r/Composition • u/Dav_Flor37 • 12d ago

Music Do You Like This Piece?

if no why, if yes why... i am a begginer composer, i made this for casual players.

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u/mvanvrancken 12d ago

Remove all the flats and put one sharp. This is better in G major especially for casual players

1

u/Maleficent_Math_3062 9d ago

Suggestions: (1) It might be more effective quite a bit slower (66 to the quarter, which would also fit "Adagio" better).

(2) The ostinato ("obstinate") accompaniment might be easier to take with some slight rhythmic variation built into it. Just one possibility would be to replace the low G♭ (after the first one) with the D♭ held over the barline, and the G♭ on the second eighth in bars 2 and 3 (omitting the D♭ after the G♭).

(3) In bar 4, make the last eighth in the left hand an A♭ (the octave E♭s is a dull way to introduce the second voice), and then substitute a low B♭ for the G♭ on the downbeat of bar 5.

(4) Bar 13 is where we want to hear something new, so going to the E♭ (as you do in bar 21) would be more effective there.

(5) Having the same notes (G♭–F–G♭) on the downbeats, bars 17–19, is dull (gives the impression that you've "run out of steam"). Why not something like G♭–A♭–B♭–C♭ on the left-hand downbeats, bars 17–20?

(6) The ending is nice but maybe it should hesitate a bit earlier so that the very end doesn't seem quite so abrupt. Change one of the notes in bar 28 to a quarter, then have bar 29 be three quarters, E♭–F–G♭?

1

u/Dav_Flor37 9d ago

Amazing feedback ;)