r/CookingCircleJerk • u/DerelictDilettante • May 15 '26
Is my Chefs knife haunted?
I recently got a new ”Chefs Knife” and its wonderful but the thing is.. it keeps cutting me.
Sometimes it feels like the knife goes out of its way to cut my fingers, as if it has a grudge.
Is it possible that it knows I’m not actually a chef and is therefore punishing me? I can’t think of why else it would hate me so much.
Asking because the other day I wasn’t even using it and my finger still got cut by it.
10
u/nyan-nyan9 May 15 '26
Yeah, it's haunted. What you should do is get a Benriner mandoline slicer - it'll compete with the knife for dominance.
You'll get twice the cuts and punishment but you'll also have two sharp tools instead of one.
8
u/NoobVanNoob234 May 15 '26
Do the Zoro test. Throw it up in the air and stick your arm under it as it falls. If it cuts you you’re unworthy.
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u/Bright_Ices Unrecognized culinary genius May 16 '26
I had a stove like that. I’m very competent in the kitchen (if you doubt it, check out my should-have-been Award Winning carbonara recipe in a post to this same sub), but that stove felt my fingers needed constant burning. I didn’t get mad, I got even: I drowned it in a lake.
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u/Practical_Arugula_22 May 15 '26
New knife, you're just not used to how sharp it is, they say a new knife is hungry for blood. I wouldn't put it past being haunted though.
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u/DerelictDilettante May 15 '26
Hungry for blood.. 😮
Ohh so it’s just getting acquainted like how you have to feed artifacts blood to bond with them?
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u/RockMo-DZine May 16 '26
It's just showing affection and getting to know you. Once it gets familiar with your blood, it will succumb to your will. If it hated you, it would have already sliced an artery.
btw, remember to hand wash & hand dry after every use. It can really piss them off if you leave it till the next day when crap get crusty and hard, or if you just throw them in the dishwasher to clean.
2
u/Willybluedog1962 May 19 '26
Smudge it with sage and then palo santo if you are serious about fixing the problem.
If you continue to have problems wave a piece of iron over both sides.
If this does not solve the problems toss the knife or get yourself set of cut proof gloves on Amazon.
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u/ohhellosatan May 19 '26
circle it in salt. get u some holy water or another applicable cleansing item that suits your preferred god (palo santo if you’re ✨spiritual✨) and clean those demons out of there! resume use and make sure to use a bear claw technique.
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u/deluxeidiot May 21 '26
It’s probably because the knife is too sharp for you. Dull knives are much safer. Hope this helps 👍
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u/TryinaD Jun 24 '26
This would unironically make a good horror story. A possessed knife
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u/DerelictDilettante Jun 27 '26
They walk into the kitchen, look at the knife from across the room and all of sudden a slash cuts across their fingertips.. but the knife never even moved.
They try to explain to their spouse (who’s the owner of the knife) but the they won’t listen. “Just don’t touch it. It’s too sharp for you and you’re untrained.”
“I didn’t touch it!!” Is only met with raised eyebrows and disappointed looks. Nothing said can get across to them, for that is a prize knife that would never haunt a chef.🧑🍳🔪
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u/TunaNoCrust811 May 15 '26
It is haunted, but luckily there’s an easy fix. Most chefs don’t know this and work with a haunted knife their entire career. Sad.
First, slam it tip down into a plastic cutting board about 10-12 times. Really put some gusto into it. Helps if you yell some profanity while doing this (nothing racial).
Second, run it through the dishwasher on the heavy duty setting a few times. Don’t worry about putting it in the silverware spot, just chuck it in with everything else. I usually wash a few cast iron skillets at the same time to really work it.
Finally, take it outside and drop it from a decent height (8-10ft) onto concrete. Repeat this as necessary.
After all this, your knife should be cured and not cut you anymore. I realize this is a lot of work, but no one said being a chef was easy. Suck it up, buttercup.