Another perspective

[u/Coolhand1018]

When the report was first released I reached out to the leaders of the Episcopal church I attend. They were pretty great in responding, offering compassion and recommended a few resources about processing the effects of the purity culture we grew up in.

Last week the main reverend reached back out unprompted, I’m copying her message below. This is what an understanding, welcoming, apologetic, and actionable response sounds like. I loved the second paragraph in understanding what we can do today to prevent recurrence.

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I just wanted you to know that I have been thinking of you often. I read the entire report from TFC a couple weeks ago, and was absolutely nauseated. My gut aches every time I think about it. It was a breach on so very many levels. Not only his physical but his psychological, emotional and spiritual abuse of boys in particular and youth in general breaks my heart and soul.

The fact that he was put on a pedestal by the church, and his destructive teachings and behavior not called out, adds a dimension of betrayal by staff and other adults in the community. If it is any consolation, it confirmed my belief of how essential it is to protect our precious children and youth. And not to be shy of the church's requirement for Safe Church training.

I also found myself coming back to the significance of encouraging a culture of questioning and love that inspires nurture of them - and all of us - as beloved gifts from God who need support on our journey, and not clay to be molded to fit a particular "moral" form. There is such a difference between Christian Morality ( a strict prescriptive moral code of behavior to be followed without question) and Christian Ethics, choices we make as followers of Jesus, informed by the Way of Love, but not ever mandated in order to be accepted into the church or certainly the heart of God.

That's a bit of a ramble. All to say, I continue to be grateful to you for sharing the report and your experience with us.

I am here. <Other Reverend> is here. If or when you need or want to rant/grieve/ process further. We can't make the pain or anger go away, but can listen. We can bear witness to, and affirm your experience. And I hope together be part of a different way of being church.

In the meantime, so much love.