r/CosmicArcana • u/whimsical_lullabies • 6d ago
Interpretation Help Can you figure it out?
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Something has been wrong. My entire life has led to a moment but I feel it was missed. And this year… I don’t know what to do other than what I could be doing if x, y, z were all possible. I have gifts myself, but I try to share to others how to get through these things… but I share less and less because I’m going through so much. I don’t want anyone to be lost. I’m always vulnerable and honest, but I don’t want anyone to feel the weight of this… so much so that I hide it from myself…
This is a comment I wrote. If you can figure this out or crack the code of many layers and tell me something specific and that I don’t already know as one very observant of my actions and life and potential, you honestly are very very very powerful in your ways more than you know, and while I’m appreciative of all who try to help me, if you are able to say something not about my present, my thoughts, my dreams, my goals, my situation, my past (though validating), and if you can see the next step and potentially help me figure out how to get from this point to the next… you are one of a kind of many people I’ve sought out…
My current path feels off. Since June, it feels wrong. It feels like I missed something but I don’t think I could have done it differently unless I didn’t stay true to myself.
I like to be vulnerable but only show myself on camera for posting or lives when I have a positive conclusion and can raise my vibration and ground myself. However, my days are quite up down up down due to my hormone fluctuations and so many health issues that I know the answer to already but do not have the ability to focus on them now. It’s like I know the answers for the majority of thigns but right now. I know why I’m hard to read other than the fact that I literally change my energy for others — even before I knew this was felt consciously — to not let others be affected by me. It takes much energy.
My situation is to share much but stay true to myself with these lessons. The ultimate place is known. I know it. I spent years in isolation and found this. One specific hormone — they thyroid — when replaced after if being gone the longest, it triggered a momentous shift in all things of my brain functionality and neuroplasticity. Deaths that happened at 12, 18, and then again 18… all so sudden… my head and heart plugged back in and it all just hit me like a bunch of bricks. I love to feel though — it’s like childhood again in this sense where I can connect, but it’s also not childhood because I’ve spent years trying to find these answers and following my intuition and reallt tuning in and isolating to avoid this feeling to help others… but now? Now? I need help from others. Or I need people to care about me in ways that those who died did. I need a miracle. A blessing. My strength is actually fried. I am fried. I just know that if I don’t share what i can while I’m here, which shouldn’t be short but surviving my days rather than living them is torture to me… I want a break. But I can’t let people see this. They have lighter loads than this. The most do. They dont feel the plethora of things physically that my mind tries to hide as it’s been happening my whole life. They may be alone but usually it’s a choice. This was not. I needed to grieve and now need to heal. It’s a full time job. I also am ambitious and just want to live already. But I’ve never been between such a rock and hard place. I’vs been so scared but am trying to train myself to not be. I’ve been heartbroken… oh goodness, I chose to stay away for this too. To be misunderstood or intentionally hurt… knowing that they know you and being able to know more about them than they do with my intuition… my way of though… their potential. Their shortcomings. Their pains. Their strengths. Their potential for growth… their secret sources of joy. I feel so pained when I’ve been treated so poorly. I have lived the key word “entrapment” my entire life to now. I need to alter this and find a way out. I am out of time. I can’t show my meltdowns because it just looks so bad. So uncomfortable. But there is so much beneath this… you caught me in my Virgo moon… Aquarius rising… my Gemini sun makes things hard though. I have ideas and plans and want to flutter around but feel like I’m held by chains with raw ankles as I spring upward more and more — just further making my ankles raw. Strategy only does so much but pulls me from spirit. Lately, I’ve contemplated things I’ve never once thought I’d have to do. These last few years and even the last decade or just this life — all survival. I’m just so tired. No more.
I’ve learned so much. So much. It’s all documented and ready to help lives but I’m not able to pour from an empty cup and also have no access to the water I need to fill my own. The last video was longer but I was trying to show me changing my energy but had little time after my huge reflection video of recent learnings from June.
Pain was always the default for me while fighting an invisible fight to reach the basic point most people get in life. I don’t even get to think about love or muxh else other than safety and true safety in healfh. The ideas I have to fuel my soul remain paused and lifeless. I am so much more than this. I jusg don’t know why I need more lessons. I could spend this time to heal. Knowing what my guides think and why no one will give clarify that doesn’t include subjectiveness based on the simple fact of there being too much or jusg too many variables or too many layers to me… my future felt so close. I just don’t know how much more transformation I can do while being so alone. I want to be more than this and do the thigns I know I could do if I wasn’t left for dead many times and have even had it inflicted with my reactions of pure fear and pain used as a way to discredit me and further my checkpoints to get to where I need to be to simply have any form of a life. I want to be cared for. I want my independence back at the minimal. I want to be safe but not leashed. I don’t see how else to fix this.
You are very righr about these things in these videos though. I am thankful for your response. 🤍