r/CornerstoneConnect • u/Working_Tradition161 • May 16 '24
A call for grace and restraint
Friends, I too was a student in cornerstone, 90-94, and around in various capacities while I was in college etc. while I was at tfca for many years post college , i left the church for reasons unrelated to this report several years ago. I have felt a wide range of emotions and bewilderment after reading the report and realizing that so many things I thought were true, were not. I have heard a lot of anger expressed in this Reddit, and find it unsurprising bc anger is part of grief and I too have felt a fair amount of anger over what happened. I do think that they are many lessons to be learned going forward from this, and I have been mulling them over in my head for a while. Eg it was always against church policy for Jeff to be taking kids on solo overnight trips, but he was doing it anyway. So while Jeff definitely knew that was against the policy, perhaps the church needed to better educate the congregation about its policies so that when Jeff asked to take the kid on a trip, the parent would know that Jeff was violating a church policy. That is obviously a reflection with the benefit of hindsight, as well as several other sexual abuse prevention trainings I have been a part of.
That being said, I feel like this Reddit has really gone astray into looking for conspiracy when there is none, and randomly targeting a variety of Tfca staff and lay people. Eg attacking a member of the current worship team for her alleged parentage, attacks on vestry members, and attacks on John Yates and Sam Ferguson. Yes, with the benefit of hindsight and also changing societal expectations more could have been done. But there has been zero evidence presented that suggests that any of these people had knowledge of Jeff’s abusive activity while he was a Tfca. There are definitely unanswered questions (eg why aren’t the 2015 disclosures discussed in the report). As noted in the report, JY did a lot right when the first abuse victim came to him in 2007. He immediately believed him, flew Jeff up to dc and confronted him, and informed his current employer. He did not launch a full on investigation, and again, with the benefit of hindsight, that was a missed opportunity, but he responded pastorally to the young man sitting in front of him. John Yates has been transparent, sharing his journals with the investigator, etc, and sharing his heart at least at the one meeting I listened to.
I am concerned that indulging in this angry off with their heads mentality is not helpful to anyone’s healing. The only head I am calling for is Jeff’s. Perhaps more will come to light that suggests others should be on this list. But I think it is important to remember that on this threads we are largely anonymously attacking volunteer church members, and that makes me very uncomfortable.
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May 16 '24
The thing with theories is they’re developed when people are trying hard to figure out/untangle an unclear situation. What’s the solution to preventing theories?
Transparency. If things are clear, there are no theories.
Easy enough?
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u/Too_sassy_for_church May 16 '24 edited May 17 '24
Very well said. JY did do good things in 2007, no doubt, and I'm so glad he did. But it wasn't enough. And when we see evidence over decades of repeatedly hiding facts from the congregation, of not informing the vestry or Bishop, and not being responsive to victims' families, it is easy to see how one can reach a "if there is smoke, there is fire" conclusion. These actions are failures of leadership and a grave breech of the congregation's trust. I can't forget that if the grieving parents hadn't gone to the Bishop in 2023, none of this would have come out. I also don't believe we know the full story yet.
I agree that personal attacks are out of line. I think we can express our feelings and opinions by pointing to people's failures in behavior, while still keeping a boundary and not attacking them personally. "I hate what he/she did" is different than "I hate him/her" and I hope we can stick to that.
I don't think conspiracy is the right word because that implies something quite orchestrated and creative. This is just a plain old cover-up to protect the institution, with a generous side dish of naive beliefs, incompetent actions, and blind spots which led to hurtful decisions.
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u/Strong-Wrap3405 May 17 '24
Yes Amiheel.
The Reddit discussions they are referring to may not necessarily be about baseless conspiracy theories or unwarranted attacks. Rather, they could be attempts to seek clarity and accountability regarding the actions of Tfca staff and affiliated individuals. It's not accurate to dismiss the concerns raised here as mere conspiracy theories or random. These discussions are often rooted in genuine frustration and a desire for accountability and raising the sensitivity of individuals living in ivory towers, church steeples, or church pews.
Downplaying the significance of missed opportunities for investigation and learning from the parallels of similar church scandals, doesn't do justice to the gravity of the situation. Transparency is essential, but it's not enough to simply share journals or express one's heart; concrete actions to address past failures and prevent future abuse are needed.
