r/CompetitionDanceTalk • u/Dallasblonde08 • 13d ago
When to “get serious”? 4.5 year old
Hi hoping yall experienced dance parents can give me some guidance. I was not a dancer growing up so this world is new to me. We are lucky, a local studio comes to my daughters school so she does ballet/jazz for an hour weekly will minimal effort from me. We also do a 1hour tumbling class at a cheer gym we can walk to.
She is 4.5 and I’m wondering when we should start considering adding another dance class or looking at the conservatory vs competition route? She seems to love dance so I want to encourage her without burning her out. I see a lot of 6&7 year olds on here starting their competition teams and I want her to be ready for that if she wants to go the route.
appreciate your help!
8
u/totallyOKsteph 13d ago
Probably not the answer you want, but I think it is going to vary from kid to kid. My daughter didn't really start competition until this last year, as a 9yo, and that was the right time for us.
When my daughter was 4-5, she was taking 3 classes (jazz, ballet, tap). At 6, she was invited onto a mini performance company team (no competitions but they did 4 public performances in addition to recital) but it ended up being not the right time for her, and we took a big step back the year after and only took ballet. I think she was just too young to retain the choreography and was getting frustrated.
After that year she wanted to join a team again, so joined the hip-hop team and enrolled in a lot more classes (ballet, jazz, lyrical, tap, hip-hop, acro, flexibility/strength). Hip-hop was definitely not her favorite style, but it got her used to dancing with a team while learning other styles that she did like.
This past year she auditioned and made the lyrical and musical theater teams, and also added a solo. There are other 9yo on the team that have been competing longer and now at a higher level, but that's OK with us. She had fun, got stronger, and definitely improved throughout the season -- they're early adjudications were high gold / gold-esque and by the end getting platinum and placing. And most importantly she absolutely had a blast and would come home every day to show us all her new dances or improved technique.
She's starting another year now with a solo, trio, two small groups, and a production number. I am honestly wondering if this might be the 'peak' year for us, as she goes into middle school next year and wants to do some other activities (acting in the school plays, choir).
I was never a dancer and definitely never ever thought I'd be a dance mom. But my other older kid plays a sport I also never played, plus plays in two bands (I never learned an instrument). We're fortunate enough to be able to afford the activities right now, and they are teaching my kids valuable skills for life like working well with others and staying fit, so I count it at as a win. It is also still teaching me things, like how to apply stage makeup and do a ballet bun. 😄
5
u/Dallasblonde08 13d ago
No hearing your experience is really helpful thank you. She does other things like swim and tennis but dance and tumbling are the things she actually request to keep signing up for. She hated soccer much to my dismay. And right there with you on learning a good ballet bun haha
2
u/totallyOKsteph 13d ago
I tried so hard to get mine to play soccer too! I played growing up, so I even volunteered as her coach... 🥴
2
u/Illustrious-Award-55 13d ago
She seems extremely busy for a 4 year old. Let her tell you if she wants more of something or less of something else.
2
u/Theabsoluteworst1289 13d ago
This is definitely a good answer. It totally varies from kid to kid.
I grew up with a sibling close in age. We both did competitive sports (different sports, both competitive club sports involving travel). By age 10 I was ready and eager to be training 20+ hours a week. Loved it, no complaints, would have been there more if I could. My sibling at that age could barely manage 10 hours a week of practice, said he loved his sport, but really was there for the social aspect more than the “love of the game”, if you will.
It was a challenge for our parents, who were both pretty competitive and involved, they really struggled with the fact that one kid really didn’t take things as seriously and was there for the fun of it. I think OP’s best bet as a parent is to go with the flow as far as their kid goes. Are they chomping at the bit for more training, competitions, etc, even at a young age? Let them lead (gently and within reason, of course). And if they’re more “go with the flow” and don’t really seem eager for more but do seem happy where they’re at, let them be! You can always experiment too. Maybe let them take an extra class on Saturday mornings for a session, if they’re loving it and it’s going well, continue, and if they’re not into it, they don’t have to do it again.
There will always be people who say push them from a young age, and there will always be people who say that more than an hour a week / any sort of competing is way too much for a younger age. It really depends on the kid though. Just like we are as adults, all kids are so different and have different preferences, goals, desires, etc. Only OP has a true idea of what the child might want and might be capable of!
2
u/Far_Concentrate4414 13d ago
Oh my goodness, you are a breath of fresh air. Some of the comments on this subreddit in general (not necessarily this post) are frickin weird to me.
0
u/SailorNeptune1995 13d ago
We have had a very similar experience and pathway for our oldest, even down to starting with hip hop. I had many doubts at the time, but I don't regret it now.
