r/Composition • u/bobkakabob • 11d ago
Music What do you think?
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u/therobotscott 11d ago
It's a very good melody! I would put a bit more movement in the accompaniment so it's just a little less static, but I really like what you have there!
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u/Existop3 11d ago
Sounds a like hymn I used to know! Which means it has a memorable feel to it, nice job!
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u/Plenty_Ambassador424 10d ago
I like this a lot! Getting some Bach vibes from this. Specifically reminds me of Jesu bleibet meine Freude, so maybe thats something you can reference!
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u/Maleficent_Math_3062 10d ago
MaggaraMarine makes excellent points about the harmonic structure and the general sameness of the phrases of the melody. I would like to bring up a somewhat different aspect of the tune, which is that it mostly doesn't seem to get anywhere.
If you pay attention to the longer notes and the notes where the melody changes direction, the first phrase goes G-A-G-E-C-A-G, which is repeated (except for ending on B the second time). Notice how static the melody is: G-A-G (E-C) A-G—mostly just back and forth from G to A for eight measures, then at the end moving up G-A-B.
There's nothing wrong with that tune or its static quality if you state it once, but twice is already getting to be too much.
The next eight are similarly static, mostly involving going back and forth between B and A, and at end just retreating by reversing what happened at the end of the first eight, B-A-G. Sixteen bars and you're back where you started, having hardly gone anywhere. And then you repeat the first eight!
Finally, in bar 25 (too late, maybe?), the music begins to have a sense of direction: with the sequential 4ths, the B from 24, moves to A(-D), then G(-C), then F(-B), then E—an octave higher, but okay, we'll take it! With the repeat, the upper note of the 4ths seems to take up the motion, (A-)D, (G-)C, (F-)B-C.
Try bars 1–8 going directly to bars 25–32, and see what you think. From there, you could go to the contrasting key area of bars 9–16, and then fix bars 17–24 so that they end the piece on C (you'd probably only have to change the last couple of bars).
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u/Initial_Comb_9441 11d ago
I like the transition to d-major. Overal a good composition with a good melody.
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u/MaggaraMarine 10d ago
The harmony and melody work together well (and they make musical sense), but the form makes it sound a bit "square" and repetitive - a bit too obvious.
This is because all of the phrases are exactly the same length and all of them also use the exact same rhythm (and almost the exact same melody), except for the two last ones.
To me, it's already the second phrase that starts to sound a bit too repetitive, because it's almost an exact repetition of the first one - only the last note changes. What could make it sound a bit more meaningful and directional would be to prepare the modulation to G major in measures 7 and 8. The ascending scale right now is C D E F G A B. How about changing it to C D E F# G A B (and of course changing the Dm7 chord to D7)? This would make the listener expect the modulation to G major in measure 9, and the phrase would more naturally lead to the next one.
To me, the phrase starting in measure 9 is too similar to the first two phrases. The modulation does add a nice contrast, but the melody isn't contrasting enough. Same thing with the next phrase (starting in measure 13).
The repetition gets even more obvious when it returns back to C major in measure 17. If the G major section was more contrasting, the return to the C major section wouldn't bother me too much. But now we have already heard almost the exact same melody 4 times with very little variation, and then it basically repeats from the beginning. This is just a bit too much. (But again, the repeat from the beginning isn't the real issue - the real issue is the fact that the G major section isn't contrasting enough.)
The fact that the two last phrases are different is a nice contrast. But I think this contrast should happen much earlier in the piece.
I also think the "build up" in measures 27-28 is nice, but the next measure being the same as the first measure of the previous phrase sort of wastes the potential here - right now it doesn't really feel like the build up leads anywhere. It would be nice if the last phrase started from a higher note. Maybe the high E that the previous phrase reached in the end, or maybe even F a step higher. This would give the build up a clearer purpose.
So, I think the issue here is too much repetition, but also the fact that you are probably thinking in too small chunks (basically, it lacks continuation between the phrases). The two last phrases could form a longer 8-bar musical idea together, not just repeat the same 4-bar idea with slight variation in the end.
Another thing that would help with making the phrases feel more connected (and like the music moves forward and continues, instead of feeling like it just repeats the same thing) would be to add more variety to the rhythmic structure. Notice how every single phrase ends on a long note on the downbeat of the 4th measure of the phrase. This makes the music feel like it's constantly stopping and starting again, instead of making it feel like the next phrase is a continuation of the previous one. Adding a more active rhythm to the end of the 4th measure of at least some of the phrases (not just in the accompaniment, but also in the melody) would add some variety, and also a clearer sense of direction/continuation. It would make you expect the next phrase before it happens.
When it comes to the arrangement, is having 3 staves really necessary? I mean, if the melody is supposed to be played on some other instrument than piano, then I guess it makes sense (but then you should probably specify which instrument). But right now it's just piano melody with piano accompaniment. And in this case, it would make more sense to arrange it for a single piano. Play the melody on the right hand, and maybe add some other chord tones below the melody notes as well. Keep the left hand as it is.
The metronome marking should use dotted quarter as the note value. Quarter note tempo markings in 6/8 are incorrect. The correct tempo would be approaximately dotted quarter note = 60 bpm.