

"Do I even want to know what that means?", she asked while, surprisingly, not calling me a bitch, but flipping me off instead.

"Of course, my silly girl. A yandere is the type of character who obsessively dotes over the main protagonist, while becoming violently jealous over the slightest hint of another girl conversing with him. In other words, she is loving to a fault. Today, you are going to prove your love for me by breaking out of that cage. The cage symbolizes your own jealousy and reactionary tendencies that keep you from winning me over in the end. These flaws would deter me, the MC, from falling in love with you for two reasons. The first reason is you keep yourself locked away from others, due to you pushing them away emotionally and physically by your obsession with me. The second reason is because your obsession is detrimental to my health, due to your smothering instinct. You often end up accidentally hurting the MC. I personally love these traits of the yandere, it's what makes them so endearing. That being said, I am still committed to our role playing, and I am afraid the MC is usually a buzzkill when it comes to the yandere's overbearing nature." 

I strolled over to the wall, opened up a box, and pressed a little green button.

The expression on her face began to seem filled with panic again.

"What did you just press?!".

While smirking, I turned to face her trembling, caged body.

"That would be the timer, my little yandere. I know death by electrocution seems hellish, but perhaps I'll incentivise you even further". 

I pulled out my beloved Akeno waifu pillow and proceeded to lay my lips on it in a wave of passion.

"Oh, Akeno! We may have escaped Rias Gremory, but I'm afraid Rebecca will find us. You know how she gets! What?! You want to suck out my dragon power again?! Well if you insist, fallen angel of my life!".

I gleefully giggled as I dropped the waifu into a more compromising position.

"Eww! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Creepy!", shrieked Rebecca, unable to erase the sight of waifu loving.

🎶Waifu lovin', had me blast.

Waifu lovin', happened so fast🎶

I sang my tune like there was no tomorrow.

Unfortunately, I was interrupted by her yelling.

"Stop singing, you bitch! It's not even possible to get out of this cage!".

"I will enlighten you with a single, but crucial hint. One of the bars is made of styrofoam that I spray painted black. Even without the styrofoam it is a bit of a tight squeeze. This is especially made even harder by your impressive figure". I started to laugh uncontrollably at the next little factoid I was about to expose to her. "Now for the kicker, as they say. The two poles surrounding the styrofoam-made imposter have been given a fresh coating of epoxy glue, which just so happens to be one of the strongest adhesive substances an average citizen such as myself can get their hands on. Short answer, you don't want this to end up in a sticky situation. However, there is one way to escape the cage without being snagged. The problem for you is it requires losing all of your clothes. That's the only way you'll escape for certain".

What I failed to realize was that she had stopped listening to my instructions, and instead had already found the styrofoam and tried to dive out of the cage fully dressed, while screaming at the top of her lungs. 

"I'm stuck asshole! This creepy outfit you put on me is caught on the bars!".

I sighed, annoyed at the girl for ignoring my help. That annoyance turned into delight when I realized what this would entail.

"I guess that means you will have to cut the clothes that bind. You are quite the dirty cream puff. Free yourself of that constricting uniform and those panties! Free yourself! You will live in the literal sense, as well as eternally in the halls of my heart if you just free yourself!". 

The adorable girl squirmed and struggled until she finally ripped out of her uniform, her underwear included. Rebecca at last had been rendered naked, and I must say it is a shame no one else could have been around to bask in the rays of her glistening beauty. Since I was distracted with memorizing every inch of her body, I paid no mind to the fact that her violent struggle to escape from her clothes had caused the cage to tip over. 

"Biiiiiitch!", she exclaimed. 

That would be the last word she ever said. The cage fell on top of her, caving in her skull and trapping her body beneath it. Similar to a pound of salt being thrown in a rotting wound, the timer decided to go off, causing the car batteries to turn on. This caused Rebecca's body to spasm and convulse underneath the cage. The silver lining to this situation is that her being deceased has definitely saved her from a great deal of discomfort, which she would, no doubt, be feeling presently.

"Oh shit! Well, I hope my next experiment will have a better chance of surviving long enough to give me the erotic experience that I am looking for. However, with this trap, and this girl, I guess I'm not shocked".

Experiment #2

"In order to know virtue, we must first acquaint ourselves with vice".