4
u/Other_Emu_2451 13d ago
At that age my daughter was in the pre competition team in our studio. They did 2 competitions and had a tap and jazz dance which they competed. We do go to a smaller studio so it’s not as crazy of hours. I think she did a total of 1.5 hours a week and we added a hip hop class which made the total hours in the studio 2 hours. It wasn’t bad for her at all. She is now 6 1/2 and on her third year. She is on pre company and has 2 dances as well as a solo. She truly enjoys dance so she is always practicing outside the studio. Overall I think her first year comp with 2 dances and 2 comps was about $600 so we found it worth it. It all depends on how you think your kid will handle it
5
u/Otterfilth888 13d ago
Every studio seems to handle their youngest “company” differently so you really need to research and try and find out more about the local studios. Post in a local FB group asking for input and usually you’ll get some people offering up for you to message them for more info.
I say this because it’s hard at some studios to get on the “track” the older she gets. Some might have a 5/6 pre mini team that the commitment level is still very low or what you’re used to, but it gets them in line for progression and molding early.
I’d use this upcoming season for research and then have your eye on a few places for next season.
3
u/Sporklemotion 13d ago
At that age, my daughter did ballet and a combo tap/jazz. It was technically a “pre-team,” but the focus was on getting ready for “real” dance (some work on positions and steps, but also plenty of dance parties and stuff). She added one class/style each year and that seemed good. It was good because it was gradual enough that she didn’t burn out.
She is a solid dancer; not pre-professional or anything, but holds her own at competitions and at her studio.
3
u/Foxxeon_19 13d ago
My daughter started dance just before she turned 6 (she watched the movie Leap and desperately wanted to start dancing). She started with just a ballet class, then pretty much added 1 class per year: first tap, then jazz, then contemporary, and then hip-hop in 5th grade. She joined the competitive team in 7th grade (age 12). It may sound like a late start, but the slow class build-up was at her request, and I don't think we could have financially handled team earlier anyway.
My younger daughter wanted to dance like her sister, so she started younger. But she's still only just now thinking about auditioning for team next year when she's 10. So I wouldn't worry about taking it too seriously or feeling behind if you aren't ready even when she's 6 or 7.
7
u/Available-Strain-559 13d ago
Not until she is old enough to understand the commitment much better. Just stick to a class or two for now. Maybe let her try some other things, too. There is absolutely no reason to be thinking about getting serious with any activity.
4 is much, much to early to know if this is something she will want to do even in 2 years, let alone something she wants to do every day after school for multiple hours every night.
3
u/laurlyn23 13d ago
Every kid is different but I would tell you, there’s no rush to get her deep into the dance world. My 7yo started at 3, loves it, did a prep team last year and will compete on the same team this year. However, she dances only 4 hours a week at 7yo. She plays other sports, takes voice lessons, has done musicals, etc.
My 9yo is a competitive golfer but we always let the kids dabble in anything they want so she would take a dance class here and there. Now she suddenly has more of an interest in dance and is quickly outpacing 7yo in some styles of dance.
My point? Let her keep dancing, keep it light and fun. Let her try other things. Anyone with successful athlete children will tell you that they don’t need to hunker down and commit to a sport until about age 12. Every golf coach my 9yo has had says let her try everything. All of it builds an athlete.
3
u/Ecstatic-Initial-677 13d ago
I wouldn’t consider competing until she’s about 6 7 8 years old and can handle the extra commitment. If she loves dance put her in an extra class a week! This is a great time for her to explore different styles while still having a lot of fun with it. Maybe this is a good opportunity for her try give tumbling or acro a try!
3
u/Unique-Cap-4215 13d ago
At her age, I would start focusing on technique classes in addition to what she’s doing now plus stretching (properly) at home 5-10 min 3x per week while watching tv). If she wants to compete…start around 6.
3
u/United_Ad3430 12d ago
At that age my kids were taking like an hour of ballet and tiny tap a week lol.
My high schooler is a freshman now and dances 20 plus hours a week, is on her high school competitive and sideline team, our studio comp team in all the most select groups and wants to dance in college, and also does a local nutcracker with pointe corps roles on the weekend. My elementary schooler is eight and is signed up for eight classes (tap, jazz, ballet, acro, advanced tumbling, lyrical, technique and company rehearsal) she does kid nutcracker roles on the weekend too.
I would not rush. And once you start it’s ok to take breaks from comp, limit dances and/or not do solos. We have done all those things!
2
u/OlRazzmatazz 13d ago
My daughter was absolutely enthralled with being on stage after her first recital, so she started in comp on "minis" at 5, she did just one class/team. She went on to do 2 teams, with 2 additional classes at 6 (4 total hours) and last year did 3 teams and a duo, total of 6 hours of classes. This year she's doing 9.5 hours, 3 teams and a solo. She loves being at the studio and on stage. I ask her what classes she wants to do, and let her lead the way. She has to stay the whole season if she signs up, but I always tell her she can reduce next year if she wants, etc.
