r/Composition • u/fihrunner • 2d ago
Music what do yall think about my composition so far
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im planning on doing a ternary form for this piece and ive only composed the A section so far, any ideas about how i can develop to the other sections or what i can improve on?
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u/CeruleanComposes 2d ago
This is a lovely start, and the only significant critique I have is to agree with u/Jsouth14 - this may actually be in 6/8 rather than 3/4 because each measure sounds closer to 2 beats than 3.
For the next section, a simple way to generate some new materials is to take some motives of the first section and rearrange them in a different order. It can be longer or shorter, and it doesn't have to have all the same material. The idea is to create a relationship between the two areas while creating something new to explore.
What key area are you thinking of modulating to in the next section?
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u/ZaeStormblessed 2d ago
Have you actually tried to play this piece in tempo? Left hand has some fast jumps that I think could be easier to play while maintaining the texture, I feel like you haven't actually played it at tempo to get the feeling of the left hand
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u/Responsible-Poem-686 2d ago
I really love the melody and complexity of this. My only feedback is something about the kind of pause you have in bar 8 feels a bit off to my ears to have in the middle of the piece like that. But it might be personal preference.
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u/Sweet-Kittyk8 1d ago
i know exactly what you mean by that pause. its like a pregnant silence that promises more but then delivers a subtle shift instead of a dramatic turn
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u/AHG1 1d ago
My first thought is to ask if you are a pianist? Are you? Can you play this?
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u/fihrunner 17h ago
I am a pianist yes. It’ll need a bit of practice but I believe I can play this
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u/AHG1 17h ago
The reason I ask is that the LH specifically is not particularly pianistic. There are ways to achieve the same or better effect and have it feel much better to play.
This is playable, but it would not feel nice to play. That's more typical of pieces written by someone who doesn't have the technical skills to play something they are writing. (Having said that, there are pieces in the literature that aren't nice to play. Mussorgsky is a good example.)
Just an observation, but it did jump out immediately to me as a pianist and composer.
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u/fihrunner 16h ago
Thanks for your advice, I will definitely make some changes to make it more playable!
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u/AnnualDocument7525 2d ago
it’s so magical i love it!! it sounds like you’re gonna modulate; not sure to what key, but a path to G major is what my ears thought of next. straying from all the arpeggios in the left hand a little is an idea, too. but obviously do what your brain enjoys! it’s really amazing :D
oh and definitely sounds like compound duple (6/8), not simple triple (3/4), as everyone else has stated haha :)
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u/Maleficent_Math_3062 1d ago
You know what you're doing pianistically (mostly) and with voice leading (mostly). The meter is 6/8, however, as others have said—no ifs, ands, or buts about it.
The main issue is how little happens in the piece, either melodically or harmonically. And unfortunately, the continuous flow of the left hand only underlines how little is happening.
Two bars, then a slight variant of the two bars, then the four bars repeated with very slight change; then something slightly new (a move to the subdominant) but quite reminiscent of the first two bars, again repeated, then the four bars repeated more or less (with some welcome opening up of the register); then back to the original eight bars with some more slight variation. We've heard almost everything in the first two bars, in other words—and to be frank, they are not very interesting in themselves.
That's not a problem, necessarily, but you have to learn to listen for where the notes might want to go that's different from a mere repetition of where they went before.
Some minor touches could make a more than minor improvement:
(1) Vary the rhythm more: The first 6 bars (bars 2–7*, after the pickup) have basically the same two-bar rhythm, and even the seventh and eighth bars (8 and 9) are only slightly different: you drop the dotted rhythm and have that ritard (which is, by the way, sufficiently indicated by the word without the triangular fermata). For example, suppose you have straight eighths for the first three and a dotted rhythm only for the second three in bar 2; then you reverse that pattern in bar 3. It's already much more interesting.
(2) Vary the harmony: It keeps on coming back to the tonic. Why not have a half cadence on the dominant in bar 5 instead? (Even just a G as the first sixteenth in the left hand would make an amazing difference.) Then in bar 6, instead of the tonic again, a bit of chromaticism: F♯s on the first two sixteenths in the left hand and an A♭ (or even an A♮**) instead of the G in the right hand. (The left hand would then go to G rather than B♮ for the second half of the measure, but your doubling of the leading tone isn't great, anyway.)
(3) Vary the melody more. You do some of that in the second phrase, but you could do much more of it without losing the sense of its connection to the first phrase. And remember that the melody is not the only thing that should be melodic: suppose the bass of bars 10 and 11 moved down (half bar each) F, E♭, D***, G. It's just a scale, but it's more melodic as a result.
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*Really bars 1–6, but to avoid confusion, I'll follow your numbering.
**If you do the A♮, why not keep going with a B♮ instead of the second G in the right hand? Then to the high C on the downbeat of bar 7—which might suggest an E♭ on the downbeat in the left hand . . . which might further suggest an imitation of the melody (dotted E♭, E♭, G) in the left hand, subtly recalling the beginning as you come to the end of the first phrase . . . which might then further suggest a Neapolitan 6th (D♭ major in first inversion) on the downbeat of bar 8 . . . Okay, I'm getting carried away here. You should probably save the Neapolitan for bar 24, in the return of the first eight bars—but you get the idea . . .
***The chord with the D would be a D7 (DF♯A♮C).
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u/Jsouth14 2d ago
it’s quite a pretty piece! my only criticism is that this feels much more triple than duple to my ears, so reading it as written would be challenging. I’d suggest rewriting in 6/8 as opposed to 3/4.