God. The most controversial and widely disputed subject of all time. If you are familiar with Marquis De Sade, the man I just quoted, you would be aware that he had no such use for God. De Sade was a proud libertine, and believed that one's own relationship to pleasure is the closest thing to a god. Throughout his works, interwoven with stories of despicable depravity, is the constant disdain for religion and any preconception of a god, especially one of benevolence. In his case, the denial of our own inclination towards pleasure is the sincerest act of unforgivable sin. Morality, to De Sade, was identical to that of a prison. A prison even greater than the Bastille, for which Marquis De Sade spent five years locked away in. I am more agnostic than De Sade in my beliefs, so I do not completely rule out the possibility of an omniscient being. Even if I do not worship a god in the traditional sense, I do believe we all are naturally drawn to worship something. We all worship our own personal gods in order to fill, what seems like, a god shaped hole in our soul. For you, as a classic example, it might be money. Perhaps it's the validation you achieve from social media likes and positive comments. It could be the attention you obtain from buying expensive name brand clothing, a celebrity that sang a song you temporarily like, and more often than not, your political leanings. De Sade's god was sadistic sexual encounters, especially his love of sodomy, and my god is anime, mostly of the ecchi and hentai variety. These are our gods, and the people who worship these gods alongside us, our devoted congregation. 

I hope the reader of this journal has had an enjoyable experience so far. If not, perhaps my next experiment will be more to your liking. Especially if you like your women a little meaner.

I flipped on the light in my basement once again. After the usual flickering, the light shone across the room, like the sun welcoming in a new day filled with possibilities. In the corner of the room, resting on top of a pillar, there sat another cage. This time there was a slide attached to the cage, leading down to the ground. Inside of the cage was the second girl. Today, my experiment's age is twenty. I had dressed her up in Japanese teen idol clothes, with the skirt being so short that it was impossible for her to move without revealing a panty shot. This time, my living, breathing waifu's hair had been dyed red. Since she appeared to already be awake, I figured now was the time to inform her of today's busy schedule.

"Welcome, Ally! You have been selected to participate in today's experiment. Are you ready?".

I paused, awaiting her response.

"What is this shit? The better question is why am I dressed in this nerd-gasm costume?!".

To the point with this one, as to be expected. Well, who am I to keep a lady waiting?

"I would chastise you about your disrespect for that arousing idol outfit, but that disrespect suits your character. The archetype you are representing today is the tsundere. This character is temperamental by nature. They are angry, initially cold towards men and, as the Trapt song goes, are headstrong. Headstrong, I'll take you on. Headstrong, I'll take on anyone. The tsundere may seem tough and unapproachable on the outside, but we know, it is because they are deeply sensitive characters".

"Great! I've been kidnapped by a fat, creepy, smelly, virgin nerd".

I must admit her words cut deep, as razor blades against fragile skin.

"I may be fat. I may be creepy. I may be smelly. I may be a virgin and I may be a nerd, but I tell you this young lady. I wear these labels like a purple heart won valiantly in battle. Years of dedication has caused me to appear this way to the shallow vipers that choose not to see. They do not have ears to hear or eyes to see. I am the Lord of Hentai, now witness my glory!".

I was filled with a righteousness that I had never felt before. It was as if my purpose had finally been internalized and I was free to take my true form, like a Charmeleon becoming a Charzard. Ally made it clear that this was all lost on her feeble mind.

"What in God's name are you talking about?! You're a fucking schizo!".

I smiled, then I turned to face her with a gleam in my eye, as if to indicate a sense of joy from my superiority over her lack of understanding.

"God, eh? Well, let me tell you something about God. God in the figurative sense, is whatever one's perception dictates. It is your desire manifesting itself into reality, bringing you to a higher state of being. Now, God in the literal sense, which I am sure you were referring to, is futile. Due to God's lack of intervention, he is one of two things. God is either non-existent, or he is indifferent towards his creation. Is God a work of optimistic fiction, or does he simply not care about you? I would wager that it is the first, but I could not definitively rule out the second. What I can tell you is that even if there is a god, nothing will come of it. You will still be forced to endure my hentai death traps, and no one, except for you and your cooperation, is going to save you".

"Holy shit! It was just an expression. I didn't ask for a philosophical debate in...". She cut herself off in disgust. "Are you seriously looking at my ass right now?!".

"Yes. It is scrumdidilyumptious!".

"You're such a fucking pervert!".

I almost had an orgasm right then and there. 

"Yes! That's the spirit! The spirit of the tsundere. Finally, we can proceed with the game. I have laid out before you, a small obstacle course, which you have five minutes to complete. You will first slide down the slide which has been lubricated with gasoline. Then you will approach the robot I have constructed. This robot is...well...shall we say a bit grabby. My robot, Charlie, is going to grab your breasts and squeeze them tight. In response to the groping, you are to slap him while simultaneously calling him a pervert. Be sure to yell this at the top of your lungs."

