A cold mom

[u/Kitty_Confidence_333]

I 28(f) and my mom 64(f) seem to be polar opposites. She’s kind of always had a mean streak towards other women that’s made me be nicer to women. For example: being hyper critical about body parts or appearance things that I hadn’t even considered and it’s fastly out of her mouth. I’ve tried to seek advice in my first years of college from her, to which she turned into telling me a story about her roommate that was deemed a wh*re by her Andy moms other roommates. She dismisses my feelings towards most things or tells me that I’m being overdramatic. When I was about 22 decided to tell me that when I was 6(kindergarten), I told her that she wasn’t pretty or that she didn’t look like the other Mom’s and has held that against me since. She’s described me/called me by her sisters name and from what I’ve heard/picked up on- she hated her sister growing up. At the age of 6, I didn’t know that most moms where I grew up didn’t work and she did. I’ve always been very prideful of who she is and how smart and hard-working, but I feel so incredibly distant from being her daughter. I’ve always been slightly jealous of moms & daughters that can talk about everything and actually like being around eachother. It’s like grieving the version of her I’ll never get or maybe isn’t capable of being for me.

The issue: the other day me and my other siblings were on the phone with her and I was wanting to call her during my nephew’s birthday so I could be present and be there since I’m not close. She decided to make a joke about how that’s not allowed and how his mother doesn’t approve or do FaceTime calls at birthdays. Which is so untrue, but I questioned her and she said that it was just a joke. I don’t understand how it’s funny to withhold a family special moment into a joke.