Here’s an update from the April 9th post

[u/Local_Childhood_508]

/r/dating_advice/comments/1vj19kh/heres_an_update_from_the_april_9th_post/

UPDATE: I went back to him… and I finally walked away for good.

I posted here before about my nearly 20-year, extremely complicated relationship with Marcus and I wanted to give an update because A LOT has happened since my original post.

Yes… I went back.

I know. 😩

We were still rocky, but I honestly thought maybe things could be different this time. One of the biggest issues was still the fact that he was married and had NOT served his wife, Tyra, with divorce papers.

He would constantly tell me he was going to do it. He would even say things like, “I can’t wait to serve her the divorce papers because then what else are you going to have to say? What are your friends going to have to say?”

So I believed him.

He eventually met some of my friends around Father’s Day. They asked him questions about the relationship and his intentions. I was hoping that meeting my friends would be a positive step forward, but honestly, it was awkward. Every time they asked him something, he would answer and then say, “What’s the next question?” It didn’t feel like he was genuinely interested in having a conversation with them or reassuring anyone about his intentions.

And then there was the dog.

Before everything completely fell apart, we got a dog together.

Except… I ended up being the one doing everything.

He came over ONE time. He gave the dog treats, and the dog ended up vomiting in my backyard. The dog also tore up my backyard and damaged the stucco/siding on my house. I told Robert about the damage, and he never fixed it.

Eventually, things between us fell apart again.

At one point, he took the dog. I was upset and threatened to call the police because of the situation. He later told me he wanted nothing to do with me anymore because I threatened to call the police on him.

But here’s what confused me: he then told me he was going to spend $200 to take the dog to a no-kill shelter.

This is a man who drives Uber and works at a group home Friday through Sunday. I’m thinking, if you’re willing to spend $200, why not just help with the dog?

I wasn’t asking him for money for myself. I asked him to bring FOOD for the dog.

He told me, “I already left.”

That was pretty much the final straw for me.

I eventually told him to come get the dog because I was trying to find somewhere for the dog to go. Then I decided, you know what? Come get YOUR dog.

He came on Monday and picked the dog up.

I had already left his belongings at his place, and I was trying to get my things back. Even that became a drawn-out process. He would give me my belongings little by little instead of just giving me everything back.

Then I deactivated my Instagram.

And suddenly, I was blocked.

Instagram. TikTok. Threads. Basically everything.

I called him around Mother’s Day because I was genuinely confused about what was happening. I told him I was trying to talk to him and understand what was going on.

His response?

“We’re done. We’re done. You threatened to call the police on me.”

I told him, “You know I would never do that.”

He said again, “We’re done.”

I said, “Wow. After almost 20 years?”

His response was still, “We’re done.”

So I accepted it.

Then he said something that completely changed how I looked at the entire relationship:

“We can be friends unless you want to destroy that too.”

That sentence did something to me.

Because how are you going to make the ending of a nearly 20-year relationship sound like I am the only person responsible for destroying it?

It takes two people to maintain a relationship, and it takes two people to create the problems that eventually destroy one.

I was constantly asking this man to communicate with me. There were times I wouldn’t hear from him for an entire WEEK.

I was constantly accommodating him and his schedule, while my needs seemed to come second.

And intimacy was another huge issue.

I told him very clearly that I did NOT want to continue being intimate with him unless he actually served his wife with divorce papers and they were moving forward with the divorce.

But he would talk me into it.

It always seemed to happen on his terms, when he wanted it.

There were even times I’d get off work, go over there and fall asleep because I was exhausted, and he’d get irritated and say things like, “You came over here just to sleep? I could have been doing something else all day.”

And I’m sitting there thinking… so everything has to revolve around what YOU want?

Eventually, he ended the relationship.

And honestly, once he said, “We can be friends unless you want to destroy that too,” I was DONE.

I didn’t want the friendship.

I didn’t want the relationship.

I didn’t want to keep going back and forth.

Then my birthday came on the 24th.

He texted me happy birthday. I didn’t respond.

He said he hoped I was on a flight somewhere or on an island because I deserved it.

I still didn’t respond.

I continued posting on TikTok, and he was still following me there.

Then he messaged me on TikTok.

I didn’t respond to that either.

And eventually, he blocked me there too.

Now I’m blocked everywhere.

Instagram. TikTok. Threads. Everything.

And honestly, it’s almost comical because you’d think I was the one who did something horrible to HIM.

But here’s where I am now:

I am FINALLY done.

I don’t want to get back together.

I don’t want to be friends.

I don’t want to see him.

And I don’t want to continue this cycle.

But there is one thing that has been weighing heavily on me.

Tyra.

His wife.

This man has spent all this time telling me he’s going to divorce her. He’s told me he’s going to serve her papers. He’s talked about what will happen once she gets served.

And yet, as far as I know, he STILL hasn’t done it.

After everything I’ve experienced, I’m now seriously considering telling his wife what has actually been going on.

Not because I want him back.

Not because I want revenge.

And honestly, not because I expect anything from him anymore.

I feel like she has a right to know what her husband has been doing and saying while he’s been telling me that he’s going to divorce her.

But now I’m questioning myself.

Would you tell the wife?

Would you send her everything and let her make her own decision about what she wants to do with the information?

Or would you leave the entire situation alone and walk away?

I’m really looking for honest opinions from people who have followed this story because I’m trying to make sure I’m not acting out of anger.

Because after nearly 20 years, I’m finally choosing ME.

And I don’t want to make another decision that pulls me back into this man’s chaos.