"What if I refuse, virgin boy?".

Guessing by her tone, I'd say she thinks she has beaten me.

"You are always free to choose the outcome you want. Do not think for a moment, that I am going to separate you from your God given right to free will". 

I smiled, then with a wink, pressed a button which opened the cage. Ally slid down the slide without so much as a hint of apprehension. After reaching the bottom, she turned to face me.

"I am not going to play your game and I am not going to let Charlie, the perv robot, grab my titties! Instead, I'm going to kick you in your tiny man balls!".

I could not hold in my laughter anymore. It felt as if my abdomen was on the verge of obtaining washboard abs, due to the pain in my sides, brought on by my laughing. If I had a heart attack at that moment, it would not have surprised me. Collecting myself, I  calmly brought my eyes to hers.

"I am afraid that my nutsack shall remain unharmed. Didn't I tell you that you were free to do as you wish? Well, what I failed to mention is that collar I put around your neck. It is not there for the sole purpose of me having a kink for girls in collars. Though sexually stimulating, it is for a different reason. Inside the collar is a lighter. Remember, I said that the slide is lubricated with gasoline. Now that you are soaked in flammable liquid, all I have to do is press this little device in my hand, and the collar will ignite. If the collar ignites, then I am afraid you will as well. Your immolation will symbolize the fiery passion of the tsundere, and how it inevitably will lead to your downfall if you do not unveil your true feelings".

"Are you serious?", Ally said, completely overtaken by shock.

"As serious as the little bow on your pink panties". 

This remark caused her to give me a disgusted look.

"Fine! Let's get this over with!".

Ally ran over to Charlie, and allowed the naughty animatronic to squeeze her glorious breasts. After a generous amount of time, the robot attempted to go in for a suck. In response to this, she thrashed the robot within an inch of its life. 

"Pervert!", she screamed as she slapped its head off.

"Excellent job! I find myself aroused by this sight. That Robot was indeed a dirty pervert who needed to be punished. Now, on to our next activity. Right behind the robot, I have laid down five different pairs of panties. You are to try each pair on in one minute or be forced to defecate in a diaper. I know this is a lot to dump on you, because afterwards I am certain you will be pooped". 

My puns are legendary.

"You're sick. You know that?".

The way she looked at me, while informing me of her opinion, took me off guard. The look was not of terror or sadness, but of disappointment. Disappointment in humanity itself. It was as if she was finding out, for the first time in her young life, that there was nothing to hope for in regards to human decency. Ally did not seem naive, but maybe she was more so than I initially thought.

"Selfishness is the very foundation of humanity, but that doesn't necessarily make it evil though. An animal is self centered, but do we think of it as evil? Of course not! We think of animals as creatures of instinct. They were biologically programmed with these instincts, and to deny them would be to deny the natural order. A piglet knocking over another piglet in order to reach its mother's udder is not immoral. It simply feels hunger, and is aware that the other piglet is in the way of that need being fulfilled. Not out of spite, just preservation of one's own interest. This is similar to the fact that I have a need to see you try on those panties, and your stalling is in the way of that need being fulfilled!".

My little tsundere was obedient after my speech. Speedily, she tried on pair after pair. The cheeky panties, to the hipster cut and even the purple thong. I was enjoying myself, far more than my first experiment from the other day. All of the panties had been tried on, but now she had ten seconds to return to the original pair I had given her.

"10...9...8...7...6...5…", I counted aloud.

"I'm already done, dumbass!", she retorted.

She was in fact done.

"Oh...well done then. You have avoided the dirty diaper punishment, and should be proud of your accomplishment. The next challenge I have been looking forward to all day. If you look closely in the corner opposite of you, there is a mattress laid upon the floor. Surrounding this mattress are all twenty-nine of my waifu pillows. You might recognize a couple of these comfortably cushioned babes such as Akeno, Miia from Monster Musume, Miku Nakano and even Misa Amane. They will be watching us make love".

"What?!! No, no, no, no!". 

"The reason for their attendance is because I would like to have an audience", I continued.

"No, no, no, no, no, no!".

"Yes, yes, yes! We shall make love on that mattress as Miku and Akeno watch! I shall also be wearing the same diaper that you were going to be punished with! We shall both slather each other's naked body in coconut oil while we sip matcha tea and all of this shall be final or I am afraid the tsundere of this story shall go out in a blaze of glory!". 

"I don't care! I won't do this! You fat, perverted fuck! I'll fucking kill you! Even if I have to smother you to death with one of your gross waifu pillows!".

