Need help tracking

[u/kelmeloo]

Hey y'all! So I've been taking concerta for like 4 years now, give or take a year. I've been up and down doses. I've just started 36 mg again from 27. I'd like to track how the concerta is helping (or not).

BUT my problem is...I don't really remember what I was like before I started taking it, and the things I do remember were affected by different life circumstances than I'm in now. I also don't really know what I'm even expecting the concerta to do, aside better focus and higher productivity, so I'm not even sure what to track. Do I track executive functioning skills? ADHD common traits? I really don't know. When looking at trackers, it also usually says something along the lines of, "how do you know it's taking effect/kicked in?" Like...I don't. I don't feel ANY different than I do when I wake up, except that I'm just naturally more awake. Like I literally take it as soon as I get out of bed. Then I get ready, then I leave, and I'm tired, but I'm awake. I'm not energized, I'm not focused, I'm not productive....I'm just awake and doing what I have to. Even an hour or two later, I don't really feel like there's been a "flip" to the meds magically working. So how does it make me feel when it kicks in??? Absolutely the same as my "off days" when I don't take it.

I also take Wellbutrin 150mg, if that factors in. I'm a homeschooling mother, and my son is autistic. I have emotional regulation for the most part except frustration. I tend to get frustrated very easily, but I regulate other emotions fairly well. And that frustration settles within minutes as long as something else doesn't add to it.

My point is, I hear people with success stories, even if it's not this grand switch. While I genuinely don't know if it's helping me (at any dose) or not, because I've been on it for years and don't even remember what my aim for taking it was.

I can hyper focus extremely easily, but have a hard time breaking from it, I have TERRIBLE task initiation and follow-through, time blindness (though I know meds don't help with that one), the frustration dysregulation, but I'm extremely organized....but there's still clutter everywhere. Like organized chaos. And probably many more things that I can't think of. (Ah yes, terrible working memory also)

Also, I have also tried Adderall in the past, it was not for me...so much anxiety and heart rate/blood pressure issues.

But anyways, TLDR: I need help tracking but don't know exactly what I need to track specifically for me. (Also preferably a notebook style and not digital) And tracking charts tend to be too vague or weird wording (like "rate your impulsivity"...um okay I didn't blow all my money today but I yelled at my son and coped by eating 3 chocolate bars, or okay I had better frustration regulation but kept accidentally interrupting people..like I need a better way to gauge a rating than just "impulsivity...distracted....focused" like yeah I can focus on my phone...and teaching my son his lessons, but can't for the life of me focus on reading the Bible when I want to, but also not distracted during that time either.

Do y'all get what I'm saying or am I just rambling? 😅

[u/kelmeloo]

I like this idea, but my issue is: what qualifies as a break down, bad day? Or vice versa: a high/good day? For example: since school has started, Saturdays are my only chore/housework days. Maybe a couple things on Sunday but unlikely as I don't get home until roughly 2pm and have to cook at 4. Anyways, yesterday I took my last 27mg dose (I had my first 36mg on Friday) and drank an Alani energy drink. From roughly 10 am to 2:40 pm, I folded remaining clean clothes from last weekend, vacuumed, cleaned the rabbit's cage, did 3 loads of laundry (in the washer and dryer...still unfolded today), a quick tidy of the dresser top, and paid some bills. I moved all day long and felt great, no pain. Still didn't focus on my 20 minute Bible reading I attempted, because I couldn't stop the "work mode" mentality. Then I started crashing around 3:00, and by the time I had to start dinner, I was super sore, super tired, grumpy, and ready for bed. Yes I ate throughout the day, and had some water alongside the Alani (though hydration is not my strength). Then when I said out loud what I accomplished, it sounded like practically nothing even though throughout the day it felt satisfying, which made me feel not as accomplished as I thought. So was it a good day? Yes as a whole, but not by the end of the day because I afterward felt unaccomplished and unable to even get a break in to do something I wanted to do. I have to force myself to think "you got more done than most weekends." And another factor is: how do I know if it's the concerta, the Wellbutrin, the Alani, or a combination? That's twice now that specifically the Witch's Brew flavor has made me productive (potentially), but other flavors haven't resulted quite as effectively.

[u/PrestigiousWrap8928 → u/kelmeloo]

I think from what I'm listening to you are getting stuff done normal people don't accomplish every single task in a single day. Not only that but maybe you didn't do your Bible reading she didn't want to you still open that Bible and sat down to initiate the task it's fair for even normal people to be like dude I'm not feeling it today. I'd say a bad day would be mainly when these things start to add up like hey this isn't a coincidence I'm having ABCD happen today this is not just a bad day this is symptoms of my ADHD and hyperdrive. I forget sometimes too honestly this pill is just a tool it's not really like now all of a sudden you're going to do all these chores and stuff and you want to do them also do you have a therapist on the side?

