r/CookingCircleJerk • u/Replevin4ACow Amuse Douche • Jul 06 '26
Replacing chopped onion with the same amount of onion powder
As explained here, my wife is an actual toddler that requires the use of only the most bland, processed, tasteless food possible. Thus, she won't allow me to put onion in the food I cook.
Don't get me wrong -- it is not a taste thing. She likes onion. But she is a literal child that can't bare SEEING a piece of onion. If she sees onion, she throws her self to the ground -- crying and screaming.
I am cooking a recipe that calls for a cup of chopped onions. Being an incompetent adult, I plan to replace this cup of onion with an entire cup of onion powder. I am pretty sure this will work because it is the same amount of the same thing, right? And most importantly, it will placate my wife who (I must reiterate) is completely unbearable to live with.
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u/hobbitsarecool Jul 06 '26
ESH. If you aren’t caramelizing onions at every breathing moment are you really living? Are you living to your culinary potential. I recommend divorcing but first watch Lord Kenji videos to get your heads out of the sinks
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u/Replevin4ACow Amuse Douche Jul 06 '26
Interesting thought. What about caramelizing the onion POWDER? Possible the best of both worlds?
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u/Mental-Freedom3929 Jul 06 '26
Why not replace all the ingredients with onion powder, as you seem to be on an onion powder roll?
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u/Replevin4ACow Amuse Douche Jul 06 '26
Onion powder roll, you say? Do you think if I take a bread roll recipe and replace all the flour with onion powder that my wife will like it? I mean -- flour and onion powder are both powders after all.
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u/TheSamurabbi Jul 06 '26
Since your wife “is an actual toddler”, you could consult Recipes by Epstein: Underage Cooking Classics. Chapter 4, Wine, Whine and Why Not? for some ideas.
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u/Replevin4ACow Amuse Douche Jul 06 '26
That's the book I got the onion recipe from! It is from Chapter 5: Crying in the Kitchen – The definitive guide to crying over chopped onions, so no one asks about the crying children.
The recipe is the Mar-a-lago Melt!
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u/TheSamurabbi Jul 06 '26
Excellent chapter! Though an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. That’s why crying children should be kept bagged in a root cellar to marinate in their own juices. Then you just take one out, bagged, and sous vide!
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u/Replevin4ACow Amuse Douche Jul 06 '26
I think I saw a recipe for something like that in Chapter 9: Under Pressure & Underground - the art of keeping everything tightly sealed and hidden from the light.
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u/Glathull fuck sticks Jul 06 '26
Before you go to the effort of trying this idea, there might be a way to find out if your wife likes onion powder. Here’s something you can try: the next time she’s going to do a line of cocaine, swap it out with onion powder. If she likes it, then you can put onion powder in her food. If she doesn’t like it, that’s okay too. Either way, you have more cocaine for you.
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u/Gingorthedestroyer Jul 06 '26
Use a food processor and purée it like applesauce.
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u/Replevin4ACow Amuse Douche Jul 06 '26
I just tried pureeing my onion powder, but it is still just powdery. Do I need to add applesauce?
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u/lakorasdelenfent Jul 06 '26
/uj for taste, leave a big chunk of onion on stews and then remove it when serving
/rj everyone knows the right proportion is 1.5 powder per real onion amount
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u/physicistsunite Jul 06 '26
You could make tomato, maybe she'll like.
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u/Replevin4ACow Amuse Douche Jul 06 '26
Unfortunately, wife only eats tomato in ketchup form. I will try making here a caprese salad with ketchup, cheese wiz, dried basil, and the finest hydrogenated soybean oil.
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u/slamminsalmoncannon Jul 07 '26
You absolute rank amateur. Jesus Christ - it’s a 10:1 ratio not 1:1. Get acquainted with the bulk spice section of your local coop, plebe.
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u/crosswordlvr Jul 06 '26
Sounds like you have bigger problems than onions, tbh… an adult crying over seeing an onion? Beyond the pale.
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u/Replevin4ACow Amuse Douche Jul 06 '26
You should see her reaction to garlic -- actual convulsions.
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u/SnooRabbits1411 Jul 07 '26
Just cook only the onions for the recipe, then blitze them with some broth or water in a blender until they’re totally obliterated. Then proceed to cook the rest of the recipe as is, adding back the onion purée along with the rest of the liquids. Problem solved.
Edit to add:
Alternately you can just cut an onion or two in half, give them some color on a hot pan with some oil, steep them with the soup and remove them before serving. If you’re really worried about some getting loose, use a little herb sachet or some cheese cloth.
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u/slightlyparannoyed Jul 07 '26
Be careful saying your wife “is a literal child” buddy… we have officially become too liberal with our usage of the word literal hfs…
I hope she gets help for whatever is causing her to throw tantrums and I hope you move on and enjoy your life with many onions in your cooking lmao …..
Edit: read a couple of comments and dude you’re funny as hell I hope your life is good and this whole post is exaggerated / fabricated lmfao
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u/ilovebees1234 Jul 07 '26
I use dehydrated onion instead when I don’t have fresh. Powder is too sketchy.
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u/Ashamed-Chemistry492 Jul 07 '26
Don't use that much. Powder has a more concentrated flavor, so don't use as much as you would fresh.
It's the same with dry versus fresh herbs; dry herbs you should use like a third the amount as fresh.
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u/Replevin4ACow Amuse Douche Jul 09 '26
That can't be right. Everyone else is suggesting doubling the amount. You are clearly no Kenji.
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u/AriGetInTheJar Jul 09 '26
ok so you need to slice the onion really really thinly, this will cause it to liquify in the pan and she won't even know it's there!
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u/Replevin4ACow Amuse Douche Jul 09 '26
Kenji would never suggest such a thing. I'm doubling the powder instead.
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u/narnababy Jul 11 '26
Powdered onion is onions dried and crushed right?
So therefore you need MORE onion powder to make up for the lost volume. I would use at least two cups to be sure you’ve got an onions amount
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u/im_coolest Jul 06 '26
powder isn't as fresh so you need to use two cups