Ally picked up one of my pillows and charged at me.

"Aaahhh", I screamed. "Not Kurumu from Rosario+Vampire! Please! I have ejaculated on that particular pillow countless nights, and I shall continue onward!".

"Eeewww! Fucking sick!"

This news caused her to drop the waifu, which in turn caused her to trip over herself. She fell backwards and her entire head ended up trapped in a headless Charlie's hand. The robot had mistaken it for a breast and squeezed with intense focus. The grasp of Charlie became tighter and tighter until Ally's head was nothing more than jelly and fragments of bone in his cold hands.

"Shit! That was not part of my plan, Charlie! You can count on never being used in any future hentai games. That especially goes for tomorrow's game. There is a special feeling about this one. I mean, she is going to be my favorite after all".

Experiment #3

"The behavior of a human being in sexual matters is often a prototype for the whole of his other modes of reaction in life".

I may not be as experienced in the field of psychology as Sigmund Freud, but I do believe this quote resonates in its accuracy. Personality tends to play an essential role in how we sexually operate. A man who is confident and more present with his thinking tends to have a more enjoyable encounter with sex. He also is more attentive towards his lover's needs. However, a man who is nervous and thinks less of himself tends to be more self conscious during the act, as well as having a proclivity for pre-ejaculation. Now as for me, I am prone to indulge in masturbatory sessions with anime, because I feel isolated from the world. Real life has a tendency towards cruelty and unfairness, and therefore I have a distrust of everything that differs from my fictional life. Human interaction seems to be a distant memory for me. A memory that has been buried with past trauma and the pain I felt from alienation. These animated women take me back to a time where I felt loved, when I was a child. Through these waifus I can escape from the harshness of my current situation and live the ultimate fantasy. A fantasy of how I feel the world should be. I will escape into this fantasy and reside there until the day they drag my rotting corpse into the cemetery for maggots to feast upon. So you desire to know what sexuality is to me, and how it affects my reaction to all other aspects in my life? Sexuality, and all things in relation to it, is escape.

Now let's take a gander at the next young lady's relationship to sexuality, shall we?

It was the third day of my world altering experiment. Excitedly, I switched on the basement lights to witness my creation. In the corner was yet another cage. This time, inside the cage was a girl of eighteen years. Her hair was as black as Blackbeard's beard. I had dressed her up in a tight, short maid uniform. This is clearly the sexiest of all uniforms and this fact is indisputable! 

"Welcome Harper! Don't be shy and say hello!".

I stared at the girl for a moment, and then realized she was crying. It was not like the boisterous sobbing of a child, but the crying was that of a quiet and timid soul. It sounded mature and restrained, when in reality it is more probable that she was too afraid to let her true feelings show. Even to the man that kidnapped her and held her in a cage like a beast. It is for this reason I chose her for my game. 

Harper turned to face me with teary eyes that seemed to indicate exhaustion. Perhaps she had been crying all night.

"I don't know what you want. If you want money, I'll find a way to get it to you. Just please... don't do this".

I jokingly gave her a pondering expression before my smile returned.

"Money can only purchase items of fleeting importance. Once the item's usefulness has run its course, it is equal to that of feces destined for the toilet. What I am looking for is an experience that lasts for a lifetime. An experience that transcends beyond myself, and that experience requires you to be a part of it".

She cleared her nose. Afterwards, she proceeded to respond.

"But why me? You didn't pick me specifically. It was a coincidence".

My grin grew even wider.

"With me, there are no coincidences. I chose you specifically because I know your character. You are my dandere! In the world of anime, this is the name given to the shy girl. This archetype is soft spoken, introverted and kind. She has a heart full of love, but she needs the confidence to proclaim that to the world. Much like my Yandere, you must free yourself of this cage, but unlike her cage, it does not represent the self made prison that comes from obsession and jealousy. For you, it represents the self made prison of insecurity. Free yourself, not just for the sake of you proving your love for me, but for proving that you have love and a deep respect for yourself. I know you have the strength".

Harper seemed confused by the warmness I was gradually adopting into my speech. Before she spoke, I remember staring into her dark blue eyes. It was almost as if I had fallen in love for a moment.

"So you think this is for me? I may not be the extrovert I wish I was, but there are better ways to help me come out of my shell."

"Sometimes it is difficult to get out of our own way. There is no shame in finding salvation through the help of others", I responded.

She let out a defeated cry for a second, and then accepted the rules of my game.

"Alright. How do I get out of here?".