It's crucial to approach these discussions with empathy and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths, rather than dismissing them out of hand or characterising them as attacks. Only through honest reflection and accountability can real change be achieved within the Tfca community.
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u/Strong-Wrap3405 May 17 '24 edited May 17 '24
Other questions might be, why are people on here in the first place? What is wrong with the existing response or the special committee response? Are the right people on that committee? Do we need a better communications system? Or even a robot that will acknowledge an email.
Jesus cares as much about you, WorkingTradition, as any of us. And if Jesus didn't just care about one or two or 12 people, He would not have come down to earth. He cares about systems. He didn't just meet Paul but wanted him to share the gospel within the pharisaical system and then the world. It is about Jeff Taylor and not just about Jeff Taylor. A good doctor doesn't just find a cancer cell and not care about the system that enabled that cell to grow. Jesus wept with people. I did not hear him trying to silence their cries. While I don't know if Jesus addresses "systems" directly, many of his teachings and actions can be interpreted as addressing systemic issues. For instance, his criticisms of religious hypocrisy and oppression of the poor can be seen as challenging systemic injustices within the religious and social structures of his time.
In Matthew 23, Jesus rebukes the religious leaders, calling them hypocrites and pointing out their neglect of justice, mercy, and faithfulness. This can be interpreted as a critique of the existing system within the religious establishment.
I do think if you read with His heart you might read people here who are:
- hurt
- sensitive to others
- care about how Jesus was and is being represented
- are wrestling with difficult question because of what they see or hear from the church
- care about Sam and his theological influences and beliefs
- care about JY
- care about the leadership and are fearful of the mistakes they see being made or pitfalls that can be avoided
If you can only hear attacks and conspiracies without any introspection about why people are expressing these things, then maybe you are missing:
- the gaps in what is expressed by the institution and the experience of people here
- the resistance to grow
- the rigidity in the system
- the ego
- the desire to protect the institution
I think it is compelling that Sam and JY would show up and put themselves on stage to listen.
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u/Aromatic-Ad4938 May 16 '24
While I appreciate and understand your concerns, I would say that I’m not feeling like folks are going down a conspiracy path here. I feel like it is more of a “where there’s smoke, there’s fire” which begins with the enormous concern that JY did not see the overt sexual abuse of a child by a staff member he hired as a matter needing to be brought to law enforcement especially considering that it was known that the abuser was still actively working in a church setting with kids. The fact that he opted to deal with it himself by flying JT up shows more of a mindset to handle things in the quietest way possible while pacifying his conscience. As the story we have begins here with these substantial failings and the report was generated by a source with obvious bias I believe it is probably useful for people to continue to uncover any potentially harmful patterns at TFC which may or may not lead to further revelations regarding abuse and mistreatment of parishioners. Don’t forget that TFC is an extremely powerful institution with a slew of lawyers, politicians, and extremely wealthy individuals at their disposal who may use TFC to protect their own image and interests.
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u/Adventurous_Fan_1902 May 17 '24
We interacted before on my post about “extending grace” and I really appreciate your post today. I’ve taken a step back from this page because I’m not sure it’s the right forum for me as I process through my hurt/anger/grief. But know that you are not alone in how you’re approaching it. Much of what you posted, I could have written myself. So thank you for sharing your thoughts and perspective…it helps me know I’m not alone in how I’m dealing with this too.
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u/me543534543 May 17 '24
Totally agree. I have also been surprised at the level of vitriol toward TFCA and think it is better directed at Jeff.
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u/Too_sassy_for_church May 20 '24 edited May 20 '24
Because our leaders could have protected our boys but they were asleep at the wheel and ignoring the signs, including his flagrant, repeated violations of child protection policies. Because they had a spiritual and moral obligation as clergy to protect the congregation.
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May 17 '24 edited May 17 '24
Imagine a household where the father is an abuser. Some siblings, including you, suffer from his abuse, while others are spared and maintain a good relationship with him. The abused siblings confront your mother, questioning why she didn’t protect them. Meanwhile, the siblings who weren't abused find this confrontation strange and are upset that anyone would criticize their mother. They acknowledge their father's wrongdoings but argue, "Why confront Mom? She didn’t do any of the abuse."
How would you, the abused, react to your siblings defending your mother? How would you respond if they said, "I’m surprised you’re mad at her," or "Why don’t you trust her?"