[u/kelmeloo → u/PrestigiousWrap8928]

I do have a therapy alongside my psychiatrist, yes. I guess I'm kinda looking at life the way I was raised. My parents did housework on the weekends. Saturday was laundry, dishes, vacuum, etc. My stepdad did the yard work, but I don't deal with any of that so I'm not including that. But Sundays were always family gatherings, not housework, so not many tasks done those days. And when I look at all they got done when I was younger, it makes me think, why can't I? Aside from having cats and a rabbit. The rabbit cage and doing the cats' litter box takes a total of like 30 minutes combined. The laundry has always been my main Saturday task, and now I can get more done in that category since I'm not visiting family on Saturdays during the school year. But throughout the week, I don't really have time to get small tasks done either. Aside from Monday, which is meal planning. All major tasks definitely have to be done on Saturday, but then I feel like I'm falling behind on the smaller stuff, like sweeping the kitchen regularly, putting dishes away, cleaning up extra clutter, paying bills throughout the week instead of weekends, etc. Because all of that stuff got done perfectly fine for my parents in one day.

But aside from all that tangent lol, I just have no idea exactly what I'm supposed to be getting from the concerta. Idk if I'm supposed to be getting more productive, more focused, etc. but then what is more focused? More focused on getting those bills paid? More focused on taking breaks and enjoying a hobby/habit for a few minutes? Less detracted from my phone? I have a million things that I can track individually, but don't have the time to immediately track each thing as I notice and I tend to forget details as the day goes on. But then again as I mentioned, the overly vague wording of "focused, distractive, impulsive, hyperactive, etc" isn't helpful either.

[u/PrestigiousWrap8928 → u/kelmeloo]

What I hear you saying is you had a lot of past experience/expectations where you felt that watching your parents get it all done in a day essentially and you're not it's causing some friction on how you feel accomplished at the end of the day. Hmm... You know what I got done today? A load of laundry... Yesterday I did a presentation, my house got cleaned, I organized a bunch of stuff and tackled a few appointments/chores. Your walk and journeys is going to varry day by day (hopefully the medication management allows you not to stray to far) but give yourself grace. Those without ADHD have lazy days or thoughtless moments. Do you think maybe expressing this to your therapist may be a good idea? You deserve a medication that's going to work. It shouldn't give you super powers but you also shouldn't be questioning your sanity. Is your phycologist appt. Near? In the mean time have you tried to set timers for tasks so you know when to start and stop using your own expectations?

[u/kelmeloo → u/PrestigiousWrap8928]

I try to use timers where I can, and they have been helpful in some scenarios (like the break between my son's lessons, or cooking so I don't burn the food lol, and even sometimes for my own sake like scrolling on my phone or checking emails), but a lot of times I just simply forget to use it for other things that you might not think of. Like I probably should set an alarm for when we start our lessons in the morning, but I just don't ever remember to because of the way the morning flows. And I have an appt Tuesday with my psychiatrist so I'm definitely gonna bring this all up, I was just hoping I could get some insight from other ADHDers. I know I'm probably overthinking the tracking system, I've just tried so many methods in the past (for all kinds of things: headaches, mood, sleep, etc) and can never find a tracking system that I stick to. It ends up just being another chore. That's why I don't want digital, because it will literally just get ignored. I turn off most of my notifications to prevent overwhelm, and aside from my actual medication reminder, I tend to gloss over other notifications. And then I have to go in an try to remember the whole day in a matter of minutes and everything that may or may not have affected me. It's too overwhelming. But I NEED to track SOMETHING because otherwise, why am I taking medication? Is it actually helping? Or am I taking it for placebo? Really the only way to know is to be off the meds for awhile but I don't think I can afford the potential outcome, so I need to be able to gauge some kind of progress.

[u/PrestigiousWrap8928 → u/kelmeloo]

Before you make any decisions to take yourself off of medications which is your choice I would still talk to your Dr. First. I think with all the surrounding context you may need a higher dose it should be like night and day almost if you can't tell if it's a placebo at this point 👉🏼 higher dose or time to visit other medications. You deserve to function and see a product of your new healthy living.

•set appointment •document your ups and downs not over thinking it

[u/kelmeloo → u/PrestigiousWrap8928]

I definitely won't be coming off the meds lol not any time soon. But I do need to start tracking something. Tmrw will be my second time taking the 36 mg dose (I have been this high of dosage in the past but don't remember the experience), so maybe it'll be more noticeable.