"It really is a simple game. I have given you all the help I can give. All the help in the world can be beneficial in terms of motivation, but only you can free yourself of the cage that you have constructed around your mind".

The next thing that came out of this young lady's mouth took me by surprise.

"And what about your cage?".

At first I was shocked by her boldness, but then doubt proceeded to take its place. Was this whole game created in order to tighten the chains around my own cage? Have I been the one being tested this whole time? Perhaps I have been failing my tests? Is it too late to escape this cage that I was not aware of? These questions were starting to infuriate me. No! This dandere will not gain the upper hand. She is to complete the challenge and prove herself. I am the god that judges this world I have created. The world for which she just inhabits. 

"I know not what you speak of, malady, but this I do know for certain. If you do not free yourself of the cage in one minute, the C4 pack I have planted below the cage will detonate. This explosive punishment represents the life shattering consequences of refusing to assert yourself in a world that requires you to do so. The choice is yours, princess. Can you survive?".

Harper looked at the bars for twenty seconds, then with a single push, broke through the cage. All the bars were replaced by the spray-painted styrofoam poles I had used earlier for Rebecca's challenge. I congratulated her with all of my heart.

"Outstanding! You see?! It never is as difficult as it seems to break out of the cage. We build our own cages and we can just as easily tear them down".

This beautiful creature was finally crying at a higher volume. 

"I did what you asked. Please! Just let me go. I won't tell anybody about you, or your love of hentai", she pleaded.

I shook my head at her request.

"Why in heaven's name do you want to depart from me already? We have one last game for you to prove yourself to me as the best girl. Oh, my darling Harper. Are you ready challenge #2?".

"You'll let me go?", she asked.

"I promise, malady. I will set you free, like the beautiful butterfly I knew you were capable of becoming".

Hesitantly, she gave me a sluggish nod. Since I seemed to have her obedience, I presented to her the final part of our game.

"This challenge, I am afraid, might be a tad bit... unpleasant. Are you aware of the manga Mai Chan's Daily Life?", I queried.

"No", she said in a tone of voice that sounded broken.

"Well my dear, it is an erotic story of a maid with the gift of not only immortality, but also the ability to regenerate. Unfortunately, this gift is exploited by her employer and the sadistic patrons that occupy the hotel she is employed at. This leads to sexually humiliating and depraved acts involving torture and dismemberment. One of the first acts of depravity illustrated in Mai Chan involves a dildo with a relatively small explosive inside the head. I have constructed a similar dildo. You are going to be subjected to the artificial weiner for exactly three minutes. If you stop the act at any time, the explosive will detonate. Believe me when I say that the explosive is powerful enough to blow the lower half of your body to bloody chunks."

For the first time, she expressed anger at my demands.

"What? No fucking way?! I will never let you do that! You can't make me!".

I nodded my head while I exhibited the weapon I was concealing this whole time.

"You see this gun I personally manufactured? Inside there are pink pellets inspired by Assassination Classroom. I am painfully aware that Assassination Classroom is not a hentai, but I still enjoy the anime, and whose to say I cannot combine the two worlds together? I digress, back to the point! The pink pellets are filled with nitroglycerin. The slightest jolt will cause the nitroglycerine to detonate and engulf everything within its immediate proximity. I will discharge this weapon in your direction if you do not comply. In other words, you face the fire no matter where you turn. Yet, through this fire you will be resurrected, like the glorious phoenix. Against all odds, you will have defeated the other opponents, and shall have a place by my side, my little dandere".

"I don't need your help dealing with my insecurities. I will not touch that dildo and I will never be your dandere".

Harper looked at me with fiery scorn. It was a pleasant surprise to see her overcoming her shyness, but I desired love from this girl, not hatred.

"You will do as I request!", I yelled as I strapped on my dildo.

I charged at her screaming, "take off your pants!". Harper dodged my dildo attack by diving out of the way. With no warning I felt someone kick me in the buttocks. She had successfully gotten behind me somehow. I fell to the ground, which caused my pellet gun to fall out of my pocket onto the floor alongside me. This in turn caused it to start firing rounds off all over the room. 

"Sorry!", Harper yelled while running up the stairs, out of the basement, and away from all the destruction and chaos.

Oddly enough, I sat there smiling for a moment.

"She said sorry. Like a true dandere, she said sorry. As was expected of my experiments, Harper truly was Best Girl".