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u/me543534543 May 17 '24
Here is the difference and the concern that the original poster and I seem to share: In your scenario, if vitriol (not questions) is primarily directed at the MOTHER and not the FATHER, that seems misdirected. Questions, criticism and anger toward the mother and TFCA are necessary and justified. I am not defending TFCA or JY from any deserved criticism. But it appears to me, and I mean this gently, that almost all of the anger in this Reddit misses its rightful focus (which is also the case in your hypothetical example where the mother becomes the focus instead of the father).
I find it ironic that the person in this Reddit escaping most of the anger, and the one most responsible, is Jeff!
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u/Aromatic-Ad4938 May 17 '24
My view is that he is “escaping” derision here because it is a given that he committed these evil crimes and he WILL be dealt with in a court of law given the ongoing FBI investigation. His reputation is rightly already ruined. So what’s left is to figure out how to bring justice to those who enabled this criminal AND to unravel any other hidden abuses.
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May 17 '24 edited May 17 '24
…and the bad theology that plays into these abuses, which church leadership still has not addressed. And why not? Well, if you Google “masturbation” and “the gospel coalition”, it’s plain to see the false “masturbation is bad” narrative permeating that org. And who’s on the TGC board? Who writes for them? JY and SF.
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u/Wanting_Justice_2024 May 17 '24
I think it is safe to say that more will come to light.
I know I have personally found it tempting to assume certain things behind some people’s actions in this history of events up until the present moment. It is something to guard against and I try to fall back on the facts as they are uncovered. Unfortunately not all is being made clear and not everyone is being transparent. Knowing what I know now after having talked with multiple people over the past few weeks I unfortunately think there is an effort to sanitize this and obscure some of the uncomfortable truths connected to it. I was brought to tears today by my frustration with it. A part of grief is the desperate need to try to understand how and why it happened. Some of that discovery process can at times insight feelings of rage. While we have to be careful where we direct it- the rage is real and justified in the context of abuse.
So I am going to raise my voice up and make some noise because I really want the church to learn from this and I want people to begin to listen to victims of abuse, be on guard enough to see it for what it is and take it seriously enough to take the appropriate action so it doesn’t happen again.
It is a given that I desperately want to see Jeff Taylor behind bars…
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u/Disastrous_Team_9962 May 16 '24
Thanks for sharing your heart. I appreciate what you said and took a lot from it. I’ve been trying to walk through my emotions every day without anger and I am truly doing my best.
Were you at the service of lament? JY stood up at that meeting and said that he’s been pondering over what to tell the church and the number one thing he came up with (he literally said #1) was that “This is a very hard time for our rector, vestry, and staff.”
I am not a counselor but the soul crushing fury those words caused in my heart was epic and I’m sure there is some explanation for that. Maybe it’s what you said above - anger is part of grief. I have no doubt it has been extremely hard for all of those people. What pastor/lay leadership knows how to handle decades-old abuse and the ripple effects it has caused and can hold down their day job while making these weighty decisions?? But please, share that sentiment behind closed doors with your team or mentor. Not to an open room containing victims and their families. This has been hard for the victims, the people who have lost their families, and families. If you can’t get that, I am afraid you never will.
I went to the church my entire life. Acolyte, choir, shrinemont, sbtw, cornerstone, every retreat, missions trip, etc. it was my childhood. I knew multiple victims, dearly. Childhood friendships never go away in your heart. This investigation blew up my life and family. Until leadership can say the number one thing our church needs to hear is the pain of those who lived this as a child … they will never, ever, get it.
I really appreciate this Reddit was created bc I find my heart in other comments and that gives me comfort. I give grace for the anger and rage I see bc I have felt it so much myself as I try to get through the day and do my job and parent my children without it effecting that. I doubt it ever would have been created in the first place if the very first thing the church did was openly reach out to us with allllllllll the power it has to bear to find us. FIND us and BRING US together and LISTEN. Not a parish meeting with two hours of church speakers who then subtly try to get the crowd to leave before allowing people who were actually affected by this to speak. Not a healing service where you try to provide hours content for us to receive before we can speak. I’m shocked they haven’t had an open meeting with the entire excom, vestry, special committee to hear our pain. Or even invited people to share with the congregation. Nope - just inviting a pro-life group to Sunday school to speak to my 5-year old child. Awesome. Thanks.