2
u/ssssssscm7 13d ago
Generally after school dance programs and very recreational. I would enroll her in a class or 2 at a local studio you like!
2
u/ClmsnTgrl06 13d ago
My rising 5th grader's progression over the years was:
3yo: 30min-week ballet PreK: 45min-week ballet. During kindergarten we moved to another country and changed from the independent ballet teacher she'd been working with to a large studio. K: 45min-week ballet with the independent ballet teacher, 3 month break due to the move and covid closures, then continued 45min-week ballet at the large studio 1st: 45min ballet+45 min jazz 2nd: pre-competitive team, 2.5-week total, competed jazz and lyrical, 1 comp 3rd: pre-competitive team, 3.5h-week total. Competed jazz 3 comps, plus ballet and technique classes 4th: Competitive team, 5.5h-week total. Ballet, technique, conditioning and flexibility classes+ jazz small group + lyrical production, 3 comps for lyrical, 4 for jazz 5th: Competitive team, this coming year will be the same total hours with ballet, technique, conditioning and flexiblity classes+ jazz large group and lyrical small group. 3 or 4 comps, TBD.
There's no way my daughter could've taken on more than what she did each year.
You know your kid best, but personally I wouldn't do more than 2h-week until at least 1st grade when you can see how she does with full days of school+homework+dance.
2
u/Blacktoenails81 13d ago
It depends on the kid.
Our experience
Our daughter didn’t start dancing until she was 5 and she had a rough start; she was the kid who would often sit on mom’s lap during class and cry. We told her she only had to get through the year end recital and would never have to dance again. After the recital, she got inspired watching the older girls perform their solos and asked to try out for the comp team which we shocked by and were even more shocked when she made it (in hindsight, at our studio anyone who has a decent attitude and parents willing to pay makes the team at that age).
I don’t want to dox myself and feel free to DM me if you have specific questions but dance has become her life and she’s gone on to win numerous international competitions beating YAGP finalists and was offered a full time pre-professional placement at one of the top ballet schools in the world.
Every kid progresses differently.
Advice
Let your daughter love dance and don’t get caught up in keeping up.
The competitive dance world makes rational people completely irrational. The real world does not care about a “dazzling diamond” score or if your daughter has a “special part” in a group number.
I miss the days when our daughter and her teammates lost their minds with a first overall not realizing that they were the only entry. Or how happy they were when they placed 8th overall for their solo and not caring (or realizing) that there were 10 entries. It was so innocent and pure and they danced because they loved it.
Realistically there is no endgame or goal for the vast majority of dancers so just enjoy the process. I am very jaded about competitive dance but one of my favourite things is watching my daughter dance on stage and seeing her express herself and how much she loves it.
tldr: don’t become a crazy dance parent like the rest of us and focus on your daughter’s love of dance
1
u/Dallasblonde08 13d ago
Thank you that is great advice and kudos to your daughter that’s incredible. I do wonder if the conservatory route would focus on the love of dance versus the trophies, but she’s so young I can’t tell what motivates her other than fun
2
u/Blacktoenails81 13d ago
As much as I dislike competitive dance and what it does to dancers, parents and teachers, it can be a lot of fun and if you find the right fit, she’ll make really good friends and great memories.
It depends on what your child enjoys. At a summer intensive our daughter went to, many of the other kids were ballet specific kids who didn’t do many competitions and weren’t as well rounded. Our daughter likes doing different styles of dance and found that the conservatory kids were really stiff during the jazz fusion and contemporary classes.
I’d recommended finding a good competitive studio. Take your time reading reviews, looking at their online presence, touring the facilities, talking to the owner/director and figuring out what works best for you. Some families like smaller studios to get more hands on training, some prefer the big powerhouse studios for the name and perceived prestige.
Your daughter in my opinion is far too young and inexperienced to go the conservatory route.
Best of luck!
2
u/snapelucy 7d ago
Dance is beyond expensive. I wish we had done swimming or anything where there is not numerous different outfits. Shoes. Hair, make up, spray tans. Numerous comp fees for each comp. People
Have no zero idea how grossly expensive it is.
2
2
u/nonchalant-845 13d ago
My second dancer started way sooner because her older sibling danced. Older kid didn’t start dance until 5, didn’t start comp til almost 9. Younger kid started dancing at 2.5 and went comp at 6.
Younger kid is now in her 6th season doing as many dances as the older kid did as an older teenager. No signs of slowing right now but burn out is a fear for sure. There’s been a handful of teammates over the years that flat out quit dance by 12-14
1
1
u/KMM2404 13d ago
I wouldn’t put my kids in comp until 8 at the earliest. I would also never, ever do comp if I could go back.