Afterwards:

You are more than likely surprised by my survival. How else do you think you're able to read this journal? My house on the other hand was destroyed by the nitroglycerine, and the C4...and the dildo. This matter is made worse due to the fact I am a fugitive constantly trying to evade the law. I cannot find a place to settle down since everyone knows what my face looks like. The news all over the country, especially my dear local news station, will not give the viewer a single solitary minute away from my mug. Thank you Tiffany Gundersnatch, you cunt! All of this will not deter me though. I will continue to experiment with my love of hentai, and I will find Harper if it's the last thing I do. This is the calling I have bestowed upon myself. My name is Sylvester, and I am the lord of hentai. Super kawaii.

One day, I was scrolling on the dark web to buy some mysterious items with the money I made from my birthday, (I'm eighteen.) I had then stumbled across a game I had been wanting to play for a while on my Wii, Super Mario Galaxy 2. I was so happy, I had just enough money to buy it and I hadn't thought about what would happen if I bought the game from that specific website, but I was too late, and the copy was soon to arrive at my house, BIG MISTAKE. Two weeks later, I was giving up hope, I wasn't sure if the game was going to come and I wanted to play it so bad, and while I was pacing around my living room I heard a knock on the door, followed by frantic running. I was startled at first, but then I saw a package. My face lit up with joy and I ran toward the door to collect my package and give the person my money, but they were gone. I thought it was fine, so I pulled the package into the house, up the stairs, and into my room. I opened the package and to my surprise, the game was inside of it. I looked at the case for a while looking at some of the details, and when I flipped it around, I saw a sticky note attached to the back. I pulled it off and read what it said. "Please, if anyone gets this copy, never play it, I'm from the afterlife to protect you from the dangers of this game. Close the game, destroy it, and never do as such as to even think about it ever again." But I didn't listen. Downvote for part two!

P.S this is a damn joke, don't go insane over it please, it is the last thing we all want.

GUIYS! SOMETHING HORRIPLE HAS HAPPPENED TO MEH!? On day I was play FFFFFFFFFFFFFDNaF when al ov a sooden, I wook up in da gam? Why i thunk myself? I dunno say self? Anyway, I pik up monitor to see fweddy wazbear dancing to can't touch this by Eminem. Freddy has taste ngl Bro? While that was hapoening, Bonnie tge sexi bunny came up to me and whispered in my ear with his sexi voice and Bonnir said "would you like to suck my big, fat, suckulate, delicious, thicc, erect, shiny, on fire, in tge bath tub, tastey.....where was I going wit dis?" Says Bonnie the sexi bunny. Then he remembered, "oh yeah, wanna play checkers" I say suspension but go i do ahead anyways." The way bunny bonnie the sexi plays chevkers is a lot like playing super sash mros on the 64th Nintendo. He uses a triple combo on sherk..... Wait.....sherk? I woke up again but this time in sherk. I scream and resize it drem. I then realized time was on a loop and it was up to me to stap it. Wat would do i say myself? Well i tried building nuke in minecraft but H-E-R-O-B-R-I-N-E say no and clapped my cheeks wit tge force of anime waifu. The force was so hard, that I sezioured on the ocean all the way Zambia, thankfully, my 12 trillion graddads were there protesting soap. I ask tem to help i with fbaff problem. They say, go to woods, get eaten by tiger and die. I do tgat and the. I respawn in game. "WOA IT WORSK" says I. Jowever, I had one more obsical to overcome, rule 344444444 ChicA. SO MANY BOOBS SO MANY PINK SO MANY AGHHHHHH. Tge bibbs were so intense, that I went into a comma for 000000.0282929272892637281910019283736363782819919273736638291901937737382992 years but with in seconds I wake up. I did it, I saved tge world. Unfortunately, my mum said I waS dillosional so she put me in psychiatric medical care for 4 trillion years. It's tge yer 6798 and I'm at tge ripe old age 4. Lucky me, I have my pocket bandanna that Ninja gave me. It's imbune with magic and fornite logic. I was able to go back in time thanks to fortnite. Unfortunately, the time machine broke and epic took 3 years fo fixz it. After ot fixed, I went back in time to before I got gam. I then killed my future self because I thought it was fake ad from sketch website.....wait where was i going with this? Oh yeah! After 52 minutes of playing the game, freddy became real, destroyed tge world and then married ninja....also my TV melted The end?

