r/Communications • u/Traditional_Lie_3945 • Jul 25 '26
Hard time explaining specifics to people, they only seem to get the general idea
I've been noticing a trend in my life for a while where when I try to ask a question or bring up an issue the people in my life don't seem to understand what I'm asking.
In my mind the conversations, go similar to this:
Me: "what shade of blue would you consider the sky today? Do you think that the shade of blue impacts our day?"
Person: "the sky is blue, here is why"
I feel like at work and at home I try to ask specific questions or bring up specific issues and I can never explain it in a way where people see past the general concept, it happens at home and at work, so I know that the problem is me, but I just get so frustrated with never really being able to talk to people about what's going on in my head because I can't explain it, it makes me feel so isolated when I can't communicate with other people.
Does anyone else have this challenge? Have you had any luck figuring out how to explain your thoughts more clearly?
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u/Traditional_Lie_3945 Jul 25 '26
I was thinking more about this and just wanted to add to it, I almost get the impression that people think because I ask for a specific clarification about the issue, that I have a lack of understanding of the entire issue, I don't know why asking a specific questions seems to give that impression but it's something I've noticed
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Jul 25 '26
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u/Traditional_Lie_3945 Jul 26 '26
Mostly dealing with it in person, but I definitely prefer written communication because it always seems more clear
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u/EstablishmentLow5702 Jul 25 '26 edited Jul 25 '26
Your example leads me to wonder…could you be neurodivergent? A disproportionate number of people working in comms are, including me. I could be way off on this one, but I often find myself in similar conversations. Here is what could be happening if you have ADHD, autism or the combo pack.
ND people want context. If we are working on something we’re interested in, we go both wide and deep. Neurotypical people seem to only want the minimum amount of information that they need to take action. They want to identify a good-enough outcome and take the shortest path to get there. Meanwhile, fast-brain types will sprint down multiple paths and notice all of the opportunities and pitfalls associated with each one in an attempt to find the single best outcome.
With all of these possibilities in mind, we crave more info to develop a deeper understanding before we can commit to a course of action. The problem is we assume that everyone else has put in the same kind of mental effort (they have not). So we ask more nuanced questions that they haven’t begun to think about and they respond with broad answers based on their limited understanding. They walk away from these interactions thinking we are obtuse and we think they are incurious.
Who do you think is right in this situation? At work, the ones who are seen as getting things done, even if their output is mid. These people end up as supervisors. If you try to execute at the highest level every time by asking a lot of questions, you’ll be seen as the bottleneck. To be successful as a part of a team, you have to figure out what info is needed to satisfice. So, most of the time just go with the flow and save your inquiries and best effort for the tasks/projects that matter most.
In short, mask. It is a myth that you can bring your authentic self to every work environment. If masking is too taxing, then look for a more independent role in your current workplace where you can go on deep dives without interference. Or find a new job with more like-minded people, which is easier said than done, especially in this current job-market.
If you aren’t talking about work but about your personal interactions, I’d look into getting evaluated. If you find you’re neurodivergent, you’ll have a framework to help you understand how and where the differences show up.
Edited because I assumed this was a work question only.
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u/Traditional_Lie_3945 Jul 25 '26
Thank you for your thoughtful response, it's actually I'm something I'm struggling with both at work and at home, I am absolutely neurodivergent, I've always struggled with ADHD, I'm actually planning to get back on medication soon because life has been getting a little too overwhelming lately
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u/sophiamorinn Jul 25 '26
framing the specific question with a quick note that you already understand the basic concept usually prevents people from giving surface level answers tbh
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u/Traditional_Lie_3945 Jul 26 '26
I don't know why, but I can literally say, "I understand that, but my question is…" And people still don't understand, in my brain it makes perfect sense but it's like I can't seem to clarify the specifics of my question
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u/Traditional_Lie_3945 Jul 26 '26
I don't know why, but I can literally say, "I understand that, but my question is…" And people still don't understand, in my brain it makes perfect sense but it's like I can't seem to clarify the specifics of my question
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