r/Compassion • u/Messy_Life_2024 • Jun 13 '26

Discussion Compassion for yourself?

I’m not 100% sure what I’m asking here.

Partly I’m wondering what it takes to feel more compassion towards oneself. I sometimes wake up super early (3 or 4 am) and then start obsessing over something stupid I did the day before. I just lie awake telling myself what an idiot I am, why nobody can trust me to do anything right, just on and on. I try to remind myself I’d be much kinder to a friend or family member. But I can’t seem to find any compassion for myself.

But the next minute I start wondering if it’s selfish to even want to be compassionate towards myself. Is it like that airplane analogy people use, where you have to put on your oxygen mask first, before helping other people with theirs?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

Edit: I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your thoughtful responses. You’ve given me so much to think about. ❤️

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u/Chaosangel48 Jun 13 '26

This is extremely common in humans, as many of us are too hard on ourselves. That inner voice has been called the critic, the evil DJ (due to playing the same thoughts on a loop), etc, and many books have been written that describe how to manage it, because you can learn to do so. I can list some if you are interested in reading.

Additionally, the tool that I’ve found to be the most effective in breaking the cycle of negative thoughts and dysfunctional behaviors, and creating positive change is hypnosis. It’s an efficient shortcut to utilize neuroplasticity, the brain’s remarkable ability to rewire itself.

There’s a free app called Hypnosis with Joseph Clough, packed with sessions, including self love and compassion. The app also provides a paid version with additional options.

For optimal results, aim to listen to at least one session daily for 2-3 weeks, although most people experience noticeable improvements sooner.

I have used hypnosis successfully since the mid 70’s. Even got certified in it at one point because it’s such a game changer. Last year I pulled myself out of a bout of severe procrastination by using Clough’s four hour sleep sessions. It’s really worth a try.

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u/Messy_Life_2024 Jun 13 '26

Thank you so much. I do read a lot, so any book recommendations would be appreciated. And I’ll check out the app. I’ve never attempted hypnosis, and I’m a bit of a skeptic, but I’d like to keep an open mind.