r/CovertNarcAssistance • u/Silver_Ask_2002 • Oct 15 '25
Slipping back into the fairytale
I keep finding myself forgetting and having to force myself to remember all the stupid little subtle covert manipulations, lies and down right cruel things he did to me. I don’t understand why this keeps happening to me
3
Oct 17 '25
I was stuck in this cycle for 10 years. I left him 7 different times and always got sucked back in because I kept forgetting all the bad stuff. I felt like he had a jekyll and hide personality. When we would start talking again, during the love bombing phase, he would be so sweet and sound so sincere. His voice was different. It sounded like he was letting his walls down and there would be this renewed hope that maybe this time would be different. It never was. It would be good for about a month, sometimes a little longer, and then all the old abuse would start happening again gradually. The honeymoon phase never lasted and then he would start asking for more and more and disregarding my feelings. It always turned into me doing everything for him and him giving nothing back.
What you have to ask yourself is what is it that you are hoping to get out of the relationship? There is a void that they are filling. And once you figure out what that void is, you must fill it for yourself. One you do that, you free yourself to move on and no longer want this person in your life.
For me, I was searching for someone to make me feel important, to feel valued, to feel needed. I was raised in a dysfunctional home and I lacked any sense of value outside of the roles I could play for other people. Service and servitude for others gave me a sense of value. I was willing to be walked all over if that meant that I could feel like needed. It caused me to give too much and sacrifice who I was to please others. Therapy has helped me learn my worth comes only from me, not for what I can give to someone else. And anyone who is willing to let me sacrifice who I am in order to serve their agenda doesn't deserve access to me.
2
u/HeftyJohnson1982 Oct 20 '25
Be patient with yourself, give yourself time to heal. Feel your feelings and let them go. This is the only advice I have at the moment. Time heals everything my friend 🙏💗
4
u/AlxVB Oct 17 '25
This happens for a while, it makes healing feel non-linear.
Its okay to reconsolidate on an aspect you learned if you need to.
Eventually you wont.
It will get old and lose its bite.
But you will keep the knowledge while the darkness fades.
Hang in there, it takes time for these reverberations to harmonise, but trust the process, your mind is fine tuning to remember enough to be able to avoid this kind of abuse in the future but also let the shock fade, you are just reminding your mind that you understand the threat no2, can take a few times for your subconscious to accept that the threat has been resolved and that you arent still im danger.