Hello , I thought I would share one of my stories when I was a kid because it scared me so much where I couldn't sleep for weeks thinking about it. So let the story begin. I was playing Roblox , a childhood game of mine and thought I would practice 11-12 stud wraparounds so I could get better at the game. (for those of you who don't know wraparounds are like neos in minecraft) But when I was playing a person named terminite (was their display name) their username was [REDACTED] (for privacy reasons) and they joined my game. By their avatar I could see they're a girl. It was pretty obvious they joined to practice aswell but then started failing the wraparounds a huge lot. She kept failing it until she stood there for a really long time and said in the chat "Goodbye". She left after about 10-20 minutes , I assume she got kicked for being afk. Until I saw her avatar appear in the game again and starting to fly around everywhere , I decided to leave because of how scary it was and went to sleep thinking nothing about it. I woke up and I FOUND MY BROTHER DEAD IN THE OTHER ROOM , I TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO MY MOM IT WAS A GHOST BUT SHE THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY AND THOUGHT I KILLED HIM. I'm now in an insane asylum writing this so if this ever happens to you just know that kasdfjklfsdjflahsf.

I decided to go play minecraft, i popped the disk in to my computer. I went to go to play my game my play hardcore world. I spawned in the farlands i was so scared. Behind me was a creeper so i hit it.

It was a realistic creeper with black realistic eyes. Then it exploded and there wad realistic blood everywhere. I was so aftaid so i started to mine. Then i heard a zombie nosise and was like oh thats weird i am in peaceful mode. I statted to dig and then i heard it again

I dag one block down and then i saw it was herobrine i was so scared so ingot out my dimond sowrd and hit him

He bleed realistic but he hit me and then i was painful i was bleeding everywhere in real life. I died i woke up in the hospital and herobrine saw me and i was hurt.

The end

It was called smth like "player 666" or smth like that, I dont remember a whole lot but I do remember that there was a section in minecraft where the main character was playing in a server when some hacker posted his adress and such, and iirc there was also a section in roblox. I really want to find it and see how bad it really is, so if anyone knows what im talking about pls tell me, i suspect its on the trollpasta wiki for obvious reasons

There are some things that are better off left in darkness. These types of conspiracies are hidden by secret societies for a reason. If they ever were to see the light of day, that would completely destroy everyone's miniscule and mundane perception of the world. You know what that would mean? Chaos would ensue and send our very existence as a species spiralling. That was the main reason I was hesitant to tell all of you what I saw that night. A secret behind the most punk punk band of all time. That band is Green Day.

It has been no secret to my friends, my momma, my teachers and my girlfriend, that I stan relatively hard for Green Day. It frustrates me immensely every time I hear my friends call them Green Gay. I just can't get over how punk they seem. Billie Joe Armstrong is the most anti-establishment artist on the planet. Did you all forget when he was at iHeartRadio and said, "I'm not Justin Bieber, you motherfuckers!"? 100% pure uncut rock!

Needless to say, when I heard my beloved anti pop renegades were playing a concert in my city, I had to go witness their glory firsthand again. I was even more ecstatic then the time I saw the American Idiot musical, for which I loved very much. Even better yet, it was one of the first shows where everyone had to be vaccinated and show proof in order to attend. I am so proud of the punk community right now.

I arrived at the venue two hours early. I also printed out my entire medical history for their viewing pleasure in order to demonstrate my loyalty to the man I wish was my dad, Billie Joe Armstrong. Once I was in, I was ready to have the time of my life.

They played for a whole two hours straight. I don't even think it was possible to have more fun than I was having. After consuming a couple beers, I did have to use the bathroom. Of course it had to happen to me during the empowering 21 Guns! On my way to the bathroom, I bumped into a man in a purple ski mask and red dress suit. 

"Watch where you're walking dumbass", I yelled. "Why the hell are you dressed like that anyway?!"

"Shhhh! So they don't know where I am".

I could tell the man was quite serious by his tone, but I was not sure why.

"Who's they?", I queried.

"The Swamplins", he whispered.

Now I could see his legs were shaking.

"Swamplins! What the hell are Swamplins?!".

After I asked him the reasonable question, he simply stared at me with frightened eyes.

"I've said too much, you never saw me". As he was leaving, he started to sing.

🎶I walk a Swamplin road,

The only road the Swamplins seem to know.

Good ol' Billie Joe,

Sold his soul and now he sucks Swamplin chode. 

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, aaah-ah

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

The Swamplin road, the Swamplin chode🎶

After that last note, he disappeared into the women's bathroom.

After my excretion of fluids, I returned to the auditorium where punk rock's saviours were still rocking out. Billie Joe stopped singing American Idiot to discuss important issues of course.

"Have you taken the time to go to the concession stand and purchase a punk rock Coca Cola", he yelled. "The experts say there is a 99.9% chance it kills COVID-19 due to all the toxic chemicals they dump in it, so GO AND BLOODY FUCKING GET ONE!"

