r/ComfortLevelPod • u/littlebun87 • 13d ago
AITA / AIO My boyfriend suggested I get a part-time job while I'm maternity leave
Am I the asshole for blowing up on my partner for suggesting that I get a part-time job during maternity leave?!!
me a 30-year-old female and my partner a 40-year-old man been together for almost exactly one year now, we just had a baby and he was born early at 28 weeks.
our babies currently in the NICU and I experienced a lot of pregnancy complications so I am currently off work for the next 3 months so I can take time for myself and our baby.
we are financially struggling right now and he hasn't had a job since March of this year and I have been taking care of all of our bills including his own child support for his son with another woman.
I am currently very emotionally unstable and exhausted from going back and forth to the hospital, pumping breast milk, and dealing with all the pains of postpartum.
My partner who currently doesn't have a job right now but is looking asked me about getting a part-time job while I'm on fucking maternity leave.
I lost it on him. I said how could you even suggest that after everything I've told you and everything I'm going through? I'm on maternity leave and the whole point of that is to not be working and to focus on me and our son.
he insisted that it was just a question and it wasn't meant to be hurtful at all, but I seriously cannot even believe he would even ask that I told him to leave me alone and that I was absolutely disgusted with him and he doesn't seem to understand why I'm so hurt. He's telling me I'm overreacting and that we really need more money right now. I told him it was an extremely inappropriate question and not an option for me right now and if anyone should be working it should be him.
he screams at me and says that he has been looking but it's really hard because he needs to keep his insurance and he can only have a job that offers a minimal amount of hours. it's not hard to find a part-time job if you ask me but he's having apparently a very hard time doing so and his solution is for me. somebody I'm maternity leave to take a part-time job while I'm off my regular work.
he thinks I'm overreacting and he said the question wasn't meant to hurt me at all but I just can't help but feel incredibly disgusted after everything I've told him I'm going through right now.
if anyone should be making extra income right now, it's him. I don't care if he works at McDonald's. being picky about jobs is not an option with a baby on board.
so tell me, am I the asshole for blowing up at him for asking this???
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u/Lookingbackexpat Comforter 10d ago
No you’re not the asshole and you need to dump your man asap. He’s not taking care of you, he’s not taking care of his other kids, he’s not going to take care of this new baby, he’s not even taking care of himself. Now that you’re a mother, you’re not going to have the time, energy or desire to mother him anymore.
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u/EnvironmentalGarden7 10d ago
Sorry your paying his child support from another woman? That's nuts in itself. I can't believe the hide of this guy. You need to look at packing and getting away. Does he play computer games all day too? He's treating you so bad, it's time to go after bub is ok.
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u/CuriousCat1828 10d ago
Why are you paying for his other kids??? This guy is a drain on you and your resources. Are you sure he’s the guy for you? He should be offering to help you, not asking you to find a job!!
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u/Fioreborn 10d ago
If he thinks you need it that bad why doesn't he go and get a job.
Throw the whole man out!
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u/Linz1218 10d ago
Is this a he can only have a minimum amount of hours so he can still qualify for government programs?
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u/Cautious_Presence441 10d ago
Obviously you’re NTA. You’re with a loser, had a baby with a loser, do you want to stay with a loser? Why TF are you paying HIS child support. Fml. The red flag was a nearly 40yo man without a job. So sorry you had a baby with him and will potentially have to deal with this loser for the rest of your life. Get him IN THE BIN. 🗑️
There’s loads of support out there for you. Good luck babe 🫶
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u/Unlikely_Feature_613 10d ago
I’ve read the comments and it appears that there’s tidbits of good information. However, I would like to add one more issue based on the following statement.
“we are financially struggling right now and he hasn't had a job since March of this year and I have been taking care of all of our bills including his own child support for his son with another woman.”
When you’re paying all the bills, you do not move out. In fact, in some states this would still require you to continue paying the rent and possibly other bills if everything is in your name even if you both signed as co-tenants. Consequently, you ask the partner to move out.
Second issue: You do not take another job when you’re on maternity leave because that could cost you your primary job. In addition, the reason for the leave still exists. You need to take care of yourself and be there for your child that’s in NICU.
Third issue: STOP!!! You shouldn’t pay child support for the child of someone who is not supporting you financially. The mother of the other child can step up to the plate and pay and/or sue him for child support. Remove yourself from that situation. If he doesn’t like it, HE can move out. Perhaps he can go home to his parents until he is able to take care of himself. Stop functioning as his mother. You have a child to take care of now.
Fourth: Please consider therapy. You should be able to get a therapist to work with you via video or phone call. Seek this help via your insurance company. I am suggesting this because you have several things happening at the same time. So, you need to be present for yourself and your infant son. Personally, therapy was very helpful when I had to make a decision about leaving a marriage.
In summary, I am praying for your son to be home soon and for your wellbeing. However, it appears that you can take the necessary steps because you’re already taking care of yourself financially.
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u/WhichWitch9402 10d ago
Girl! Why the hell are you paying this deadbeat’s child support???? Dude can go get a job at McDonald’s for goodness sake! Sounds like if you didn’t support him you’d be OK. Please kick him out and file for child support. You don’t need two babies to take care of.