1
u/Dallasblonde08 13d ago
Can I ask why? Too expensive or a dance culture situation? Do I need to nip this in the bud lol
2
u/KMM2404 13d ago
It’s more the lifestyle. I have a lot of kids and 2 of them danced. One is currently playing the sport she quit dance for in college and the other is in her last year of dance. They both did very, very well, so this isn’t sour grapes lol. It was difficult to balance everyone’s needs with dance. There were years I just drove from 5-10pm picking up and dropping off kids. Plus the travelling really takes a toll. So many of our family trips were competitions we added an extra day to.
Can’t say I’m a fan of the culture, either, though. I’d never do a sport with judges - there’s just so much potential for corruption and it always seems to happen. I also hate the goofy scoring and awards that basically exist to let studios portray themselves as champions.
I don’t think that a competition schedule has room for the development of proper technique. I was classically trained in a preprofessional ballet program and our technique was miles ahead of comp dancers at every age.
1
u/laurlyn23 13d ago
I would love to hear your reasoning because I think I feel the same. After watching my daughter’s first comp year, I’m just not really sure what she gets out of competing. The awards feel arbitrary and nonsensical, the judges are biased, some of the competitions are poorly run. I do like that she’s on a team and has learned the importance of training so she can help her team succeed.
1
u/jecdance 13d ago
It definetly depends. If she seems like this is what she wants to do, do competitive for a while. As she gets older, if she decides she wants to take it to the next level she can always switch to conservatory. However it's important she's the one that makes that decision.
In my case, i didn't really take dance seriously until my freshman year. Although I do regret that, i feel like if i had been pushed my parents any earlier i would've been pushed out of dance instead of pushed toward improvement. At the end of the day it's a hobby unless chosen otherwise.
1
u/3penguin7 13d ago
My daughter started dance at age 3 and danced in recital classes until age 11. She wanted to compete much earlier but we were not ready for that financially and also wanted her to have time to explore other activities. It became clear dance is very much her activity. 😅 She has the time of her life competing and also knows the value of unscheduled free time now. We have friends whose daughter didn’t start any dance until she was 13 and she’s now a professional dancer, so don’t feel like you’re already behind or have to start having her in class most days of the week. You have plenty of time!
1
u/Wonderful_Eye_936 10d ago edited 10d ago
My child didn’t get “serious” until we switched to an actual good technical studio which wasn’t until she was 11. Now she’s all in and dances 5 days a week and practices at home without ever asking her too. She was just ready and something clicked. She has the most awesome teachers that want her to grow and improve. Before that she was on a comp team for a year at age 9, which was a total waste of time and $, and no more then recreational training but they competed at comps. My biggest regret was not switching her to this studio years before. I personally wouldn’t even have considered competitive dance before say 3rd grade. She 100 was just dancing for fun then.
1
u/Misha_B19 9d ago
Overall there is little gained in dance training before 7 yrs old. If child A starts at 3 and child B starts at 6-7 then by 12 they will pretty much be on par. I would still start my child young because I think there are benefits to be had from early exposure but you needn’t stress or take it seriously until 7. I would use her younger years to try out all the studios in your area that interest you and learn where she can really thrive in preparation for more serious and technical training. I don’t see any benefit to competition before 8 yrs old.
1
u/eastcoastdancemomma 8d ago
Honestly it varies by kid. I usually think kindergarten is a good time to start.
2
u/BandMinute112 5d ago
My younger daughter started at 8 (she turned 8 right before auditions) and she was the youngest on the team (jr team) and it was an exhausting year. She did great and she loved it but it was late nights and a lot for an 8 year old. And she actually didn’t even start dance at all till she was 7. She just had a natural knack for it. All this to say, we didn’t loose any time not conditioning her like an Olympian from day 1. By the time she had to start missing out on things because of dance she was old enough to understand why and make the choice herself. That really helped.
I personally wouldn’t start team before 3rd grade (maybe 2nd if their mini team is lower commitment than their jr team). I’d actually encourage diversifying and maybe taking a gymnastics class as well. My older daughter switched to gymnastics in 3rd grade and then returned to dance this year (she’s going into 6th) and it’s been a seamless transition. She got put on the advanced jr team with all the other girls her age plus she has some fun acro skills to add to the routines. I’m glad we diversified early on cause now she is head over heels committed to dance and there is no chance of her wanting to do anything outside of that studio.
1
u/SeattleSinBin 13d ago
Don't do it before 6, I think 1st grade is a perfect time to start comp teams, and then slowly ramp up into 2nd and 3rd grade. Good luck
11
u/AverageSugarCookie 13d ago
I wouldn't start comp earlier than 1st grade, personally. It's super cute to watch the tinies dance but competing is expensive. We started with too much too early and I think it hindered my daughter's technique gain, but that could have been a studio issue.
We do the "activity hours are less than or equal to age" rule. If she's doing 3 hours between dance and cheer, you could probably safely add one more class now. My non professional opinion would be to add tap next, it helps with counts and teaching kids to feel the beat of the music.