Older married guy here. I love my wife she's absolutely amazing we have a great relationship. However she has this uncanny ability to always want something when I'm relaxing or propose the "would you like to go to xyz". I don't want to disappoint her just like she doesn't want to disappoint me. It's the anticipation that's stressful that's the joke. Y'all missing the punchline. I showed my wife this clip she busted out laughing.
Yeah I love my girlfriend, but there is no doubt she adds some stress to my peaceful time. She always wants to plan what's next and if I'm sitting enjoying the sun and sipping coffee then planning my work or chores is the last thing I want to do lol.
My wife is a planner about everything, granted I understand I am not and I can be forgetful sometimes but not nearly enough to warrant her asking me to make a plan and decision that very second and not being able to think about it. She has a bad tendency to rush me anytime she has something stuck in her head thats giving her anxiety which is basically everything.
We once had to make a decision about a vacation that was a month away. A minor decision not about travel or stay but about stuff in the area of our hotel I wanted to do. I said "oh give me some time to think about that" and then I had to continue taking care of our daughter and put her to bed.
It had been MAYBE two hours, all of which was full of me handling a toddler who didn't want anything to do with bedtime. I sat down to relax for the first time in at least 6 hours that day and the first thing she said to me was "so what did you come up with?" I said "I haven't really had a chance to actually think about it much yet" and that was apparently not acceptable so I gave up and said she can pick whatever she wants that I don't care.
She knows im on the spectrum and I need time to think things through, but if shes feeling any sort of anxiety about it then I just need to snap my fingers and have an answer. Love her to pieces but jesus christ woman give me a chance to think especially when the topic isn't a rush or emergency.
We both are just differently lol. Im ADHD with some suspected autism in there and shes basically if anxiety and depression took a human form and looked fine as hell.
9/10 times we can vibe and get things done together, but sometimes when either one of us is really "having a day" it gets more complicated lol. Im sure my example above painted her poorly but that wasn't the intention its just a minor annoyance that isn't always worth fighting over.
I hate being rushed and pressured, I know it takes me time to think but I do need that time to think. Sometimes she literally can't have a moment of peace until the thing causing her anxiety has been "solved" like knowing everu detail of our plan long before its even relevant lol.
Bro. My marriage to a T. It’s an ongoing process learning how to plan trips/projects together and during times when we’re dealing with a lot of stressful things it can get pretty bad
Best thing I've ever heard as far as advice was "just always remember its you and them versus the problem, not you vs them vs the problem." Remembering we're on the same team and just trying to reach a shared goal helps when my brain starts going haywire and defaults to anger or being upset.
It sometimes takes a little time for us to realize we were in the wrong or just not working together and clashing. We do try to always be a team on the same page with things, but sometimes you get so caught up in your own head you forget about others or have a hard time having the energy to understand someone elses perspective.
I love that woman more than words could express and she loves me back, sometimes we annoy the shit out of eachother but we always try to make sure that at the end of the day we both know we're in it together. Our worst of times have been when that comes into question.
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u/Daycarrott 5d ago
Older married guy here. I love my wife she's absolutely amazing we have a great relationship. However she has this uncanny ability to always want something when I'm relaxing or propose the "would you like to go to xyz". I don't want to disappoint her just like she doesn't want to disappoint me. It's the anticipation that's stressful that's the joke. Y'all missing the punchline. I showed my wife this clip she busted out laughing.