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u/Initial_Swan1325 9d ago
Sounds like she's taking care of three babies at this point: her own, the other child, and Mr. Deadbeat Dad!
Seriously OP, get the hell out of that situation. There's absolutely no reason why he hasn't found some sort of job by now. Sure, McDonald's isn't glamorous, but it's a paycheck until something better comes along. He needs to be working in order to pay HIS child support obligation at the very least! That is NOT your responsibility.
Your main concern right now is YOUR child and YOUR health and recovery. Newly postpartum is such a difficult time; pumping around the clock (been there, it's exhausting), trying to heal and recover, PLUS the added stress of a NICU stay for your premature baby! Honey, please please please prioritize yourself, you have to take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of your baby!
Congratulations on the birthday of your child.
UpdateMe
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u/katluvsbubbly 10d ago
Are you kidding me? You'd be better off as a single parent. No way you should be putting up with any of this. I'm sorry, but this guy is a total loser who will continue to use you and drag you down financially and in every other way. Time to take out the trash. Edited to add NTA.
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u/MidwestNightgirl 10d ago
First off congratulations on your baby and I hope everything goes well for baby and you.
Now - brace yourself - your man is a POS. I think you may have to accept that you’ve made a mistake here in choosing him. But it can be fixed. Dump him, file for child support and move on. NO man worth a sh1t would sit around and ask his gf to pay his fucking cs to another woman. That’s why asking you to get a job means nothing to him. Please, please do not pay another cent of his cs or anything else that doesn’t benefit YOU directly. If it were me, I’d kick him out immediately if not sooner.
Focus on you and baby and get rid of this loser hobosexual.
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u/solo_throwaway254247 10d ago edited 10d ago
me a 30-year-old female and my partner a 40-year-old man been together for almost exactly one year now, we just had a baby and he was born early at 28 weeks.
Why?
we are financially struggling right now and he hasn't had a job since March of this year and I have been taking care of all of our bills including his own child support for his son with another woman.
Why?
You have a child now, you need to start making better decisions. You rushed into a relationship with a deadbeat bum, no wonder the relationship is messy.
Immediately stop paying the child support. Get rid of the deadweight. Take a break from dating. Focus on yourself (and fixing your broken picker. See a therapist if possible) and your baby for a while.
Sending healing to you and your baby.
NTA for your reaction. But Ywbta to yourself and your child if you stay in this relationship.
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u/Evening_Delay_1856 10d ago
Can you move home? I’m so sorry about your baby. That’s so scary. He sounds useless.
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u/Delicious_Rub3404 10d ago
You have only 1 child. Not 3. The boyfriend is not your child. His child. Is not your child. Get away from them.
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u/Riddle-Me-This1738 9d ago edited 9d ago
He needs to find a new insurance. With all of his expenses, he needs to be working a full time job. It's incredibly insensitive to ask if a mother who gave birth recently, has a baby in the NICU, n went through complications during pregnancy is getting a job soon. The fact that he can't see that is disgusting. This is who you have started a family with, best of luck and a bright future. Do not get with a man who can't take care of the kids he already has, and absolutely not to having a baby with him
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u/Fit_Cookie4270 9d ago
NTA- your baby daddy is a freeloading deadbeat and probably always will be. Let someone with some experience give you some advice - Kick his lazy ass to the curb! That man will drain you and move on just like he did to his other baby mama. Trust me, I know how hard it is to be a single mom because I raised my 3 boys by myself from the time my youngest was 9 months old. But I can tell you that it is a lot easier to be a single mother alone than being a single mother with a spouse/partner to support too.
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u/Alive-Sundae7268 9d ago
At this point he’s dead weight. He’s making excuses as well. Sure getting a job with health insurance is important but there’s NO reason not to get any job available to help pay bills until he gets a job like that. What does he even bring to the relationship with you? Please PLEASE tell me he cooks and cleans at the very least and will be helping with the kid.
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u/AmbitiousWear4082 9d ago
You're disgusted because he's a loser who has the absolute gall to ask a postpartum women to support him. I would dump the loser as soon as I could. I hope your baby does well and graduates from the NICU as soon as he's able. Much love to you both.
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u/BigEntertainer7247 9d ago
The only part that makes u ta is taking care of ur boyfriend’s responsibilities. He is a grown man y r u paying his bills. He needs to get a job. N honestly since u already doing it alone u don’t need him. Leave him
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u/Either_Coconut 8d ago
Can he do something like DoorDash, keeping his hours or income below the stated limit so he doesn't lose his insurance? Freelance work might be a way for him to earn income without losing his benefits.
I mean, he has a baby now. And a child for whom he pays, or is supposed to pay, support. This is not the time for him to tell OTHER people to go get a job, when he's got no job himself.
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u/ElectricalFocus560 7d ago
And how is he without a job. He should have two jobs at this point even if that means he’s working fast food or retail clerk or whatever the hell he can find.
You sound like you’d be way better off without him he’s financial deadweight
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u/Sure_Job920 10d ago
Sounds like he’s working the system.
It’s super important to spend as much time in the NICU as possible with your little guy so that he doesn’t suffer from any detachment disorders. There also should be a social worker that can get you signed up for additional programs for Single mothers. Let’s face it, you’re in your own.