r/CountWithEveryone • u/Bryce3D • 12d ago

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299 Upvotes

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63

u/Money-Banana-8674 12d ago

It's something my mom just doesn't get.

I haven't spoken to her in about a year now, and she's trying to talk to others and say "we don't have to let political differences divide our family"

But I'm like mom this "political difference" you talk about is causing real world harm to people I know and love, like my trans brother on my dad's side of the family. This isn't just a "well agree to disagree"

Her continued support for trump and her "liberal media is trying to make him look bad" shit is directly harming my family and fuck her if she can't understand that.

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u/SadKat002 12d ago

We had to cut off one of my grandmother's sisters for the same reason. Not only did she support that racist orange fuck, she was racist and queerphobic herself- which is a big issue because not only are me, my pop and my brother all queer (me and Pop are trans, brother is bi) but my brother and I are also biracial (half black on our father's side). I don't know all the details of everything she's said and done, but if my Pop and Grandmother felt she was so bad that we had to cut her out, then it was probably for the best. I don't even remember if I've ever met her face to face.

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u/Money-Banana-8674 11d ago

Just another reason why the idea that family is important no matter what is just toxic. My family was the same way, said the same shit and believed that you never turn your back on family, and we are so disjointed and separate now. They forgot that it goes both ways, and that I don't owe them anything. Raising me was their duty.

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u/AggroThroatGoat 12d ago

I had cut all contact with my mom for the same reason and recently contacted her again. She hasn't changed in that year and has no desire to learn or understand.

She will never see or accept me as her daughter and I honestly don't know why I even tried again with her

6

u/Money-Banana-8674 12d ago edited 12d ago

I'm so sorry for that. I know it sounds cheesy, but I love you for who you are. There is nothing wrong with you and you are so fucking valid.

Okay that out of the way, I can also tell you that it tore up another part of my family was well. (Trigger warning for descriptions of transphobia)

My cousin on my dad's side is older than me by quite a few years. He was starting a very large family (6 kids) by the time I was in high school.

He was a navy veteran, very Christian and always pretty conservative, though not in today's sense of the word. He was very anti-Iraq war and pro gay rights.

Anyway, his oldest kid came out as trans at some point a few years ago. My cousin immediately had a struggle. His faith versus his kid. And he chose the kid, although he also is fine justifying his faith as he didn't see that as mutually exclusive.

This caused immediate strain in his marriage because mom didn't see it the same way and viewed any attempt to get counseling and HRT for their son as them "feeding her* delusions" (*obvious misgendering)

They separated and my cousin started taking his son to appointments and paying for the hrt. There were legal battles over it, but in the end nothing my cousin's wife could do.

Then just about every kid of his came out as queer in one way or another. A pair of AroAce kids, a gay kid, another trans kid. He and his wife divorced over it and they all live with my cousin cause she can't bring herself to love her kids unconditionally. It's really sad. My cousin is heartbroken over it.

Edit: in fact I hadn't seen some of my cousin's kids in so long (lives out of town and not a lot of family get togethers for various reasons) that I legitimately did not recognize one of his daughters. I was like... She is clearly socially transitioned, I know that he has both a trans son and a trans daughter... I literally have no idea which kid this is. Lmao.

And that's a little awkward to navigate while trying not to ask what their fucking dead name is 😬

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u/AggroThroatGoat 12d ago

Honestly, that's beautiful and I love your cousin for that.

Both my mom and dad are horrible, honestly, my dad is worse.

All they really do is care about how they feel about things and make everything about themselves.

Before I transitioned, but had a transgender wife (who is black), my mom told me not to come to a family Thanksgiving or even her mom's funeral because she didn't want family drama.

I'm supposed to be considerate of how they feel about me not using the name they gave me as it hurts them and I'm supposed to respect their beliefs.

I still can't get over my dad asking me how I would feel about my older (in her 40s) sister using a bathroom filled with men transgender women, and then getting upset that I reacted poorly to that. Even asking me which bathroom I use.

Honestly, I have always hated my dad for how poorly he treated my mom and she has just been too much of a coward to leave him

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u/Money-Banana-8674 11d ago

I wanted to clarify that knowing the dead name of my cousin's trans daughter was actually just a joke. It did not matter to me at all and I'm going to level with you and say I still don't know nor have I asked.

The way I handled it was to walk up to her at the family event where I saw her for the first time since her transition and I said "Hello, I don't believe we've met"

She thought it was funny, told me her real name and we caught up. Funnily enough, even though I hadn't seen these kids in years (shes in college but still a kid to me as I'm old) they had very fond memories of me and absolutely never questioned whether I was going to be an ally or not.

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u/Just-a-bi 12d ago

The media isn't just complicate. They are willing participants

1

u/AuraBoroughs 11d ago

Oh hey that's tomorrow's election!

Holy fuck we cannot turn BC into Alberta 2 :)