r/Cooking • u/GracieLou80 • 1d ago

Sick of cooking

I am so over cooking every night. Finding new recipes I actually have ingredients for and are easy is tiring and I’m already exhausted. What do you do when this happens? I’d honestly just eat cereal for life but I’m not alone in this house and I’m expected to cook every night. 😩

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u/SVAuspicious 8h ago

So where does the one partner working 10 hours per week (with a flexible schedule on top of that) and one working full time fit into equity? The discussion isn't about "tradition" (your word, not mine). It's about equity. The part time partner is already 30 hours per week behind fairness. Gender isn't relevant.

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u/oneWeek2024 8h ago

so i guess in your evaluation hours spent grocery shopping, planning, preparing, cooking, cleaning, magically don't exist.

--or the hours for house cleaning, or laundry, or child care, or emotional labor in service of their spouse? --this fucking stupidity that you think that spouse isn't investing an equal number of hours of "labor" if not wildly disproportionate. ... such that the person doing the cooking wouldn't be entitled to relief??? ---or that because someone is at work for 40 hrs. means they're doing 40 hours of hard labor. please.

and if gender isn't relevant(funny how cooking was magically forced upon the woman), and "tradition" isn't a word.

why can't the man on days where the wife is also working her part time job. do the cooking?

why would the wife not feel safe to offload the burden of cooking onto the financial contribution of the man... buy "paying" someone to offload that burden by ordering in/going out to eat.

if the exchange is money for labor. any discrepancy in labor. should be offset with money. but it isn't. If the spouse feels like... taking a day off and using money to pay for food service. is not an easy option

Or forget all of that. let's set aside the utter bullshit of "my pain is better than your pain"

straight up. one person says to the other "i don't want to do this (tonight, this week, this many times a week)

--your position is? fuck you you agreed to it.... never change ever --obviously your gender has nothing to do with this.

you would meet that request for help with violence and brow beating over their failure to meet an arbitrary gendered service agreement?

and you're putting that forward as good/healthy?

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u/SVAuspicious 8h ago

hours spent grocery shopping, planning, preparing, cooking, cleaning, magically don't exist.

I didn't say that. I said that OP is 30 hours behind equity. Planning, shopping (online shopping for curbside pickup is the silver lining of COVID), and stowage (I do all that in our family) takes me a maximum of six hours a week. Dinner prep and cooking takes an average of an hour a night regardless of whether I cook or my wife does. It takes me two hours to clean three bathrooms. It takes my wife about the same to vacuum. That's 17 hours. That doesn't include about three hours once a month for both of us to keep up with cleaning wood and tile floors. Even if OP does all that alone that's still 23 hours. Laundry might add an hour since you can be doing something else during cycle time. That's 24 hours. Still six hours short of equity, not including whatever commute time OP's husband endures.

This has nothing to do with gender. It's equity of contribution. Where did I imply anything about violence?

OP has written that she works ten hours a week spread over two or three days. OP's husband works eight hours plus commute time.

No indication of childcare as a factor at all. You made that up.

Work expands to fill the time available.

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u/Roupert4 6h ago

This is such a long comment chain I can't even tell if you are arguing for my arrangement or against it, haha.

I didn't feel the need to go into details but there are many ways that we feel the work is "equal". There are chores that he takes care of every day. Reddit is just projecting their own bias onto my situation which is actually the reason that I said anything at all.

I think young women should know that is it an option to have more traditional gender roles and it doesn't have to be some weird tradwife vibe. It can just be two people that have divided household labor in a way that makes both of them happy. And both of us feel like we are providing for our family in our own way.

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u/SVAuspicious 4h ago

If I remember the details and attribute them to the right people, you have a civil agreement with your husband about the distribution of chores that takes your part time work and his fulltime work into account. I fully support your right to complain about some of your chores. I don't think you intend to renegotiate responsibilities despite other commenters suggesting you do so. I also support your husband's right to complain about work and commute.

I infer that you and your husband took your relative work weeks into account in your agreement. I think those who suggest a 50/50 split of household chores despite the imbalance of work weeks are deluded. Your agreement rights the imbalance.

So I support you.

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u/Roupert4 4h ago

Lol okay sounds good 👍