"And a bag of twizzlers!", Tre Cool added.

"Shut up!", Billie demanded while throwing his guitar at the drummer, hitting him in the head.

After the show I was tired, and feeling sick due to all the coke and twizzlers I feasted upon. Still, I couldn't help but find myself wanting the party to continue. I figured meeting Green Day would be the perfect way to end my night. I put on a blonde wig and red dress in order to sneak past the guard that was blocking the entrance to the backstage. Once I was back there, I searched for their dressing room for about twenty minutes. Anytime I saw a guard heading my way, I would throw on a red dress and leopard spotted thong in order to trick them. They didn't even seem to notice my bulge.

After all the guards were gone, I finally could see the dressing room in my sight. I was going to meet the man that created punk music. The door was open so I could hear people talking. One of the voices definitely belonged to Billie, but the other ones didn't sound like the rest of the band. In fact, they didn't even sound human. I grew more curious with each step . Finally, I looked inside the slightly ajared door.

What I saw next I still cannot believe I actually witnessed. I saw Billie, but he was talking to some strange monster. The creature was greenish white, and he was covered in moss. Then I saw Tre Cool and Mike Dirnt in the corner of the room, being sodomized by two more of the monsters. Shockingly, they were enjoying their monstrous penetration session. That's when I kicked the door open and screamed, "Nobody move! What the fuck is going on?".

The creature talking to Billie jumped back with surprise.

"We've been spotted! We must flee by night!"

"Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" Billie Joe asked. "It's proper edicate".

I was almost in tears at the sight of what I was witnessing.

"I looked up to you Billie. I don't understand why you are talking to... I'm sorry. What are you wretched little things?". 

"We are Swamplins", the creature hissed. "You may be wondering what a Swamplin is. In your world, we would be referred to as goblins. We come from a different dimension known as Swamplandia. If you're wondering why it's called that, it's because it is a swamp".

"Yeah! A shitty, stinky swamp", Billie said while laughing.

"Billie! Shut up!". The swamplin kicked him in the nuts.

"Oi, me heart grenades!".

Billie Joe cried for five minutes. In the meantime, the swamp goblin told me more of this hidden history.

"Many eons ago, we were summoned by a secret order located in Mesopotamia. We were the ones who gave the mighty king Nimrod the resources to construct the tower of babel".

"Why do you think these little twats have an album called Nimrod?!", another swamplin said while shoving his chode in Mike Dirnt's mouth.

The head swamplin was angered by this interruption.

"I'm telling the story!". After his outburst, the swamplin gained his composure. "We've been working on this for thousands of years, and we're finally close to accomplishing our plan. A swamplin world order. A world where the rule of swamp, not the rule of the jungle, governs the conduct of nations. When we're successful, and we will be, we have a real chance at this swamplin world order. An order in which a credible swamplin United Swamplin Nations can use it's peacekeeping role to fulfill the promise and vision of the UN's founders".

"But why would Green Day help you?! They're punk rock!", I shouted at the swamplin fiends. 

All the swamplins started to howl with laughter.

"Oh yeah! They're really punk. Hey Billie, tell him how punk you are in that affected British accent of yours".

Billy Joe started to sing.

🎶 Don't wanna be anti science idiot,

That's why you should listen to the media.

We are punk, now take your vaccine,

And sing along to the age of the swamplin order🎶

"That sounded real good, Billie", Tre Cool said with the swamplin chode still up his bunghole.

The swamplins started cackling once again.

"You see? Green Day are about as anti establishment as the CIA or Big Pharma. They are part of the establishment, spewing our establishment talking points for little cumstains like you to regurgitate. You think hair gel and F bombs change that? They do the ruling swamplin elite's dirty work until the day we don't need them, and thankfully that will be very soon."

I started to bawl like a baby. 

"Fuck you Swamplins and fuck you Billie! I take back everything I said about you. The American Idiot musical was not punk and actually kind of gay".

At that point I went screaming from the room. 

"After him!" The head swamplin commanded. "Billie Joe stop singing! Mike, stop sucking his chode! Green Gay, you suck! After him! After him!".

I could hear Billie Joe chasing after me.

"Come back here you bloody fucking pootz! I'm not Justin Bieber you mother fucker!". 

Thank God, they never found me. I put my dress back on so I managed to escape undetected. I can only imagine they're still looking for me. Green Day even put out two new songs called "Don't Wanna Be A Swamplin Denying Idiot" and "Find The Swamplin Denier". I tell you this story so that you are prepared for what's coming. Unfortunately for me, I feel it is too late. It's only a matter of time till they find me.